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Hermes knew he shouldn't fall in love with a mortal, especially knowing his fate. He knew he couldn't be with Crocus, but he still held onto a faint hope. He believed that perhaps, just perhaps, the Fates wouldn't allow it... Until it happened, and in the most unexpected way.
He watched as his beloved fell to the ground, his face covered in blood. Those eyes, with that sparkle he so loved to behold, were now empty. He tried everything to save him, but it was in vain; he gave up, weeping at his beloved's feet. "Why?" was all that could be heard in that forest; the god's sobs could be heard even after Helios had finished his work.
After weeping so much, he wanted to keep at least one memory of his beloved, so he transformed him into a flower he could care for... He ascended to Olympus in unusual silence. Upon arriving, he said nothing and made no unnecessary jokes; all he wanted was to get to his room and try to distract himself. He walked through the corridors to his room, which was filled with objects belonging to his friends and step-brothers, things he had stolen and which, to him, were trophies. Reaching his bed, he carefully placed the flower on his desk and lay down, letting out small sobs.
After a while, someone gently knocked on his door. "Hermes, are you there?" Apollo asked. "What do you want, Pollo?" Hermes said curtly. "I heard what happened with your partner. You know, something similar happened to me a while ago. There was a boy named Hyacinth. I met him one day while I was in my carriage and his beauty captivated me instantly." "Get to the point, Pollo," Hermes said, exasperated. "Okay, okay, impatient one."
"In short, he died, and it was my fault. I was devastated, but he told me not to cry because he would always be with me, and I believe him. I hope you can understand that too." "...Thank you." "If you need to talk to someone, you know where I am."
"Oh, I almost forgot, we have a meeting first thing tomorrow morning, and all the gods have to be there. I'll save you a seat, okay?" "Okay... see you tomorrow." Apollo left, closing the door gently, taking one last look at Hermes.
After Apollo left, Hermes pondered his words. He knew it wouldn't do him any good to keep crying, but it was the only thing he could do for now... ¿Why not go visit the great-grandson he had helped? Perhaps that would make him feel better.
He picked up her bag and dried her tears, taking flight to Ithaca, the home of her favorite human. Upon arriving, he realized that Odysseus was resting peacefully with his family, so he decided not to disturb him, returning to his room more depressed than before.
After a few hours, he began to feel an itch in his arm. Trying to get rid of the itch, he started scratching, but instead of lessening the itching, it only increased. He decided to scratch even harder. After a while, he smelled blood. Looking around, he looked at his arm and saw that there was blood on it. Instead of being disgusted, he felt a little better...
He knew he shouldn't like doing that, but it wasn't like anyone cared what happened to his arm; he hoped no one would find out anyway.
He kept doing it... All he felt was a sharp pain that eased it a little, but he knew it wouldn't be enough. As the pain began to subside, he didn't realize he had started plucking the feathers from his head; that would be obvious to those who knew him well as Apollo or his aunt Hestia ... Unless he hid them.
So that's what he planned to do; there were only a few hours left until the meeting, but he didn't want to go.
It was better to go, otherwise they would realize that something was wrong with him.
He couldn't sleep. He knew the gods didn't need to sleep, but he did anyway because it was a way to feel closer to them. Every time he tried to sleep, all he managed to do was return to the memories he had with Crocus, how much he missed him. He knew he had to go to the underworld to do his job, but he didn't want to run into him... At least he could try to annoy Tiresias. No, that wouldn't distract him. He had tried everything to distract himself, but he always came back to when he was with Crocus...
When he looked out the window, he realized it was already daytime, and that he needed to get ready for the meeting. "It's time to go..." Hermes said, his voice hoarse from disuse. After a while, he was ready to leave, and that's what he did. His body was covered by his cloak, and he covered his wings with his helmet so that no one could see what he had done earlier.
Upon arriving, he noticed that most of the gods had already arrived; only Dionysus, who almost always arrived at the same time as him or a little later, and Demeter, who never participated in the gatherings when she wasn't with Persephone, were missing. But since attendance was mandatory, he knew she would arrive late because she wanted to annoy Zeus. As he looked around for Apollo, he saw him calling. He was sitting next to Artemis, his twin, and had reserved a place for him on his other side.
Beside the place Apollo had reserved for him sat Hestia, his favorite aunt, precisely the person he least wanted to approach, for he knew she would suspect why he was hiding the wings he so loved to show off. He walked a little way to where Apollo and Hestia were and sat down, greeting his companions politely. They returned the greeting, somewhat puzzled by his behavior, and Apollo immediately began asking him if he was alright or if something had happened, while Hestia visibly scrutinized him. He replied to Apollo that he was fine, and just as Hestia was about to question him, Zeus spoke of something that even he disliked. The other gods, along with Hera, who was the angriest with him, began arguing with him about things he wasn't paying attention to.
After the problem was half-resolved, Zeus began explaining why everyone was there, while Hermes simply wanted to return to his room, ignoring everyone until he heard his name. "Hermes," Zeus said, looking at Hermes. "Did you understand what I said?" "...Yes," he replied in a whisper so inaudible that Zeus could barely hear him. "So, what were we talking about?" Hermes looked at Hestia and Apollo, but neither of them looked at him. "..." Hermes remained silent as Zeus explained everything again. He felt even worse seeing what had happened because of him, and he began scratching his cloak-covered arm, trying to calm himself.
When the meeting finally ended, Apollo looked at Hermes with even greater concern, seeing that his younger brother was in worse shape than the day before. Meanwhile, Hestia approached Hermes and asked, "Hermes, may I see your wings, please?" "Why do you worry, Aunt? I'm perfectly fine," Hermes said, offering a smile that convinced no one. "Hermes, please," she begged. While Hermes was still trying to find some excuse to convince Hestia, Apollo stepped forward and removed the helmet that covered his wings. Noticing Hermes shudder, and horrified to see the state of what had once been beautiful wings, now mangled and even missing some of them, Apollo was shocked.
Hestia, noticing the state of her nephew's wings, was horrified, and just as she was about to ask what had happened, Hermes fled, trying to hide from his aunt and brother. The other gods, seeing the messenger fleeing hyperventilating, went to ask Hestia and Apollo, but they, preferring to protect the privacy of the second youngest god, said that nothing had happened, leaving the other gods in doubt.
Upon arriving in his room, Hermes felt extremely nervous about what Hestia and Apollo might think of the state of his wings. Trying to calm himself, he told himself, "It's okay, they haven't seen it, everything is fine, relax," which only worsened his situation instead of calming him. To soothe himself, he began to pull at the remaining feathers so hard that he started bleeding, much more blood than he could control. He began to see black spots along with a severe headache that caused him to lose consciousness and collapse to the floor.
Apollo, who was looking for Hermes, heard the loud bang and searched for the source of the sound, realizing it was coming from Hermes' room. He rushed to open the door and found a scene he hadn't expected to see: Hermes was on the floor with a lot of blood coming from his head, right where his wings should have been. Looking around, he noticed that Hermes was holding the missing wings in his hands. He hurried to help him up and take him to the infirmary, which he kept only for decoration, but which occasionally came in handy, as it did at this moment.
He was very worried about Hermes; he knew something had happened to him, but he had preferred to give him his space rather than pressure him further, blaming himself for his little brother's condition.
After placing Hermes on a stretcher, she set about stopping the bleeding, reassured to find it wasn't serious. Once it had stopped, he cleaned the wound and applied bandages. All that remained was to wait for him to wake up so she could ask her little brother a few questions...
His head hurt... when he moved he noticed he wasn't in his room... ah... right, he had fainted after taking off his wings. When he opened his eyes, he noticed Apollo was waiting for him, and looking at his face he saw that he was worried.
He didn't want Apollo to look at him like that. He knew Apollo would surely be disappointed by what he'd done. "Hermes... Could you tell me why you did that?" "..." Hermes simply remained silent. "Hey... calm down," Apollo paused to consider his words, "I'm not angry or anything. I just want to know what happened so I can help you." "I'm sorry," Hermes repeated over and over until Apollo approached and hugged him. "I already told you I'm not angry with you, so you don't have to apologize. You'll have to stay here for a few hours so you can use your wings again. The wound wasn't too serious, but because of the blood you lost, you'd better be careful so you don't faint again on the way, okay?" Apollo said gently.
"Okay," Hermes replied, his voice barely audible, almost a whisper that Apollo could hardly hear. "Could you...stay with me for a while?" "Of course, you don't need to ask twice." Apollo gave him a warm smile, which reassured him for a moment making him sleep
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