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Ryland Grace, full of three bags of Vodka that had been stashed away in cosmonaut Olesya Ilyukhina’s belongings, stood in a room full of jellyfish, slow-dancing with the only human-shaped object he could find. A mop with a not-quite-red head that scratched and scraped at a memory buried deep at the back of his mind, swimming in coma slurry, amnesia drugs and vodka making it nearly impossible for Grace to grasp on to. It slipped through his mind like the jellyfish around him. Sparks flickered persistently at the edges of his mind: a whisper of not-quite-red hair that smelled like lavender, the feeling of fingertips brushing his shoulder, a sense of belonging in all the wrongness of space.
“Are you ready? We’re set to leave in twenty minutes.” Eva Stratt, Director of the Petrova Task Force and leader of Project Hail Mary was not used to having to wait on anyone, but now she stood, phone to her ear while looking out into the choppy ocean, waves splashing against the side of The Gansu, waiting on her lead scientist to finish his packing.
“Yeah, just finishing up. Thanks for the suit, but I could have taken care of it myself,” Grace’s reply came, volume shifting like he was talking on the phone from across the room.
“Dr. Grace, this is a very important Gala, I will not have the lead scientist aboard my crew wearing a t-shirt when presented to potential investors.”
“I own more than just t-shirts.”
“I have yet to see proof.”
“Doesn’t mean they don’t exist,” Grace huffed, this was the argument against his theory of water-based life forms all over again.
“Just hurry up, the helicopter is waiting. I’m waiting,” Eva snapped into the phone, tone sharp as ever.
“Hey!” Grace’s voice came from behind her in a shout, startling her. She lowered her phone from her ear and turned around to find a disheveled Grace, pulling along his carry on. True to form, he was wearing his element of surprise shirt that she had seen far too many times on inappropriate occasions.
She sighed, looking forward to the end of the gala before it even began. Just because she loved humanity, did not mean she loved people. Especially not the greedy investors withholding their money and power from Earth’s last chance to preserve the future.
The games she knew Ilyukhina and the rest of the staff played onboard were nothing compared to the political games she had to maneuver through for even the smallest requests, and would now have to ask Grace to play too as her lead scientist.
Since his boarding of The Gansu and Project Hail Mary, Grace had managed to impress the whole Vat, including Stratt herself. She had been expecting an arrogant man who, so set on his own intelligence and confidence, she could use to her advantage if and when people dared attempt to steamroll her.
But instead, she had gotten a brilliant scientist who had more confidence in his students than he had in himself. Grace seemed to wander the Vat, making his scientific discoveries seem like accidents and not the breakthroughs she had so desperately needed to pull off the already extremely risky endeavor into the unknown.
“Dr. Grace, you were meant to be here 10 minutes ago.” She said, tone clipped, though not filled with the annoyance she was trying to convey. Her eyes returned to the horizon, and Grace watched her take several deep breaths of the salty ocean air.
Rarely ever had she made it out of her office during the day, but long after the crew went to bed, she would walk up to the top deck and breathe in the crisp night air. Sometimes it would be the first bout of silence she had all day, tucked under a full blanket of stars and surrounded by an endless ocean of life.
In those early days, when there was still so much unknown about Astrophage, Grace had spent every waking moment in the lab, retiring to bed only when he was unable to keep his eyes open. Then, and only then, would he find himself traveling the long way around to his quarters, sparing a brisk walk on the upper deck, where he too could get a fresh breath of air before submersion back into the depths of The Gansu.
That’s when he would find Eva Stratt standing near the railing, looking for the same relief. He watched as her shoulders would roll back and fall. Like she had set the weight of the planet down beside her for just a minute. The first few times he caught her, he retreated back below deck without a sound, not wanting to disturb her. But on the fourth night, before he could turn around, she caught him.
“Hello.”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“You’re not.” She turned back to looking out at the ocean over the railing, the waves beating against the side of The Gansu. He thought about turning around anyway and retreating to bed. Instead, he crossed the top deck and stood in the place beside her. There, they stood in silence, listening to each other’s breathing in sync with the sway of the ship.
Those nights spent together, sometimes in silence, sometimes talking about their day. It was one more routine to add to their growing list. Grace had already been bringing her coffee in the mornings on his way to the lab, and more often than not, their schedules allowed them the same lunch break. Although Grace was convinced if he didn’t stop into Stratt’s office, she probably wouldn’t make herself eat. Always too busy to think about something so trivial. And now, they could add their nightly topdeck meetings.
Something about the vast ocean beneath them and the endless sky above allowed Eva to let her mask of indifference slip, the darkness concealing her instead, freeing her.
And that’s how he knew she wasn’t really that upset to have been kept waiting on the top deck of the ship. It was in the way her face, for just a minute, lost its apprehension. The way her body seemed to be preparing itself to lift the world back onto her shoulders. Even in daylight, there was something about the ocean that calmed Eva.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, there was a measuring error in the lab. Could’ve been really bad, but I took care of it. What would you do without me?”
“Be on the helicopter already? Be at the gala? Be done with the gala,” Eva mused.
“You said it doesn’t leave for another twenty minutes. Technically, I’m early.” She shot him an unimpressed look. What did he expect? A gold star for being five minutes late to her early call time, she only made it because she knew he’d be late.
After a choppy helicopter ride, the pair were escorted in a dark SUV to their hotel and given time to change. Adjoining rooms made it easy for them to coordinate their departure.
“I thought you said this was a gala,” Grace said, poking his head through the doorway that separated the two rooms just as Eva was applying a very muted shade of lipstick.
“It is.”
“In an aquarium?” Grace called out, retreating back into his room.
“Yes,” Eva called back, trying to find the earring hole for her gold earring stud.
“With…fish?”
“Yes, Grace, an aquarium has fish.”
“Stratt, are you being purposefully obtuse?” Grace poked his head through the opening again, and she glanced over to see that he finally had the suit coat on over the white pressed shirt she had hand-delivered to his quarters on the ship. There was already a wrinkle running up the left side.
“Grace, I don’t have time for this,” Eva said with a sigh, looking in the mirror and trying to reach behind her to zip her dress up the rest of the way.
“I just don’t see why they chose an aquarium.”
“One of the organizers of the event is on the board of directors for Oceana; they insisted on the aquarium.” Eva was still struggling with her dress when Grace crossed the room and wordlessly zipped it for her.
“Thank you.” She met Grace’s eyes in the reflection of the mirror. There was something akin to wonderstruck that clouded his vision, even behind his crooked glasses. It was a look she had seen on him once or twice before, and one she selfishly hoped had been because of her. This was the only time she would ever allow herself to hope for anything for herself. These small, insignificant moments were all she allowed herself to have, because at the end of the day, she knew, it could never be anything more. Not with everything that was on the line, not when she knew the sacrifices that were coming, the ones that would need to be made in the name of humanity.
But a look. She would allow herself a look and the hope that the wonder in Ryland Grace’s eyes was meant for her and only her.
Maybe, in the universe in the mirror, the two people reflected back were headed out the door, together. Maybe they also were going to a gala in an aquarium, but for those two, dressed in complementary colors and fitting together like the sun and moon, they were attending for the cause, maybe for the silent auction. Not to network and secure funding for a last-ditch effort to save humanity.
In the world beyond the mirror, Ryland Grace and Eva Stratt were not Dr. Grace and Director Stratt; they were just two people who found each other in the chaos of existence and were allowed a moment to exist in the same moment, together.
Stratt looked away first and instead turned to look at the real Grace. Aside from the wrinkles, she supposed Grace cleaned up nicely.
She had seen and heard the rumors aboard the ship, astronauts and engineers and scientists alike all sending knowing looks to each other whenever she and Grace were in the same room together. She simply rolled her eyes, not willing to dignify their assumptions by acknowledging them.
Grace was Grace. Brilliant scientist, humble, too much of a teacher for his own good, and yes, on an occasion or two, thoughtful, kind, and…Eva would need a drink in her before she allowed herself to continue down that path.
Grace, ten times more approachable than Stratt, had had the unlucky business of being in the wrong lab at the wrong time. The encounter with Ilyukhina and DuBois from just the day before, swimming in his head. After the team heard that Stratt had chosen Grace to attend the gala with her, they had cornered him with hunger in their eyes like wolves prowling about their prey.
“So, Stratt’s bringing you to the gala,” DuBois began, tone innocuous.
“Guess so,” Grace mumbled, not looking up from the microscope he had been using to test Astrophage’s reactions to certain elemental stimuli.
“Wonder why…” Ilyukhina chimed in, and if Grace had bothered to look up, he would have seen the mischief in her eyes.
“Don’t know.”
“You and Stratt. Alone. Seems convenient, no?”
“Won’t be alone, will be at a gala.” Grace finally abandoned his research with a sigh, sitting back in his chair to get a good look at his comrades.
“Grace, you really don’t have to keep up this charade,” DuBois said, “You can just tell us.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Oh, you…Stratt…escaping the Vat together…” Ilyukhina sing-songed, and before Grace could even begin to formulate a response to that, DuBois cut in.
“Are you guys fucking or not?”
“Who?” Grace asked, voice cracking. Surely they weren’t implying him and Ev- Stratt. While the idea had crossed his mind once or twice, it had been in the privacy of his bedroom. Had he made it so obvious? So obvious that DuBois and Ilyukhina had caught on to his desire for their director. And who else knew? Stratt. Oh God, if Stratt knew, he thought he might consider asking to board the Hail Mary himself. But no, she probably didn’t know. If she did, he was sure he would have been reprimanded for his crush. That he was sure of.
“You and Stratt,” Ilyukhina cut through his thoughts.
“No,” Grace managed to squeak out. “Where did you hear that from?”
“Told you so.” DuBois, ignoring Grace’s question, turned to Ilyukhina and held out his hand.
“No, no. I don’t believe him.” Ilyukhina shook her head at DuBois.
“It’s true,” Grace said, chiming in, growing annoyance bubbling in his chest at the way his peers seemed to be having their own private conversation about him while standing only a few feet away.
“Well, I say we wait until after the gala.” Ilyukhina insisted, giving Grace a wink before walking off. DuBois followed, arguing back something Grace couldn’t hear.
“Ready?” Eva asked, breaking Grace out of his thoughts.
“Of course.”
The two headed to the hotel lobby, waiting for their car to take them to the event. Stratt briefed him on the different people they might encounter and reminded him of his role in the conversations. He would have to be the one to explain Astrophage and the necessities the project would need if it were to ever leave Earth.
“Wow…” Grace found himself repeating since the two entered the aquarium. It was several stories high and just as large and sprawling. It almost seemed like its own city block with just how much there was to see. As a rehabilitation center, focused on release, it was one of the biggest centers off the coast of Australia.
The gala, structured very differently from what Eva was used to, was more of a self-guided experience. The invitation had included a helpful map of the center, pinpointing various locations for the silent auction, and the place where dinner would eventually be served, and where speakers were set to give a speech. The rest of the time was really meant to be spent exploring the aquarium and mingling with the other guests. People from all over the world had flown in just to attend. Many were delegates or world leaders, some were simply very wealthy housewives with nothing better to spend their money on.
“What are you smiling at?” Grace asked, noticing Eva was looking at a cluster of yellow fish.
“Oh, nothing,” Eva replied easily, tracking the fish’s movements with her eyes.
“Okay…” Grace did not believe her, but he wasn’t about to argue. Not when Eva very rarely smiled anymore. Not that she had much reason to, but it seemed the longer the project dragged on, and the closer they came to launch, the more everything in her seemed to sag under the weight. Her lips always downturned, her shoulders always hunched. He had nearly forgotten what her face looked like, smiling. The way the lines around her eyes and cheeks deepened. Her smiles were always tight-lipped, like she was both happy and proud that she was so. Smiling made her youthful, as she had yet to discover the world that would inevitably weigh her smile down.
The two made their way through the first floor of the aquarium, occasionally stopping to talk with other guests, but mainly just studying the different plaques for the saltwater fish. After the first three or four tanks, Grace realized Eva was not bothering to read the facts at all, and instead was viewing the tanks with the same wonder he had seen on her face when she was on the top deck of The Gansu when she thought no one was watching, looking out into the night sky.
“The black spots on the back of these fish are meant to trick predators,” Eva said, gesturing to the butterfly fish.
“And these are part of the surgeon fish family. Because of the prickly spines on the sides of their tail,” she added, moving on to the next tank.
“What about these?” Grace gestured to the next tank, walking over to the plaque and reading it, looking to test if Eva really just knew facts about every fish in the aquarium or if she just had those two memorized.
“That’s a flame angelfish, not much to know other than they can live up to seven years, if treated properly.”
“How about…that one?” Grace said, pointing to a tank across the room. Eva looked to where he was pointing and then looked back at him, narrowing her eyes. She noticed the expression on his face. One usually reserved for when he was in the lab, studying something or testing out a hypothesis.
“Dr. Grace, I don’t appreciate being studied like cells in a lab.” Grace threw up his hands in surrender.
“I just wanted to see if you knew about those…uh…” Grace inconspicuously moved closer to the tank he had been pointing at, “Tetraodontidaes?”
“I believe you Americans call it a puffer fish.”
“Okay, okay. I don’t think it’s just Americans on that one.”
“We’ll never know. But yes, I know about them.” Grace nodded his head for her to go on, as if to say, share with the class. Eva, not one to back down from a challenge, especially not one from Ryland Grace, began rattling off facts, adding, “Also, there’s enough toxin in a single fish to kill 30 humans, and there is still no known antidote.”
“Wow. I’m impressed, and a little concerned that you know the exact body count of a potential pufferfish.”
“Never know when it may come in handy,” She said simply, shooting Grace another close-lipped smile. “But seriously, I’m in the business of saving lives if all goes well, not taking them.”
“True.”
The two continued meandering through the aquarium, managing to get some networking in. Eva had received business cards from several interesting prospects. Mostly, she let Grace do the talking. He had an infectious energy that drew people into his orbit, and Eva admired his ability to explain the project in succinct, easy-to-follow language that suited the investors well.
When they managed to break away from the most recent group of investors, Grace asked Eva to keep talking about the different sea life.
They took an escalator down a level. There was a long, wide tunnel made of glass so the guests could see out into the tank above. An entire ecosystem existed beyond the glass. At this level of the facility, the only spots of light were coming from the emergency exits and dim, round lights in the floor every few feet, lighting the path on either side. It was eerily peaceful, almost like being at the bottom of the ocean. It seemed no one else from the gala had made their way down to the lower level yet. There was soft, ambient music coming from speakers overhead in the otherwise quiet space. The light reflected off the water surrounding them, throwing wavy blue shadows along the floor.
Eva walked up to the glass and watched as a whale shark swam by, part of one of its fins torn off. The reason it was at the facility.
Long before turning to the stars, Eva had found a deep fascination for the ocean and the sea life in it. She had spent long hours in her youth researching ancient and prehistoric creatures, thinking perhaps one day she would be a marine biologist. Instead, she chose History because that’s what she needed the most. However, in another life, maybe she was a marine biologist. Maybe in that life, marine biologist Stratt would meet molecular biologist Grace at some conference or other. Maybe at the UNESCO conference in Denmark, the thought made Eva smile to herself. She was spending much too much time pondering all these other scenarios for her and Grace, instead of just simply living in the life she chose. She wondered if he ever found himself doing the same.
“So, are you going to tell me why you know so much about fish?” Grace asked in a soft voice beside her, breaking through the silence that had filled the tunnel around them. Eva debated telling him no. But Grace’s blue eyes reflected the same blue water before them, and she thought about all the bits and pieces of Grace she had been collecting. Not only from the extensive file that had been placed on her desk when his name was first suggested to be the scientist to study Astrophage, nor from several late-night Google searches, trying to find out more about his past before he was a teacher. (She had actually read his thesis a few times, enough that she could quote his theory on the Goldilocks Zone.)
But for all the pieces she had gathered on her own, the most important ones had been given to her. Like his affinity for red vines and Skittles, he constantly offered her some despite her always refusing. Or his ability to focus on even the smallest details, like her coffee order and muffin preference. How much he loved teaching and loved his kids, thought of them as his own. She had all these parts of him, and she found herself wanting to give him a piece of herself, however small.
“When I was a kid, my parents brought me to an aquarium like this one. In between schooling and choir practice, I spent my time studying sea life.” Eva found it hard to look at Grace while she shared, and so she didn’t. She turned her attention back to the tank, eyes searching as she continued to talk. “Documentaries on sharks and plastic pollution, books on the Mariana Trench and the different ocean levels.”
Grace, for perhaps the first time ever in their partnership, didn’t know what to say. Eva was pretty much a closed book. His prodding her about fish facts had not been the first time he found himself studying her. It took him two weeks to figure out how she took her coffee, trying to sneak glances at her cup to see if the order was written on the side (it was not). It had taken him months to find out she had been married previously (divorced several years before she was appointed Director of the Petrova Task Force). And now, here she was, willingly opening up to him about a piece of herself he never would have guessed from Eva Stratt, who had studied history in her undergrad (don’t ask how long it took him to find that out).
The two found themselves wandering down the tunnel and into an expansive, dark room. It was circular, with similar glass tank walls surrounding the perimeter. According to a sign outside the door, the room was filled with jellyfish. Eva stepped inside first, looking around with a gasp no one would have caught, aside from Ryland Grace. He stepped through the threshold and was also taken aback. Seemingly hundreds of jellyfish surrounded them. Nearly translucent with long tentacles that flowed freely beneath their bodies as they moved through the water.
Grace watched as Eva approached the glass. She watched in awe as they swam around, sensing Grace’s eyes on her, but for once, she didn’t mind. A minute passed, then two.
“Anything I should know about these?” Grace whispered, afraid of disrupting the moment of quiet between them.
“They’re 95% water.”
“Actually, I did know that.”
“They don’t have a heart or brain,” Eva murmured.
“Oh?”
“They just…float.” Eva was unable to hide the envy that seeped into her voice. What she wouldn’t give to trade spots for just a moment. Nothing weighing them down, just existing.
“Hm, I see,” Grace said, and he did. The music from the speakers overhead was playing “Beyond the Sea”, a fitting choice, and in the glow of the blue light reflecting off the water, Grace had the sudden urge to dance. It was a gala after all.
He tapped Eva on the shoulder and held out his hand. She hesitantly placed her palm in his and allowed him to pull her into his arms. The two swayed to the jazzy beat of the song, Eva’s left hand coming to rest on the shoulder of Grace’s suit while Grace settled gently at her waist. As the song crooned on, Eva thought again of that life beyond the mirror. Beyond history and choices. Her choices. Where she was just a woman in a beautiful gown swaying in the glow of jellyfish with a man whom she could possibly love if she ever let herself, where she could just float in this existence with him.
A few short months later, Eva Stratt would have to make the decision to sacrifice Grace to the stars. In another lifetime, perhaps beyond the sea, they might have been something. But in this lifetime, she was Eva Stratt, Director of the Petrova Task Force, the world’s whipping boy when the time came, which it soon would, and Ryland Grace was just a brilliant scientist caught in the crosshairs. The sacrificial lamb she had lured to the slaughter.
Nearly two decades and several months after that night. Eva Stratt, bundled in a heavy coat, watched as her brilliant scientist danced in the glow of jellyfish with a mop with a hair color that used to be hers. Back when her hair was not-quite-red. Now it was a shock of white, held down by an old, threadbare beanie that she had no right to keep, but did anyway. She allowed herself a moment to wonder if, somewhere in Ryland Grace’s muddled brain, beyond the amnesia drug, the pieces of herself she had given him were still there, waiting to be uncovered.