Work Text:
One day it was another world meeting you know the drill. America was being stupid like always suggesting dumbass ideas like fighting global warming with a fatass bitch cuz he’s retarded.
Anyways China was like “that is a stupid idea. We need someone who has more wisdom and experience to have an idea. Like me. So I say…” yada yada yada china was yapping.
Germany said “ok we fucking get it! Your idea is better!” He sighed. “I want to get this stupid meeting over with so I can go home with Italy!” Everyone stared at Germany.
“Why go home with Italy?” They looked suspicious of him. “Because he’s mein friend?”
“Oh won’t you shut up we already bloody know you’re gay!” Said England. “You say that like there’s something wrong with that. It’s legal now, you know.” Said France. “Are you scared of being judged because you are too?” He chuckled, “honhonhon I know your secret”
“S-SHUT UP FROG! I don’t care about what you say! I’m not gay!” Said England. “Hold on, Germany’s gay?” Asked Russia. “Yeah, like everybody else here. Excluding me, of course…” Said England, sounding suspiciously too faggot-like.
“DUDES! You…you…you’re GAY? YOU GUYS KISS DUDES?” “Oh yeahl but I kiss ladies too, of course. I’m just that charming.” France said with a smirk. “Shut the fuck up france” said England.
“You two are always arguing, aren’t you? Why don’t you guys shut your mouths already?” Said China. “I know a way to silence him~” said France. England blushed. “Uwu…what is it?” He batted his eyes. France gave him a big fat sloppy kiss 😳😳 “that shut you up, didn’t it?”
France smirked. “GUYS! STOP KISSING! I HATE GAY PEOPLE, YOU DUDES ARE LIKE…TOTALLY DISGUSTING! GOD WOULD NEVER APPROV-“
Italy started crying because of all the commotion, interrupting America. “Can you all please stop arguing? It’s making my head hurt…I wanna go-a home and eat some pasta already!” he groaned. Germany sighed.
“It’s okay, Italy, I’ll make sure zey stop.” He put his hand on Italy’s shoulder, then pulled it away and slammed both his hands on the table. “EVERYONE, LISTEN UP! VE DON’T HAVE TIME FOR ZIS, FRANCE AND ENGLAND,STOP KISSING DURING THE MEETING, AMERICA, STOP WORRYING ABOUT OTHER’S SEXUALITIES, AND CHINA AND RUSSIA…you’re fine..I guess.”
He let out a big exhale, and put his hand on his forehead. “Just…let’s finish the meeting already.” Germany huffed out.
“I agree wis Germany. It is getting quite annoying with all zis commotion.” Said Japan. “Arso, you can’t get mad at arr of us…because I have had..rerations wis Greece…” he added, embarrassment coating the last sentence.
“Wait, you did what with Greece?!” China gasped. “I never knew my younger brother was li-“ America cut him off.“Okay dudes, you need to die for being gay!” America took out a massive gun the size of a car from out his ass and tried to shoot England first.
“I THOUGHT WE WERE OVER THIS FIGHTING AFTER THE REVOLUTION! YOU GOT YOUR BLOODY INDEPENDENCE ALREADY, PLEASE!” England yelped. The gun jammed.
“FUCK!” America yelled. Russia looked at America menacingly. “Hey, America…” America blushed. “W-what?”
He dropped the gun to the floor, and even tinkled a little he was so frightened…”Put the gun down. little guy” he said through his teeth, putting a barely believable facade of friendliness through a smile on his face, (you could still tell he was PISSED). “Maybe you wouldn’t hate it so much if you gave it a try” Everyone in the room gasped😱😱, and Russia pulled America close to him…”owo…r-Russia…w-what are u doing? 😳” Russia put his hand on America’s chin, “You’ll see kitten…” he closed the gap between them…everyone else already left because they were going to turn homophobic too if they saw this shit…woah…also Germany and Italy were at Germany’s house already, cracking in his room. Austria and Prussia both wanted to die hearing it but they had to get used to it sooner or later bc they were faggots…
But someone was left…
Canada.
He did NOT want to see his brother like that.
“Hey, you two, could you…get a room please?” He asked. Russia and America stopped mid makeout sesh to say, ”Who are you?” In unison. “I’m Canada.” Canada replied.
”Oh yeah, it’s just you…maybe you can just leave,” said America. Canada, annoyed, went back to his house and realized he left Kumajiro. Let’s just say Kumajiro did NOT talk to Canada for a while after the incident…he was so scarred. by the time Canada came back, Kumajiro had already seen the two countries cracking…he even saw Russia put his magic metal pipe of pleasure up America’s butt…😱😱😱🥶🥶🥶🥵🥵😳😳🤯🤯…but they had left by then too…so Canada didn’t see anything…
the end wow I need to delete my ao3 account