Chapter Text
It’s been eight days since Adler killed Bell seven since he brought her back from death by his own bullet 12 days since she’s discovered that her entire life didn’t happen 93 days since Bell’s forgotten everything 203 days since she was killed the first time betrayed only to become the betrayer herself.
Bell stares at the cracked ceiling her chest aching horribly from a wound she has yet to see. If Bell had one wish it would be that Adler left her to die or that they would simply free her hands so she can finish the job herself.
She has nothing to live for, no friends no family not anymore Bell doesn’t even know if her life was worth living before all this.
And now she’s strapped to a bed un able to make this end when it should have all ended a long time ago.
She doesn’t even know who she is. Nobody has heard her talk since she woke up. Well to be fair she didn’t talk much before that. But still.
Her chest hurts she’s not allowed pain killers anymore after she somehow figured out how to crank up the morphine to deadly levels.
Alder saved her from overdose.
The irony.
Why won’t he just let her finish what he started. Why does everyone care all of a sudden that she live. Before it was all “Bell do this” “Bell we got a job to do” “Bell do the most dangerous and important job”
But now that it’s Bell that wants it to end all of a sudden they care.
Or maybe they just don’t want her death on their conscience.
Didn’t matter before.
Bells chest hurts.
Why couldn’t he let Her die
—-
Bell stopped eating, well better yet she didn’t start after Adler shot her. they’ve been bringing her food and water all that good stuff trying to get her to eat something anything. Doesn’t matter though the IV was invented for a reason.
It’s been three days since she stopped recognizing the people that try to feed her or more specifically she just doesn’t remember it’s like this is all happening to someone else and she’s just a spectator so it doesn’t matter if she remembers. Not that it’s anyone new always the same people from the same team that not even two weeks ago she would have died for.
It doesn’t matter though. Her refusal eat or drink. They will just pumping everything she need into her bloodstream. But they can’t do that forever eventually she’ll have to be freed.
And She will figure out how to make the pain and emptiness stop somehow.
Just got to try everything until it works
——-
Bell sleeps a lot but get no rest never getting more than a hour of sleep at a time. sometimes she gets a visitor when Bell isn’t the only one that the nightmares wake up.
she ignores them
Sometimes people sit and watch Her like shes a goldfish they always try to talk, tell me that it’s going to be okay.
Never listened once.
They’ve stopped trying.
But how could they know how could anyone ever know what it’s like to lose everything that makes a person human Bell isn’t getting her life back she never will Adler and park made sure of that.
When this is all over Bell hopes they fully blame themselves. It’s only fair.
——
One day Adler walks in holding a bowl of soup not even even having the decency to look even the slightest bit ashamed.
She doesn’t acknowledge him hardly can tell whats what anymore.
“I reported you as dead to the CIA, your off the hook Bell.” Silence as he sets the bowl down, sitting on the side of the bed she wants nothing more then to kick him off but that would mean acknowledging his existences which won’t happen.
She will probably forget this situation anyway
“Eat something Bell” he sighs holding a spoonful of broth to her mouth she doesn’t refuse or accept just stares and everything and nothing “look Bell you don’t got to like me it’d be weird if you did but you gotta eat something”
Nothing so quiet that he almost herd a pin drop (theres no pins). Adler stood up placing a hand on her knee that is hardly even registered leaving the bowl of soup she could never eat it myself anyway so why bother.
“fine have it your way.” he grumbled switching her IV out from the usual saline solution to whatever they use to feed her never bothered to learn or maybe she just forgot or wasn’t paying attention theres so many places in my mind she could have gone instead of listening
“Someone will change your bandages soon” Adler says in the process of walking out the door. When did he start leaving what happened well Bell was gone in her head.
A lot usually.
She sleeps on and off nightmares not letting get fully rested. nobody comes.
In the morning Mason comes to change her bandages he doesn’t talk to me theres no point. shes just glad it’s not Adler or Park, well it can’t be Park she’s back in England but still. She does feel a little bit like a rag doll in more than just being a limp spaghetti noodle. But also in the way that any person here could throw Her around and there would be no consequences, and the ever present fact that Bell is not really a person anymore more like a toy.
“Look I’m not going to act like I know what your going through but I know enough what I’m trying to say is that your not alone in this” mason says once he lays me back down and strapped me in
what happened to the no talking agreement she liked that agreement
“Not gonna talk thats okay, I Uhhh brought you something.” mason says softly taking a small teddy bear with a little green sweater out of seemingly thin air and placing in the crook of her arm. Bell would have found It rather cute if she wasn’t so out of it.
After a moment he stood up getting ready to leave “I thought you could use some company and everyone needs something.”
She can tell he at least feels a little bit bad about what happened and his part in it obviously he wouldn’t go back but this is a horrible situation for anyone.
He stands on the doorway for a moment just watching me. Then disappears like he was never there.
——
Days pass the bear doesn’t move nether does she. Seems poetic but really Bell is just not aloud to move. She named him bear because that’s what he is.
She is well aware that she would be perfectly fine to get out of this bed and walk about or at least be in a wheelchair with minimal pain. But she is also not stupid, they are trying to stop her from killing herself. Maybe she should have waited but still she wasn’t really all there she still isn’t. That might be why she is so hell bent on killing herself or maybe Bell just wants the pain to stop and her addled mind thinks thats the only way. One day the pain will stop.
But for now she has bed sores and a teddy bear with a green sweater Bell likes green. Is that try or just something Adler planted.
One day Bell will get out of this bed.
How?
Nobody will ever trust her with anything not in this state. But a girl can dream.
Bells finger nails are getting long she doesn’t like it. She likes them short they can’t get pulled out if there’s nothing to grip onto. Life lessons.
Life goes on
Bell doesn’t see people sometimes for days on end. Shes like a toy that lost its owners interest after a week. Bell starts to crave human interaction but not knowing how to make the minimal amount of time she gets longer.
But still life goes on, But not for Bell.
It doesn’t matter though because she’s stuck in that little head of hears watching the second hand on the clock waiting to be set free.
——
One day Bell lost track of how many the walls started to melt and the ceiling starts to drip. Bell has no clue what is going on and well is rightfully terrified. The drops all land on her chest which triggers her pain receptors.
Bell screams in agony for what feels like days before someone comes wondering what the heck is going on.
“Shit Bell, Adler!” Sims shouts having no clue what is wrong with her but there has to be something since he hardly remembers the last time Bell made a sound.
If Bell wasn’t so out of it she would realize that at least he just got back from travel meaning that she was ether alone or alone with Adler for who knows how long (it was alone for three days and alone with Adler for a week)
Moments later he rushed in also confused but actually no still confused at why Bell is randomly screaming in agony and fear.
Adler gives her pain killers even though he knows they won’t do anything since it’s pretty obvious it’s all in her head. Sims holds her down do she doesn’t hurt herself, and Bell is in her own little world watching the walls, ceiling, and now her old teammate’s faces melt.
“Dame it Adler just put her to sleep” Sims says tired of the screaming and of Bell being in obvious distress
“But thats not a fix”
“It has to be”
Theres a sharp prick in her arm then everything goes dark.
“What the hell is wrong with her,” Adler grumbles glaring at Bell
“We’re holding her hostage well there’s obviously something very wrong with her and not just her being your little experiment”
“We’re not holding her hostage she’s dangerous to herself and probably others”
Like lightning Sims slapped Adler he is tired of him treating Bell like a science project like she isn’t worth half of what he does “Bell is not going to get better shackled to a bed being isolated from the world, and everyone in it.”
Sims starts to free Bell without protest from Adler because he doesn’t necessarily want to be slapped again and he knows that Sims is right he can’t just keep Bell trapped like this.
Her wrists are raw even though they were padded restraints making them both feel a little more guilty
“So what the heck are we going to do with her now”
“Don’t know it was your idea to free her” Adler grumbles leaving so he could call Mason, Woods, and Park to tell what happened hoping they would know what to do with Bell because he sure as hell doesn’t but Sims is right she will never get better all tided up like that.