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"if you two get any closer, you're going to merge into a single organism," ben muttered, not looking up from his phone as he aggressively swiped on a mobile game.
por didn't move. in fact, he rested his chin more comfortably on tee's shoulder, his arms loosely wrapped around his best friend's waist from behind. "let us be, ben. tee is cold. i am providing vital, life-saving warmth."
"it is literally thirty-two degrees outside, por," phana deadpanned from across the university cafeteria table. "the air conditioning in here isn't that strong."
tee, who's currently busy trying to balance a plastic spoon on the tip of his nose, didn't seem bothered by por's proximity at all. he leaned back into the embrase, throwing his head back so he could look at por upside down. "don't listen to them, pip. your warmth is appreciated. now, hold still, i need leverage."
"you're going to poke your eye out," por laughed, the sound soft and entirely fond. he didn't pull away though. he never did.
to anyone watching, they looked like the textbook definition of a honeymoon-phase couple. por was the resident softie of their friend group — hopelessly romantic, fiercely affectionate, and possessed a heart so big, it practically bleed. he was the guy who remembered everyone's birthdays, bought flowers for his friends when they were sad, and couldn't pass a stray puppy without weeping.
then there was tee. tee was a walking hurricane of chaos. he was brutally blunt, effortlessly charming without even trying, and had a knack for pulling por into whatever ridiculous trouble he had cooked up for the day.
their dynamic was a chaotic symphony of playful bickering, deep-rooted inside jokes, and a level of casual physical touch that routinely baffled the general public. por would clean the corners of tee's mouth with his bare thumb; tee would casually drape his legs over por's lap during lectures.
it was seamless. it was instinctive. and it was highly confusing.
"okay, seriously," phana said, pointing a fry at the two of them. "i have to ask. are you guys finally dating or what? because the girl at the next table has been staring at you two for ten minutes trying to figure out if she should shoot her shot or respect the relatonship."
without a single second of hesitation, both por and tee spoke in perfect unison.
"gross! no!" "ew! absolutely not!"
tee dropped the spoon from his nose and sat up, effectively breaking por's hold. "por is like my brother. a very clingy, very soft brother. i couldn't date him. he cries when he steps on ants."
"i do not! it was a momentary lapse in emotional stability!" por defended himself, his cheeks flushed a light, dusty pink. he shoved tee's shoulder playfully. "and besides, tee is too much work. who would want to date a guy who tries to fight vending machines when they swallow his change?"
"it stole my money, por! it was a matter of life and death right there!"
the table erupted into familiar laughter, the topic easily brushed aside just like the dozens of times it had been brought up before. it was a routine. people asked, they denied it, the world kept spinning.
a few minutes laer, the conversation drifted randomly, as cafeteria chats usually did. ben finally lost his game, locked his phone, and stretched.
"hey tee," ben said out of nowhere, tapping his fingers against a bright crimson notebook on the table. "you're entering that design competition, right? what color palette are you going with? what's your favorite color anyway?"
tee took a sip of his iced tea and answered without a single shred of hesitation. "red."
"red?" phana raised an eyebrow. "aggressive."
"it's bold," tee argued, his eyes lighting up with that characteristic, effortless confidence. "it stands out. it's loud, it's passionate, and it demands attention. you can't ignore red. it's definitely my favorite. always has been, always will be."
por, sitting right next to him, nudged tee's elbow with his own. "oh, come on! red is so intense! pink is way better!"
tee let out a loud, blooming laugh, reaching over to ruffle por's neatly styled hair until it was a messy nest. "of course you think pink is better, you big softie. pink is just a watered-down, polite version of red."
"it is not!" por pouted, trying to fix his hair while glaring playfully at his best friend. "pink is gentle. it's comfortable. it's a good color."
tee's expression softened, a warm, easy smile spreading across his face as he looked at por. he gave por's shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "yeah. it is. pink is nice, por. it suits you perfectly."
por felt a strange, fluttery warmth bloom in his chest at the compliment. but before he could even register it, tee let go and shrugged, his attention already drifting back to ben.
"but pink is just not for me," tee added casually, picking up his drink again. "it's a nice color, but i'll always choose red."
everyone at the table laughed, treating it as the completely harmless, throwaway conversation that it was. the banter moved on to upcoming exams, weekend plans, and complaints about their professors.
por joined in the laughter, nodding along and cracking jokes at the right moments. but deep down, beneath the noise of the crowded cafeteria, tee's words seemed to echo in the quiet corners of his mind.
i'll always choose red.
por looked down at his own hands, suddenly acutely aware of how soft and unassertive he felt. he didn't know why, but those words felt heavy. he didn't realize it yet, but that silly, casual afternoon debate about colors was a line drawn in the sand — and those words were going to stay with him for a very, very long time.
the morning after the conversation in the cafeteria, por spent an extra ten minutes in front of his bathroom mirror. he stared at his reflection, turning his head side to side, trying to see what tee saw. he looked soft. his oversized pastel sweater made him look small, and his hair, naturally fluffy, did nothing to contradict the "pink" label tee had given him.
he hadn't slept well. every time he closed his eyes, the casual finality in tee's voice echoed in his head.
i'll always choose red.
by monday, the weight in his chest had shifted into something else entirely. during a late-night study session in tee's bedroom. tee was sprawled on his stomach across the bed, humming a melody under his breath while scrolling through a textbook, his ankle casually hooking over por's thigh where por sat on the floor against the mattress.
por had looked up from his notes to ask a question, but the words died in his throat.
the desk lamp caught the sharp angle of tee's jaw, the way his dark eyelashes cast shadows on his cheekbones, and the slight, relaxed curve of his lips. tee looked up, sensing the silence, and flashed a quick, brilliant smile that crumpled the corners of his eyes.
"what?" tee asked, reaching out to flick por's forehead. "stuck on page 42?"
por's heart took a violent, terrifying leap against his ribs. the air suddenly felt too thick to breathe. he looked at his best friend — the guy who had held his hair back when he was sick, the guy who stole his fries, the guy who knew every single one of his embarrassing childhood secrets — and realized, with absolute, suffocating certainty, that he was entirely hopelessly in love with him.
once the realization took root, it changed everything. por couldn't turn it off.
suddenly, he was hyper-aware of every single thing tee did. he found himself cataloging details he had previously taken for granted. he memorized the exact pitch of tee's laugh when he was genuinely amused versus when he was just being polite. he noted that tee always skipped the first track of any album, that he ordered his iced moach with exactly half-sweetness but complained if it tasted too bitter, and that he had a weird, nervous habit of drumming his fingers in groups of three whenever a professor paused too long during a lecture.
tee, entirely in character, remained completely oblivious. he continued to toss his arm around por's shoulders, drag him along to late-night convenience store runs, and complain about his life, totally unaware that the boy next to him was holding his breath every time their skin brushed.
as the weeks passed, the weight of keeping his feelings hidden began to warp the way por viewed himself. if tee wanted red — if tee wanted someone bold, loud, and impossible to ignore — then por would try to be that.
por went shopping and bypassed his usual rack of soft creams and light pastels, choosing instead a sharp, dark denim jacket and structural boots. he went to a barbershop and asked for a cleaner, sharper cut, abandoning the fluffy fringe that tee always ruffled.
"whoa! look at you!" phana said the following tuesday when por sat down at their usual cafeteria table. "did you finally get a boyfriend or something? where's the soft-boy sweater? where's my soft boy friend?"
"i just wanted a change," por said, forcing a confident, easy shrug that felt completely unnatural on his shoulders. he leaned back in his chair, trying to mimic the lazy, commanding posture tee always assumed. "gotta grow up sometime, am in right?"
when tee arrived, he blinked at por's new look, reaching out to tug the collar of the denim jacket. "look at pip trying to look though. who are you trying to intimidate?"
instead of pouting or whining like he usually would, por forced his vioce to stay steady, injecting a boldness he didn't feel. "no one. maybe i just realized being soft gets old after a while. i can be bold too."
tee laughed, throwing his arm around por's neck and dragging him into a headlock. "sure you can tiger. but you're still a softie underneath."
por swallowed the lump in his throat and didn't argue. he kept pushing. when they went out with friends, por forced himself to speak up louder, to make decisive choices on where to eat instead of going with the flow, and to voice strong opinions he hadn't fully formed. he trieed to be confident, to be the kind of person who demanded attention in a room.
ben and phana exchanged glances across the table more than once over the next two weeks.
"por, seriously, chill out," ben whispered to him one afternoon while tee was at the counter ordering their drinks. "you're trying way too hard lately. you've been acting weirdly aggressive during project discussions. it doesn't suit you at all."
"i'm just being assertive," por brushed it off quickly, his fingers tightly gripping his phone. "people change, ben."
before ben could push further, tee slid back into the booth, his eyes wide and unusually bright. he didn't even notice the tense atmosphere between ben and por. he practically slammed his drink onto the table, leaning forward with an excitement that made por's chest instantly tightnen.
"guys, you will not believe who i ran into at the faculty office this morning," tee whispered loudly, looking between the three of them.
"the dean?" phana asked.
"no, better. ryu. the guy from the architecture department who won the regional deisgn layout last term, tee said, a genuine, captivated smile spreading across his face. "he was arguing with the department secretary about a printing fee, and man, he didn't back down even an inch. totally self-assured, super shapr, and he just has this energy where you can't look away from him. he's incredibly bold."
por felt the air leave his lungs. he stared at tee, watching the way tee's eyes danced as he described this other guy. every word felt like a direct hit. self-assured. sharp. bold.
"he sounds like your exact type, tee," ben noted, glancing sideways at por, whose knuckles had turned white where he was gripping his glass.
"right?" tee grinned, completely missing the look. he nudged por's arm playfully. "i'm telling you, por. the guy is a total force of nature. he walked out of there and just grinned at me like he owned the place. i think i'm going to ask him to help me with my competition outline."
por fored his lips to stretch into a wide, cheerful grin. he even managed a light, teasing chuckle. "wow! sounds like a catch, tee! you should defiitely go for it!"
"yeah? you think so?" tee asked, looking to por for confirmation like he always did.
"absolutely!" por said, his voice entirely steady, even as he felt his heart quietly sink right through the cafeteria floor.
tee's phone vibrated against the wooden table, the scren lighting up with a message from ryu. instantly, tee's attention snapped away from his half-eaten lunch, his thumbs flying across the keyboard with a grin that reached all the way to his eyes.
"he said he's free after three today," tee announced to the table, completly unprompted. "we're meeting at the library cafe to look over my sketches. he thinks my structural layout is 'intriguing'. his words. intriguing."
"that's great, tee! truly!" phana said, though her tone was flat. she shot a pointed, warning look at tee, then glanced meaningfully at por, who was carefully rearranging the ice cubes in his glass with a straw.
tee didn't notice the look. he never did lately. "he has this incredible eye for contrast, you know? he told me my use of bold lines was good, but i needed to stop holding back. he's so direct. i love it!"
"can we go five minutes without a ryu update?" ben groaned, intentionally kicking tee's shin under the table. "we get it. he's a design god. he's bold. he breathes fire. move on."
"i'm just saying that he's already helping me a lot," tee defended himself, laughing as he put his phone down, only to pick it up again two seconds later when it buzzed again.
over the next two weeks, por officially became the designated sounding board for everything involving ryu. he listened to how ryu drank his coffee black, how ryu had called out a professor for using an outdated syllabus, and how ryu looked surprisingly good in oversized leather jackets. the situation was reaching a point of painful absurdity. every conversation with tee somehow detoured back to the architecture student, and por found himself nodding, smiling, and giving advice on what tee should wear to their "study sessions."
"tee, shut up for a second and pass the hot sauce," ben snapped one afternoon at a noodle shop, trying to cut off tee mid-sentence as he started detailing ryu's favorite indie bands.
"why are you guys being so moody lately?" tee complained, passing the bottle. "por doesn't mind listening. do you, por?"
por looked up, offering a practiced, gentle smile. "it's fine. i like seeing you excited."
phana pinched the bridge of her nose, letting out a heavy, frustrated sigh. "por, you are a saint, but you need to stop enabling him. tee, you're being a terrible diner companion. talk about literally anything else."
"you guys are weird," tee muttered, though he finally droppped the subject and started talking about an upcoming football match instead.
that night, the casual atmosphere faded into something much quieter. they were back in por's apartment, sitting on the living room rug with a half-empty box of pizza between them. the television was playing a movie neither of them was actually watching. por was typing out a summary for a group project, his glasses sliding down his nose, while tee lay stretched out on the floor, staring up at the ceiling.
"hey, por," tee said softly, the chaotic energy he usually carry was entirely absent.
"yeah?" por didn't look away from his laptop screen.
"why are you always so nice to me?"
por's fingers froze over the keyboard. the hum of the refrigerator suddenly sounded incredibly loud in the small room. he slowly lowered his hands, turning his head to look down at tee. tee was looking up at him, his expression completely serious, his dark eyes searching por's face.
"what do you mean?" por asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
"i mean, i know i'm a lot," tee said, shifting so he was resting on his elbows, looking up at por. "i'm loud, i drag you into stupid arguments, i make you listen to me ramble about ryu for hours, and i'm constntly taking up your space. ben and phana lose their patience with me within an hour. but you never do. you're just… always there. why do you put up with me so much?"
por's heart hammered violently against his ribs. the words rushed to the back of his throat, hot and terrifying. becuase i love yuo. because i've loved you for longer than i can admit. because every time yuo smile at me, i forgot how to breathe.
the confession was right there, on the tip of his tongue. he could say it. he could end the pretense, tell tee the truth, and let the chips fall where they may. he swallowed hard, his eys dropping to tee's lips for a fraction of a second before snapping back up.
but then he saw the complete, innocent trust in tee's eyes. tee wasn't looking at a potential partner. he was looking at his safety net.
por forced a sudden, loud laugh, leaning back and tossing a discarded piece of crumpled napkin at tee's face. "because if i don't look after you, you'll end up getting arrested for fighting a vending machine, and i don't want to spend my weekends driving to a police station to bail you out."
tee blinked, then a wide, relieved grin broke across his face. he caught the napkin and threw it back. "wow! and here i thought you actually cared about my well-being!"
"only enough to keep you alive," por joked, turning back to his laptop, his hands trembling slightly as he placed them back on the keys.
tee let out a soft chuckle, rolling back onto his spine and staring at the ceiling again. "thanks, por. seriously. i don't know what i'd do if you weren't around. thank you for always staying."
"always," por murmured to the glowing screen.
the warmth in the room felt entirely hollow now. as tee fell asleep on the rugh a half-hour later, snoring softly. por closed his laptop and looked down at his best friend. he realized then, with a devastating clarity, that the booundaries had already been drawn, the cement had dried, and the roles were locked in place. he was the best friend. the permanent ficture. the one who stays.
and he was never going to be anything more.
on a random friday, tee burst into por's apartment without knocking, slamming the door behind him so hard the keys in the entryway dish rattled. he was practically vibrating, his eyes wide and a manic, brilliant grin stretching across his face.
"por! get out here right now!" tee shouted, kicking off his shoes in a hurry.
por emerged from the kitchen holding a half-empty mug of tea, blinking at the sudden intrusion. "what's wrong? did something happen?"
"i'm going to do it," tee said, grabbing por by the shoulders and shaking him slightly. "i'm going to confess to ryu. tonight."
por froze, the ceramic mug suddenly feeling incredibly heavy in his hand. he carefully set it down on the kitchen counter before tee's grip could spill it. "tonight? i thought you were going to wait until the end of the term?"
"i was, but we were working on the project layout just now, and he looked at me and aid he really values my presence," tee rushed out, his words tripping over each other in sheer excitement. "and then he laughed atone of my terrible jokes. por, i can't keep waiting. i need to tell him. but i don't know what to say. you're the romantic one. help me figure out how to phrase it so i don't sound like a complete idiot."
por looked at tee. he looked at the genuine spark of hope in his best friend's eyes, the flush on his cheeks, and the absolute vulnerability tee was displaying. tee was asking him — the boy who secretely memorized his mocha order and his finger-drumming habits — to write the script for someone else's love story.
"right," por said, his voice sounding hollow even at his own ears. he forced a small, encourgaing smile. "okay. well… ryu likes people who are direct, right? so don't overcomplicate it. just tell him that you've grown to like him a lot during your time togther, and you want to know if he feels the same way."
tee nodded rapidly, repeating the words under his breath. "direct. keep it simple. right. that's good. you're so good at this, por." tee grabbed his jacket from the back of the sofa, checking his reflection in the hallway mirror one last time. "wish me luck. i'm meeting him at the park near his dorm in twenty minutes."
"good luck, tee" por said quietly.
the door clicked shut, and the apartment fell into a suffocating, absolute silence.
por stood in the middle of his living room, staring at the empty space where tee had just been. a strange, cold numbness started at his fingertips and crawled up his arms. it was like a rubber band that had been stretched too far for too many months, pulled taut by every laugh, every accidental touch, and every story about ryu, until finally, with a sharp, violent snap, it broke.
he couldn't do this anymore. he couldn't keep pacing this apartment, waiting for tee to come back and tell him how happy he was with someone else. he couldn't keep wearing dark denim jackets that felt too stiff, or forcing a loudvoice that wasn't his, or acting like his heart wasn't breaking in half every single day.
before he could talk himself out of it, por frabbed his phone, keys, and wallet, and walked out the door.
he didn't think about what he was going to say. he just walked toward the campus park, his legs moving on pure adrenaline. by the time he reached the end of the park's central plaza, he saw them. tee and ryu were standing under the warm glow of a streetlamp.
por stopped behind a thick row of hedges, his breath catching. he was too late. tee was already speaking, his gestures wide and animated, before he stepped back, looking up at ryu with an expresison of pure, raw anticipation. ryu paused, a low smile spreading across his face, and then he reched out, placing a hand on the back of tee's neck and pulling him into a soft, lingering kiss.
por didn't gasp. he didn't move. he just watched as the world he had quietly built in his head crumbled into dust.
when they broke apart, ryu murmured something that made tee laugh, and then ryu pointed toward the convenience store across the street, gesturing that he was going to buy them dirnks. tee nodded, waving as ryu walked away, leaving tee standing alone under the streetlamp, a dazed, ecstatic look on his face.
por took a deep breath, stepped out from behind the hedges, and walked straight toward him.
"tee," por called out.
tee snapped his head around, his eyes widening in shock when he saw his best friend. "por? what are you doing here? did you follow me?" then, the excitement overtook his confusion. "por, he said yes! ryu said—"
"i love you," por said.
the words didn't come out as a dramatic shout or a tearful plea. they were quiet, stedy, and devastatingly clear.
tee froze mid-sentence, his mouth slighly open. the breeze rusteled the leaves above them, but between the two boys, the air became entirely still. "what?" tee whispered.
"i love you, tee," por repeated, his voice trembling now, but he refused to look away. "not like a brother. not like a best friend. i've been in love with you a long time. i memorized how you drink your coffee, i changed the way i dress because you said you liked bold people, and i sat there and listened to you talk about ryu until i thought i would choke on it."
tee took a step back, his face turning pale under the yellow streetlamp. "por… i don't… what are you saying?"
"i'm not telling you this so you'll choose me," por said, a single tear finally breaking free and tracking down his cheek. he forced a small, broken smile. "i saw him kiss you just now. i know how this ends. i'm telling you because carrying this around inside me has become too heavy. it's exhausting, tee. i just need to lay it down."
tee stared at him, his hands shaking slightly at his sides. "por… i'm so sorry. i didn't know. i swear i didn't know. you're my best friend, you're the most important person to me, and i care about you so much, but…" tee's voice cracked, his eyes swimming with genuine guilt and distress. "i don't love you that way. i'm sorry. i'm so sorry."
"don't be," por whispered, wiping his cheek with the back of his hand. he stepped back, widening the distsance between them. "don't apologize for not loving me, tee. it's not your fault."
por turned around before tee coould see him completely fall apart. he walked away, ignoring tee calling his name out into the dark park. he walked faster and faster until he was running, the tears blinding his vision until he finally reached the safety of his dark, empty apartment.
he closed the door, slid down against the wood, and pulled his knees tightly to his chest. in the quiet of his room, por finally let go, sobbing into his arms as he mourned a future that had only existed in his own heart.
the monday morning lecture hall was louder than usual, filled with the echoing chatter of students finding their seats, but the row where phana, ben, and por sat felt entirely isolated.
when tee walked through the door, his eyes scanned the room and instantly locked onto por. he hesitated for a fraction of a second, his usual confident stride faltering, before he slowly walked up the steps and took his regular seat on the other side of ben.
"morning," he said, his voice unusually quiet, his eyes fixed firmly on his notebook.
"morning," por replied smoothly. he didn't look up from his tablet, keeping his focus entirely on sketching out a diagram for class.
the silence that settled between them wsa heavy, rigid, and deeply uncomfortable. for the next three weeks, the easy, physical warmth that had defined their friendship vanished entirely. there were no more casual headlocks, no more shared lunches, and no more late-night study sessions on por's living room rug. when they spoke, it was strictly about class assignments or group projects, their sentences guarded and polite. they were walking on eggshells, both terrifyingly aware of the chasm that had opened up between them.
but the silence couldn't last forever.
one rainy thursday afternoon when a sudden downpour trapped them both under the awning of the university library. phana and ben had already left for their part-time jobs, leaving por and tee standing three feet apart, watching the rain bounce off the concrete.
tee shifted his weight, clearing his throat awkwardly. "the weather forecast said it wouldn't rain until tonight."
por looked out at the sheets of water. "the weather forecast is rarely right."
tee let out a small, breathless sound that was half a laugh and half a sigh. he turned his body toward por, his expression vulnerable. "por… i miss my best friend. i hate this. i hate how awkward i've made things."
por finally turned his head to look at tee. seeing the genuine distress on his friend's face, the tight knot of tension in por's chest loosened just a fraction. he took a slow breath. "you didn't make it awkward, tee. we both did. and… i miss you too."
it wasn't a magical fix, but it was a beginning. slowly, over the next few weeks, the stiff politeness began to melt away. they started sharing jokes again across the cafeteria table. they adjusted to a new rhythm — one without the confusing physical boundaries, but one that gradually became comfortable, steady, and safe.
with the weight of the secret lifted, por stopped trying so hard. he packed away the rigid denim jackets and the heavy boots, pulling his soft, oversized cream and pastel sweaters back out of his closet. he let his hair grow back out into its natural, fluffy state. he stopped forcing a loud, aggressive confidence in group discussions, choosing instead to speak in his usual quiet, thoughtful manner. he stopped trying to become someone else's ideal. he simply became por again.
a month later, they found themselves sitting on a concrete bench outside the faculty building, waiting for their final grades to be posted. the afternoon sun was warm, filtering through the trees and casting soft shadows over them.
tee was scrolling through his phone, looking at a design portfolio he had just submitted. he paused on a page, then looked up, his eyes drifting over por’s pastel pink sweater and his relaxed posture.
"you know," tee said casually, leaning his back against the stone bench. "i was looking at the color theory layouts for the final project. pink really isn't a bad color."
por raised an eyebrow, a amused smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "oh? is that so?"
"yeah," tee grinned, his eyes bright and completely sincere. "it actually creates a really beautiful balance when it's just allowed to be what it is. in fact, i think it's one of the prettiest colors in the palette."
por let out a genuine, clear laugh, shaking his head as he looked at his best friend. "you're about three years too late with that realization, tee."
tee laughed too, a loud, booming sound that echoed across the courtyard, and the remaining tension between them completely dissipated into the warm afternoon air.
as they walked toward the notice board together, por felt a profound sense of lightness in his chest. he looked at tee, who was animatedly gesturing about a grade, and realized that the ache in his heart was finally gone. he hadn't stopped loving tee overnight, but he finally understood that true love wasn't supposed to require changing who he was. he didn't need to force himself to be bold, sharp, or loud just to be noticed.
some people were always going to choose red. they were always going to want passion, intensity, and fire.
por smiled to himself, pulling the soft sleeves of his pink sweater over his knuckles. that didn't make pink any less beautiful.