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It had already been a pretty awful day. Yong was feeling sick. Nuru and Hugo had argued over the route at least five times now, and it was really hot. Varian hated heat.
Sure, he lived on a farm. He even worked on it to help his dad, but it never meant he actually liked the outdoors. He spent most of his time in a cool lab in the basement. In fact, the place got so cold once that icicles were growing on the ceiling, and he just didn’t care.
So, heat plus Varian makes a very angry Varian. He had no idea why it gave him such a foul mood, but as soon as he was too hot he was too overstimulated to deal with his chaotic groups problems, despite being the designated peace maker.
He honestly didn’t think the day could get worse, until they got attacked by a group of bandits. Not just low level thugs, but these guys were strong. They had been fighting for so long exhaustion and heat was getting the better of them. Yong was about to faint. Nuru looked too pale as she barely fended off attacks. Even Varian’s reaction time was slowing.
And that’s how it happened.
Supposedly, he wasn’t looking, but there was an archer up in a tree. They had aimed for him, shooting the arrow towards his head, and Varian totally oblivious to it.
So, he’s dead now right?
Wrong. Very very wrong.
Hugo screamed, diving in front of the arrow as he pushed Varian back. As he scrambled to his feet, he saw the damage. An arrow lodged deep into his shoulder, blood trickling out of it.
Varian was about to be sick.
Fucking blood.
He gasped, “Hugo…”
Hugo tried to take an alchemy ball out of his pocket, “Save it until we’re out of here Goggles.”
And that he did. He kept his mouth firmly closed, anger firmly controlled and body next to Hugo’s to protect him from anything else.
…
But after the fight? It was free game.
Varian hurtled over to Hugo, slamming him into a tree, “What was that?”
“You were going to be shot—“
“Bullshit,” Varian spat, “Why did you take an arrow for me?”
“You’d die otherwise—“
Nuru yelled, “Both of you stop it!”
And he could see why. The wound festered, blood pouring out faster as Hugo swayed unsteadily. Varian rubbed a hand down his face as he sighed, “Fine. Get on your back idiot.”
Surprisingly, Hugo did as he told, and cleaning the wound wasn’t too bad. It was nasty, possibly life threatening if Varian messed up, but not something he couldn’t handle. He hoped.
But the blood? By the sun there was so much. It was revolting, frothing at the seams of the cut. Varian held back a gag as he tried to clean it up with cloths, but it just kept soaking through. His hands were drenched, making him bite his lips to avoid it wobbling embarrassingly.
He wouldn’t cry over this.
He wouldn’t cry over a little bit of Hugo’s blood.
Besides, it was Hugo’s.
Stepping away from a moment, he took a few deep breaths before turning away to the nearby workbench. He pushed the lenses out of his goggles, replacing them with teal ones instead and placing a nose plug onto his nose. It made him want to sneeze badly, and his voice nasally, but it helped to block out the metallic smell.
Hugo winced as he tried to laugh, “Why are your goggles blue?”
Varian rolled his eyes, “Teal, actually. It cancels out red, I thought you knew that.”
See, whilst he knew it was blood, if he couldn’t see its crimson colour or smell it, he could just pretend it was another fluid he wasn’t too bad with. So he bit his lip and carried on, careful as Hugo shifted uncomfortably whilst he cleaned it up.
He had no idea why he was so angry. Sure, he took an arrow. Why, in the name of Demanitus, would he do that? But he had no clue why that question made him so angry that he was burning.
Maybe Hugo wasn’t doing it for him. Maybe it was a plot to try and gain Varian’s trust. He wouldn’t put that behind the guy, he was notoriously slippery and he knew Varian didn’t fully trust him after all this time. Perhaps he wanted to secure it, so he could pull the rug under Varian’s feet later.
Or maybe it was because he actually liked Varian. He actually cared for him, so much so that he’d rather be in pain over him. That he’d sacrifice his own wellbeing for him.
No way. That was crazy. Hugo was a self-centred selfish asshole who only looked out for his own survival, there was no way Varian was even close to how important that man valued his own safety.
As Varian cleaned the wound, he cocked his head to the side as he inspected it. Clearly it’d need more than just a quick mopping up, and a couple of stitches at least.
Meaning.
Oh no.
Oh no no no no no
He had to get rid of Hugo’s shirt.
See, doing stitches on a guy that has a ripped up shirt trying to fly into the cut isn’t the best. So, he maybe kind of sort of needed to take it off.
Varian sighed, “Can I rip your shirt off?”
“Wow Goggles, you’re so forward, you haven’t even asked me out on a date—“
Varian blushed, but put his finger over Hugo’s mouth as he tried to mask it with annoyance, “Can I, or not? It’s in the way.”
“Whatever you want doctor,” Hugo hummed, and Varian got to work. He sliced it delicately, peeling the fabric off until he was touching bare skin.
Oh by the sun he had a nice huggable looking chest. And skin was soft. And warm. And it looked so lickable—
No! No he was not going to have a meltdown over Hugo’s chest. He tried to cover his red cheeks as he applied chemicals to the area that made Hugo groan under him. Which was definitely not a noise sending heat into his stomach.
“Hugo, hold still, I need to pull out the arrow.”
Hugo wriggled under him in shock, “What?!”
“How else do you want me to stitch you up?”
“Fine,” Hugo settled back into his pillow.
But every time he put his hand on the arrow to pull it, Hugo would make a stupid disgustingly attractive whimper and it was so unbelievably unbearably hot that he wasn’t focusing for shit.
Oh by Demanitus Varian lock in. This is all medical. He’s in pain. That’s why he’s whimpering. Stop being weird about it. It’s a very normal bodily reaction to pain. He’s shirtless for medical reasons. Everything is very medical here.
Varian placed his other hand on Hugo’s hips, firmly locking him in place, whilst he grit his teeth in a mixture of irritation and arousal, “Hugo, I need you to hold still. Can you do that for me?”
Hugo nodded, biting his lip as he was ready for it. Okay, don’t look at those really nice plush red lips. Focus on the wound. Focus on the wound. Focus on the wound Varian.
He pulled it out, making Hugo almost moan in pain as Varian bit back every very bad urge inside of him.
He gets the threads immediately, taking to stitching him up.
Hugo mewls, “Goggles, fuck it hurts.”
Varian sassed back, “Did you expect it to be a spa day?”
Hugo is constantly grunting, both of them breathing heavily. The air was hot, almost electric as Varian nearly had to close his eyes just to concentrate.
Let’s just say, a really whiny Hugo under you isn’t the easiest thing to ignore, okay?
To cover up his internal freak show, Varian’s voice hardens into something harsher, “Hugo, stop moving.”
“I’m trying!”
“Try harder,” he snarled, as Hugo winced
He knows he was supposed to be stitching, he knows that means his eyes should be on the wound at all times. But, he had a really nice opportunity to let his eyes roam for once. And despite all warnings he gave them, his body betrayed him as it looked lower, and lower, and
Oh wow that was a really defined v-line
Varian! He mentally slapped himself as he tried to remind his stupid heart of the circumstances. We are stitching up this annoying rat man. We do not like this rat man. We do not find him cute whatsoever.
Hugo began to close his eyes, making Varian panic. But, obviously, he decided to shout about it, “Hugo, stay awake.”
No response.
He shakes him, “If you pass out, I’m going to be extremely annoyed.”
And worried. But a bit. Only a bit.
Hugo opened his eyes groggily, as Varian sighed with relief, “Okay, now I want you to listen very closely to my voice.”
Hugo croaked, “Okay, I can do that.”
“Hugo! Look at me when I talk to you,” Varian snarled as Hugo began to close his eyes again.
Stupid bitch keep your eyes open or Varian will have a panic attack. Him closing his eyes is a really bad sign. In fact, if he actually fell asleep, Varian didn’t know if Hugo would be getting up again. Especially since there was no hospital nearby.
Varian’s voice strained, trying to go softer, “Hey Hugo, you’re doing really well, I’m half way there.”
Hugo’s eyes sparkled at that, and Varian had to suppress the thought that it was the prettiest thing he’s ever seen, “I am?”
Well, actually you’re being a distraction. But Varian was trying his very best to be nice right now. Because that’s what medics do. He’s very medical. Just like the whole situation.
“Okay, I want you to turn slightly towards your left, can you do that for me?”
Hugo nodded, moving slowly to give Varian a better angle for the last couple of stitches.
Varian lifted his chin as his eyes drooped again, “No, eyes on me. Come on Hugo, eyes on me.”
Hugo dazed sleepily at him, eyes unfocused but still trying their hardest.
He was trying so hard to not bite. Not scream, despite the idiot deserving it. He had to be kind. He had to be softer for him.
But wow his stupid face really twisted something inside of him to be mean.
He finally finished, nearly throwing himself off of him as his skin burned from the loss of contact. He tried to shove it aside, stomping off to get some water for him. As he returned to Hugo’s bed, the guy was fishing around to try and touch Olivia. Moving the shoulder that he just fixed.
Varian slapped his hand away, “Do you want to ruin my hard work?”
“No…” Hugo mumbled.
Varian put Olivia away, to her disappointment, “Don’t touch her. I don’t want you moving.”
Please, he doesn’t want him in pain anymore.
Silence filled the room, as Varian desperately tried to think of something. He could ask him how he feels. He could offer to stay with him. He could get him comfortable.
No. Too vulnerable.
So Varian did what he did best, he just demanded, “Drink water.”
He put the cup to Hugo’s lips, making the other boy eye him weirdly, “I can do that myself.”
He’s a brat. He’s actually a brat. Varian likes that. No he doesn’t. He hates it. It’s infuriating! It makes him a pain to work with! It makes him want to drop the water down his throat anyways just to spite him.
“Considering your recent actions, you’ve lost all right to make decisions,” Varian narrowed his eyes. Hugo accepted the drink after that, Varian trying not to look at the way his Adam’s apple bobbed as he drank
“Why are you staring so intently?” Hugo pondered, as Varian lowered him back into the bed.
Oh he was just daydreaming about your stupid hair and your stupid eyes and your stupid chest and stupid v-line. Nothing much. Normal things to do whilst patching someone up.
“To check for signs of shock. Obviously,” Varian sassed back as he put the glass on the table.
“Ah, obviously,” Hugo mused, too worn out to fight back. Varian let him finally close his eyes, moving to walk out of the room before he could do or say something stupid.
But of course, before he could close the door, his mouth betrayed him as he commanded, “Don’t scare me like that again.”
Hugo teased, “Why? You care too much?”
Yes. But he had no words for it. Every time he tried, it came out wrong. Forceful. Not soft. He just couldn’t show it naturally. So he screamed. He reprimanded. He snapped.
He didn’t know why it came out violently. He didn’t know why he came out violently.
But it was a pattern he couldn’t shake. Not as an angry fourteen year old boy, and now not as an emotionally constipated adult.
“No, just doctor’s orders,” he turned around, looking at how peaceful Hugo looked whilst trying to sleep.
“Yes doctor,” he mumbled, before finally falling asleep.
Varian closed the door, sliding down it as soon as he did. His body shook, breath coming out uneven as he finally, let himself sob. Sob over the stress. Sob over the pain he was suppressing as Hugo writhed. Sob over how he could’ve lost him if he closed his eyes.
Varian held his knees as sat there, eyes damp as he waited for Hugo to wake up. He’d never admit it to the other boy, but he was so unbearably scared for him. He wasn’t able to sleep. He wasn’t able to think about anything else.
All the signs were there.
He knew the word for it.
But he’d never admit what was happening to him.
Because Varian? Varian didn’t allow himself to love.