Chapter Text
Cens 🏒💪🥅
Bood
Okay guys
Just talked to Coach and there's some news apparently
Dykstra
Is this about the new player that got signed?
Bood
Yup
Hazy
Yeah. Read some absolutely insane rumors about who that is on Twitter btw
Chouinard
Who do they think it is?
Hazy
Fucking Ilya Rozanov
Dykstra
What?? 😂
As if he would allow to be traded here
Barrett
Players don't really have a choice where they get traded to
You know that, right?
If objecting was possible, I sure as hell wouldn't be here
Dykstra
First of all, rude. We are absolutely delightful
And secondly, I mean, yeah of course I know that
But it's Rozanov we're talking about here
He would rather throw hands at MLH representatives before accepting a trade to the worst team in the league lol
Barrett
Okay yes, that's fair
Chouinard
I feel like you have a very distorted perception of him
Dykstra
Do I though?
That guy's a fucking menace
Wouldn't put it past him
Chouinard
Hmm
If you say so
Hazy
I don't think that speculations like that are going to get us anywhere
So Bood
Who is it?
Bood
That's kinda the thing...
The rumors were true
It's Ilya fucking Rozanov
Hazy
WHAT???
Barrett
Oh wow
Dykstra
Oh God, is him signing with Ottawa a punishment or something??
Chouinard
What do you mean with that now?
Dykstra
Like, he constantly pushed the limits of what was allowed and what wasn't
And now he crossed that line and got traded to the worst team of the league to teach him a lesson, or something 💀
Bood
No, that's the insane part actually
According to Coach, Rozanov signed with us because he wanted to
He was a free agent and deliberately picked Ottawa
Even accepted a HUGE pay cut so they could afford him
Hazy
I'm so fucking confused
Literally what is this timeline???
Chouinard
Do you know the reason for that decision?
Bood
Nope, Coach apparently knows but he didn't tell me anything
But we can just ask him ourselves
Coach gave me his number
Since the contract is already signed and he'll play with us next season, I think it's a good idea to add him here
Zane Boodram added Ilya Rozanov to the chat.
Bood
Hi Rozanov, I'm Zane Boodram! Coach Wiebe gave me your number to add you to our group chat!
Everyone say Hello to our new teammate
Chouinard
Wecome to Ottawa! I'm Nick Chouinard :)
If you should ever need anything, don't hesitate to reach out :)
Dykstra
You absolute fucking madman
Welcome to the team!
And I'm Evan Dykstra
Barrett
Hello
I'm Troy Barrett
Hazy
What the fuck
Bood
That's neither a hello nor a fucking introduction, Hazy
Where are your fucking manners??
Hazy
Right, sorry
Hi Rozanov, I'm Wyatt Hayes
Welcome to the Centaurs, I guess???
What the actual fuck???
hello centaurs
thank you for the mostly friendly welcomes
good to be here
Hazy
Is it???
yes of course
why should it not be?
Hazy
Are you-
Is he kidding??
no HE is not 🤨
Chouinard
Very sorry about him, Rozanov
We're just all a little confused about this entire situation, I think
confusion makes your goalie rude to me?
interesting
Hazy
Didn't mean to be rude, sorry
Just...
And I will ask this will all the love in my heart
Why the fuck are you here??
Bood
Let me rephrase that a little actually
We're curious about your decision to sign with the Ottawa Centaurs of all the possible teams in the MLH
I'm sure that pretty much every team would've loved to sign you. Yet you picked Ottawa?
ah yes
i signed with ottawa for the good hockey obviously
Dykstra
Seriously??
of course not
i am teasing, if you have ever heard of it
this team is shit
Dykstra
Thanks?
Hazy
So, what? You got bored in Boston and now we're your fixer upper project?
Is that why you're here now?
"fixer upper"?
i do not know what that means
i thought i have learned all weird english expressions by now
Bood
He's asking, if that means that you signed here to turn this team around
Make sure we win, thanks to your influence
Or something along those lines
ah ok
i mean
will probably help with wins that i am the best player in the league
but hockey is a team sport, yes?
Hazy
I mean, yeah?
one exceptional player, like me, does not guarantee improvement within the team or wins if the rest of the team is shit
that only works in montreal unfortunately
and while i am very, very, very good, i am no shane hollander
so we will have to wait and see how it will work out
make improvements together as a team, yes?
Chouinard
Sounds good :)
But, what do you mean that only works in Montreal?
Barrett
Yeah, I thought the entire team is good?
I mean, we keep losing to them...
they win because of hollander
so i strongly disagree with them being a good team overall
they are nothing without hollander
remember the season when he was injured?
they did not even make it to the playoffs
even though they won back to back cups the two seasons prior
pathetic
Bood
I never would've expected to ever see you praise Hollander
Don't you two famously hate each other?
That's what the rivalry is all about, isn't it?
eh
hate is a nasty word
i do not hate him
he is my friend
and a rivalry on the ice is not the same as blind hatred
Bood
Hmm, that's true
Dykstra
You don't hate him?
That's a little surprising actually
would not start a charity with someone i hate
especially not an important charity like this
dedicated to and named after my mother
Dykstra
Shit, true. I completely forgot about your charity
Can't lie, the announcement that you two are working together really came out of nowhere
yes
a lot of people are questioning if it is fake or serious
stupid people
there is nothing i take more seriously than mental health
which is also surprising to people, probably
Chouinard
Probably, when they only look at your reputation and refuse to dig a little deeper
Because I remember reading an article from a few years ago where you were very vocally supportive of your teammate, when he decided to take a mental health break
he was burned out
needed a break
i will always support that
and not unhealthy habits
have seen too many people break because of it
Bood
I'm very sorry to hear that you had to experience that, Rozanov...
thank you
and please call me roz
is easier and less formal
and you probably cannot pronounce rozanov properly anyway
Bood
Okay, gotcha lol
Feel free to call us by our nicknames too, if you want
thank you, bood
will do
Hazy
I'm starting to question my entire life currently
Because what do you mean Ilya Rozanov isn't an absolute asshole??
i am still here you know
Hazy
As if you're not used to people calling you an asshole
fair, i am very used to it
that does not make it less hurtful, though
but anyway
i am looking forward to playing with you
Chouinard
I'm just going to speak for everyone when I say that we're looking forward to play with you too :)
so polite
as to be expected by a canadian
always so polite
but thank you
Dykstra
Honestly, the best thing about this is that we never have to play against you again
It always felt like an humiliation ritual 😂😭
haha
because it was 😘
i remember telling my boys in the locker room that we will send you home crying
and that probably worked
Dykstra
Yup, sure did...
Barrett
Okay but, you haven't answered our initial question yet
what?
Barrett
We asked why you decided to sign with Ottawa and you just skillfully derailed the conversation to avoid answering
would you believe me when i say that i did not have a deeper reason for it?
Dykstra
No
Bood
Nope
Hazy
Absolutely not
Chouinard
I think, no
hmm
Chouinard
Was it for the charity maybe?
You're closer to Hollander now
With you two now living in the same country
Makes it easier to organize and host stuff that way, right?
good thinking
and partly true
but no, is not the only reason
Hazy
Then why?
when i tell you
you cannot make fun of me
Chouinard
We swear that we won't make fun of you :)
Bood
^
Dykstra
^^
Hazy
^^^
Barrett
^^^^
ok
i left boston and moved to ottawa
for love
Hazy
Of course you did...
What's the real reason?
is real reason
what is difficult to understand about my statement?
was not too many words i hope?
Hazy
... No
And I mean, it's not difficult to understand, necessarily
I'm just surprised
You have quite the reputation, after all and this comes very unexpected
i am a manwhore
is that what you want to say?
Hazy
No?
you do not sound convinced 🤨
Hazy
Fine, maybe that's what I wanted to say
Sorry, I really shouldn't be rude about this
It's your life, I'm not judging
sounds like you are judging, but is ok
it was my life
but now i have settled down
retired from my manwhore days
my pretty canadian partner has made an honest man out of me
has stolen my heart and i never want it back
but i will not say more about it
the relationship is still very new, very fragile
and мой солнышко is so very shy
do not want to ruin anything by saying too much
Bood
So adding her to the WAGs chat is out of the question then?
for now, yes
if that is ok
Chouinard
Of course, that's okay. Why shouldn't it be?
We wouldn't want you to share anything with us that possibly makes you or your girlfriend uncomfortable :)
thank you for being understanding
and also thank you again for mostly friendly welcome
i know that me coming here is odd to you
it is odd to me too
but i really just want to play good hockey and be closer to мой любимый
Hazy
Fuck, that was really cute...
I'm really sorry for coming across like such a dick, I'm excited that you're playing for us now
Maybe we'll finally win something lol
it will be a group effort, but if you all are willing to learn мой дорогой has already sent over a powerpoint presentation about all of your flaws and weaknesses
with training guides to improve
Bood
I shouldn't be surprised that your girl's a hockey head, but somehow I am 😂
мой солнышко started making the lists before me coming here was even in question
absolute hockey freak, but i love it
here look
*shared a link*
[the link leads to a well-structured powerpoint presentation consisting of over 300 slides]
Barrett
"Absolute Hockey Freak" seems like an understatement, but okay 😀
Hazy
Excuse me how many fucking slides is that???
мой любимый is very thorough as you can see
dedicated to fix horrible players
no offense of course
Bood
None taken
She also included you in those slides btw
WHAT
....
oh
----
Jane 😛💦💕
so i have weak a backhand now?
seriously?
Let's call that payback 😘