Archive of Our Own

It was such a stupid thing to be upset over, and maybe he wasnt even truly upset.

Seriously, it wasnt like he was really upset. But he'd known Harua before all this, before idol life, before group dorms, and surely before Euijoo.

Okay, that wasnt the point here, Euijoo didn't do anything. Hell! Maki was friends with Euijoo, too! So why was it bothering him so bad?

Well..., besides the obvious.

Maki wasnt exactly a stranger to how he felt towards Harua. It certainly wasn't a new feeling or discovery. Maybe that's why he was so bothered by this to begin with. He prided himself on being very in touch with his emotions, yet he couldn't figure out why this was such an issue?

It wasnt Euijoos' fault, Maki knew that much, so there was no point in getting mad at him. But backtracking wasn't helping him either. Last he remembered was ditching the end of their movie night to go to bed early, well, early for him. It was probably around two in the morning.

The group always did movie nights if there was no schedule the next day, and Maki typically finished them all out, but he was exhausted. Enough so to not remember what movies they even watched. Could you blame him? Their Korean debut was kicking his ass, and it was during the season change, so everyone had been sharing sicknesses.

He remembers sneaking off sometime after Kei, who was always the first to leave to sleep, so not a great score for him. But that's practically all he remembers; he's not sure if anyone had talked about the chance of snow. Considering he's now woken up confused at the ice on his window, he's assuming they didn't. Not as it matters, he couldn't remember if they did or not if he tried.

Waking up to ice wasnt even that shocking, it was typical by this time of year, but sitting up to see snow covering outside was different. He felt like a kid on Christmas, bouncing to go tell everyone it was snowing. Maybe that countributed to this whole situation bothering him more.

When he turned to the second bed in his shared room to tell Euijoo it was snowing, he wasnt there. Annoying? Yes. But Odd? No. Euijoo typically got up early, and Maki wouldn't expect him to wake him up over snow anyway. He could shrug it off; it was whatever, and he could go tell whoever was already up.

He could leave his room and walk down the hall, and see... Yuma?

Okay, not who he was expecting... but sure.

"Yuma! It's snowing, did you see it's literally fully white outside! Where's Ju?" There wasnt a problem with Yuma being the only one he's seen so far, it seriously just wasnt what he expected.

"I saw. It's freezing. Taki dragged me out already, and it's awful." Right, Yuma was oddly against the cold. Typical cat behavior of him.

"and Euijoo's outside with Rua n Taki."

Oh. Right, no, that makes sense. Taki wouldn't come in til someone responsible dragged him in, and he was probably already frozen. Euijoo was responsible and was probably attempting to drag him in. Duh.

It made sense. That's where Euijoo was, which solved his first question, cool. Unfortunately, that left him with another. Harua was up? Harua was up and outside in the snow...? Harua, who, like Yuma, hated the cold? Harua, who had known Maki since they were kids and knew he waited for the first snow from the moment summer ended. Yeah, okay, sure, he was his own person; he could do whatever.

"You look sick, like more than last night. Are you good?" Right, he was still talking to Yuma. Wait, more than last night? Was he sick last night?

"Was I sick last night? I barely remember anything before I went to bed, dude."

"HA, were you? You don't feel sick now? That's crazy, you kept sneezing and coughing over the movie, and Nico kept threatening to kick you out over it. You were seriously snot-faced, it was disgusting like a slobbery dog!"

Yuma's laugh was obnoxious, not in a bad way; it fit his personality, but maybe it was mildly headache-inducing. Actually, maybe it was just making Maki aware of a headache he had already had.

"Yeah... you seriously don't look well, I find it hard to believe you don't feel sick anymore..." No. Sick meant he couldn't go out in the snow. Kei and Euijoo would ring him out if he did.

"I'm fine! Not sick for real, I swear!" He didn't get a response that time, just Yuma snorting and waving him off to look back at his phone. Whatever, he didn't come out here for Yuma. He could go find Euijoo.

Oh yeah. And Harua.

The air was cold, and he hadn't even stepped out of the dorm fully yet. The sidewalk was completely covered, minus the footprint path left behind. Maki didn't have to follow it far to see where his group members were. He should've put shoes on before walking out; the snow was so cold it burned.

He's not sure what he was expecting to be going on outside; maybe it was typical chaos or playful arguing. Whatever it was, wasnt Euijoo and Harua rolling snow together. Not Haruas hands bare in the snow.

He didn't even see Taki nearby. It was just Euijoo and Harua.

Harua. Who hated the cold. Harua, with his knuckles red and covered in snow. Harua. Who complained when the AC was too high, or the fan was too fast. Harua, smiling with red cheeks, pushing snow forward. Harua. Who frowned when someone pulled a blanket away from him or wouldn't share theirs.

It wasnt a problem. He could do whatever he wanted. So what if he had a sudden change of heart about the cold? That wasn't any of Maki's business. It's not like Maki always loved the snow, not like he sacrificed asking Harua to join him in it for years, choosing to stay inside knowing he hated it.

He should walk off, go back inside, where his feet could defrost from being frozen to the sidewalk now.

"Maki! You're up now!" Euijoo, who didn't know about Makis' love of snow and didn't wake him up to see it. "Hey?! You're underdressed in the cold, knowing you're sick? Christ, go back inside!!!" Right, Euijoo, who's the leader for his caring and responsible nature.

"I'm not sick! I'm fine! I wanted to see the snow!!" Wanted to see what was so important that his own best friend didn't bother to wake him, was left unsaid.

"You don't even have shoes on?! And you look miserable. Back inside! Now!" God, he's walking over now. Harua hadn't even looked up til Euijoo moved.

"It's fine! I wanna join, what are we doing?" Play it cool. There's no real reason to be upset at anyone.

"Maki?" Okay fuck playing it cool. Being a theater kid did nothing for Maki because he was physically incapable of keeping his emotions off his face, especially when it came to Harua.

Clearly, whatever face he was making was enough of a telltale to get Euijoo to drop pushing him back towards the dorm. He just looked between Maki and Harua, who was now standing up while shaking the snow from his hands, and shook his head. Whatever that meant.

"You're finally up, look how much it snowed! Hey, are you okay? You still look really sick... You don't have a fever, do you?" Maki wasnt sure how Harua planned to tell if he had a fever or not with snow frozen hands. But he bent down for Harua to bring them to his forehead anyway.

"You feel really warm, wait, maybe I'm too cold to tell. You should go back inside; the snow isn't melting. You can come back out later."

At least Euijoo walked off and wouldn't help force him inside. Though Harua was probably more of a threat to Maki than Euijoo was anyway.

"I'm fine, really. What are you doing out here?" It wasnt meant to sound harsh. He really didn't mean to put any bite into his words, but Haruas' face shifted from concern to irritation so fast he realized he messed up.

"Building snowmen with Euijoo... Is that an issue?"

"No!" Of course not. It wasnt an issue, it's just... why not him? Why'd nobody wake him up? "It's not! Just..."

"No, let me guess. You're upset nobody woke you up? You're out here with no shoes to get upset that nobody woke you when you spent all movie night coughing and sneezing." Yeah, Harua always hated it when people talked down to him.

Maki always hated it when Harua read him like a book.

"You're going to make your cold worse by being out here." He seriously wasnt sick. Why did everyone think he was? "I'm not sick, I feel fine. I don't need to go back in, and it's fine nobody woke me up!"

"Then what? You're out here, runny-nosed, talking rudely to me because..?" Maybe his nose was kinda runny... and he did sorta feel the need to cough now...

"Since when did you like the snow."

"Seriously? That's why you're risking your health more? Because you didn't know I liked the snow? Go inside Maki." He was clearly annoyed; some part of Maki knew it was out of concern, but now he felt like a scolded dog.

"Since when! You've always hated the cold! You've never played in the snow with me, and I've known you the longest!" Yeah, now he was coughing. Shouldn't have gotten emotional in the cold.

"So it's not even about the snow, it's that you're jealous...? Really?" Jealous? What did he have to be jealous of? "You've never even asked me to see the snow together; we've always just stayed in, so I don't know why you're worked up about this. Taki dragged me out with Yuma since it matters so much to you." Maki couldn't tell if Harua was pouting because he was coughing or because he was upset himself.

"Oh." Yuma didn't say anything about Harua getting dragged out too. "Yeah, oh." Harua was definitely just upset himself then. Great going, Maki. "I never asked because I thought you hated it... You're always so against everything cold, so..."

"So... you assumed? I'm not even that against the cold. I don't know where you got that idea, unless you're confusing me with Yuma. Which then I should be upset because haven't you known me longest?"

Now he was laughing. Bitter laugh, maybe. Or honestly not, regardless of how long Maki had known Harua, he'd always remain a mystery and hard to read.

"You always steal blankets! and force your way between people on the couch, complaining about body heat- you hog my bed in the winter? clearly you hate the cold? I'm confused..." Well, Harua was fully laughing at him now, and Maki wasn't sure he understood anything going on.

"Euijoo was just telling me you were dense, and I was defending you! Really, not even ten minutes ago, and you're already proving me wrong." Did colds impact your comprehension skills, because really, Maki wasnt following along.

"Maki. Think please. What was the common theme between any of what 'proof' you just gave me? You must have a fever, or I have too much faith in you, I know you're smarter than this..." Okay, rude, Maki was smart. Seriously! He was! It was just harder to think today... Really, he wasnt picking up whatever Harua was trying to put down at all.

Yes, Harua did steal blankets. Maki's, to be exact. There was rarely a night when Harua didn't flop into Maki's bed to whine about something that didn't end with him hogging all of Maki's blanket. And maybe he should be annoyed more, but it was fine. After all, Harua hated the cold, didn't he...?

And he did force his way onto the already over-packed couch! Hell, he did it even on the floor. Every movie night, without fail, right when Maki has finally gotten invested in whatever they're watching, Harua has to shove his way next to him. On the couch, no matter who he's shoulder-to-shoulder with, Harua always manages to nudge them over. He whines it's too cold, the fan is set too fast. So obviously he hates the cold, right...?

So what was so obvious that he was missing here?

"Maki." He already knew Harua was irritated, so he wasnt playing stupid on purpose. Though Harua's face didn't really add up to looking irritated now that Maki was looking at him. He kinda looked concerned, like you'd look at a puppy limping, full of pity.

"Just how bad is your fever, Christ Maki... let's just go back inside..." Harua was still laughing at him just now, definitely with more concern.

"I don't have any fever! Really, I'm fine, just confused..., will you stop being elusive and just say whatever you're trying to hint at!" It was pretty cold out; maybe he should've just taken the offer to go in. The snow was starting to fall again, though Maki only really noticed it when it started sticking to Harua's hair.

The snow stuck to his bangs like confetti from stages did. It was beautiful, anything to do with Harua was, after all. It would've been a sight straight from one of Maki's dreams if only Harua wasnt pouting at him still.

Why was he still pouting?

"Please, Harua. I don't know what you're trying to tell me." Why were they even arguing anymore? They always did this too, even over little things; it was like they were always avoiding something unsaid.

"Haven't you figured it out yet, or are you just playing with me? It's not funny if you are Maki." What could he possibly be playing at here? Was there anything he could even respond to that without just upsetting Harua more? Probably not. At least he could just shake his head.

"It's you! Really, Maki, what else is there... you're smart enough to pick up that I apparently hate the cold, you can notice all these things, but not what's in front of your face? I steal your blankets. I sit next to you. I get cornered by Euijoo outside so he can ask me what's going on between us when I don't even know myself! And here you show up to get jealous when it's not like you reach out to me first... so really? are you just playing with me...?"

Well, obviously it was him, how else would he have noticed these things if they were happening to him? He wasnt following. What would he be playing at? Was there anything going on between him and Harua? Something obvious enough for the leader to need to ask about it?

"Maki!" Shit, he'd taken too long to respond, and he probably had a dumb expression on his face. He couldn't help it that he didn't understand! "I like you!!" Well, yeah, they were best friends. Maki would hope that Harua liked him... "You really are dense, oh my god, Juju was right. Maki I like you." Well, yeah, Maki would hope- wait? like?

"Like... like like...?"

"Yes. Genius." Oh, he asked that out loud. Awkward... that was supposed to be an inside thought. Wait. What.

"HUH? Harua, wait, slow down, go back, what do you mean?? You like me, too? Really? Me? Wait, why'd you tell me that now?" What was going on? Weren't they fighting? Is the snow not falling anymore? He feels warmer. Wait, no, now he's cold again.

"Jesus, your fever... let's go in, please." Oh, Haruas hands were on his forehead again, that's what was cold. It felt pretty nice, actually; he didn't really wanna move to go inside. Wait, no, he still hadn't gotten an answer.

"No, you didn't explain. I'm still confused. You like me?" It would honestly be pretty sick to joke about that while Maki was upset.

"Yes, for some reason I do, right now I'm not very sure why, considering you're acting this way. I'm not sure you even know how you're acting..."

He wasn’t acting any way! Was he? Things were blurry now, Maki swore this was another one of those arguments that left them awkward for days before it fixed itself.. now Harua liked him?

“Like Like? Really, no wait, you meant that right?”

“like like, god you’re a child…” He was twenty soon!! That’s not a child! and how come Harua’s got so much force pushing him back…?

“stop ostri- no.. uh.. demoni- that’s not.. Criticizing! Stop criticizing me! Just answer me Harua! Please.” He was still fully being pushed back, well more like he was walking backwards on his own. It was kinda cold out after all. But what if inside this conversation disappeared and so much got left unsaid again. Maki seriously needed to understand more first.

“We will talk inside.” Scary, authoritarian voice Harua was scary. Well, and kinda hot… but that was a thought to unpack later.

“We won’t! you’ll force me in bed have someone else bring me medicine, then avoid me! I don’t know what we’ve been avoiding but it always ends this way!” Had his headache from Yuma’s loud ass ever went away? If not, it was definitely getting stronger, he almost felt dizzy now.

“Riki. I won’t run, please.. can we talk inside.” Oh, Hm. Harua never called him that anymore. Not since they debuted. Would it be childish to believe him all over again? Like he did during &audition?

Probably. But maybe he felt bad enough to nod and turn around the last 5 steps back into the dorm. Or maybe Maki would believe Harua in everything.

After all, when it mattered he knew Harua would never lie to him.

Whatever they’ve avoided for so long, whatever fights they’ve ignored each-other over, Maki knew if he had just gone to ask, Harua would’ve told him. So maybe it’s his own fault it got to this point.

The shock from cold outside to warm inside was enough to dizzy his mind. Or maybe that was his headache.. Whatever it meant he didn’t have to watch as everyone on the couch turned to face him being pushed to his room.

Well, his and Euijoos room.

But Euijoo was still outside. Which meant now he’s in his room alone with Harua. Who’s standing in front of the door locking it behind him. Hey Maki’s pretty sure he had a dream start like this before maybe this was a dream-

“Riki.”

No okay not a dream Harua was still pouting at him. He was upset and really Maki’s not entirely sure what he did this time. Besides be a little irrational.. that doesn’t count things are just so hard to think through right now. Maybe he did have a slight fever, he was feeling almost hot now.. no cold. He’s cold his cheeks feel cold.

When did he close his eyes isn’t he supposed to be finding out what Harua meant right now

Oh that’s why his cheeks are cold. Harua’s hands were pressed against them. This was nice maybe he should get sick more often…

“You sure you’re not too sick to have this conversation. I don’t want to finally talk and you not remember it tomorrow.”

As if he’d ever forget anything when it came to Harua.

“that’s cute but i’m serious”

Oh he said that out loud again, was being quiet always this difficult?

“I mean it! i’ll remember really. You just told me you like me i’ve been waiting five years to hear that how could i forget now”

“Five years?”

Shit. Was that the wrong thing to say?

“Since &audition? You liked me since &audition?”

If Maki was anymore clear minded he’d have thought Harua was joking. Actually no, Harua must be joking… Right?

Had Maki not made it painfully obvious this entire time? The same Maki who cried because Harua was upset with him once over not being able to touch him? That wasn’t obvious enough?

“I thought you were just a weirdly clingy friend ! You were like that with everyone back then you hung off of everyone’s shoulder when you were still short enough to do so!! How was I supposed to know… I’ve been trying to figure you out for the last three years when you had liked me the whole time…”

Wow Maki seriously has to fix that thinking verbally habit. Wait.

“Three years? You’ve liked me back for three years and never said anything?”

Was it unfair to find that cruel? It’s not like he ever really told Harua how he felt either but..

“Did you ever try and tell me.”

Yeah okay. It was unfair, jeez Harua’s stern face this close is really something..

“Why are you looking at me like that? Ew oh my god if you’re about to he sick back up”

“what? no i feel fine you’re just.. beautiful.”

Harua’s laughing again now. So maybe that means Maki’s won.

“That’s ? the face you make ? when you see something beautiful ? No wonder I never figured you out who even looks like that really”

Woah hold on that’s not fair! Maki has normal expressions!

“Hey what’s wrong with my face ? I think i made it pretty clear don’t you remember all the times I made up excuses to talk about you or when I-“

Oh. Hm. Maki can’t speak anymore. That’s odd normally he doesn’t have an issue with speaking. Actually he’d say he’s pretty good at talking a lot but it’s almost like something is pressed over his mouth.

It’s not exactly like a hand, it’s too soft to be kind of like a pair of-

Oh my god. Harua’s kissing him. Harua’s kissing him for the first time and he’s just sitting there like a loser. Wait what’s he supposed to do? Where does he put his hands ? Is kissing supposed to even last this long ?

Oh it’s over. Wait no he doesn’t want it to be over.

“If my first kiss gets me sick I’ll never forgive you Riki.”

He missed it. The moment of his life happened and he missed it cuz he panicked. He’s never living this down, truly life as he knows it is over.

“Don’t look so kicked… we can do it again.. just.. whenever your brain is conscious enough to remember it..”

Oh okay yay. He gets another chance cool yay he can be ready for that!

“AGAIN? YOU’LL REALLY KISS ME AGAIN?”

Now there’s a hand slapped over his mouth. Ow that kinda hurt actually.

“Be Quiet!! Oh the whole dorm definitely just heard that…”

Who cares! This is the happiest day of Maki’s life the whole world could hear about it for all he cares!

“bwtut whuat abvout doishng it againsh”

Talking with a hand over your mouth is proving Maki to be harder than he thought it’d be.

“Huh?”

“But what about doing it again…”

“Don’t pout. We still can I guess… I mean if you want..”

If he wants? If he wants to? Kiss Harua again? Yes oh yes of course please even! Maki would want to kiss Harua every hour of every day if that was possible!

“Be my boyfriend.”

“No.”

Booo.. Rejected in cold blood. Ouch.

“Wait huh why?!”

“Ask like a normal person I don’t take demands”

Oh yeah. He got too excited. He knew that.

“Please Shigeta Harua will you let me be your boyfriend”

“Let you be my boyfriend? That’s better yeah I like that sure you can be my boyfriend.”

Booo.. Rejected in- REALLY? God maybe Maki should get sick more. This was the best day of his life! He’s so excited he could jump off the walls. Wait no the thought of that is going to make him cough…

“Shit, right, you still need medicine.”

Awh there goes Harua. He hates to let him leave he loves to watch him go.. Medicine?!

Fuck! Maki hated medicine!