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Jason had given up trying to figure out why the hell this Superman clone was stalking him, and honestly, he was too annoyed to even ask the guy. Having a psychotic kryptonian as your secret admirer wasn't the strangest occurrence in his life; he'd died after all. But goddammit, was this guy always showing up everywhere and anywhere he happened to even think of going.
"Jason! It's great to see you." The stalker in question had snuck up behind the man when he was busy shaking the life out of a wannabe crook.
Jason sighed and dropped the asshole who had already pissed himself in fear onto the ground before turning to confront the kryptonian. The man was dressed in that Superman costume of his that really gave Jason the heeby jeebies. Having a guy flirt with him dressed as the guy who had known him since he was a kid was creepy. It brought too many dark thoughts to mind, and he really didn't want to have wet dreams about Clark. God no.
He resisted the urge to grab his gun and instead held his hand to his face. "Oh. Hi, Prime."
The man smiled back at him, and Jason groaned. Prime was a certified freak, and Jason knew if he gave the man the time of day, he'd eat him out seven days a week. He knew this because the alien had told him as such in great detail. The man had run to him at their first meeting, claiming that there were over three hundred stories of them fucking online. He boasted that no matter if Jason was on the bottom or top, the sex was perfect.
He really wanted to shoot the bastard, hearing this madness, but Prime got off on pain, so he'd just be feeding his delusions. So, the bat just ignored the flirting for the most part and never fed into the man's insanity. Fanfiction this, author that, Jason genuinely did not want to know what the hell was going on in that guy's head. Prime was good company when he wasn't that zany, and Jason did appreciate his help. Not the constant ass holding.
"Jason, I haven't touched your ass in months." Prime said with his arms crossed over his chest.
The bat glared. "What? You read minds now?"
Prime snickered and floated over to the vigilante to pull him in a spine-breaking hug. "No. I'm looking over the author's shoulder as she writes this on her couch. She really should make this rated M so we can make love or whatever."
"Sure." Jason had given up a while ago, making sense of what powers the madman had and what was just him being an expert rage baiter.
One time, Prime claimed that Jason was supposed to be his boyfriend and that the so-called author of this world had been stalling their love confessions. The vigilante wasn't even into the guy that way and stared in utter horror as an engagement ring was thrown his way. His siblings never let him live that fiasco down and even commented that getting a crazy husband was befitting of him due to his antics.
Jason really didn't want a relationship, especially with a nut job, but Prime kept saying they were meant to be. The man winked at him and floated away to do who knows what with that mind of his. You really had to put Prime on a leash to keep him from, well, obliterating everything. The bat found himself sympathizing with BRUCE of all people because of how in the world did he deal with Talia.
"OW!" Jason's thoughts screeched to a stop as the fucking nut proceeded to not only kiss his cheek but bite it. "Did you just bite me, you lunatic?!"
Fake Superman pouted. "I'm not anything like Talia, but it's nice to know you're comparing me to somebody you find attractive. I knew you had to be staring at my junk that one time."
"Um..." The guy Jason had given a concussion and bloody nose to tried to speak up, but quickly got quiet as the flashback of all flashbacks began.
So, yes Jason had looked at Prime's penis before. Because the asshole had suddenly popped into existence in his apartment naked as the day he was born, with that thing swinging around. He then saw it again when the two had gotten into a friendly scuffle and needed to clean up. Jason was impressed; it was a nice penis. But he hadn't seen that many kryptonian penises to compare it to. His cheeks reddened at the mention of it, and he grit his teeth as he ignored the bastard cuddling him.
He growled at the poor witness to this lover's quarrel with a level of venom that would make even Dick stumble. "If you don't want to see this freak in his natural habitat, I'd advise you to crawl away. Quickly."
"Jason, stop making it seem like I just spazz out and kill people." Here the asshole was whining like they both hadn't seen him rip reality into shreds.
Jason glared. "You tend to have episodes that can be either hot or scary. I'm not waiting to see which it is today."
Instead of getting offended or arguing, Prime gasped. "You admitted you find me hot!"
Of course, the obsessed guy heard the compliment and not the part about Jason worrying he'd erase all of their existences if he got upset enough. If he hadn't grown to like Prime, this would be the moment he'd flip the alien onto the ground. He huffed, listening as his former victim hobbled away, muttering about Red Hood having a crazy boyfriend, with a lack of enthusiasm. Because in what way, what world was he the Superman knock-off's boyfriend? Hell no. He at most found the man to be handsome, but that was it. Nothing more.
He shook the alien off him and dusted himself off. "Prime, why are you here?" He had to know if the man was about to kiss or punch him.
The kryptonian floated around him, circling the vigilante with a shit-eating grin on his face as he exclaimed dramatically. "Well, I wanted to hang out! Somebody's been neglecting me lately."
"We see each other every day." Jason deadpanned, if his mask was off, his tone would match his exhausted gaze. "You were just watching me sleep on my fire escape four hours ago."
The stalker grinned with pride at the mention of his peeping tom behavior, which made Jason groan all over again. When it came to Prime and his clingy moments, there was no telling what could or would happen. The alien could take him to another country just for funsies, or they'd be in the sewers discovering a secret society hungry for the blood of virgins. The man was stuck with the nut either way, so he just sighed, accepting his fate for what it was. He could at least avoid having to figure out what to make for dinner in his less-than-adequate flat.
"I'll take you to dinner, Jason. What type of boyfriend do you think I am." Prime was doing that freaky mind-reading trick again and snatched Jason up in his arms for a ride up into the sky.
The bat grit his teeth as he felt a hand get a little too close to his lower abdomen. "I don't think that's the appropriate title, but fuck it. Get me some food to make up for all the stalking you've been doing, then we can talk about making whatever this is official."
Prime grinned and gave Jason a wink. "Told you we were together this entire time! If we aren't meant to be, do YOU think there'd be entire fanart communities dedicated to us? Seriously, everyone finds your new style perfect when put next to me."
"New style–nevermind, just get to it, Prime."