Chapter Text
Requiter jumped to her feet. She surveyed the battlefield as her hair blew in the wind. She frowned - where was that darn hat? Darn. She repeated. That's a funny word. Why's Vigilante say it all the time? She laughed at herself. You've started saying it too, Harley!
"Now!" She sets herself firmly, placing her hands on her hips. "Where is that darn hat?!"
Requiter worked her way around the immediate area. She kicked debris aside when she thought she saw something, but it was getting dark. The black hat fit in perfectly with the growing shadows from the setting sun. Which was frustrating. This would be the fifth hat she'd lost this week - how did Vigilante and Batsy do it?
Speaking of Vigilante. "Hey!" she shouted excitedly across the battlefield as her eyes lit on the cowboy. He had his hat set up on his forehead to examine the area. He looked around again, so she started waving her arm, cupping her other hand to her mouth. "Heyyyy!"
Harley giggles when Vigilante removes his hat and bows slightly. She runs over and wraps her arms around his to stop herself.
"Hey now," There was an airyness to Vigilante's voice that she loved to hear, always imagining he was smiling. "What happened ta you stayin' nearby?" She recoiled when he began ruffling her hair. "Ain't ya missin' somethin'?"
Harley's face lit up as she pushed his hand away, then she forced herself to become serious when she threw her hands to her hips. Channel your inner Batsy, Har! She told herself, even though she felt the laughs and the smile coming. "Hey! I Didn't see you doin' anything ta help keep us together either! Besides, I was just over there, wasn't I?"
Vigilante surrendered, holding up his hands and chuckling. "Alright, alright!"
His laugh was contagious. At least, to her it was contagious. She broke out into a smile.
"Darlin', ya know ya look right pretty when ya smile like that." Vigilante pulled his hat down over his eyes. She could swear his cheeks were turning a nice shade of pink. "Ain't got no right!"
"You only said I can't smile until the battle's over!" Requiter shot back, sticking out her tongue.
"Did I now?" He raised the hat a little and met her eyes.
She quickly turned away, feeling her cheeks flush a bit, and changed the subject. "I was downright serious right there, don'cha think? I bet I could stand in for Batsy if he ever needed!" She jumped with delight. "Or Wondie! I would make a good Wonder Woman!" She placed her hand to her chin. "I'd need some wings, but I bet I could be Hawkgirl too. That would be fun. Have you ever thought about how fun flying is? I mean, yeah, we do it all the time in the Javelin, but-"
Harley stopped as her eyes returned to Vigilante. He was just…staring at her. She knew he did this sometimes, but his eyes usually held affection then. And this time, maybe it was her imagination, but all she could see was a deep sadness or…or maybe annoyance?
"You okay, cowboy?" She asked warily.
He blinked a couple times and readjusted his hat. He quickly muttered, "Yeah, yeah, jus' fine, darlin'."
She deflated when she didn't hear any joy in his voice. Did she say something wrong? She knew he and Hawkgirl were friends, but…was there more to it than that? She opened her mouth to speak while he looked around, only to be cut off by him clearing his throat.
"Best get goin'."
Harley was caught off guard when he just suddenly turned and began walking away from her. But she wasn't about to get left behind. She traipsed after him, talking as she went, "I thought cowboys were supposed ta be gentlemanly? So why were ya just starin' at me? I bet you didn't even hear a word I said, didja?"
"I didn't."
Harley slowed, nearly coming to a stop. "Oh…" She began following him again when she realized he wasn't stopping. "...well…that's okay!" Harley willed herself to jump back to her excited manner. Maybe he just got distracted by the mission. Or someone contacted him on his communicator. Yeah, that had to be it! "I'll just say it all again!"
The flight back was nearly unbearable. Usually Vigilante would talk with her, answer her questions when asked, no matter what the topic. Today, it was almost as if he were ignoring her. She kept trying to ask him which heroines in the Justice League she might be able to take on in a fight, or which ones he thought she could successfully disguise herself as, but he ignored her. She tried saying who she thought he could disguise himself as in the Justice League and then asked for his opinions on her choices, but he ignored her.
He seemed so…distant. He kept looking out the window (because she always let him have the window seat, ever since she realized he got antsy and tapped his boot if he was on the aisle) instead of at her. He wouldn't make eye contact either - in fact, she was certain he was actively avoiding making eye contact with her.
It's fine, maybe it was just a long mission? She assured herself as she rambled. Why would you question him anyway, huh? She laughed at herself. Ya know Puddin' doesn't have to explain himself!
Harley stopped talking. Mister J, huh? She looked at Vigilante one more time - his eyes were glued to the window, so she fell quietly into the aisle seat beside him and folded her hands in her lap. Best behave, Har. Mister J wouldn't'a liked all that yammerin' either.
She noticed a few people looking her way throughout the remainder of the flight. It was no surprise that other members of the Justice League didn't trust her and, really, she never really cared. They weren't her friends, why should she? As long as Vigilante was still her friend, as long as Brucie and Batsy and some of the others were still her friends, she always told herself she would be fine.
The Javelin shifted, the humming of the engines growing louder as they landed in the Watchtower's hangar. She sat up excitedly - whatever was wrong with Viggie would be fixed during their usual after-mission routine of going to the cafeteria with the rest of his team and having a nice meal. He couldn't be mad on a full stomach.
Harley followed him and the others out. As soon as his foot hit the hangar floor, he was gone. She just barely managed to slip her hand into the crook of his arm. "Hey!" She exclaimed excitedly, continuing when he turned to look at her. "Ain't ya gonna go to the cafeteria with us?"
If you were, you woulda waited for me! She added quietly to herself.
Vigilante pulled her hand from his arm. "Not this time, Requiter. I got somethin' else ta do."
Her heart sank to her stomach. Requiter? He didn't call her by her newest hero name…well, ever! She had no reference for this - was he mad at her? Did she do something wrong? Did she make a mistake? He was gone before she could ask him.
"Uhm, y-yeah, okay…" she muttered to herself.
Harley wondered what she could have done as she made her way to the cafeteria for the after-mission tradition. Could it be he was angry about her losing her hat? But that wouldn't make sense, he lost his hat every few missions too (at least, that's what Crimson Avenger and the others had said before.) This hat wasn't even a gift from him! She'd bought it with her own money when she went on a shopping trip with Black Canary and Stargirl.
The wheels continued turning as she made it through the lunch line and to the table where the other Soldiers were happily chatting away. She thought about things that had happened before the mission - the conversations they did and did not have, how Vigilante looked before they left, trying to figure out if she had said something on their way out, but nothing made sense.
Finally, she huffed, placing her chin on her fist. She just couldn't figure it out!
"Uh, you okay, Harley?" Green Arrow ventured.
"I just can't figure out what I did!" she replied immediately.
Pat and Stargirl looked at each other.
Crimson Avenger leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table. "What do you mean, Harley?"
Harley gave an exaggerated shrug. "I just can't figure out what I did! Veggie is mad with me about somethin' I think, and I don't know what for!"
Shining Knight chuckled. "Vigilante, upset with you? I highly doubt that."
"This is Vigilante we're talking about," Green Arrow agreed.
Then it struck her. "Do you think he's mad because we got separated when he told me to stay with him?"
Crimson Avenger sighed. "Let's start over: Why do you think he's mad? What did he do?"
"He ignored me the whole flight home and didn't wanna come ta lunch!"
Green Arrow blinked in surprise, then looked at Crimson Avenger. "Yeah, she just might be right, that does sound like he's mad."
Stargirl shrugged. "But what would he have to be mad about?"
"Okay…" Crimson Avenger pinched the bridge of his nose. "Assuming he is upset about something, why would he be upset with you, Harley?"
"I dunno!" Her voice went up a pitch as she continued to rack her brain. "That's what I was tryin' ta figure out!"
"Did you ask him?"
"Of course not!" Mister J would never accept me questionin' him!
Was sighing all Avenger could do? Because he sighed again. "Harley, Vigilante can't read your mind - you have to talk to him if you want to know what he's thinking."
Harley folded her arms defiantly. "Well why don't one of you talk to him then?"
"Because you're the one who saw him upset. Plus, he might take the question easier from you." Avenger was quiet for a second, just staring at her, waiting for a reply maybe? Then he added, "I'll come with you if you want."
"Yeah, okay…" She could see the logic, and she had to admit she would feel more comfortable with someone else there, but she still felt a pit in her stomach at the thought of questioning Vigilante about his mood.
Harley had hoped to get out of it. By the end of lunch, her stomach was all twisted in knots and she almost felt too sick with worry to even move. But Avenger was annoyingly persistent. He remembered and, as soon as lunch was over, caught Harley before she could sneak off and dismissed the others.
He led her to Vigilante's quarters where they both suspected Vig would be. It was a quiet walk, Harley didn't even greet anyone when they passed them. She noticed a few people - ones who had gotten used to her presence on the Watchtower - looking over their shoulders at the two with concern. Yes, usually Harley greeted everyone when she wasn't deep in conversation with Vigilante. She just didn't have it in her right now. She was only able to do that when she was happy, but she wasn't happy knowing she had done something to upset Vigilante.
Crimson Avenger just drew attention wherever he went. He was weird that way, Harley thought. She managed to distract herself for a few moments as she contemplated Avenger and what she deemed to be his weirdness - how he could go unnoticed by all but Batman one moment and draw so much attention the next.
She laughed to herself about it which gained her the usual stares. "Hey, Viggie! I just thought'a somethin'-" she cut herself off when only Avenger stared back at her. Harley's gaze dropped to the floor. "Never mind."
"We're just about there. I'm sure he would love to hear what you were just thinking about," Avenger assured her.
I'm not so sure…. She frowned.
They were at Vigilante's door before she knew it. They waited until Fire and Ice disappeared around the corner before even trying to announce their arrival. Avenger clicked on the button that set off a little chime to let Vig know they were there.
No answer.
"I toldja he was mad at me," Harley whispered to Avenger.
He glanced at her, then activated the chime again.
She folded her arms and glared at Avenger when he pulled out his phone. "Hey! I thought we were supposed ta be checkin' on Viggie!"
Avenger humphed. "He texted me."
Harley immediately got in his space. Standing on one foot, she used Avenger's arm for balance while trying to see his screen. "What's he say what's he say??"
"He said he's busy." Avenger went to his contacts and pressed dial on one. The ringing echoed through the hall when he put it on speaker.
"I said I don't wanna talk right now, 'Venger," was how Vigilante answered the phone.
Harley lowered herself back to the ground, still staring at the screen.
"I'm out here with Harley. She wanted to ask you a question."
There was a beat of silence on the other end so Harley opened her mouth, but she didn't even get a word out before Vigilante finally spoke again.
"I don't wanna talk to either of ya right now. Please, jus' respect that."
Harley deflated immediately. Her head sank lower than before, and the smile that had begun forming disappeared completely.
Avenger moved the phone to his ear and gave Vigilante the same advice he had given Harley: "Vigilante, if you have an issue with Harley, you need to tell her. She can't read your mind, just like you can't read her's. The only way to fix whatever is going on is by working together."
Fix it? Harley looked at Avenger as he listened to Vigilante on the other end. I'm the problem though, how can ya fix that? She took a deep breath and stood a little taller as an idea came to her. Okay. I can fix it!
|T|___
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Her first true attempt at fixing the problem came on their next mission. Vigilante seemed a bit antsy as they flew out. The team was led by Hawkgirl, and their teammates were Hawk, Dove, Ice, Fire, and Crimson Avenger. Requiter thought Avenger was only a reserve member, but when she asked him about it he said he was cleared to participate in at least one mission as a full-time member of the League a month. She didn't know what that meant, but nodded as if she understood.
With her question answered, she took her position next to Vigilante and just sat. Fire and Ice tried including her in a conversation at one point. They asked her a makeup related question. She excitedly chatted with them for a few seconds, but fell back into silence once she had provided the answer to their question. They seemed content to return to their conversation with the boys.
Requiter glanced at Vigilante when she felt movement next to her and saw it out of the corner of her eye. He was still looking out the window, but he was pulling at the seams of his gloves. She lifted her hand and prepared to grab his and ask what was wrong, only to rest it back on her lap.
You've been too touchy, Har, she reminded herself. Mister J liked that, but I don't think Viggie does.
They jumped into action as soon as the Javelin landed. Requiter never ceased to be surprised by how many wars were happening on her own planet that the news said nothing about unless the League was involved. She had probably assisted with at least one or two skirmishes in her less-than-a-year with the League.
And the civilians- She could help victims, she could, she was a psychologist before she met Joker. But it scared her when she thought she might be placed in that role on a League mission. She wasn't sure why. Had she lost her touch? She hadn't had time to figure that out. She went from Joker to the Justice League, which was a culture shock in itself.
Thankfully, Hawkgirl assigned her to the fighting group. All they had to do was get the two leaders to sit down and have a chat. Dove was apparently good at this. Hawkgirl called on him once the two leaders had been acquired (snatched from their positions on the battlefield by an alien bird-lady and plopped down in what amounted to nothing more than a roofless shed). Crimson Avenger ended up going along too. Requiter wasn't quite sure why.
It was fine. Until it wasn't. Requiter had been fending off some soldiers who were trying to sneak around the back of the shed to rescue their leader and kill the other one when she heard the gunshots. She sent the soldiers flying back with one swipe of her hammer and immediately turned toward the shed door. Crimson Avenger was pulling Dove out. Requiter could see at least one entry wound in Dove's leg and the muzzle of a gun following them out the door.
Requiter dove into action. Just as Avenger and Dove cleared the doorway, she swiped her hammer up so that it caught the bottom of the gun barrel. She then forced her way into the shed and made quick work of the two leaders. When she managed a glance out the door during her fight, she saw Vigilante skid to a stop next to Avenger and the injured Dove.
Vigilante's voice crackled through her communicator: "I think we need ta retreat."
He was immediately answered by Hawkgirl. "We have to finish the mission."
Requiter lit up. The mission's ta get these two right? What if I just do that for Viggie! Maybe he won't be mad at me anymore!
She wanted to help, and it went great! Until it didn't.
Requiter and Vigilante were tying the two up with the rope Vigilante carried. Crimson Avenger was hauling Dove toward the city where Fire and Ice were still assisting civilians. Hawkgirl had just finished fighting off a group of soldiers that were trying to flank her and Hawk. Everything seemed to be going their way.
"Checkers, move!" Vigilante shouted suddenly.
Instead of doing what he said, she turned to find the danger. She was determined to not leave his side - was that why he was mad at her after the last mission? Because she had left his side?
"Grab him an' move!"
Vigilante was grabbing the man he'd been tying up. He pulled both of them out of the way. Requiter scanned behind them and finally saw what Vigilante must be talking about: a tank was aiming its turret.
"Get out of there, you two!" Hawkgirl yelled through comms.
"Move now!" Avenger and Hawk echoed.
"I got it!" Requiter announced excitedly, hiking her warhammer up into her hands.
Requiter went rolling along the dirt. Her ears were ringing. She lost her grip on her hammer, though she didn't know where or when. It felt like she had been stabbed - the back of her left calf was on fire, and her right shoulder felt out of place. Not to mention the weight that was crushing her and making it hard to breathe.
Just as quickly the weight disappeared. She rolled onto her back as soon as she could move - and she immediately regretted it when the back of her leg hit the ground. Recruiter inhaled sharply but didn't have time to rest. A shadow fell over her as Hawkgirl flew past. Hawk was pulling her to her feet only a few moments after. With Hawk's help, Recruiter was able to limp to where Fire and Ice waited with a still-unconscious Dove. Hawk and Fire propped her up next to a wall where she couldn't see much of the battlefield. She did try. After all, Vigilante wasn't here yet.
|T|___
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Harley was still a bit dazed when they boarded the Javelin and returned to the Watchtower. She didn't quite know what was happening as she was taken to the medbay. Her thoughts were only on finding Vigilante - where was he and how was he? Was he injured badly? Why wouldn't anyone let her see him?
She didn't quite care about the mission, didn't quite care about how anyone else was doing or how the war had turned out. None of it mattered to her. She knew that Vigilante had pulled her away from that tank, and she knew she had been staring down death when she decided to stand up to it in the first place. But she wanted to protect Vigilante. She had to fix whatever was wrong between them, and that was the only thing she could think of.
And here she was again. Harley had made a silent promise to stay by Vigilante's side during this mission. He didn't have to ask her or tell her this time, she was going to do it herself so that he didn't have to worry about her and she didn't have to worry about him.
Ya can't even keep your promises to yourself anymore, Har! She huffed to herself as she sat up in her hospital bed.
Harley knew Vigilante was in the room next door, but she couldn't think of the right words yet. Would he be mad? Of course he'll be mad! He ain't like Mister J. Mister J wouldn't'a cared if you threw yourself in front of a tank. She gripped the blankets tightly. But maybe Viggie'll be okay with it…? I mean, nothin' bad happened, right? Sure we got a little beat up, but that's nothin' new! Harley forced herself to smile as she forced her thoughts into a more positive direction. Yeah! Viggie won't be mad just 'cause we're both fine!
"What in tarnation were you thinkin'?!"
Harley's positivity shattered as soon as the door to Vigilante's medbay closed behind her. She felt a pain in her chest when all she saw while looking at him was fury. His eyes were narrowed, she could just imagine his nostrils were flared under his bandana. She forced herself to shake it off and smile. (She knew how, she'd done it so many times with Joker that it was just natural at this point.) "I coulda taken the tank! Have you seen my hammer?"
"This ain't a joke, Harley!" Vigilante snapped.
Her smile disappeared immediately. "Of course it's not. It's never a joke with you superheroes."
His eyes narrowed even further. "What's that s'posed ta mean?"
"I was tryin' ta help you!" she snapped back in response. She immediately curled in on herself, rubbing her left elbow with her right hand and averting her gaze to the floor. (Joker liked that. He liked when she was submissive because he could do - and almost always did - whatever he wanted.) "I just wanted ta help…"
"Well you didn't help," Vigilante almost growled and Harley flinched. "Someone died 'cause you didn't listen ta me."
Harley's heart sank further. Someone actually died? 'Cause'a me? She searched for the words, but what could she say?
"Harley. I'm gonna talk to Hawkgirl an' see if I can get you on suspension from League-work."
She blinked. As her eyes met his, Harley didn't see any remorse. She had disobeyed orders and that was deserving of punishment.
She smiled first. Then she laughed. Because if she didn't, she might just start crying.
Harley saw his bandana move as she continued laughing. She felt tears pulling at the corners of her eyes. She wanted to stop laughing, to talk to him, but this was how she had learned to deal with hurt. (Joker used to laugh, so she laughed too.)
Vigilante didn't trust her. And why should he? She had just gotten someone killed. It would be suicide to go into the field with someone like her, someone who couldn't even protect a civilian.
"That was your first mistake." Joker was right - it was Vigilante's mistake to ever trust her, and he was finally realizing it.
Before he could say anything more - yell at her, scream at her, whatever he was going to do - Harley bolted. She left the way she'd come with a smile plastered to her face and a stake in her heart. She went back to her medical room first, then she made her way to her room on the Watchtower. Here she left everything she could except the clothes on her back. Everything related to the League, everything related to Vigilante. She didn't want any of it. (She had to ignore the twist in her stomach as she let it go.)
With a smile on her face, she walked to the teleporters. With a smile on her face, she told Mister T that she had personal life stuff to do. With a smile on her face, everything fell apart.
|T|___
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Harley walked around Gotham for, well, she wasn't sure how long it was. Her mind drifted back and forth between Vigilante and the last mission. When she remembered the anger in Viggie's eyes, she started thinking about how someone had died because of her to lighten the mood and curb the onset of her depression.
She stopped and stared at one of the ever-lit streetlights. How messed up is that? She laughed to herself. You're positively insane, Har! I mean, Mister J already knew that. "Ain't that right, Puddin'?" Harley kicked her foot out at nothing in particular. "You tried tellin' me. I mean, you're the one who helped me realize it in the first place."
Her smile - the one that hadn't disappeared since she left the Watchtower however long ago - faltered now. "What would you have done, Puddin'? You woulda let me fight the tank…right? I mean, it woulda been to protect you. You liked it when I protected you. I mean," she laughed to herself again, "that was the reason we worked so well together: you needed me!"
Harley's smile disappeared. "Viggie didn't need me. I messed everything up, just like you said I would." A tear rolled down her cheek. "Why'd I go and mess that up? You were only lookin' out for me."
She wiped the tear from her cheek before it could roll off her chin. (She pushed the memory of how Vigilante's thumb felt against her cheek when he would wipe away her tears.)
"Okay!" Harley perked herself up, forcing the smile to return, not that it was that hard to get it back. "So, what was that guy's name again?"
Now that she seriously thought about it, she wasn't quite sure she remembered his name. He was dead and she didn't even have the decency to remember his name.
Well then, what'd he look like? She asked herself as she continued down the street, going nowhere in particular. She noticed a Bat or two running along the rooftops and got distracted for a moment while she wondered who was doing what and where in town it was happening. She forced herself back on track with a repeat of the question.
Then Harley realized she didn't even remember what he looked like. All she could remember was the rumbling, trembling ground beneath her feet. Someone tackling her to the ground and rolling. Vigilante's voice. She shook her head again and felt a pang in her chest. A pit formed in her stomach.
It was good, then, that she now found herself in front of her best friend's door.
Poison Ivy answered - she always did. That was one thing Harley could count on. "Harley! What are you doing here?"
"Hey, Ives!" Harley greeted happily. "I was just in the neighborhood and-"
"No, that's-" Ivy looked both ways before grabbing Harley's wrist and pulling her inside. Once she shut the door, she turned to Harley, "You shouldn't be here. It's not safe for you in Gotham."
Harley waved off the comment. "It's not like that, Ives. I just…" Her smile faltered again. She caught the exact moment Ivy's face softened. "I just don't feel all that well. Can I stay until I feel a little better?"
Ivy was silent for a few moments, but eventually she gave in. How did Harley know? Well, she knew Ivy's "I give up" sigh compared to her other sighs. And Ivy nodded. "Yeah. Come on. I wasn't expecting company though," she warned.
Harley followed her into the kitchen with a grin, "Ya never are!"
For the first time in years it actually hurt to know someone lost their life because of her. She and Joker had killed, or tried to kill, many people and she had never felt a thing before. They had tried killing people she knew, even! So why did it make her feel this way now? He wasn't even someone she knew - she couldn't remember his name, or even his face. Yet here she was, curled up in her old friend's apartment, hugging her knees to her chest as if they were the only things that would keep her sane. Whatever that was worth.
"I don't know why you're letting his stubbornness get to you," Poison Ivy sighed from the nearby kitchen table. She continued to prune one of her many, many, many house plants. "He's a guy, they're almost all that way." Ivy gave her the side-eye. "That is still what you're thinking about, isn't it?"
Harley shrugged. Yes, she was still thinking about Vigilante. Of course she was still thinking about him. She was thinking about having let someone die to distract herself from thinking about him. How pathetic is that, huh, Mister J? "Do you think I made a good superhero, Ives?"
Ivy raised her eyebrow. "Harley, I am not someone you should be asking. I'm a villain, I don't like superheroes by principle."
Harley frowned and sank further behind her knees.
"But," Ivy sighed, "if I had to choose one superhero I did like, it would be you."
"You don't have to say that." Harley finally released her knees and let her feet slide along the floor until her legs were extended. "It doesn't matter anymore. I'm just gonna go back ta bein' Harley Quinn, 'cause that's all I'm good at."
Ivy gave her her full attention now. "What are you talking about? I thought you were having fun as Requiter."
"Yeah," Harley sighed, "but that was back when Viggie wasn't mad at me. He liked havin' me tag along, but now he wants me ta be suspended! Can you believe that, Ives?!"
"Well, did you do something?" Ivy folded her arms.
Harley sat bolt upright, spurred on by the anxiety that shot through her body. "What? No, of course not!" I killed someone.
"Mm-hmm." Ivy hummed, nodding. "I know it might be hard to believe, Harley, but not all guys are like Joker."
Harley pulled her knees back to her chest. "Yeah, I get that now. At least Mister J understood me."
Poison Ivy moved to sit beside Harley. She put her hand on Harley's knee and, once they were eye-to-eye, she spoke softly, "Harley, I meant that in a good way. You were insane with Joker - like, legally insane. But every time we talk and every time I see you in the news with that cowboy you look so, so happy. You can't let something small get in the way of that."
"But what if he doesn't want me anymore because I got someone killed?" Harley asked, her voice barely a whisper.
"How could he not want you?" Ivy cooed. She must have seen how broken Harley was. She pulled her into a hug and sat with her while she cried.