Chapter Text
Surprisingly, Pomni was alone. She was grateful; more often than not, Kinger was in here. Day after day she’d watch him enter the aquarium, sometimes with a glimmer in his eyes, other times with his head hung low. This was her first time here, and she was glad that she had the space all to herself to process.
With Caine’s help, they made a truly magnificent space. The dark blue lighting was all-encompassing as soon as she stepped in, and she felt her overwhelming emotions simmer, if only by a little bit. The soft carpet absorbed her footsteps as she came closer to the main area, where they were.
It felt so wrong. Yes, they put in every effort to make the aquarium comforting, but they were still prisoners. After everything they went through, their existence now was just to swim around. All the pain, devastation, loneliness, and insanity led to this strange climax, and now there was no way out. As if the build-up to be released meant nothing, because they were still here.
Like Kinger pointed out, it was better than the cellar. Both the cellar and the aquarium were problematic in Pomni’s mind. So while the fish tank was not ideal, it was better than the alternative.
Pomni fidgeted with her comically big gloves as she approached the central tank. She shook her head with every new thought, as if they could be easily shooed away. It was too late, though. The negativity was already deeply rooted into her mind.
So what, they’re attractions now? Pets? Something to see and gawk at and laugh at because it’s not you?
They wanted to leave. And now, they’re stuck forever.
What’s going to happen when I see him? Can he hear me? Will he even know it’s me? He didn’t last time, not until I touched him.
He’s behind glass now. I can’t touch him.
It doesn’t matter. Why am I doing this?
I miss him.
I don’t want to end up like him.
I don’t want to be alone.
Only because she knew she was by herself, Pomni let out a distressing wail. She wrapped her arms around herself because there was no one else to do so. Her sobs racked out as she clutched herself tight, unsure if she should keep going or turn back and try another day.
It wasn’t getting any better. She wasn’t getting any better. Shouldn’t time heal all wounds? By her count, it had been two months since it happened. She thought the sting would be gone by now, but her melancholy remained.
In some sick, twisted way, it was like she was preserving his way of life.
She remembered their fight. When she asked him what he would do if she abstracted. Would his response be different after Caine’s deletion? If their roles were reversed and Pomni lost her way, would he be as devasted as her? Would he even try to go after her, or try to save her? Would he feel stuck while everyone else was moving on around him? Would he even come here to visit?
“He’s gone!” Pomni cried. Her words bounced around the empty aquarium and back to her. Tears clouded her vision as she forced herself to push forward. It was like walking with a ball and chain holding her back. But she pressed on.
“He’s gone, and there’s no point in getting caught up in what-ifs,” she shakily scolded herself. It was just like what he said after the “adventure” with Abel. Anything could have happened. This was what they got.
She pressed on.
After a few more seconds of dragging her feet, a new light came into view. It was faint at first, and Pomni glanced up into the tank. The abstractions. Their multi-colored glowing eyes sized up Pomni, like they were assessing a new offering…or a new friend.
The faint light became brighter. It couldn’t be from the abstractions because it was gold, and only gold. It bathed either side of her. When she realized it was coming from behind, she sharply turned around.
“Kinger?!”
Kinger’s haphazard eyes bulged. He exhaled, letting out the breath that had him glowing like a cloud of fireflies. “Oh, Pomni. I’ve startled you. I’m sorry.”
Despite the jump scare, Pomni let out a little laugh. It was so silly that Kinger thought holding his breath wouldn’t make her notice him. “It’s ok. I didn’t see you come in today, so…”
“I come here every day. I’m sure you will, too.”
“Yeah, maybe. We’ll see how today goes.”
Pomni turned back around and stepped towards the glass. Abstractions swam around, up and down and over her head, all the way to the other side of the tank. It really was a nice space. Lots of room. The illusion of freedom within a closed container.
Behind her, Kinger rustled about. She glanced at her side, seeing him take a seat on a dark wooden bench. He had a bouquet of flowers in one hand and some kind of small parcel in the other.
She turned back to the abstractions. Her eyes darted from form to form, trying to find her J—no, not her. He didn’t belong to her. He would never want that, not then, and not now.
Back when he was in the tent, Pomni memorized his shape. Every jagged line turned smooth, every wild eye tamed. When it—he—made a sound, she was certain she knew what it meant. She had conversations with him. She slept there. There was one time, right after they built the tent, that she refused to emerge for days, not for a meal, not for a hug.
So with all of that, she thought she would be able to find him easily in the tank. But thrown in with all of the other abstractions, she couldn’t differentiate them. The atmosphere was designed to be as serene as possible, so they all had rounded curves and subdued expressions. Pomni was immediately ashamed with herself. She spent all this time caring for him, and for what? To not even know which one was him?
What kind of friend was she? What kind of—
“Are you ok, Pomni?”
She looked up at Kinger, who was now a few feet away from her. He left the bouquet and parcel on the bench and had a hand gently resting on her shoulder. She wiped at her eyes and looked away. It was sometimes easier to be honest if she didn’t have to look directly into pitying eyes.
“I’m fine,” she responded automatically. She regretted the quick, reflexive words. She didn’t want to end up here by bottling up. They were past that. “Actually, I was wondering…”
“Yes?”
“How do you…know…which one is her?”
“Hmm, that’s a good question.” He took off his hand, and Pomni wished for it back. His fatherly gestures were always so warm. She hugged herself for compensation, pained with the reminder that moments ago, she was in the same position, trying to keep herself together.
“I didn’t know at first. I hadn’t seen her in so long. I thought I would know right away.” He paused, waiting to see if Pomni would comment. She just wanted to hear him talk. His words could always be trusted. “I was seeking her out, but then I reminded myself to switch perspectives. What was she thinking?”
“She probably felt stuck,” Pomni supplied. She put all of her bad thoughts into existence. She had to, if she wanted to prevent abstraction. “She was probably scared to be in a new place.”
“Exactly. Once I figured that out, I conjured up that bench over there and took a seat. I closed my eyes and I thought of her. And when I opened them, she was there.”
“She…came to you.”
“Yes. All I had to do was be patient. And remember why I was there.”
Pomni nodded along, glancing back at the tank. One abstraction in particular was eyeing Kinger, so there was no doubt about who that was. Before Kinger gave her his full attention, he glanced as Pomni with half-lidded eyes. Not tired, but sincere. “Do you need anything else?”
“Not right now, I don’t think. Thank you.”
“Of course. I’ll be over there if you need to talk.” He gestured behind him towards the bench, then shuffled off.
She watched them for a few minutes. Kinger held up his gifts and the abstraction—Queenie—hummed in delight. All of her rainbow eyes closed, and Pomni could tell she was happy. At peace.
Pomni wanted all of them to feel that.
She had to start somewhere.
Her conjuring skills were nowhere near Kinger’s level, so she opted to sit on the floor. She crossed her legs and wiped away all of her remaining tears. Though Kinger and Queenie kept distracting her (gosh, they were so adorable), she willed herself to focus.
She closed her eyes, just like Kinger said. In the darkness, she sorted through her intentions. Her feelings. She had to figure herself out before she could think from his point of view.
I failed.
Of course, that would be the first thing I would think.
Ok…what am I doing here…I know what I’m doing here.
I failed. Jax abstracted. Doesn’t hurt any less now than it did when it happened.
He was so lonely, all the way until the end.
I should’ve pried harder.
I should’ve pried harder.
I should’ve tried harder.
Pomni wasn’t getting anywhere with herself. She took a few moments watching the abstractions glide, instantly wishing to be them. Monotonously swimming prevented doing or thinking about anything else, right? Or did it just amplify the negativity?
No. She didn’t want to be like them. She was not going to abstract.
She tried again.
I am here to see Jax. He was in the tent for two months, and last night, Caine oversaw his transfer into the tank. He’s one of them, after all.
I’ve been beating myself up over not being able to save him.
But I tried. I couldn’t have done any better.
I tried. I tried because I care about him.
I’m his friend.
I wanted to help him. I think I did.
I liked him a lot.
Almost there. Pomni was making it about herself instead of morphing into Jax’s mindset, but she had one glaring problem stuck in her way.
Feelings. Lots of them.
Because who was she kidding? She loved him. She was absolutely certain that she loved him. It’s why her motivation was so fierce. They bonded over stargazing and guns, a long day at Spudsy’s and constant torment from Caine. Somewhere along the way, it felt like they were opening up to each other.
Then there was the fight.
The aftermath wasn’t pretty, but she tried, God knows she tried to reach out to him. To remind him that he wasn’t alone. To make sure that he knew he was still a part of the group.
She thought that they were getting somewhere. But Caine was deleted and the circus was a mess and it made everything worse.
She loved him. Everyone knew that.
She should’ve said it sooner, but there was no point in wondering about that now.
She knew it in her heart, and that’s all that mattered. Maybe, someday, she’d open up to Kinger about it. Maybe he’d help her find a way to tell Jax, to make him understand, despite the glass and permanence of abstraction and…everything.
He didn’t even get to know his real name.
God, Pomni wanted to talk to him so bad.
But first: perspective.
Closing her eyes, Pomni allowed her mind to race again, but this time, she imagined herself as a beastly creature blanketed in chaos. Though a creature he may be, he’s still a person. A human.
Pomni cared about me.
She wasn’t supposed to care about me.
Still. She came after me. It was too late, but she tried.
I’m stuck like this. But at least I had a tent. The tent was nice. Kinda lonely, though, except when Pomni came.
The others visited, but I bet they’re glad I abstracted.
Now I’m in this tank. Ribbit and Kaufmo are here, but I don’t know which ones they are.
I’m not running loose in the circus, or trapped in my tent, so that’s something.
It’s lonely here. I wish I could talk to someone.
Ok, so maybe some of that was Pomni’s projections. But when she went after him, when they hugged, she knew that meant something. It was totally possible that he was thinking about her.
She opened her eyes, expecting Jax’s abstracted form to be waiting in front of her. But the water was void of abstractions. They were all too far away to see, except for Queenie.
So maybe today was a bust Jax-wise. That’s ok, her expectations shouldn’t have been so high in the first place. Instead of being happy to see her, maybe Jax just wanted distance. Now that he had it, he probably just wanted time for himself. It’s fine, totally fine. She could wait.
Still, Pomni truly wanted to make friends with all of the abstractions. Queenie would a good start, a bridge to the others. She could probably help Pomni understand what it was like to be in the tank. If it was suffocating or relaxing, imprisonment or an oasis. She was willing to bet that Queenie was just as wise as her husband.
Now that she had a plan, Pomni waved over to Kinger and headed his way. One step at a time. That’s all she could do now.