Archive of Our Own

The circus is different now. Everyday is a new beginning, and instead of feeling trapped by the circus, there is instead the possibility of infinity before them.

Everyday, something moves forward. Even in small ways, a flower planted along a path, a new building, even something as simple as a new painting on the wall. They did so many new things together that just added joy into their lives. They’d have new routines, a weekly tabletop roleplaying session, a movie night, and sometimes, when they all agreed on it, a new adventure by Caine.

Everyone is starting to accept their life is really all there is. And that is okay. Finding meaning to life is the message after all.

And yet...

Pomni glances to the tent at the center of the circus. Everyday she asks herself what she wants, what she wants to do with the absolute blinding freedom of being able to create whatever she wants. And everytime, she comes back to the same answer.

Live life together with the people she loves.

And that includes Jax.

If she has all of eternity and the freedom to do what she wanted with it, then she knew this was something she had to try. If there was a way to reverse abstractions, then she would find out exactly how do it.

The first thing she does is tell Ragatha.

“...I’ve just been thinking a lot of Jax.”

“Oh...” Ragatha sags a bit, “Okay yeah. You two were pretty close.”

Pomni laughs weakly, “He’d say otherwise, but yeah, we were.”

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and I think... I’m wondering if there’s a way to bring him back.”

Ragatha scratches the back of her neck, “I... I would love it if there was a way to bring back everyone who abstracted, but...” She closes her eyes with a sigh, “If there was a way... I think Caine would have already done it.”

“That’s the thing though. Caine can't control our minds, he said so himself— If that's what's broken, then that might be the reason he hasn’t been able to reverse abstraction.”

“Maybe... You do have a point. From what you’ve told me, you were able to talk with Jax when you touched him, right?”

Pomni nods, “He’s still there, even if he’s abstracted. I know the chances are slim, but I still want to try.”

Pomni continues, determined to make her case, “I know this isn’t something I should try to do on my own, so... I wanted to ask if you’d be willing to help me.

“Oh Pomni... of course. Even if he was kind of a jerk sometimes, he was still one of us. If there’s anything I can do to help, you know I’ll be there.”

“Thank you...” Pomni shifts her feet, “I think I’m going to ask Caine and Kinger to see what they know, but I was hoping you could catch Gangle and Zooble up? I might need a dozen extra hands if things go south again.”

Ragatha nods, “I’ll let them know.”

Pomni finds Caine outside the main tent and off the pathway. He’s standing on the edge of the island with a comically large sized whiteboard next to him. There’s doodles of trains, planes, bikes and countless cars.

It’s his next project from the looks of things. As part of the humans agreement with Caine, he is making sure there’s a way for them to come-and-go to different locations as they please. As the main circus expanded, it’s getting difficult to just walk everywhere. Besides just the recent expansions, locations from previous adventures, such as The Candy Kingdom or Mildenhall Manor are very, very far away from the circus and deep into the void.

Supposedly it is because Caine didn’t want to ruin immersion by having another world visible on the horizon while on a separate adventure.

While Pomni is completely fine with never going back to Mildenhall Manor ever again, she will admit, the prospect of being able to visit Gummigoo in his home sounds amazing. Maybe this time they could become real friends.

If Caine gets transportation figured out, they should be able to travel to those locations within a day.

Pomni approaches Caine.

“Working on transportation?”

“Ah! Pomni—perfect timing! I was wondering, what do you think is better, a rollercoaster system to keep the journey high-thrill and streamlined, or flooding the void so everyone would have the freedom to travel anywhere by boat—”

“Don’t flood the place.” Pomni cuts in, “It’s not a bad idea, but keeping things simple would be best. I’m thinking maybe a road would be best”

“Motorized vehicles it is!” Caine circles the train doodle on the whiteboard, and with a snap, there’s suddenly eighteen different types of cars and trucks appear on the whiteboard in hyperrealistic quality.

“Now, I’ve got a few ideas for cars—”

“—Which is great,” Pomni interrupts, “But I came to you for a different reason. I wanted to know more about abstractions.”

Caine snaps his attention back to her, an he stops floating, standing on the ground. “What did you want to know?” He says, his voice quieter and serious.

“I want to figure out how to reverse an abstraction.”

“There’s no easy way back from abstracting. It corrupts the data from the brain scan. I made your avatars out of very sturdy material! If someone abstracts, it means they’re so far gone, that not even the avatars can hold them together anymore.”

“Okay... you say there’s no easy way back, but does that mean you’re saying there’s a way?”

“Hey now! I’m not saying there is a way. Everything that consists of a human is still there, but trying to un-abstract them is like trying to build a house of cards in a windstorm. It might be possible, but odds are that you’d go crazy before you get remotely close.”

“Okay... so what would I have to do?”

“I don’t think you heard me—”

“I did. I’m going to stop if this becomes an obsession. I want to bring Jax back, but not at the cost of myself and hurting everyone I care about.”

“Hm.” Caine taps the cane to his chin, “Welllll, if you were to try and un-abstract someone, you’d first need to dig out the rotten root. Which is essentially the reason that they abstracted in the first place.”

“Humans don’t abstract instantly. It builds up over time. I think. Sooo... I would think there’s something evil growing inside of them. It’s why the abstractions are so aggressive, when they’re awake, the corruption keeps growing inside of them, and there’s very little place for it to go.”

“Um... okay?” She’s not really sure she understands, but she can at least relay the information to Kinger. He might be able to understand it better.

“Any attempt I made to fix them never worked, and when I tried to recreate them, I found their minds were completely messed up. Can’t build a house on a broken foundation, so if you’d want to try and rebuild them, you’d gotta fix what’s wrong with them first!”

“That makes sense... but that really doesn’t give me a place to start.”

“I can tell you where not to start. Touching the abstractions extends their abstractiness to you. If you’re not careful, it’ll send you straight into abstraction too by erasing everything that you are.”

“That’s our only method of communication though. While it was... difficult, I was able to talk to Jax when I was touching him.”

“Hmmm... well I can fix slight mutations in your avatar as long as they aren’t too severe. If you want to try that, I would recommend you don’t stay in contact for longer than an hour.”

“An hour.” She nods her head vigorously, “Okay, that’s something I can work with.”

“I mean it. Don’t overdo it or you’re going to lose some of your own sanity too. It’s what happened with Kinger when he was with his wife. There will be permanent damage if you exceed that limit.”

Pomni nods, “I promise. I won’t go beyond that limit.”

Pomni finds Kinger in the renovated cellar. It now stands as a beautiful, dark, aquarium. He’s sitting on one of the benches, staring at an abstraction, lazily swimming in the dark depths.

Pomni sits next to Kinger, “You’re down here a lot. Are you doing okay?”

“It’s easier for me to think down here. I know my behavior might be concerning on the surface, but it’s peaceful to be here with them. Before, I couldn’t even visit them, it was like they just never existed. Now, I can at least see them, and I can see they’re all doing okay.”

“I’ve...” Pomni swallows, somehow she feels silly trying to go on here fool’s quest. Seeing Kinger sit here, staring with such acceptance of the fate of his wife and old friends... she almost feels envious.

Still, she swallows the lump in her throat and pushes through the emotion.

“I need to ask you something.”

He turns to her, his eyes lucid and encouraging her to continue.

“I want to try to reverse the abstractions and... I wanted to know if you knew anything that could help.”

“This is about Jax, isn’t it?”

“It is. Things in the circus are so much better now, and I want... I want him to see it too.”

He chuckles, “I know the feeling.”

Kinger looks toward the glass, separating the abstractions from them.

“Sometime I wonder what my wife would think of the new world’s we’re creating. I think she’d like it.”

“If she’s anything like you, she definitely would.”

He chuckles, his eyes growing soft at one of the larger abstractions, swimming lazily through the dark waters.

“Is that your wife?”

He chuckles, “I don’t know. I can’t tell them apart.”

Pomni chuckles with him, “Well, we know she’s here at the very least.” she kicks her legs, feeling a little more at ease with Kinger, “I know it’s inconvenient, but I’m glad we’re keeping Jax up with us in the circus. At least I know it’s him.”

“It’s a reminder too. One you have to see every time you wake up.”

She doesn’t say anything to that.

Finally, Kinger shakes his head, “But I’m getting off-topic. You want to help Jax. I don’t think I need to tell you this, but you aren’t failing anyone if you decide to leave him be. If you keep him in your memories, then the best parts of him still live on. We at least know one part of him is alive and out in the real world making the best of his situation.”

Pomni looks down at her hands.

Kinger continues though.

“But I understnad how you feel. I feel the same way. If there’s something we can try, we should at least give it a shot.”

“Thank you Kinger.”

The next day, Kinger and Pomni get to work

Kinger takes his computer setup back out. He’s found that conjuring and examining the world was much easier with a computer than anything else. Even though to Pomni it seemed more complicated to try and read the world out through code, to Kinger, that is easier

Through it, he’s able to find the ‘evil’ corruptions that Caine described.

Pomni’s just sitting next to him in the cafe, not really to help with this process.

“Fascinating...” Kinger starts..

“What is it?”

“The abstractions. It’s like malware. It’s like Caine said, any attempt to try and change them is rejected and overwritten.”

“What does that mean for us?”

“It means that abstraction is now their default state. And looking at how the corruption works... the longer someone is abstracted, the less of their original mindset remains.”

“You mean... they’re dying?”

“No, no no.” Kinger waves her off, “Nothing so drastic. It’s like how you and I don’t remember what we ate for lunch three weeks ago. Everything about them gets a little fuzzier as time goes on. It could make it easier to help them, but it could make it harder. It’s hard to say with how little we know.”

In the end, their research doesn’t reveal much. Without more data, they can only theorize about what is happening. are only able to come up with the same solution as Pomni did before.

The only way to communicate with an abstracted resident is to touch them, so they make a plan.

Pomni will try and talk with Jax, Kinger will observe any changes in Jax through the code, while Ragatha monitors for any physical changes. Caine, Gangle and Zooble agree to wait outside the tent nearby in case an emergency pops up.

At first, when they brought up the plan to everyone else, there was refusal. There was worry worry from Zooble that this is just a new way to torture themselves. Just like how Kaufmo abstracted due to an obsession with escape, this plan could affect Pomni in the same way.

Once a month, for one hour maximum, they will enact the plan. If things go awry, or there’s suspicion of any of them becoming unhealthily obsessed, then they put a sharp pause to the project.

The biggest caveat, the one that Pomni was reluctant to agree on, is the only thing that gets everyone to agree on this attempt.

After one year, if there is no measurable progress, they’ll finally hold Jax’s funeral to say goodbye.

The first time, everyone gathers outside the tent.

Gangle’s smile is a little forced, but their words are genuine when they say they wish Pomni luck.

Zooble says the same. There’s a few pointed words aimed about Jax, but they give warm encouraging words to Pomni.

The two of them don’t enter the tent. It’s not surprising, really. There’s little love lost between the Jax and them.

So, Pomni enters the tent with Kinger and Ragatha.

In the center, the abstracted form of Jax is curled up in the center of the tent, encircled by countless pillows as he sleeps peacefully.

Ragatha is the first to speak u.

“No matter how many times I see him, it’s hard to believe that this is Jax.”

Pomni nods, “I know what you mean.”

Kinger gets set up, arranging a makeshift desk for his computer. Ragatha and Pomni stand and watch him do so, holding hands and standing side-by-side.

“Now Pomni—” Kinger starts. “I can’t guide or monitor you at all. I’m just going to be trying to locate the problems while you’re talking to him. Think of it like I’m monitoring both your vitals.”

“I understand. I’ll be careful.”

He nods, “Good luck.”

Ragatha walks with Pomni all the way up until they’re right in front of Jax.

“I believe in you, Pomni.”

“Thank you.”

Pomni lets go of her hand, and turns to face Jax.

Taking a deep breath, she steadies herself and rests her forehead against Jax.

Instantaneously, Pomni finds herself plunging into water. The taste of salt cues to her that it’s the ocean. Physics seem to be normal. In a sheer force of habit, she swims up to the surface and takes a gasp of air.

She blinks, catching her breath. It’s nighttime. There’s only a sliver of moon above her, and there isn’t a single sign of life in this ocean.

Compared to her previous attempt that was mostly a black void full of doors and caricatures, she is swimming in a vast, empty ocean.

She’s never been in the ocean at night—but it’s startling how dark it is. When she looks down, she can only see a few meters below before the water turns to pitch blackness.

But if there is one place Jax would be, she would bet everything it is at the bottom of this abyss.

She plunges her head into the water. It’s a deep, deep nothingness. There’s no marine life, rocks, sand or anything that she can see. Just... water that continues into darkness.

She swims down, and the water quickly turns from a comfortable, tropical temperature into a sharp, biting cold. Her vision descends into darkness as she keeps swimming down.

After only maybe a minute of swimming, her hand collides into the sandy bottom. She quickly reorients herself, placing her feet onto the sand, and looks up. Even though she shouldn’t be more than thirty meters deep, she can’t see a glimpse of light from the surface she knows is only a short distance away. It’s all just darkness and the cold weight of the water pressing down on her.

She isn’t going to get anywhere stumbling through the dark like this.

She forces her body to relax. Despite the slight pain from holding her breath, she pushes that aside. She focuses all of her energy on conjuring. In her mind, she focuses on warmth, light and calm.

She thinks of Kinger, of how he had been for her during that time at Mildenhall Manor, of how she didn’t need air, just a friend, and a hand to hold.

A single glowing butterfly materializes in her hands. It’s wings are a little crooked and it flaps it’s wings pathetically. But it serves it’s purpose. The darkness of the ocean gives way to light, and she can see the landscape around her. It is flat and consists of nothing but sand.

The malformed butterfly flutters out of her hands, unaffected by the water.

She slowly turns in a circle, scanning the area. She doesn’t see anyone or anything. It’s flat and empty save for the water and sand.

But then she sees it. A speck of purple in the distance, lying on his back in the sand.

“Jax!”

Her voice is muffled by the water, but it comes out clear.

“Jax!” she tries again. He doesn’t move.

She trudges her way over to him, the water resistance making her progress painfully slow.

Eventually though, she makes her way over to him.

He’s lying in the sand on his back, eyes closed and unmoving.

She grabs his shoulder, shaking him lightly.

His eyes slowly open, and he turns his head lethargically to look at her. The only trace of emotion being the twitch of his brow.

“...What are you doing here?”

Pomni’s shoulders relax, a tension she didn’t know she was holding releases. She half-expected him to be a corpse or some empty husk. But that annoyed tone—the tired sarcasm—it is unmistakably Jax.

“I’m here to see you.”

“It’s too late.”

“It isn’t” She shakes her head, “The fact I can talk with you means it isn’t too late. If some part of you is still alive and conscious, then I won’t give up on you.”

Pomni expects sarcasm. She expects a barbed insult viciously digging into how much of an idiot she is for believing in anything of their friendship is real. She expects to be pushed away like Jax had done to her.

He doesn’t. He just closes his eyes.

When it becomes obvious Jax isn’t going to say anything, Pomni kneels down next to him, taking his hand into her own.

“Talk to me.” She says. “...Please.”

He doesn’t.

“Everyone is hoping you’ll come back. We’re learning about what abstractions are and seeing if there’s a way to get your avatar back to normal.”

“I think abstraction is when you reach a breaking point.” She speaks, looking upwards at the butterfly fluttering awkwardly above. “It was hard living in the circus, but it’s a getting better.

“We have a lot more freedom now. We’re building new worlds and able to explore them freely and—actually I probably should have led with this, but Caine’s still alive and helping us.”

She feels Jax squeeze her hand, and she jerks to look at him. His expression moves from apathy, to confusion, to anger, “Caine’s... what?”

“He’s alive—”

“...And that’s better?”

“He’s different.” She reassures “Everyone’s a collaborator in this world now. We can actually request things, and he’ll let us have it.”

Jax looks disbelievingly at her. He still looks exhausted, but there’s a spark of irritation in him, seemingly determined to argue this point.

“People don’t just change like that. Do you seriously trust that?” he asks, with no small amount of derision.

“I do. He’s making the attempt to try to be better. Honestly, I consider him a friend at this point.”

Jax stares at her before jerking his arm back, turning on his side to face away from her.

“...Then go bother him.”

“I’m here to bother you.” Pomni says, trying to keep her tone light, “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to see you.”

He doesn’t respond.

Pomni sighs, “I’m going to be coming here to visit you once a month, for about an hour at a time. Kinger is examining your code to see if there’s something on the more metaphysical level that needs to be done. Ragatha is watching our avatars to make sure I don’t become abstracted as well.”

He doesn’t respond.

Pomni shivers. The butterfly’s light is starting to fade, and the cold is starting to return.

She opens her mouth, to try and find something to say, something to do when the world blinds her. She feels herself being dragged away through air instead of water and the world burns painfully with heat, contrasting sharply to the numbing cold of the ocean .

She gasps a breath of air she had desperately needed. There’s a single loud sound of fingers snapping, and the pain in her body instantly subsides.

She continues to gasp for air as she flops backwards onto pillows. She recognizes the familiar area of the circus tent. She’s lying on the floor as Ragatha and Caine staring down at her.

“How are you feeling?” Ragatha asks, her expression tinged with worry.

“I’ve been—” she coughs, the taste of seawater still in her throat, “—better.” She sits up and rolls her shoulders. She looks down at her hands, wiggling them and seeing that she is completely intact. Caine’s healing snap was always a bit unnerving, It’s a little jarring to go from sharp pain back to compltely normal.

“Has it already been an hour...?” Pomni asks.

Ragatha shakes her head “You were starting to spasm violently. We didn’t want to risk anything so we pulled you out.”

“...Did Kinger find anything?”

“Well!” Caine interjects, “He said something you were doing was helping, but when we pulled you out, Jax seemed to revert back to his normal abstraction state. From our perspective, nothing changed except you starting to glitch out. What did you experience?”

“Well...”

Later, Kinger comes to her with a new conclusion.

“Abstraction might be a last-ditch effort by the body to protect and preserve the mind when we’re pushed past our limits.”

“Then... is abstracting a good thing?” Pomni asks.

“Definitely not. I think it’s similar to how allergies cause your body to overreact to harmless substances. It’s an overreaction that is supposed to protect the body, but can lead to further harm instead.”

“Then... you’re saying abstracting is our minds trying to protect us. Like... some coping mechanism that accidentally made it worse.”

“Exactly! I also was experimenting with Caine and found some lines of code that keep overwriting any attempt to turn the avatar back to normal. Abstracting corrupts the code and forces the avatar to stay glitched out. It’s too early to jump to any conclusions, but I think we’re on the right track.”

Pomni nods,

“We’re taking the right step forward.”

The second time she enters, she sees Jax immediately.

Instead of the dark ocean, she is in a long, long white hallway that stretches infinitely. There are broken fluorescent lights on the ceiling, but a few are blinking bits of light into the space. The epoxy floor is speckled with bright little chips of color, smooth and glistening in the light.

Jax is sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall. One of his ears perk up at her arrival.

He’s more alert. That’s the first thing she notices.

“You’re back.” he says, not sounding particularly excited.

“I am.” she responds,

“So... ready to give up yet?

She sucks in a deep breath, willing herself to stay steady.

“I’m not going to give up on you.”

“It’s pointless. Let’s say you somehow manage to bring me back. What then? We go on adventures in some eternal neverending hell?” He scoffs, “No thanks. I’d rather just go back to sleep. At least being numb is better than this... meaninglessness.”

“There’s always something you can find meaning in.” she says gently.

“That is so easy for you to say, ”

“It isn’t. It’s hard to reach this point, but it’s possible, and it’s worth it. You have to find what it is that matters to you. Your friends, a hobby, a purpose... sometimes it can be as simple as just getting through a day as Spudsy’s with friends. It doesn’t need to be grand, it just needs to be something”

“Jeez, you’re acting like you’re trying to talk me down from jumping. And you’re using something like a burger joint to talk me down? That’s depressing.”

“It was enough for Gangle. It was one of the more easygoing adventures that reminded her of her old life.”

He scoffs, “Speak for yourself. I actually had to do work and went through the worst training orientation known to mankind.”

“Sure, it wasn’t great in the moment, but looking back, don’t you think it’s a little funny how absurd the whole thing was?” She sits next to him, and ignores the way he scoots further away, “There’s been a lot of progress on building a new world now. I told you before things were different, and they are now. We have a lot more freedom now.”

“You keep saying that, but what does it even matter?”

Pomni swallows thickly, “I can’t figure that out for you. But I promise you, it does matter. Just think on it. Think of something you’d like to do. Somewhere you’d like to go. And really just let yourself dream about it.”

“Man you are one sappy clown.”

“Will you at least try?”

He doesn’t say anything for a moment, his eyes glancing away. Just as Pomni thinks he isn’t going to say anything, he speaks.

“I’ll consider it.”

“That’s enough for me.”

There’s another lull, but this time Pomni fills the space.

“Admittedly, it’s not as fun without you around. Being chaotic isn’t as fun without a partner-in-crime. I was thinking that stealing a car might be fun.”

Something lights up in Jax’s eyes at that, “Whoa-ho-ho, —stealing a car? Now you’re talking my language.”

Pomni smiles right back, “There’s still a transportation issue back on the main island. It got me to thinking— I’ve always enjoyed GTA, and it might be fun to try it out for myself. Of course, I think Caine is just going to give use the cars, but I’m thinking of bringing it up to him.”

His smile disappears, a scowl taking his place, “Right. Because Caine is so trustworthy.”

“He’s trying, and he’s kept his word so far. I think a little kindness goes a long way.”

Jax just scoffs in response.

“Like he deserves it?”

“Everyone deserves kindness. Sometimes, you have to give people a chance.”

His face scrunches up, clearly not liking her answer.

“But—” Pomni says, trying to add levity back into the conversation, “You’re avoiding the question—would you want to go steal a car with me? I think we make great partners-in crime.”

He laughs, but it sounds forced, “Not sure if you’ve noticed, but I don’t exist anymore.”

“For now. We’re working on it.”

“You say that, but it sure looks like we’re just chatting in here.”

“Kinger’s trying to learn about abstraction by observing the code while I’m in here.”

Alarm flickers through Jax’s expression.

“He’s just observing your mental state—” she says quickly, “—like checking someone’s vitals—our conversations are private, I promise.”

He snorts, but it’s hard to miss the way his shoulders sag in relief.

“And? What have you found?”

“You have to want to come back. There’s already some things working against us, so if you fight us on top of it... there’s nothing we can do on our end.”

“Aaand there it is. A nice little convenient reason that makes this all my fault if things go sour.”

“That’s not what I said.” Pomni says firmly. She extends a hand to Jax, palm up, “I want you to come back, and I’m choosing to hold onto the hope that it’s possible. I’m just asking that you let yourself have hope too.”

His smile drops, and his eyes just stare widely back at her, blankly. There is no emotion, as if wiped clean as he blinks slowly. Staring at her, then at her hand.

He doesn’t move.

She keeps her hand extended.

She knows he’s capable of caring for others. She knows they have something real even if Jax has vehemently denied it.

She remembers hugging him, and him hugging her back just as fiercely. On some level, he wants to live.

And then—

—he takes her hand.

Nothing changes in the environment. The dim lights, the epoxy floor, the walls, everything stays the same.

But her heart soars, and she squeezes his hand, smiling. Even though he’s not looking at her, she knew everything needed to know.

“I’ll be back for you. I promise.”

He doesn’t reply, his expression just tired.

Still, he doesn’t let go of her hand.

She doesn’t know how long they stay there like that, but eventually she’s ripped out of the serene calm and back into the circus.

This time, Caine snaps quickly, the hot flash of pain from glitching out was so brief she could convince herself she imagined it.

This time, Ragatha approaches, her expression hopeful and bright.

“Pomni—how do you feel?”

“Ugh... a little disoriented, but it’s about the same as last time...”

“I don’t know what you did in there, but it seemed to have helped. The ‘virus’ seems to be working a lot slower! Kinger’s still trying to figure it out how to stabilize the avatar, but this—this is great!”

Pomni nods, “It went well on my end too. I think Jax wants to come back too, we just have to keep this up.”

The next time she and Jax talk, it’s on a cliff.

“Maybe a city.”

“Like... New York City?”

Pomni kicks her legs over the ledge. She and Jax are sitting on the edge of a cliff facing the sea. The sky is black. There’s not a sliver of the moon visible through the stormy clouds in the night sky.

Despite the gloomy setting, their conversation topic is light.

“Yeah.” Jax answers, “Just somewhere with excitement. Maybe join the mafia or something. Try out some of those fancy mobster guns.”

Pomni shakes her head “I mean, I’m surprised that’s the first thing you’d ask for. Gangle has dibs on the next project, but I think I can get Caine to build a cityscape next.”

“Ugh, seriously? What is she building? Anime high-school with cherry trees?” he asks mockingly.

“It’s something like that. I think it’s university? She’s been tight-lipped about it. I think she wants to make it an adventure with everyone.”

“Okay, well—tell me when that whole thing is over. I’m not coming back just to go back to school.”

Pomni laughs, “It won’t be that bad. Gangle’s really good at making adventures, if you can believe it.”

He scoffs, “I’ll believe it when I see it— but hey— but make sure it’s actually a city. If it’s some sanitized musical nonsense where everyone holds hands and sings their problems away, I’m going to find a gun shoot you first.”

She chuckles, “If Caine does that, I’m going to shoot myself first.”

He guffaws, and Pomni finds herself snickering beside him.

“Hey, did Caine put back the profanity filter? Because it would be lame as s*** if we every gangster sounds like a broken sound effects machine.”

Pomni blinks, surprised to hear Jax’s curse get overtaken by a censor, “Caine never put the profanity filter back.”

He looks at her disbelievingly, “No, I’m pretty sure if that b**** a** m*********** did remove it, I would know.”

“I’m telling you Caine did remove it. That shit has been gone for a long time.”

“What the hell!? You can swear but I can’t?”

“I mean, we are in your mind. If you believe the profanity filter still exists, your mind is making it real.”

“F***. That’s annoying.”

“He’s trapped in his own mind.” Kinger announces, “If we want to try and bring him back, we’re going to have to teach him how to control parts of his mind.”

Pomni nods, “I was thinking the same thing.”

“If we teach Jax how to conjure objects, it might stop the abstraction code from running unchecked.”

Ragatha nods, “Kinger is the best at conjuring, besides Caine.” she turns to Pomni, “Maybe you should ask Jax if he’d be willing to see Kinger?”

“I will. Jax’s mindscapes have always been dark places, so I don’t think there should be an issue. I just need to make sure he’s okay with someone else entering”

“Great.” Kinger claps his hands together, “Then we know our next step.”

When Pomni enters, she arrives, she can’t find him.

She lands straight in the middle of an icy mountain. Even though she has never personally been there, she recognizes it from Jax’s memories. It is where he and Ribbit had their worst fight.

The sky is heavy with snow, and she has to blinking the snowflakes out of her eyes.

Unlike the other relatively empty locations of Jax’s mind, this is a fully realized map. Pathways and trees that look slightly off, but it’s relatively intact.

“Jax?” she calls out.

Unsurprisingly she doesn’t gets a response.

She lets out a weary sigh, pulling her shivering arms close. She really hates the cold—hopefully she can find Jax relatively quickly in this mess.

She continues walking forward, calling out Jax’s name.

The entire hour passes without any luck. She’s pulled out and has to wearily tell them that she found nothing. From Ragatha and Kinger’s end, there was no change in Jax’s mind. His mind hadn’t been affected at all by her presence this time.

Pomni wants to try again tomorrow. To see if there’s something she can do— if something is wrong that needs to be fixed now.

But she knows that’s a fool’s mission. She’s not going to betray their trust just because she’s getting impatient

They agree to wait another month to try again.

When Pomni enters next, she’s plunged back into the nighttime ocean.

Without hesitating, she swims straight to the bottom, and conjures a butterfly.

To her great relief, Jax is there, lying in the sand as if he were asleep.

She goes right up to him, and sits besides him. He doesn’t say anything, but she sees his ear twitch.

“Kinger wants to come visit you next time.”

“...Okay?”

He doesn’t seem to be... doing too bad. It’s hard to tell sometimes, but she hopes she can believe his responsiveness means she can talk to him this time.

“He wants to teach you how to conjure. We think it’ll help you reverse your abstraction.”

“Anything to back that theory up? Sounds like an a**-pull to me.”

She chuckles, “We don’t know anything for certain, but it’s worth a shot. At the very least, it’ll remove the profanity filter in your head.”

Jax scoffs, but he looks at her this time, “I could get behind that.”

The next two months, Kinger is the one to enter Jax’s mind. According to him, things are moving slowly, but it’s still progress nonetheless.

Jax has been able to conjure up bunch of cubes and flat rectangles and a few fancier objects.

He’d also had gotten rid of the profanity filter, evidenced by how he’d said a quiet ‘fuck yeah’ when he finally was able to conjure up a gun.

When Pomni enters next, she finds the scenery is different. The night sky is clear, and there’s a waxing moon in the sky above, illuminating the usual dark mindscape. This time, when she looks around, she sees Jax already walking toward her.

“Before you comment on it—yes. It is brighter in here, and it’s probably some metaphorical bullshit that you’re going to read way too much into.”

“I was going to ask if you did that with what Kinger taught you, but I guess that answers my question.” she chuckles, “So how was it with Kinger?”

“Fine. I can make hammers and whatnot now.”

“Nice. I’m still learning a few things, but I’ve got funky butterflies and stepping stools down at this point.”

“Stepping stools? Thought you’d be at least a little more creative than that.”

“I mean, they’re more like cubes with a chunk taken out of them, but they do what I need them too.”

“I’d bet, shorty.”

“Yeah, ‘ha-ha’ We’ll see who’s laughing when you need a stool and you can’t conjure one up.”

“Not happening. If I need something up high, I’ll just scale whatever structure I need to reach it.”

“Do you think you can control your inner-world a bit more now?”

“Eh. Still haven’t seen the sun for a while, but at least I’m not tripping over rocks anymore.”

Pomni glances around them, the area is flat as an asphalt parking lot, “Are there even any rocks to trip on here?”

“You know what I mean.”

She frowns, “Okay... well, it sound like seeing Kinger was a good experience on your side.”

“Yeah. Though it’s weird how different he is when he’s not crazy. It’s like... he reminds me of my old high school English teacher.”

“I know what you mean. He’s the kind of person you can trust to help you through anything.”

“Yeah...”

“Hey... could we try something?”

He looks to her, his eyes squinting in suspicion.

“I wanted to try a meditation technique. If you’re ready, we could try stabilizing your mind to see if we can reverse the abstraction. Kinger’s located the part of your mind that’s keeping you abstracted. He thinks he’s figured out how to reverse it—but we need your cooperation.”

“...

“Do you want to come back?”

“Ugh, that's not it. They're going to be weird about it. It all just sounds so... exhausting.”

“...I’ll be with you.”

He doesn’t respond.

“Ragatha, Kinger and I would be happy to have you back. Gangle and Zooble might not be able to call you a friend, but they both accept you as one of us. I think you’d be surprised how much everyone misses you.”

“...Fine.” he sighs, and takes Pomni’s hand, “So how does this work? I breathe and say some chant?” he asks sarcastically.

“It’s the same as conjuring. I think. You calm your mind and breathe.”

“We don’t need to breathe.”

“I find it helps. Maybe close your eyes too.”

He groans, but he does as she asks.

They sit in silence. Pomni smiles to herself. Even if things could be hard, sometimes, they could be peaceful too.

One second, Pomni is holding Jax’s hand, and the next, she is on the floor of a dark circus tent, blinking at the ceiling as she hears Ragatha calling for Zooble and Gangle outside of the tent.

Pomni sits up, and she blinks when she sees there isn’t an abstraction in the tent.

She stumbles to her feet and runs to the pile of pillows where Jax’s abstraction was. She starts digging through the pillows, a wild hope burning through her—if the abstraction is gone—then—then—

She barely even feels the small bites of pain of glitchiness through her fingers. She only focuses on digging through all the pillows.

She senses someone next to her, pulling a pillow back with her. She turns to see Ragatha searching with her.

“Fuck, maybe we went overboard with these pillows.”

Pomni looks to see Zooble and Gangle on the other side of the pile, helping them slowly excavate the pillow pile.

Caine is standing behind them, his hat in his hands as he stares wide-eyed at them. Hesitant to step forward, despite the look in his eyes speaking of how he wanted to rush beside them and help.

Kinger stands next to Caine, a hand on his shoulder as he joined in waiting alongside him.

It doesn’t take long for the four of them to find him.

It’s Ragatha who shouts out.

“Guys! Guys! I found him!”

They all rush over, sans Kinger and Caine.

And sure enough, at the bottom of the pile is Jax, curled up and asleep, blissfully unaware of the shouts and cries occurring next to him.

He doesn’t wake up.

Their joy and relief is short-lived once they realize that Jax isn’t fully back.

It’s hard not to start crying. Before, at least Pomni could talk to him. But now... now she feels this unshakable grief. The sharp pain of when Jax abstracted had

“What have we done? What if... what if we did something wrong?”

“We didn’t.” Kinger reassures. “We did everything we can to help him, but now... the rest is up to him. His abstraction has been undone, and his mind is completely intact”

Kinger’s eyes crinkle up, a mixture of bittersweet joy in his expression. “I believe in him.”

Pomni wipes a tear from her eyes, shaking her head, “I believe in him too.”

Caine moves Jax back to his room.

They all visit him throughout his coma.

In a matter of days, his bed and dresser are covered in various knick-knacks and trinkets.

Most of Pomni’s souvenirs are photographs of places around the circus. She made sure a picture of the new city area is dead center of the wall.

Ragatha leaves bouquets of flowers every time she visits. She always sets a fresh bouquet next to the “Get Well Soon!” card, signed by everyone.

There’s a single drawing of everyone together in the room, courtesy of Gangle. Pomni has never seen Gangle visit, but she must have at some point. Or someone else left the picture here on her behalf.

Zooble left a record player with a single vinyl of ‘Daisy Bell’ playing on it. Whenever they visit, they make sure to set the vinyl to play the entire song at least twice. They claim that if it pisses off Jax, then he’ll have to wake up in order to shut it off.

Kinger doesn’t leave gifts, but Pomni’s heard him talking to Jax’s sleeping form. Talking about things happening in the circus, funny anecdotes, and words of encouragement.

Caine doesn’t visit.

Weeks pass.

They start the process of reversing the abstraction on another resident. Kaufmo. It only takes three sessions before he’s reversed.

He wakes up in a matter of hours.

Five months after Jax ‘returned’ it happens.

Pomni is walking down the hallway to head back to her room after a long day, and she notices the door to Jax’s room is open.

Curious to see who is visiting, she knocks gently on the door, and pushes it open.

The first thing she notices is the mess.

All the knick-knacks that had been carefully placed atop the bed are on the floor, the flowers are on the ground.

Pomni rushes to the bed, and sees that under the messed up bundle of blankets, Jax isn’t to be found.

She rushes out of the room.

Ten minutes later, everyone knows. They’re mixed on whether to look for him or not. The main consensus is to keep an eye out, but probably not turn it into a manhunt.

Caine doesn’t have his omnipotent powers anymore, so he’s unable to teleport Jax to them on command.

It’s already late in the night, so they agree not to turn it into a manhunt. As much as Pomni wants to go running around, looking for him, she knows that it would be impossible to find him.

She sits on her bed with a groan, resting her face in her hands. It’s hard to feel happy when... when the last time he disappeared like this, it was to self-destruct completely.

She wanted so badly to run around and shout his name, searching for him

The next morning, she’s awoken by a knock at her door.

All of her exhaustion dissipates in the second, and she scrambles to her feet. She doesn’t know who it is, but she knows it’s news about Jax—nobody wakes up this early just to knock on her door.

She swings open the door, and sees—

“Hey.” Jax waves to her, a bit awkward, “So uh—

She hugs him, not even waiting for a response.

He doesn’t push her away.

“So... it’s been a while.”

A broken laugh falls out of her. She can hear how awkward he feels, but that’s okay. It’s okay now.

“Definitely. It’s been too long.”

She feels him pat her back awkwardly, before returning the hug.

“You really know how to make things sappy.” he complains quietly.

“I think we can be allowed to be sappy this once.”

He huffs, but he crouches down a bit, returning the hug in full.

While it’s clear he’s not great at giving hugs,

When they separate, she notices Jax shuffling awkwardly.

“I only have one gushy reunion in me per day. Can we just go ahead and visit the city? I need to go commit crime or something.”

Pomni smiles, wiping the tears from her cheeks,

“Took you long enough.”