Archive of Our Own

After a long day of being shuffled between cars and venues since five in the morning, Yushi is about ready to collapse. Under the warmth of his blanket, he’s lost count of how many times he nods off and jerks awake trying to finish the movie he started four days ago. Who takes five days to finish a ninety-minute movie anyway? An employed person, his sleepy brain answers.

A notification on the top of the screen catches his attention. Yushi glances over the text preview and sees a link. He rolls his eyes because of course Chanyoung is still awake doomscrolling on Twitter and sending it via text, as if the app doesn’t have a built-in DM feature. Weirdo.

Still, Yushi lets his curiosity win, clicking the notification without bothering to pause the movie. Guess he’ll just finish it tomorrow, and if he’s lucky, maybe he will finally remember the name of the protagonist. He replies a quick weirdo why not dm and clicks on the link.

Huh. Yushi never thinks about it that way.

Sure, the six of them joke about it once in a while, about Sion and Daeyoung going together so they can join the military band, about who’s going to lead their greetings when they’re away, or about how much scarier and stronger Daeyoung will be after his time in the military. But Yushi never thinks about being separated from Sion.

Yushi doesn’t even remember the last time he’s away from Sion for more than a few days. Ever since fourteen-year-old Yushi met sixteen-year-old Sion, they’ve been inseparable. Even as their trainee friends either leave the company or debut before them, Sion and Yushi stay together. Now that they’re twenty-two and twenty-four years old respectively, it’s still Sion and Yushi.

Suddenly he’s wide awake, scrolling eight years back through his gallery until he sees Sion’s first appearance in it. Yushi watches all the dance practice videos that probably won’t ever see the light of day, and drowns himself in nostalgia as he looks at pics of their younger selves together, until his eyes land on one particular photo.

It's a blurry pic of Sion, both from the rain water on his lens and how hard they were laughing, but his eyes are somehow still in focus. Yushi can see how the rain clings to his long lashes, forming them into little triangles. Yushi remembers those big eyes and how he feels seeing them for the first time. Eight years later, he still sees the same pair of eyes every day. Wow, has it truly been eight years?

Daeyoung’s alarm startles Yushi, his phone almost leaping out of his hand. The low sound of the house slowly waking can be heard from outside the door. Inside theie room, Daeyoung is still sound asleep, to no one’s surprise, despite the constant ringing of his phone.

As he gets ready for the day, he starts to regret staying up all night, especially with the way his eyes are protesting from the lack of rest. Yushi almost cries tears of joy when he isn’t called first for hair and makeup, because that means more time for him to rest.

Yushi's so focused on searching for an empty spot for a quick nap that he doesn’t notice Sion watching him.

“Ushi, you okay?”

“Hmm. Why?”

Sion walks closer and the pads of his thumbs find the skin under Yushi’s eyes. He watches as Sion’s lips turn into a frown. For a few silent moments, Yushi lets Sion assess him, though he doesn’t know what the older’s looking for.

“You didn’t get enough sleep last night,” Sion says matter-of-factly.

“Not really.” Yushi weakly shakes his head.

Sion clicks his tongue in disapproval, but the swipes of his fingers down Yushi’s cheeks feel gentle, warm, always so grounding. Will Yushi miss it when Sion’s gone? Probably. He knows the others will still be around, but Yushi wonders if it will feel different.

Riku shows affection through ‘have you eaten’s and a shoulder to lean on. Daeyoung through hearty laughs and gentle affection. Ryo loves loudly and eagerly, like a puppy discovering the joy of affection for the first time. Sakuya loves through quiet companionship and stupid, childish jokes that always make Yushi’s heart feel lighter.

It's just that Sion has also loved him in all those ways too, even before anyone else was in the picture. Sion feels like the culmination of all those love in one person.

Instantly, he feels silly for comparing them to one another. Yushi blames his tiredness and Chanyoung for planting the idea in his head because now he can’t stop thinking about stupid things like this.

A gentle nudge on his chin pulls him back to the present. Sion searches his face again, and whatever he finds, Yushi can tell he doesn’t like it.

“We’re going to sleep immediately after today.” Yushi opens his mouth to protest only to be instantly shut down. “That’s an order from your hyung.”

Then Sion leaves with a last affectionate ruffle on Yushi’s unmade hair, messing it up even more. With Sion out of his sight, Yushi sees Riku smiling at him, an amused smirk on his face. Yushi tries to plead with his eyes for Riku to do something, anything, only to earn a shrug that looks like, You heard him, hyung’s order.

It’s become a whole thing, Yushi being known as Sion’s right hand man. Technically, Riku is the second oldest and Daeyoung is usually second in command every time Sion’s not around, but perhaps they see Yushi as an extension of Sion.

He can’t help but wonder if to Sion, it will feel like losing a limb when they’re not at arm’s reach anymore. Probably not, but it doesn’t stop Yushi from wondering if Sion’s as affected by this as he is.

Right now, Sion is next to him. Yushi watches the way his chest rises and falls in perfect tandem with his own, hears the little huffs that escape his lips, and the way he twitches ever so slightly every now and then, and yet, Yushi wishes he is awake, even just to sit in comfortable silence together.

Yushi tends to play up his jealousy in front of the cameras because their fans enjoy it, especially when it comes to Sion’s attention. But here, in the small comfort of Sion’s room filled with his obnoxious purple lights and the low hum of the air conditioner, Yushi thinks it’s just a part of him, to crave Sion’s attention on him.

Sometimes, Yushi wishes he can read minds. Maybe then, he can follow Sion into his dreams. There shouldn’t be a limit to how far Yushi can follow him.

It's asinine to get so worked up over something that hasn’t happened yet, so Yushi forces his brain to stop thinking about it. When exhaustion finally catches up to him, Yushi dreams about their time in Hong Kong, the whole thing playing out exactly the way he remembers it.

Yushi asks if he can be the leader while Sion is away. Affection blooms in his chest as the two youngest laugh at his simple question. Even after spending the whole day laughing until their stomachs ache, they still seem so tickled by the smallest things. Yushi supposes he will never stop finding them adorable. A camera gets shoved to his face, yet all he can say is a timid, “Thank you.” To what or to whom in particular, Yushi has no idea. At least that makes his friends laugh again and again until his chest threatens to burst from the sound.

This time, however, he’s more aware of Sion’s absence than he did before. It's as if his consciousness, which is suspiciously shaped like Chanyoung, refuses to let him think about anything but Sion.

Yushi wakes up the next morning feeling just as awful as he did the day before.

Yushi has had more than enough time to figure Sion out.

For instance, Yushi knows how Sion likes his drinks, concerningly sweet and slightly radioactive, or the way he socializes with charming smiles and hugs whenever he’s flustered, or the telltale signs of nervousness, like his shaking hands that he tries to keep out of frame.

Whenever that happens, Yushi will take his hand just to feel the way his tension loosens instantly, even just a tiny bit. Yushi knows how much the team relies on Sion, so this is the least he can do to offer some support in return.

He doesn’t mind it at all, not when he can enjoy the warmth of Sion’s hand intertwined with his, nor when Sion still doesn’t let go, even after his palm starts to sweat. He doesn’t mind Sion looking at him for support even when they’ve practiced what to say countless times before, especially when he needs to speak in Japanese (though Yushi thinks Sion’s basically fluent by now), and–wait.

Out of all times to have an epiphany, two minutes before they have to be on stage is probably not the best time for it. It’s just that Yushi can’t believe it takes him this long to notice just how much Sion relies on him too.

He notices now, how Sion gravitates towards him as they wait for their cue, how his eyes find Yushi’s as the stage slowly lifts them up, and how Yushi’s the first person he runs to after the stage light goes dark.

As the confetti trickles down and sticks to Yushi’s hair and sleeves, Yushi finds Sion’s eyes again. They still sparkle the same way they did under the dim lights of their practice room years ago, even after hours of practicing the same choreo over and over again.

A thought crosses his mind and it scares him enough that the deafening cheer finally cuts through his ears and brings him back to the present. I can’t imagine doing this without him.

What do you do when you realize that your friendship with your best friend might be a little too codependent? The answer is to knock on said best friend’s door and ask if you can sleep over again, which is exactly what Yushi does.

When they’re finally in a comfortable enough position, Sion wastes no time to ask, “What’s wrong?”

“Eh? I can’t sleep over because I want to?”

Sion snuggles closer and Yushi can feel Sion’s laugh reverberating through his skin onto his own. “I’m not talking about the sleepover, I mean with you.”

“Is something wrong with me?”

Yushi yelps as Sion pinches his side. “Hyung asked you first.”

​Yushi isn’t the best at talking about his feelings, but deep down, he knows a big part of asking for this sleepover is because he needs to talk about what’s been bothering him before he loses his mind.

He takes a deep breath and asks, “Why do you always look my way whenever we’re filming?”

​“Do I?” Sion muses. “Hm… Guess I’m just used to it. We used to only have each other to lean on, right? So I guess I’m used to looking at you to keep me grounded.”

​“You like me too much,” Yushi mutters through a smile, earning another round of pinches to his sides. ​“What’s going to happen when you’re off to the military?”

​Sion blinks at him. “What do you mean?”

​“It’s stupid.” Yushi shakes his head, burying his face slightly. “Chanyoung sent me a tweet yesterday about how our fans think I won’t survive when you go to the military.”

​“Is that what this is about?” Sion asks, his voice softening as relief washes over him. “Ushi, I still have at least five years before we even have to think about that.”

​“I know. It’s just... it made me think.”

​“You do that a lot.”

​“We’re just never apart for long,” Yushi admits quietly. “I guess I never thought about the possibility of not seeing you all the time.”

​“Me neither.” As if to prove his point, Sion reaches out, his fingers finding Yushi’s. “We can still talk to each other. I’ll come back on my days off and holidays just to see you and the others.”

​“For a sleepover?”

​“Yes,” Sion laughs, and all the tension in Yushi’s body melts away. “As many sleepovers as you want.”

​“I like that.”

​“Of course you do.” Sion looks at him with that specific look, the one he uses whenever he thinks Yushi is being adorable. “Who likes who too much now?”

“You still like me better,” Yushi says through a yawn, and belatedly realizes that Sion doesn’t deny it.

​“Let’s just enjoy our time together, yeah?” Sion’s freezing foot nudges Yushi’s under the warm blanket. “We’re still here together right now, and that's all that matters.”

In lieu of a response, Yushi nods and shuffles closer to chase Sion’s warmth. Five years is a lot of time to make newer, better memories together. They’ve been through too much together to let a few years get in between them.

Within minutes, Sion’s breathing slows into a steady, familiar rhythm, the sound unraveling the last knot in Yushi’s chest until his worries slip away completely and sleep finally takes him too.