Chapter Text
Out for the playoffs. It could have been a lot worse. That’s what the doctor said. It’s no consolation, really. The hit was his fault, if he’d been looking forwards, or sideways or just anywhere instead of straight at Ilya Rozanov then this wouldn’t have happened.
“We’re looking at between six to twelve weeks recovery time,” Doctor Martinez said. “But every case is different.”
“Right.” Shane nodded. “So I can't play, but when can I get back on the ice? Training? Gym?”
“Mr Hollander, I understand this is important to you and we will discuss your recovery, however I do just have one more question…” She hesitated. “Shane, were you aware that you’re pregnant?”
“What? No, Im not.”
“We performed standard tests when you were brought in and they came back positive.” The doctor at least sounded sympathetic.
“Pregnant?” Shane choked. “No,no,no-”
“I take it this comes as a surprise, then. Mr Hollander, is there someone I can call for you. A partner?”
“No…he cant- It’s complicated.” Shane stutters, his chest tightening. “Is the baby okay? I've been playing. I didn't know I swear I didn’t. How far along?”
“We can do a scan to check on the pregnancy, but so far there’s no signs that anything negative has happened. It’s not ideal to be playing a contact sport like hockey whilst pregnant, but the fetus is more protected than you think. We’re pretty confident you’re still the first trimester, but a scan will also be able to give us more of a definitive timeline.” Doctor Martinez explains.
“Right. Can I actually have a second alone? I just..” Shane knew he was being slightly rude. Again, this was all his own fault. Not hers.
“Of course.” She nodded. “Someone will be along later to take you for a scan.”
Shane sighed as his head hit the pillow. The room suddenly felt too bright, too quiet. The steady beep of the monitor beside him seemed impossibly loud, each chirp driving the doctor's words deeper into his skull.
Pregnant.
The word didn't even sound real.
How on earth had this happened?
They'd always been careful. Every single time. He and Ilya had rules—strict ones. Precautions. Double-checking everything because neither of them could afford a mistake like this. This would ruin his career… and Ilya’s.
God, Ilya. How was he supposed to tell him? Maybe he didn’t have to, maybe he could end this right here right now and nobody would ever know other than him and Doctor Martinez. Right? That thought lasted all of three seconds because everything that was still his baby. Their baby.
“Fuck.” Shane groaned.
Shane leaned over to the cabinet beside his bed and grabbed his phone, the movement pulling at his shoulder and giving him a sharp reminder of why he was here in the first place. There were at least another ten messages since the last time he’d checked, he scrolled down to the bottom.
LILY: hollander are u okay
LILY: shane
LILY: ???
LILY: please answer
LILY: shane tell me and i will come
LILY: hollander
LILY: please be ok
JANE: Room 204. Please come.
-
“Shane?” Ilya hesitantly popped his head round the door.
“Ilya, Hi.” Shane looked up, his voice cracking at the greeting and eyes welling up immediately. How was he supposed to do this? He’d been playing this situation in his head for hours. Throughout the scan and the agonizing wait afterwards.
“What’s wrong? You are okay?” Ilya asked, stepping forwards towards him.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” Shane swallowed. “Concussion and a fractured collarbone. Out for the playoffs but..”
“Could have been worse.”
“Could have been worse.” Shane agreed.
“Okay… so why tears?” Ilya asked, reaching out hesitantly to brush his knuckles across Shane’s freckled cheeks.
“Ilya, I’m so fucking sorry. I swear I didn't know.” Shane stared at the blanket pooled over this lap. His heart was beating so fast it hurt.
“Know what? Hollander, you don't make sense.” Ilya frowned.
“Ilya, Im…Im pregnant.” Shane stuttered. “The doctor told me this morning.”
Ilya dropped his hand and took a step back. His face was completely unreadable. It's not surprising, of course he’d be mad, Shane’s just ruined his life.
“Its okay, though.” Shane rushed out. “I don't expect anything of you, I just thought you deserved to know and-”
“Are you keeping it?” Ilya interrupted.
“What?”
“The baby.” Ilya’s voice was strangely steady. “Are you keeping it?”
“Yeah, I think probably-Yeah. I am.” Shane nodded.
“Okay. Tell me what you need from me.”
“What? Ilya I just said I'm not expecting anything. I know this is the last thing you want.”
“Hollander.” Ilya said sternly. “Don’t tell me what I want. Is this the last thing I expected to hear today? Yes. Is this the last thing I want? Definitely not the bottom of my list.”
“You…You’re not mad at me?”
“No. If you want to have this baby, then I’m in. If you didn’t want it…then I would support you with that too.” Ilya reached out to grab his hand again.
“Okay… you’re taking this a lot better than I thought you would.” Shane huffed out a laugh.
“Trust me. I am having meltdown on the inside.” Ilya stroked this thumb over Shane’s palm. “What did the doctor say?”
“They did a scan earlier. Everything looks good considering the injury. They said I’m only four weeks so there wasn’t really much to see. But there’s definitely a baby in there.” Shane said, glancing down at his stomach. The words still felt strange in his mouth. A baby.
“Have you told your parents?”
“No, not yet.” Shane shook his head. “My Mom’s going to be mad, this is my career over and…Fuck! What should I tell the team?”
“Hey…Hey, Shane, It’s okay.” Ilya shushes him. “You do not need to tell them anything yet. You are injured, da? That’s all they need to know for now.”
“Yeah, okay.” Shane exhaled. “It’s great you want to be involved. I don’t know how it’ll work, we live in different countries…but I guess I could come up with a schedule or-”
“Hollander.” Ilya laughs. “Slow down. We have a long time to figure this out. Boston and Montreal are not that far from each other. We will make it work.”
“Sorry. My head is just going a thousand miles an hour trying to make sense of this.”
“I know, milaya.” Ilya smiled.
“You know I was going to ask you something after the game.” Shane said.
“Ask me what?”
“I was going to ask if you wanted to come to my cottage this summer.”
“Hollander-”
“Sorry, it’s stupid. Forget I said anything.” Shane shook his head.
“Hollander, stop interrupting me.”
“Sorry.”
“I will be there.” Ilya nodded
“Really?”
“Yes. What’s the worst that could happen?” Ilya smirked. “I knock you up?”
-
“You are eating rabbit food? Ilya’s horrified voice crackled through the speaker.
“Its not rabbit food.” Shane rolled his eyes as he shut the fridge with his hip, balancing his phone between his shoulder and ear. “It's a macrobiotic diet!”
“Shane, my daughter wants real food.”
“It is real food”
“It’s leaves.”
“It's healthy. And you don't even know it’s a girl.”
“I do.” The confidence in Ilya’s voice was almost infuriating. “I can tell.”
“Tell how? And don't say just from looking because you’re not even here.”
“Don’t remind me.” Ilya sighs. “I will be there soon. The playoffs are nearly done.”
“You say that like you want to lose.” Shane laughed.
“I do not want to lose.” Ilya said immediately. “I just have more important places to be.”
“Oh.” Shane blushed.
“My baby misses me. She told me.” Ilya says.
Right. His baby. Of course Ilya is excited to see the baby, not Shane. It was silly to even think that they were anything more than fuck buddies. Adding a baby to the mix doesn’t change anything between them.
“Shane?” Ilya interrupts his train of thought. “Are you still there?”
“Yeah sorry, just in my own world.” He forced a laugh.
“You must be lonely, yes? At cottage on your own.”
“Yeah, I guess.” Shane mumbles. “I haven’t seen my parents for almost 3 weeks.”
“Still hiding?”
“I’m gonna start to show soon and I still don’t know what to tell them.” Shane groaned.
“You tell them the truth.”
“Oh thanks. What a revolutionary idea.”
“You know what I mean.” Ilya laughs.
“Yeah.” Shane sighs.
“Maybe we could do it together?” Ilya offers.
“Maybe…I don't know. I don't think there's an easy way of doing this.” Shane shrugs to himself.
“Hmmm no, not easy.” Ilya agrees. “But maybe you need to, what is the saying? Bite the bullet?”
“Yeah, maybe I should just surprise them when the baby gets here.”
“You want them to have heart attacks, Hollander?” Ilya laughs. “Listen, I have to go.”
“Right okay, you going out?” Shane asks, slightly disappointedly.
“Just for a few, with the team.”
“Okay. Well don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
“So… that means do everything, yes?” Ilya asks.
“Shut up, Rozanov.” Shane smiles.“Okay. Bye-bye. Tell my daughter I love her.”
“Bye, Ilya. I’ll be sure to tell your baby that.” Shane says, ending the call.
The truth is, he was lonely. He doesn’t regret his choice to keep the baby, but he wishes he didn't have to do it in secret. Deep down he knows his parents will still love him and the baby, regardless of the situation or the baby's father but he still can't bring himself to disappoint them. His career means as much to them as it did to him. It still doesn’t feel real. But Ilya would be here soon, and everything would be fine. That's just what he has to keep telling himself.