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Vaness storms into the apartment, holding a thin white piece of paper in her hands. It's almost completely crumbled under the weight of her anger.
"Guys, I just learned we're spending 17 dollars and 99 cents a month on a Crunchyroll "mega-fan" subscription! What is this?!"
She throws the paper at Hubie and Pamona, who are resting on the couch while watching HunterxHunter. Pamoma and Hubie lock eyes with each other, horrified. Pamona leans over quickly in a whisper.
"I thought you only bought the regular subscription!?"
Hubie blushes and begins to stammer, "I- Fine! I lied because you'd only agree if I said I bought the regular one."
Pamona's eyes widen in shock. She grabs Hubie by the shirt collar. "Hubie, where do you think this money is coming from!?!?"
"I don't know! It's not my fault I'm a mega-fan, they were so tempting!"
Hubie pulls out of her grasp and Vaness comes up behind them, slapping Hubie on the back of the head. "We barely have enough money for rent this month, and you think we're magically gonna be able to pay $18 dollars a month for some stupid anime!?"
Pamona slowly gets up, beginning to inch away when Vaness suddenly grabs her by the sleeve and pulls her back over. "And you were just gonna let her have it!?"
"She said it was only the regular one! Plus, it- um... and it..."
Vaness listens expectantly. "And???"
Pamona sighs, defeated. "And it's the only place I can watch Your Lie in April..."
Vaness released Pamona's arm, who takes it back and holds it against herself. Vaness let's out a tired sigh. "Your Lie in April. Seriously."
As soon as it's mentioned, Pamona beams, "It's a sophisticated, emotional musical that delves into themes of loss and overcoming trauma. And, even better, romance!"
"I seriously don't care. Okay, you're sleeping on the floor tonight," Vaness gestures to Hubie, "And you're on the couch. And I'm taking all the blankets." Vaness points to Pamona, who hangs her head down to her shoes.
Hubie's eyes widen, knowing exactly what that entails. "But what about the cockroach infestation!? Those things are horrifying!"
Vaness simply rolls her eyes, "Maybe we could’ve dealt with it if you didn’t waste our money on this random stuff! God, I regret ever meeting you guys!"
—
Scene 2 SETTING: Flashback to five years before the prior scene. HUBIE, PAMONA, and VANESS are meeting for the first time, moving into their college dorm at Hockskin University. AT RISE VANESS is already inside the dorm room, unpacking her belongings, when…
PAMONA (running into the room with boxes, out of breath) I made it! I’m here! Not… late…
VANESS (shocked and amused) Oh, hi! Are you Huberta or Pa-
PAMONA Pamona, yes! Hi.
(PAMONA puts her boxes down and calms herself)
PAMONA (cont.) I assume you’re Vaness, then.
VANESS Yeah. It’s good to finally meet one of the people I’m spending the year with.
(Right on time, HUBIE walks in, lazily kicking and shoving her boxes into the dorm room. She’s energetic for 9am, but she’s putting in as little effort as possible into moving. She’s also humming “Call Me Maybe” by Carly Rae Japsen.)
HUBIE Oh, you guys are already here? Nerds.
PAMONA Hey, Huberta! It’s great to meet you-
HUBIE Ew, no. Don’t call me that. Just call me Hubie. Uh, say, do you guys happen to have any money I could… borrow?
Scene 3 SETTING: A week later. HUBIE, PAMONA, and VANESS are in their first college theatre class. AT RISE: VANESS is center stage, reading the piece of paper with her assignment. HUBIE and PAMONA are on either side of her, backstage.
VANESS (holding the paper with the assignment on it) I need 2 partners for this improv scene…
(VANESS notices PAMONA excitedly bouncing in the corner. VANESS starts walking over to her when she’s startled by…)
HUBIE (from behind VANESS) Wanna be partners?
VANESS Oh, yeah, sure, I was gonna ask Pamona, too.
(VANESS gestures to PAMONA to come over. They all huddle together around the piece of paper. After a few seconds of muttering, they improv a very short scene about a random topic.)
—
Scene 4 SETTING: HUBIE and VANESS sitting on the floor of their dorm eating crackers and instant noodles while watching anime on HUBIE’s phone. She swears it's a good show. AT RISE: PAMONA bursts through the door, overcome with excitement.
PAMONA Guys, I just had the best idea ever!
HUBIE (yelling without looking up, incredibly offended) Pamona, You’re interrupting One Punch Man!
VANESS It’s okay, I didn’t really want to watch it anyway. What's up?
(HUBIE scoffs. PAMONA walks over to them and kneels on the floor.)
PAMONA Hear me out, what if we started our very own theatre company?
VANESS With what money?
HUBIE Why would I want to do that?
PAMONA Uhh... because socially-relevant-theatre-in-our-community-is- super-important
(long, dramatic breath)
PAMONA (cont.) and-also-we-could-get-totallyyyyy-loadeddd…?
(A beat.)
HUBIE (gesturing to the three of them) ...are you really sure we should start a theatre company?
VANESS Yeah, and I’m not so sure about “totally loaded.” We might lose a lot more money than we gain.
PAMONA Keyword might! We’ll never know unless we try. We could call it the Hockskin Theatre Troupe, or something like that!
(PAMONA leans onto her side like one of those French girls from Titanic.)
PAMONA (cont.) Come on, don’t you want to leave your mark on the world? I know you do! (She pokes HUBIE, who yelps and swats her hand away.)
HUBIE AH! NO!
VANESS Uh, I guess. You know what, it couldn’t hurt. I mean, there’s no harm in trying, right? We should probably change that name a little bit though. A copyright lawsuit isn’t the best way to start a company.
HUBIE We're really doing this aren’t we…
(PAMONA gets up and begins to jump around.)
PAMONA (ad lib excitement, then) You won’t regret this guys!!
—
Scene 5 SETTING: The Hockskin College graduation ceremony. Excitement and freedom are in the air, but the fear of being able to financially support themselves lingers.
AT RISE: VANESS and HUBIE are walking to each other on stage, about to start talking.
PAMONA (running over to the group) Guys! We did it! We graduated! HUBIE Finally! It’s over!
(PAMONA tackles HUBIE, giving her a bear hug.)
VANESS I can’t believe we’re finally done with all this.
(PAMONA looks over to VANESS and does a similar tackle-hug to her.)
PAMONA Now we can fully focus on the theatre troupe!
VANESS That’s only if it can actually pay for my food. And rent. And utilities. And student loans. (She shudders.)
HUBIE Wait, I thought we were gonna keep living together? I only have like, 67 dollars in my bank account. I need you guys!
PAMONA Six seven!
(HUBIE smacks PAMONA’s hands while VANESS rolls her eyes.)
VANESS Pamona, stop. Hubie, what are you talking about, moving in together? We never discussed this, what-
PAMONA Actually,that’s a great idea! (She pulls out her phone.)
PAMONA (cont.) Let’s look on Zillow!
(A beat.)
PAMONA (cont.) …Okay the cheapest I can find is an apartment nearby that's $5,000 a month on rent...and it's only one bedroom...Oh man, how are we going to afford this?
—
Scene 6 SETTING: A theatre troupe performance. AT RISE: VANESS, HUBIE, and PAMONA run on stage from the wing, running away from a bombardment of booing sounds, throwing of trash, and someone screaming “YOU SUCK!”
HUBIE (going back to the wing) Come on, come at me! You wanna see real acting? I’ll show you real acting!
(PAMONA grabs HUBIE by her shoulders and pulls her away.)
PAMONA That's enough, macho man.
(She turns to VANESS.)
PAMONA (cont.) Okay, forget about everybody hating us. How much money did we earn?
VANESS Uhhh… 15 dollars…
(A beat.)
PAMONA You're kidding. I thought the deal was $150!
HUBIE Give me that!
(HUBIE rips the money from VANESS’s hands and starts counting.)
HUBIE (cont.) 2, 4, 6, 8… no… We did all that for some lousy 15 bucks?!
(HUBIE throws the money on the floor. VANESS scrambles to pick it up.)
VANESS He would only give me $15 because apparently we were an “absolute train wreck” or something!
PAMONA That can’t be legal, didn’t we have a contract??
VANESS (taking a piece of paper out of her pocket and skimming it) It says right here we would receive $150...unless we were an absolute “train wreck”. Guys, we have to start reading the fine print.
HUBIE Damn it, I was gonna use that money for my Miku figures!
VANESS Hubie, we’ve talked about your Miku figures before. We need to make rent!
PAMONA And we need to actually pay the theatre troupe this time, I think some of them are planning a revolt...
—
Pamona let's out a sigh, putting her hand on Vaness' shoulder. "Come on, Vaness, we can make up the difference. It'll be fine!"
Vaness pushes her hand away, shaking her head. "How are you even going to attempt at that?" She groans.
"Well, I guess Hubie and I can take up more shifts at out side jobs..."
Hubie shoots up from the couch, her eyes widening. "No, no absolutely NOT. I already want to quit; you can't make me work MORE!
Vaness squeezes her fists together in fury. She aggressively points a finger at Hubie's chest. "I'm not the one who decided to waste all our money on anime!"
"It's not a waste..."
Pamona buts in, continuing her previous thought. "We could make more flyers and try to get another theatre gig?" She shrugs. Vaness just shakes her head. "We've been making flyers for the past three years, Pamona. And nothing’s come of it. Nobody cares about "socially relevant theatre" anymore."
Hubie lets out a bored chuckle, "have they ever?" Her eyes lock with Pamona, who quickly gets heated up about Hubie's comment. "I DO!" She groans, pulling her hair in an attempt to self-regulate. She gestures to Vaness, "And you should check our email. You never know what's there until you check!" Pamona puts on a bright smile, which quickly melts Vaness' stong exterior and leads her to give in pretty easily. "Fine."
Vaness walks over to the kitchen table, taking out her laptop. Obnoxious typewriter-like sounds float through the apartment. Hubie plops herself back down onto the sofa, opening a can of soda for herself. "Don't waste your time, there’s not gonna be anything in ther anyway. Plus, last time you checked we literally has death threats from our last performance from multiple different people."
Pamona shudders at the memory, clutching her arms close to her core. "Yeah... I try to forget about that... They were so... descriptive."
The obnoxious typing sounds suddenly stop, and Vaness turns around to face the others, looking puzzled. "Did one of you guys change the passowrd to our email?"
Hubie snaps her fingers, sitting straight as if she had just remembered something. "Oh yeah! I did. Its ur3fav0rite_silly.bakas."
Pamona and Vaness stare at her with their mouths slightly agape. Vaness shakes her head, turning back to the computer. "Mhm. Yeah. I'm changing that immediately."
Pamona nods in agreement, "please do. Anyways, Vaness, what's-"
"WE HAVE AN OFFER!"
Hubie and Pamona gasp, running over to the computer on either sides of Vaness. Vaness scrolls a bit on the email. "From an... Irene Burke?" Vaness squints, and Hubie's eyebrows furrow. Hubie tilts her head, "Irene Burke? That's a weird name. And she's a principal? Sounds more like an english teacher to me."
Pamona pulls the laptop screen towards herself, reading the email outloud. "The Marsapeak Falls High School Administration would like to offer you the opportunity to write, produce, and perform a show of the eleven attached novels in 25 minutes or less. We will provide a total payment of $300 if the Hoxin Theatre Troupe is able to successfully put on this production in that time."
Vaness's eyes widen, but she quickly dismisses the email and gets up from the table. "Eleven books? In twenty five minutes or less? This is a joke, at this point I’d rather a death threat. At least I’d know to ignore it."
Pamona takes her by the hand, bringing her back over. "Come on, we can do this! And it’ll help us make rent! It’s almost triple the amount of money we spent on that subscription."
Hubie shrugs, nodding in agreement. "Well, I’m in if I don’t have to take up anymore shifts at doggy daycare… yesterday I actually showered for once and they all started-" Vaness quickly interrupts, not wanting to hear the end of that story. "Okay, okay. Well, the performance is next week, so we better get scripting and call in the acting troupe."
Vaness takes out her phone and begins sending a voice chat to the Hoxin Theatre Troupe groupchat. Hubie and Pamona come up next to her again.
"Guys, we have a job for you."