Chapter Text
“Can I join you?” asked Pomni, standing outside the cafe.
Jax was sitting at the bar, staring into an empty mug; Ribbit’s old mug. She didn’t remember how long she had been there. Hours? Days?
“Did you come here to get on my case?” She asked, “‘It’s been weeks, Jax. Just go talk to her Jax. You’re being cruel leaving her abstracted like that!’”
“Those are your words,” Pomni said, sitting next to her, “You know that.”
Jax looked at her with stern eyes for a moment, and took in her breath to argue, but Pomni looked back at her, calmly, disarmingly.
“Yeah,” Jax exhaled, “I know.”
“You two used to come up here all the time,” Pomni said, “You and Ribbit.”
Jax caressed the mug, but didn’t say anything.
“I know you’re not up here hiding from her,” she continued, “You’re trying.”
“Can we not," Jax scowled, "with the 'having my memories' thing? It’s… creepy.”
“Fine,” Pomni relented, “Fine. But we found out together that talking is the only way through this.”
Pomni started to get up.
'Wait," Jax said, not turning to look at her, "I didn't say you had to leave."
Pomni smiled, and relaxed in her seat. They sat together in silence for a little bit before Pomni decided to break the ice again.
“You know,” she said, “We almost replaced this place with Zooble’s bar, but I asked them to keep this place… I guess I didn’t want to feel like we were forgetting you.”
"Forget me," Jax repeated.
Pomni reached out to touch Jax's hand, but Jax spoke up, making her pull back.
“Did you tell them?” she asked, “What I said? What I did?”
“No," Pomni smiled, "Of course not. That’s not my story to tell.”
She looked up at Jax and added, “But I think they have an idea…”
Jax didn’t look the same as she used to. When she unabstracted- if that's what they were going to call it- she had come back... different. She had black hair that came down to her shoulders, and an off the shoulder crop top over her overalls, which themselves were now short-alls. Her ears were a lot more droopy, and she still had a few bits of "corruption" on her. Her form had changed to reflect how she felt on the inside, even though she hadn't told anyone else how she felt on the inside.
“Heh,” Jax giggled, “Nah! Them? How could they tell?”
They both laughed, filling the cafe with a warm glow that manifested in the lights turning on around them.
“That's not what I meant,” Pomni said, "After Caine showed us our... non-digital selves, I think most of them started to piece things together."
"Oh yeah," Jax said, "You told me about that. I bet Zooble felt pretty smug..."
Pomni looked up at her, "Zooble had a suspicion since that day with the suggestion box.”
“They did?” asked Jax.
“They’re the one that told Gangle to put you in the maid outfit,” Pomni told her.
“Wh-,” Jax said, “I… I didn’t think that..”
“You didn’t think that Zooble would recognize someone dealing with dysphoria?”
“I was so masculine though…”
“Pft!” Pomni laughed, “No you weren’t. You practically told on yourself by talking about stereotypes.”
Jax’s eyes narrowed to a pinpoint as the realization hit her. Her face flushed red. The old her wanted to disassociate, but instead she took a deep breath and relaxed.
“You know,” she said, “I was going through a lot back then…”
“That’s an understatement!” Pomni said, giving her a gentle slug on the shoulder.
“And now I look like this,” said Jax, “Everyone can see me for who I really am, and I’m… happy about it! But also scared... Why don't they hate me?"
"Why would they?" Pomni asked.
"Because I'm," Jax paused.
Pomni let the word go unsaid.
"Because I hurt them," Jax said instead, "Even now, I can't stop myself from thinking things... Like Zooble's gonna rub it in my face, ya know?"
“But they haven’t!” said Pomni, “Have they?”
“Ugh,” Jax sighed, “No. Nobody's said anything and that's... worse somehow?"
“You know,” Pomni said, “You’re not gonna believe this… but your other self, the one out there? They ended up hanging out at Zooble’s bar.”
“You’re fucking with me,” Jax said, sincerely.
Pomni shook her head.
“Not at all,” she said, “It was a safe space for people to express themselves. In the posts Caine showed us, Lee hadn’t come out yet, but I think… I think that place saved her.”
Jax looked across the circus tent at the other side of the balcony. Zooble’s bar sat in perfect symmetry with the cafe. She sat there, silently staring. Pomni rested her face on her hand and watched Jax get lost on thought.
“Eventually you’re gonna have to face them,” Pomni said, snapping Jax out of her trance, “Maybe…”
She walked her fingers across the bar in front of them, “Instead of worrying about everything at once, you can start with baby steps… over to the bar… with me.”
“Are you asking me on a date, Pomni?” Jax teased, but when she saw Pomni giving her a leering grin she froze.
“If that’s what it takes to get you to open up,” Pomni answered, poking at her chin.
“Uhh,” Jax blushed, “I… I think… uhh…”
Pomni leaned in a little closer, a smug look on her face.
“I-I,” Jax stammered, “I think you’re right! I should go annoy Zooble and get this over with. I’ll uhh. I’ll see you later.”
Jax fell out of her chair and dashed away as fast as she could, stumbling over her own feet.
Pomni leaned against the bar and listened to Jax muttering to herself as she left; “Shit- fuck- what am I doing! Stupid! Stupid!"
“Can’t get her over her anxiety?” Pomni said to herself, “Give her something else to be more anxious about…”
She pulled out her wacky phone, something Caine had given all of them after learning about twitter:
00:09:27
Pomni: “Incoming Jax.”
Zooble: “Wow, how’d you finally do it?”
Pomni: “I came onto her and she ran away."
Zooble: “Wtf Pomni."
Ragatha: "Wait what? 0//0"
Pomni: “Bitch could have at least said no..."
Pomni: "Bunny butt got me worked up."
Zooble: “WTAF Pomni!"
Ragatha: "Pomni..."
Ragatha: "Come to my room, please."
00:09:58
Zooble: “She’s been standing outside for half an hour talking to herself."
00:10:27
Pomni: “Give her a minute"
Zooble: “I’ve given her like, 60 minutes."
Zooble: “Here we go..."
Jax walked into the bar and plopped herself down in front of Zooble.
“Give me a… dirty girlscout,” she said.
“First time seeing you here,” said Zooble, whipping up her drink without hesitation.
“Are we,” Jax looked around, “Are we doing a roleplay thing or…”
“No, Jax,” Zooble said, “This is literally the first time you’ve come in here.”
“Oh,” Jax said, “I… guess it is.”
Zooble slid Jax a minty glass of liquor, topped with a mint cookie. Jax took the drink, and then looked around the bar.
“Why are you here all by yourself, anyway?” She asked, “There’s only six of us, and we all have phones now- oh my god she set me up.”
“Not exactly,” Zooble said, “She told me you were coming so Gangle could avoid running into you. She has been trying to get you in here for a while, though.”
“And that’s,” Jax asked nervously, “All she told you?”
“Pomni cares about you,” Zooble says, “More than you deserve some days, but she’s trying to help you open up.”
"Right," Jax rolled her eyes, "She wants all of you to feel sorry for me..."
“She never told us what she saw inside your head,” Zooble told her, “We know something happened, we know you showed her your memories, but whatever secrets you’ve been carrying, are safe with her.”
Secret. That word lingered in Jax’s ears. She reached up to the base of her left ear, where in her mind there should have been a cute red bow. It wasn't there.
“She,” Jax said, "Really never told anyone?”
"Are you okay?" Zooble asked.
Jax touched her face, and felt tears streaming down it. Embarrassed, she wiped them clean and sniffed, "Yeah... Yeah I'm good."
“You know Pomni told me,” She started, “And this is CRAZY~”
“That our real selves have probably done this?” Zooble said.
“Okay are all of you fucking with me?" Jax asked.
"Caine showed us this slideshow-"
"Ohh!" Jax interrupted, "Right! The slideshow! I haven't watched it..."'
Zooble gave her a look for interrupting, and then continued.
“Learning about Lee,” she said, “Made me wish things had gone differently for you. I had to consider if I could forgive you; if and when we could reverse abstraction.”
“I don’t know if I deserve it,” Jax said, and she was surprised to hear herself say it.
“I don’t know if you do either,” Zooble said, honestly.
Jax’s ears sank.
“But Pomni thinks you do.”
“Well Pomni’s-”
“And Gangle,” Zooble continued.
Jax’s ears perked up.
“She hasn’t forgiven you yet,” Zooble said, “But she’s willing to hear you out... in her own time.”
“I,” Jax tried to hide her tears, “I took a lot of my issues out on her.”
"You did," Zooble agreed.
"I'm," Jax hesitated, "I'm sor-"
"She knows," Zooble said, "But you have to show both of us that you're making an effort to change. Until then..."
Zooble's eyes darted to the side for a moment, and Jax thought she caught a glimpse of Gangle hiding in the back somewhere. She chose not to notice.
"I don't know," Jax said, "if I know how to change..."
“It’s going to take time, Jax,” Zooble said, “But if you talk to us this time, we’re willing to listen. We were always willing to listen.”
Jax sat there taking in what Zooble had said. She finished her drink, and took a long sigh. Zooble, again without missing a beat, set down a new drink, took the empty glass and turned around to wash it in the sink behind them. Jax fought with herself for a moment.
"Talk," she asked, "Huh?"
She stared into the mint green drink sitting in front of her, watching the condensation on the glass. When did this place start to feel so real? The last time anything felt this real to him to her was...
“Have you,” Jax hesitated, “Ever done something you regret?”
Zooble stopped what they were doing, “Yeah? I put on this headset once…”
“Heh,” Jax forced a laugh, “Good one…”
Zooble turned around leaned against the back bar, giving Jax their full attention.
“I... had this friend,” Jax began, “Before you or Gangle came here… It's the reason Rags and I... It's the reason I was… Her... Her name was Ribbit…”