Chapter Text
Suing the department was the worst idea Buck had ever had in his entire life.
And he had his fair share of terrible ideas.
Buck had been completely, utterly, and terribly alone.
The walls of his apartment were his only friend and even they seemed to hate him, or maybe he hated them.
He was sick of looking at them, sick of being away from his family- or what used to be his family- and most of all, he was sick of being away from Eddie.
Because being away from Eddie meant being away from Chris, too.
He needed both of them, but he had neither of them.
How long had it been again?
Four months? Five? Maybe even longer, since he dropped the lawsuit.
Still, he wasn't welcome.
He wasn't back at the 118, he wasn't even a firefighter anymore, because it just reminded him of his family.
Buck wanted them back, but he couldn't have that.
So, he did what he thought was the next best thing. He jumped back into reckless, dangerous situations just like when he was a kid.
He fought. Not because he liked the violence, but because it felt like punishment. Because he deserved it after everything he put them through.
And it was the only place people didn't hate him.
The other fighters? They hated him, but the crowds were strongly in his favor.
Despite him being new, Buck had become something of a crowd favorite.
When Buck joined, maybe a month ago, he was told not to use his real name. Obviously.
What he was doing was illegal, he'd be an absolute moron if he signed up with his real name.
Although, this year clearly proved he wasn't the brightest.
His "agent" picked a name for him. Buck bitterly thought he used up all of his creativity to ruin his life.
"Deimos." Colt decided, writing it down. "Because you're..." He motioned up and down at Buck in an explanatory manner.
"Terrifying?" Buck supplied, helpfully.
"I was gonna go with tall and unsettling, but sure. That works too." Colt answered with a shrug.
Unsettling was never a word used to describe Buck, at least not before. But ever since the lawsuit, the closest Buck got to a smile was a sneer.
He'd seen clerks at the grocery flinch before meeting his eyes, which told him all he needed to know.
"What days and times can you fight?" Colt asked.
"Whenever."
The rugged man raised a brow. "Your life that sucky, huh?"
"Just write it down." Buck snapped.
Luckily, Colt kept his comments to a minimum as he filled out the sheet.
"You'll be paid in cash after every fight, meet me back here for the envelope."
Buck gave a curt nod in response.
"You start tonight. Eight thirty, but I better see your ass back here at seven if you want in."
"I'll be here." He assured the man, pushing himself off of the wall he'd been leaning on. Keeping pressure off of his bag leg.
It didn't hurt as much anymore, but he was still cautious.
"You better." Colt scoffed. "See ya at seven."
And that's where Buck had been nearly every day for the past month.
It paid well, but without an actual job he couldn't live the way he used to.
He kept his loft, but what he had there became limited. Food was scarce, so were sources of entertainment.
Buck still paid for Disney plus because he knew Chris still used it, he could see new shows and movies pop up on his profile from time to time, but that was about it.
A loud voice tore him from his thoughts, his name being called into the ring.
"And our rising star! Deimos!" The announcer screeched, a light shining down on him as he walked into view.
For a place where men-and women- tried to beat each other senseless, the building was actually pretty nice.
Buck's eyes met with the person who stood across from him. The girl was a bit shorter than he was, blonde, but she looked tough. She had a mole under her eye, which vaguely reminded Buck of the one Eddie had.
He shook his head, he needed to focus. He didn't have time to dissect why this person looked so familiar or why she reminded him of his ghosts.
"I've heard a lot about you." The woman said, raising her fists as the bell rang.
"Wasn't aware people talked about me." He replied, mirroring her stance.
"Just one. You fucked him up pretty bad."
He scoffed. That wasn't specific enough for him, there were plenty of people he'd mangled in the ring.
And there were a fair share of times he'd been mangled.
She made the first punch, aiming a jab right at his still healing ribs, which he only barely managed to avoid.
He connected a hit to her, but a kick sent him off balance. So, his punch hit her in the side and not the stomach.
Another hit landed against his ribs, causing him to let out a hiss of pain.
"You look terrible, I might add." His opponent commented, calmly. Like she was discussing the weather and not the fact Buck looked like he'd been beat to Hell.
He swung again, leaving a punch that would create a nasty, lingering bruise. "If I didn't know better, I'd think you were concerned."
"I'm not worried about you, but your friend would be if he saw you like this."
Friend.
Buck froze for half a second, long enough for a fist to connect with his nose.
He stumbled back, his eyes watering as he lifted his hand to wipe away the thick glob of blood running down his chin.
Friend.
"I don't have friends." He spat out the word 'friends' like it was acid in his mouth.
He clenched his jaw as his bad leg connected against his opponent's body, knocking her off balance. Another kick sent her to the ground.
"I don't have friends." He repeated. "I don't need friends. I don't need anybody. And I sure as hell don't need you spouting bullshit." He growled, standing over her.
He punched her before she could stand. Then he hit her again and again, taking out his frustrations on her like he had with everyone else. Giving her a reason to hit back.
And she did, hard.
She must've been holding back before, because suddenly Buck couldn't keep up.
The rules were tap out or knock out, the second one came quicker as his head was slammed down against the mat.
Buck came to in the locker room with Colt crouched in front of him holding a bloody rag, cleaning out his wounds.
"I shoulda known not to set you up for that fight." The brunet mumbled. "One'a these days you ain't gonna get back up if you keep actin' like that."
Buck couldn't place where his accent was from. New York, maybe.
"Y'know there are two options for a reason." Colt continued. "You should pick tap out once in a while."
Buck grunted in response, wincing as the cloth dabbed at a wound that had reopened on his forehead.
Head wounds bled a lot, he learned that as a firefighter. He didn't, however, learn that they always hurt like a bitch.
"Wanna tell me what happened out there, kid? You looked like you wanted to kill her in the second half."
He shrugged, shrinking away as more antiseptic was applied to the cloth. "Nothing. She just got in my head."
Colt looked at him, "I can tell when you're lyin', y'know?"
Buck shot a glare in response.
"You don't have to tell me, but you probably should tell someone." The man noted. "If not for yourself than for keepin' your head clear out there." He jutted his chin toward the ring. "I don't make as much when you lose."
A noise escaped Buck's lips, something caught in between a laugh and a scoff. It sounded foreign to him.
"So, whaddya say? Wanna tell me?"
"It's kind of a long story." He grumbled.
"I got time. My next guy doesn't fight 'til midnight."
"I used to be normal before this." He started. "Well, as normal as I could've been. I had a good life..." Buck caught his bottom lip between his teeth, feeling the sting from his split lip increase. "I- Somehow she knew. Or maybe she was just really good at guessing, but..."
"She bring somethin' up?" Colt questioned, his hand hovering over Buck's nose in a silent warning before he slotted it back into place.
Buck hissed, cringing at the sound and clenching his jaw as a bandage was placed overtop. "Not anything specific, but she made a comment about a friend. Or someone worrying about me." His eyes dropped to his lap, where he clenched and unclenched his fists. "I don't have anyone. Not anymore."
Colt seemed to soften, only slightly. It was the first time he ever looked human, like the person he was outside of all of this mess. "I know it ain't much, but you got me, ya hear?"
A smile, a genuine, actual smile formed on Buck's face. Not his usual, big, goofy grin, but something small. Private.
"You don't look so intimidating like this, almost hard to believe." Colt joked, gently patting Buck on the shoulder. "Go home." He said, quieter. "Get some rest. Call if you need anything."
Buck nodded, letting Colt help him stand up.
It felt nice to have someone who cared, even in this weird, fucked up way. It was all he had.
It was the only thing he hadn't ruined.
Buck's loft was quiet, too quiet.
It had been since the lawsuit was filed, but this silence felt different. It felt wrong.
He looked around, his chest tight as he searched for anything out of the ordinary. Doors open when they shouldn't be, stuff not where it was when he left, footprints...
Nothing was different.
People from the ring had been known to show up at other fighter's houses for "payback" and Buck really hoped it wasn't that.
His phone buzzed- his actual phone and not the stupid flip phone burner Colt made him buy.
He only kept it charged in case Maddie texted, which she hadn't. So, what was it?
The brightness of it hurt his eyes, illuminating his apartment as he hadn't been bothered to turn on any lights.
Bobby: Whenever you're ready, we need to talk.
Buck wanted to scoff, wanted to cut back with some snarky remark, wanted to mean what he said in the ring. But, he couldn't.
Instead, he sent an 'okay' in response.
He wasn't sure when he'd be ready, if he ever would be, but it certainly wasn't in that moment.
Buck put his phone back on the charger, switching it to silent as he fell into bed.
A pained grunt escaped him, his body hurt more than it usually did.
That chick could certainly pack a punch, that was for sure, and he'd met bigger, tougher looking men who didn't hit him as hard.
His mind kept looping back to what she said.
'Your friend would be if he saw you like this.'
What was she talking about? Who was she talking about?
Stupidly, his mind thought of Eddie.
But Eddie didn't care, he never did. It was a lie and that lie shattered like a glass house when Buck finally pushed too far.
Eddie was right, though. Buck was exhausting.
He hadn't been the first person to say it and Buck would bet money that he wouldn't be the last.
His own parents didn't like him, why should Eddie?
After all of Buck's whiny, annoying antics, why would Eddie care about him?
Was she talking about Bobby?
After everything, Bobby had reached out to him. He'd been the first and only person to, actually.
Maybe Bobby still cared, somewhere deep down in his heart.
He was religious and wasn't his own practice about forgiveness or something?
Guilt panged in Buck's chest. He wasn't even on speaking terms with Bobby and he still managed to worry him.
Or he would worry him if he ever found out what Buck had been doing.
If the woman ever told anyone, Buck would never be able to work as a firefighter again. Anywhere.
Hell, he might not work a job again.
But then she'd have to admit she was there too, so she wouldn't. Right?
Right.
It took a week, but Buck finally gathered the courage to meet with Bobby.
When they decided on a day, Buck called Colt and told him to not schedule any fights for the three days leading up to it.
Colt raised an eyebrow, "Somethin' happen?" He asked as Buck shifted nervously in the locker room.
"Uh, not exactly. Not yet." Buck mumbled, picking at the bandages around his knuckles.
"Wanna talk about it?"
"Bobby texted."
Colt's eyes widened. "Your old boss?"
Ever since their first heart-to-heart, Buck had been a bit more open about his past with Colt, who wasn't exactly an open book himself, but he tried.
"Yeah, we're supposed to, uh- We're going to talk and I don't..."
"I get it. Nobody here really wants people knowing they're here, especially not their boss."
Buck nodded. "I wanna give my bruises a bit of time to heal before we meet."
"Well, don't worry. You'll be off the books."
"Thank you."
"Now, go knock 'em dead, kid."
He exhaled a sigh of relief, feeling Colt pat his shoulder before sending him out.
This was his last fight before he had to sit down with Bobby, he needed to make it count.
It might be a dumb thought, but the ring wasn't all bad.
Buck had gotten good at repressing his negative emotions, bottling them up so they wouldn't burden anyone, but in the ring he didn't need to.
In the ring, he could channel all of his anger, sadness, fear, and whatever else into violence.
The roaring crowds made it easier to ignore the nagging in the back of his head and the pain caused by his own decisions.
Because he didn't need to be Evan Buckley in the ring. He could just be Deimos.
"And now, the moment you've all been waiting for!" A drum roll cut in as the announcer paused for effect. "Deimos versus The Bull!"
Buck could see why his opponent was called "The Bull" just from looking at him.
Big, broad guy, septum pierced, crazy eyes, he was huffing and puffing like he'd run a marathon before showing up, and honestly, his face looked pretty bullish.
The Bull didn't wait. Once the bell rang, he was throwing punches like he had personal beef with Buck.
He caught Buck in a chokehold pretty quickly, there wasn't much he could do to avoid it.
Luckily, the guy was clumsy when adjusting his grip and Buck smacked his head back into the guy's nose.
His opponent let go of him, blood streaming down his face. His nose looked broken, but Buck wasn't an expert, so why should he know?
He was just some dumb fighter.
Buck sent a kick to The Bull's ribs, earning a low groan from the man.
His leg was grabbed and soon enough he was sent to the ground, where he was met with a series of punches.
The punches landed everywhere. His chest, arms, face, some even missed like The Bull couldn't aim properly.
A crack echoed from his ribs and pain spread through his body like a fire in a dry forest.
Definitely broken, he thought.
Finally, he tapped out. Admitting his defeat, Buck was spared from getting pummelled to death by the raging, possibly drugged man above him.
He couldn't take anymore if he wanted to look somewhat normal when he went to see Bobby.
Maybe he could lie and say he fell down the stairs or something.
A part of him was disappointed in how quickly the fight ended, but that part of him also knew there would be no more fighting if he continued.
Because he'd be dead.
"I'm proud of you." It meant a lot coming from Colt considering the man was his replacement for everything.
Colt looked kind of like Eddie, teased him like Chim, bandaged him after his stupid stunts like Hen, looked after him like Maddie, and felt almost like a father the way Bobby did.
Buck blamed his tears on the pain from his ribs as Colt wrapped bandages around his torso, making sure his ribs were snugly in place without restricting his breathing as they healed.
"You tapped out this time, which proves to me you don't wanna die and you ain't stupid." Colt continued as he finished securing the wraps.
Buck barked out a laugh, which he immediately regretted as pain flashed through his body again, leaving a pulsing, agonizing heat behind that only brought more tears to the corner of his eyes.
"And you held your own pretty well. For about thirty seconds." Colt chuckled. "It was longer than I thought you'd last."
"You have that little faith in me?" Buck mock pouted. "I'm offended."
"Cute, but ya can't win every fight."
"Doesn't mean I can't try."
"Damn right."
A moment of silence passed between the two of them as they sat there, Colt looking Buck up and down as he made a count of the injuries. They'd all been cleaned already, so Buck didn't know what the holdup was for.
No offense to Colt, but he'd like to put his shirt back on. He was freezing.
"Should be good for dinner, 'cept maybe that black eye. And those ribs." Colt observed, passing Buck an ice pack to place over the mentioned black eye.
"Thanks... for everything."
"It's no problem, kid."
Colt wasn't even ten years older than Buck, yet that still earned him the 'kid' title.
"You know the drill." The brunet said, tossing Buck his shirt.
"Get some rest, drink plenty of water, and-"
"Don't get injured unless you're gettin' paid." Both of them said.
"See? I knew you were smart." Colt said, ruffling Buck's hair as he stood up. "I'll see ya next week?"
"I doubt I'll have anywhere else to be."
"Don't discredit yourself, I'm sure Bobby's realized what he's been missin'."
"I'll text if plans change."
Colt gave him a nod before he left the room, Buck leaving shortly after with his cut of the money.
He knew Colt checked for a concussion, but he swore he saw Eddie there. The man's back was turned, so he couldn't be sure, but he looked like Eddie. And that blonde lady was next to him.
Buck didn't take any chances, he bolted before either of them turned around. Well, bolted was a strong word. He attempted to quickly limp out of the back exit, was more accurate.
The day he went to meet Bobby was a bad one.
His leg throbbed in pain, the sharp stabbing sensation had synced up to the one pounding in his ribs, and he was already running on fumes before the day had even started.
The previous night was spent tossing and turning, his mind playing him every possible scenario and they were all bad.
His coffee machine broke, he didn't have any food left, and he barely had enough pain medication to get him through the day.
So, yeah. It could've been going better.
Not wanting to be rude, Buck brought a gift. (It was actually just a cookbook he never used wrapped in scraps of Christmas wrapping paper.)
Athena opened the door and visibly recoiled with shock once she saw his face. "Oh my goodness.." Her hands came up to cup his face, tilting it to give her a better view. "Who did this to you?" She asked, anger and genuine concern dripping from her voice.
It made Buck's heart twist painfully in his chest.
"No one." He lied. "I-" He scoffed, fake laughing. "I tripped and smacked himself in the face of the edge of my island." He admitted, falsely.
Her frown deepened, but she seemed to understand his reluctance for the truth. After all, the lawsuit affected more than just him and that space he forced in between everyone made their relationships crumble.
Truth wasn't exactly something you wanted to admit to someone you couldn't trust.
"Come in, Bobby made lasagna." She said, stepping back and motioning him to follow.
They all sat in the same places they did when Bobby admitted he was keeping Buck back, the tension in the air felt the same. If it were a scene from a TV show or movie, one might be able to play the clips next to each other and notice they were almost exactly the same.
They ate in silence for the first few minutes, no one made eye contact with each other, everyone too scared to say the first word.
Finally, Bobby spoke up.
"I wanted to say I'm sorry." He started, his tone sounding sincere. "I wanted to apologize for how I acted toward you and I understand why you felt the need to do what you did." He took a deep breath, Buck could see the stiffness in his muscles like he was waiting for an argument. "You wanted your job back and I was keeping you from that. You felt that it was... betrayal and I suppose it was. Even though that wasn't what I intended. I know 'sorry' doesn't fix things, but I want to make a conscious effort to regain your trust. If you'll let me."
"No, you're totally right." Buck paused for a moment, staring down at his plate. "Sorry doesn't fix things, but... I also get where you came from. I sued the department, I sued you guys. We were supposed to be a team, a family, and I completely-" He inhaled sharply, recalling something he'd heard his team teasing say before. "Bucked it up. I didn't trust your judgment and I... didn't have your backs. So, I'm sorry too."
"I know you aren't a firefighter anymore, but if you'd ever want to come back, there's always a spot at the 118 for you."
Buck laughed, but it felt hollow and brittle. "I think you're the only one who wants me back. Or- wouldn't be upset if I came back."
Athena's hand grabbed his from across the table. "They all miss you, Buck. I've seen it, the whole station isn't the same without you there."
"They have a funny way of showing it." He grumbled, but he accepted the reassuring squeeze Athena gave him.
"Give them- Give us a chance, Buck." Bobby pleaded. "I promise I'll try my hardest to make it up to you."
"When do you want me back?"
That earned him a smile, something he'd never thought he'd see on Bobby's face again. Not directed toward him, anyway.
"How soon can you fill out the paperwork?"
There was a lot of confusion and anxiety bubbling inside of Buck.
He kept waiting for everything to be a joke, for Bobby to laugh in his face and call him pathetic for ever believing he was wanted back.
Another part of him wondered if Bobby really wanted this, or if it was just penance for something.
Everything swirling around in his head needed to get sorted, or maybe he just needed a good hit to straighten him out. Either way, he was back at the ring.
He wasn't there to fight, Colt sat him down and banned him from fighting until his ribs healed.
In his opinion, that seemed bad for business, but Colt seemed to disagree.
"I need my fighters in their best conditions." He explained.
Yet, Buck showed up anyway. He found himself waiting near the locker room for Colt.
He had his hood drawn up and his head tilted down, hiding his face, but his height was more than enough to give him away to any frequenters.
Colt leaned against the wall next to him, his head turned to watch the ring. "How'd it go?"
"I go back Friday, twelve hours shifts." Buck relayed what Bobby had told him that morning over the phone.
"That's good. Although, I will miss you here. One'a my best."
"I never said I was leaving."
Colt whipped his head to face Buck, his eyes wide. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"
"Am I known for having good ideas?"
"Not particularly, but c'mon-"
"I want to keep coming. I've got a feeling it won't go well and I don't want to get out of practice."
Colt softened, he'd been doing that more and more. Sometimes, Buck thought he knew what Colt was like underneath his dark mask.
"And... I don't want to be alone." Buck whispered, his eyes flickering up to meet the brunet's. "You're all I've got right now and I don't want to lose you."
"You won't lose me."
"Promise?"
"Promise." Colt punctuated with a nod.
One of his hands slipped free from his pocket, hanging in the space between them as a silent offer.
Buck linked their hands together, tucking them into the pocket of his hoodie as he shuffled closer. It didn't look like they were holding hands, didn't look like a child clinging to his father, just standing shoulder to shoulder.
Like him and Eddie used to.
They both turned their attention back to the ring, hearing a shout of disapproval from the crowd.
Buck didn't have a clear view of who was up, all he knew was it was one of Colt's guys. And whoever it was, he was getting his ass kicked.
"Who's up?" He asked, curiously.
"Troy."
It seemed like such a normal name, it startled him. "Like-"
"Trojan War Troy, yeah."
"Greek mythology fan, are you?" Buck teased, a grin cutting across his face.
"Mythology is a guilty pleasure."
He nodded. "Who's Troy up against?"
"Says his name is Cowboy, apparently this guy's from Texas."
Buck hummed, hoping he didn't seem too worried.
There were other people from Texas who probably went by Cowboy, that meant it wasn't Eddie.
Eddie would never come to a place like this. Eddie has a silver star. Eddie wouldn't do stupid, illegal shit.
Those were all Buck characteristics.
"He's been around for almost the same as you, maybe a little before." Colt explained.
"Anything else?"
"No, he keeps to himself most of the time. Kinda broody."
Broody. Cowboy. Texas. Almost the same amount of time as him.
"I-"
Sensing his worry, Colt let go of his hand. "Go home, you've got a big day coming up."
He lingered for a fraction of a second.
"118, right?"
Buck nodded, then left, hoping to be gone before Eddie knew he was there.
☼☼☼
Eddie had been expecting Cap to say something about a new person joining them. Bosko had gone back to the 136 months ago and no one had filled the space. The space Buck left when he decided they were the enemy.
So, he wasn't surprised when Bobby said someone would be coming in.
"Be nice, okay? We don't want to scare them off." Bobby joked, but Eddie could see the importance that was hidden behind it.
He never assumed that Bobby was the kind of person who needed people to like him, but it seemed like he didn't know anyone.
Not even someone he used to consider his best friend.
"That announcement was an hour ago, still no heads or tails of this new guy." Chim rolled his eyes.
"You think he's ditching?" Eddie asked, not even glancing up from his phone.
"Uh, guys, I think you should see this." Hen said, her voice mildly panicked.
Hen panicked? That was a sign of concern.
Eddie joined her, looking over the glass railing of the loft to see a figure in the locker room, tying his boots.
His grip on the railing tightened until his knuckles turned white, his jaws clenching together so hard he thought he'd break a tooth.
"Cap-"
"Evan Buckley, new recruit." Bobby announced, calmly.
"And you didn't think to tell any of us?" Eddie snapped, turning his head so he could glare directly at his captain.
"Bobby, you can't be serious." Chim spoke up. "He sued the department!"
"He sued us!" Eddie asserted, his voice firm.
"He dropped the lawsuit and tried to make it up to us, but we ignored him." Bobby said, rivaling Eddie's tone. "I think he deserves a second chance."
"Why? So he can sue us again?"
"Just give him a chance, would you?"
Hen and Chim mumbled something that sounded like an agreement, but Eddie refused.
After everything Buck put him through- him and Christopher- he wasn't going to act like nothing happened.
Buck was the reason he had to sit down with his son and explain why his Buck wasn't coming over anymore because Buck betrayed them.
"No." He said. "Buck knew what he was doing when he filed that lawsuit-"
"He didn't." Bobby argued. "Do you honestly believe that Buck would willingly, knowing hurt us? Because that's not what happened. He wanted his job back and that lawyer used that to his advantage."
Eddie fell silent.
He hadn't thought of it that way before.
When Buck finally came up to the loft, the first thing Eddie noticed was how different he looked.
For one, he had curls. They weren't slicked back under excessive hair gel anymore and they looked good. Second, he was much thinner than before. Like, he'd been skipping meals kind of thin. Third, he seemed more cautious. Buck seemed to be moving cautiously, cradling his side and making sure he didn't bump into anything or anyone, and his sentences were clipped. Fourth, the glaringly obvious black eye.
"What happened?" Eddie asked, not entirely sure what kind of answer he was hoping for.
He certainly didn't expect Buck to snap back with: "Why do you care? I sued you, remember?"
That just made Eddie want the answer even more.
What happened to turn Buck into this?
Buck was cautious, but he wasn't shy. He was aware of the space he took up and the general attitude toward him, he seemed almost ready for someone to lash out at him.
But Eddie could see it was a mask, he was sure they all could.
Buck was still the same guy on the inside; a puppy craving for attention, but someone taught the puppy to bite. To guard itself from threats, falsely perceived or real.
Although, Buck had the right to think they were against him. He definitely heard what they said this morning, which only reinforced how he'd been treated by them over the past months.
The alarms blarred, cutting off anything Eddie could've said as everyone barreled into the truck in their gear.
He supposed he'd just have to wait before he tried to get the blonde to trust him again.
Everyone was in their usual spots in the truck, but Buck was crushed up against the door like he was determined to stay as far away from Eddie as possible.
It felt like their first shift all over again.
And, technically, he supposed it was.
"So, Buckaroo," Chimney started, breaking the awkward silence that had filled the tight spaces in between each breath. "What have you been up to?"
"Recovering." Buck replied, curtly.
"How's that going?" Hen asked. "Has the pain gotten better? Anymore clots?"
"It's fine. No clots."
"Since when did you grow your curls out?" Eddie asked.
Buck turned to look at him with a glare like he just said he hoped Buck killed himself.
Which he absolutely did NOT want.
The lawsuit turned him into a bitter, angry man because it took Buck away.
If Buck died, Eddie couldn't imagine the monster he'd turn into.
"Okay..." Eddie trailed off, thinking of something else to say. "Have you met anyone new?"
"No."
Well, at least that got an answer.
"Take it easy," Bobby warned from the front seat. "It's his first day back."
Any further attempts at conversations were halted as the truck arrived on scene.
It was a pretty simple search and rescue, nothing too complicated.
As Bobby started speaking, Eddie patiently waited for him to send out BuckandEddie but he never did.
Instead, Buck was sent out with Hen. The only person who he hadn't been glaring daggers at whenever she spoke.
"Eddie and Chim, search the West side." Bobby instructed.
And Eddie had no choice but to obey.
Sure, he was angry at Buck, but he was so tired of being angry at him. He was ready to put all of that behind him now, he just wanted his friend back.
His other half.
Christopher's other dad.
"Diaz!" Chim yelled, snapping his fingers in front of Eddie's face. "Can you focus?"
"Uh, yeah. Sorry, Chim."
The call went without a hitch and soon enough they were pulling into the station once more, where someone was lingering by the stairs.
Someone who should not be there.
"Colt." Eddie grumbled, seeing the man as he exited the rig. "What are you doing here?"
The man waved dismissively. "I ain't here for ya, Cowboy."
"Then-"
Before Eddie could finish, Buck was next to him. Only briefly as he walked past, joining Colt with his back turned to Eddie.
"Buck?" His voice sounded quiet, even to him. He wouldn't be surprised if no one heard it.
What he saw before him wasn't right. Buck shouldn't know Colt, shouldn't be talking to him like an old friend. It was wrong.
Buck was sweet and innocent, he wasn't violent.
Anger bubbled in Eddie's chest, mixing with something else inside of him like a blender set to puree.
"Who's this?" Bobby's booming voice asked, joining them by the staircase.
Buck turned, still refusing to face Eddie. "This is my friend, Jake." And he motioned to Colt.
Eddie's shoulders dropped slightly. 'Okay, so maybe he doesn't know what Colt does. He's safe.'
"I thought you said you hadn't met anyone new." Chim commented.
"We aren't dating." Buck and Colt said in almost perfect synchrony.
Chim held his hands up in surrender, looking sheepish. "Sorry, didn't mean to assume."
"Jake is too old for him." Eddie grimaced. "What are you? Thirty six?"
"It's eight years, Eddie." Buck shot back. "And besides, we aren't dating so what the hell is your problem?"
"My problem?" He asked, raising his voice. Before Buck would've flinched. Not now. "What's your problem? Hanging out with "Jake" isn't good."
"Yeah, because I'm the pinnacle of good ideas!" The taller man yelled. "I make such good choices! Like suing you! And throwing my life down the drain! What amazing choices!"
Colt placed a hand on Buck's shoulder, reeling him back. Bobby stepped between the two of them before things could escalate.
Eddie glared daggers at Colt, he shouldn't be touching Buck. Corrupting him. Buck didn't need Colt, Buck needed Eddie.
"Eight thirty." Buck mouthed. "Tonight."
The place didn't need to be specified.
"Both of you, my office." Bobby barked, pointing a finger toward the door. "Now."
As the three of them sat in Bobby's office, silence filled the room.
It mixed with the air like a poisonous gas, making Eddie's chest tighten the longer it lingered.
"I don't know what that was about, but whatever it is, it needs to stop." Bobby said, his tone was both stern and full of faux calm. "I know the lawsuit-"
"This isn't about the lawsuit." Eddie interrupted, standing up. He'd apologize later. "This is about Buck hanging out with Jake."
"Well, I wouldn't be hanging out with Jake if you didn't treat me like I didn't exist!" Buck cut in.
"I'm sorry! Okay?!" Eddie shouted. "I was still scared after almost losing you and Chris in the tsunami, I was angry that Shannon died, I was angry at you for filing that lawsuit, and I was angry at myself." He took a deep breath. "I didn't have your back and I hated that. So, I got mad. Because being mad was easier than admitting to all of that. It was easier than seeing where you were coming from. So... I'm sorry."
The office fell into silence again, equally as suffocating at the last bout.
Buck opened his mouth, then closed it. Eddie could see it in his eyes, he didn't know if he should be angry or forgive.
"You don't have to answer right now." Eddie added. "I just thought you should know that I'm sorry."
He sank back down into his seat across from Bobby's desk, pointing his eyes toward the floor.
Buck did the same.
A sigh came from Bobby.
"Go home. Both of you." The older man said.
"But-" Buck started to argue.
"Home." Bobby repeated. "You'll both report back Monday like usual."
That night, Eddie still showed up to the ring.
He didn't want to, but Buck told him to come.
And if this was what it took to get their friendship back, then throw him in the ring.
"Tonight!" The announcer's voice echoed. "Everyone's favorite Texas ranger- Cowboy- stands against the embodiment of terror himself- Deimos!"
Eddie froze.
Buck was Deimos?
He'd heard stories about Deimos. That man was brutal, bloodthirsty even.
There was no way...
But seeing Buck step into the ring, his torso wrapped and his wrists bandaged, only confirmed it.
Whatever flicker of kindness in Buck's eyes that Eddie thought he saw in Bobby's office was gone, crushed underneath a haze of rage.
It was almost like Buck wasn't there at all.
But Eddie saw other things in his eyes. Fear, confusion, insecurity, pain, remorse, regret... He saw it all. Every negative emotion swirling around in Buck's head.
A kick landed in the middle of his chest, knocking the air out of his lungs and sending him back to reality.
He wasn't dealing with those buried emotions, not now, he was dealing with wrath.
"Hit me." Buck demanded.
"I'm not-"
A punch smashed into his cheek, he could taste a faint iron in his mouth.
"Hit me." The blonde repeated.
"I won't."
Another punch, this time to his gut, but he managed to dodge just in time.
"Hit me!" Buck yelled. "All that anger you talked about from before? You don't have to take it out on other people anymore, you can take it out on the real thing!"
Eddie blocked a punch before Buck could hit his face again.
Reclunantly, he swung back.
Not at full strength, but hard enough to seem believable.
"We can talk about this." He tried, but that seemed to have the opposite effect.
Buck lunged at him, tackling him to the ground. "Talk?" Buck's fist met his face. "You wanna talk?" Another punch landed somewhere on his body. "After six months, you want to talk?" Another punch. "After everything that's happened?" Punch. "You wanna talk?" Punch.
"Yes!" Eddie admitted. "I was stupid for being angry and I was stupid for giving into that anger. This all could've been avoided if we just talked about it!"
Buck gave an animalistic growl in response.
"I love you." Eddie admitted. Not because he thought it would stop Buck, but he needed Buck to hear it.
That despite everything, Eddie still loved him.
And nothing would change that.
"You left me to rot!" Buck screamed.
"I know and I'm sorry. What I said in Bobby's office was true. I was angry and I took it out on you, I know that's no excuse and you have no reason to forgive me, but please. Come home."
Buck froze.
"Chris misses you. He never stopped asking where you went."
"And what did you tell him?" Buck asked, suddenly very quiet.
"The truth." Eddie admitted. "But he never stopped begging for you to come home."
"Don't." Buck dropped his fists, his body trembling with the force of unshed tears. "Don't lie to me."
"I'm not, I would never lie about this."
"I hate you." Buck mumbled, his voice cracking as tears started to roll down his face.
His fist weakly connected with Eddie's shoulder, it was barely even considered a tap.
"I know." Eddie mumbled, reaching up to comb his fingers through Buck's curls in an attempt to soothe the taller man. "It's okay, I know."
Buck stood up, stumbling back like he'd been punched. His eyes darted to the locker room behind Eddie, where Colt was no doubt.
Eddie followed after him, standing in front of him to block his view of Colt. "Look at me." Eddie cupped Buck's jaw, gently forcing him to meet his gaze. "Don't look at him, look at me."
"Eds, I can't-" Buck choked out a sob.
"You don't have to, let's just go home, okay?"
A loud voice cut through the crowd, one of the drunken patrons started shouting. "We came here to watch you guys fight! Not whatever the hell this is!"
"Yeah!" The crowd agreed.
Eddie forgot they were there, honestly.
"Hit me." Buck begged.
"Let's just leave."
"Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!" The crowd started chanting.
Buck closed his eyes, his entire body starting to unravel from the anger that kept it tightly wound. "Okay." He swayed a little, Eddie's hands darting out to catch him.
Eddie had noticed it, back in Bobby's office, Buck was running on fumes. He probably had been the whole time. The anger was the only thing holding him up.
But not anymore, he had Eddie now.
"Shh, it's okay." Eddie whispered, feeling Buck slump forward. "I've got you."
The crowd fell into a hush, mumbling between each other in confusion as they tried to figure out what happened.
"Uh," The announcer's voice crackled to life over the speakers, pages could be heard as they were flipped. "There's no regulation for this. So, I guess... Cowboy wins?"
When Eddie picked Buck up, he was lighter than Eddie thought he'd be. But he was also much thinner than he was before the lawsuit, so obviously he'd be lighter.
Eddie carried Buck out in a bridal carry, wanting to ignore the tell-tale stomp of boots that followed him as they left the ring.
Eddie expected Colt to demand he tell him what happened, but Colt didn't. Instead, Colt walked beside him.
"Is he gonna be okay?" Colt asked.
"Probably, but a visit to the hospital wouldn't hurt." Eddie answered.
"No hospital." Buck groaned, burying his head against Eddie's shoulder.
His pathetic whine made Eddie cave immediately. "Fine, but I need to look after you."
"Need any help?" Colt offered.
Eddie resisted the urge to bite his head off, it wasn't justified at the moment. "I'm good."
"Just... Take care'a him, alright?"
"I will."
When Eddie pulled into his driveway, he saw the lights were still on inside and Carla's car was still parked outside.
He helped Buck out of the truck, slinging the blonde's arm over his shoulders for stability as they made their way up the steps.
The blonde let out a whimper, shielding his eyes as Eddie opened the door, letting light flood out in front of them.
"Dad!" Chris yelled excitedly, jumping up from the couch as the door opened. "Buck!"
Buck pushed himself away from Eddie, kneeling to the ground as Christopher wrapped him into a tight hug. "Hey, Superman."
"What are you still doing up, Mijo? It's bedtime." Eddie reminded the young boy.
Carla stepped into the living room. "He wanted to wait up for you. He was very insistent."
"It's Friday! Can't I stay up late?" Chris pouted.
Eddie let out a fond sigh. "Okay, fine. You can stay up, but only 'til ten, okay?"
Chris pouted, but eventually nodded. "Okay. Is Bucky staying over?"
Both blondes were staring at Eddie with pleading eyes, still in each other's arms like they refused to be separated.
"Yes, he's going to stay here until he gets better."
"Yay!" Chris cheer, triumphantly.
Buck looked mildly confused.
"What?" Eddie asked, raising his brows. "You thought I'd patch you up and let you go tomorrow?"
"Uh, yeah."
"I let you go once, I'm not letting you go again." Eddie said, crouching next to his son and pulling both boys into a hug. "We missed you."
"Don't ever leave us again." Chris added.
"I won't." Buck admitted, tears streaming down his face. "I promise I'm not going anywhere."
"You better not." Carla blurted out. "These boys need you."
Buck lifted his head to look at Carla, "Thank you..." He sniffled. "Thanks for looking after them."
"Don't worry about it, Buckaroo." She smiled, patting him on the cheek. "Now, I'll leave you boys alone."
"Bye Carla!" Christopher waved as she exited, but didn't pull back from the hug.
"Goodnight, Christopher."
Unsurprisingly, Chris barely made it past nine-thirty before he was fast asleep.
The boy was curled up in Buck's arms on the couch, who was out like a light from the moment he sat down.
Eddie couldn't help himself as he took out his phone, snapping a picture of the domestic scene that made his heart ache.
If he was told last week that Buck would be holding Christopher, asleep on his couch, Eddie would've thought it was a lie.
He never thought he'd get to see something like this again.
Eddie stood up from the couch, grabbing a blanket from his bedroom and laying it overtop of his boys. He pressed a kiss to Chris' curls and a kiss to Buck's birthmark.
"Sweet dreams." He whispered as he turned out the light.
Reluctantly, he shuffled back to his own room. Finally tired enough to let himself fall asleep.
It had been a long day and finally it was over.
Eddie woke up before his alarm, which wasn't surprising.
He tip-toed out of his bedroom, trying not to wake Christopher who was still fast asleep on the couch.
Buck was awake and in the kitchen, leaning against the counter and stuffing an egg sandwich down his throat like it was the best thing he ever tasted.
"Morning." Eddie greeted, making his way over to the pot of coffee Buck had already brewed.
It almost felt normal.
It would've felt normal if the ache of punches didn't linger underneath his skin and the bruises from Buck didn't glow across his paled skin.
"Sorry." Buck said through a mouthful of food. "I probably should've asked."
"What?" Eddie raised a brow. "About the coffee."
"No, about the egg and the bread. I stole them from your fridge."
"My bread better not be in the fridge, Buckley."
"S'not. I ate it all."
Eddie's brows raised higher, nearly kissing his hairline. "The whole loaf?"
"Half a loaf." Buck corrected. "I forgot how good this was." He moaned, motioning toward his half finished breakfast.
"It's just an egg on toast, Buck."
"It's so good." The blonde reinforced his previous statement as he shoveled the rest of the sandwich into his mouth, egg yolk dripping out of the side of his mouth.
That was concerning Eddie.
Typically reactions like that only came from Bobby's cooking, which was top-tier, professional stuff, not store brand bread and eggs that were close to expiring.
"You never really answered Chim's question." Eddie started, causing Buck to give him a confused pout.
"Wha'was it?" He asked, swallowing the last of his breakfast.
"What have you been doing since the lawsuit? Besides recovering."
"Like for work?"
"Yes."
"Fighting." Buck answered so casually, like it wasn't a big deal.
Eddie took a deep breath, trying not to yell with his son in the next room. "Fighting?" He repeated.
Buck nodded.
"That's not a job, Buck. You can't live off of that money."
"Considering I'm still alive, I would disagree."
"What have you been eating? If you have been eating, that is."
"Canned goods, microwave meals, and soup from Bobby that I had in the back of my freezer."
"Soup from Bobby? From before the lawsuit?"
"It was all I had." Buck shrugged, bringing his cup of coffee to his face. "Oh, that's good." He whispered, licking his lips.
Eddie inhaled deeply, counting down from ten as he tried to calm himself down.
He really had left Buck to rot over those last few months.
"Okay." He said, setting his coffee down. "We're going out to lunch. How does sushi sound?"
At the restaurant he was thinking of Buck could get a soup, salad, and sushi. He need those nutrients.
"Eddie, I can't afford that..." The blonde pouted.
"My treat."
Those blue eyes lit up at that. "Really?"
"Yes, Buck, really."