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“I’m telling ya, Rei, the beach! Sand, sun, and babes as far as the eye can see.” Kazuki slapped a brochure down on the table in front of his partner.
“I thought you wanted to open up a restaurant?”
“Well, yeah! The beach is perfect for that! We could have a little seaside diner...girls in bikinis walking in to order the daily special—all served up by yours truly, of course. C’mon, it’s the perfect plan!”
A tiny hand tugged at his pants. “Plan for what?” Miri asked.
Kazuki scooped her up into his arms, biting back a wince of pain when her heel dug into one of the fading bruises on his side. “We’re talking about moving house, Miri. Finding a bigger place for the three of us to livr. Leaving our old lives behind to start something fresh. You know, stuff like that.”
“So I have to leave kindergarten?”
“We’ll wait until you graduate,” Rei interjected. His eyes met Kazuki’s, barely hiding a glimmer of annoyance. “Don’t kids need stability?”
“Exactly, which is why I want to move somewhere more stable,” Kazuki replied through clenched teeth.
“But I like it here.”
“You’ll like it better with more room.”
“I don’t need more room.”
“Oh, for the love of…” he remembered the five-year-old in his arms, and cut his curse short. “Don’t you want your own bedroom, Papa Rei?” he asked in a sickly sweet tone of voice. “I’ll even let you have your video games in there.”
Rei folded his arms and looked away, obviously not convinced. Kazuki sighed. Rei was becoming even more of a shut-in, now that they’d left their assassin lives behind. The move would be good for all of them. A fresh start, further away from the Suwa family. Away from the troubles and trauma of this city. Somewhere with plenty of sunlight and fresh air.
Miri tugged on the front of his shirt to catch his attention. “What about Mama?”
“Oh…” Kazuki stilled. Rei turned to stare at him, eyes wide. They had to tell her. He knew it would happen eventually, but kept hoping she wouldn’t mention it. “Your mama...she’s...she’s gone, Miri.”
Miri’s lip trembled. “She moved away?”
“No, Miri. She...she was really sick, and...she went to heaven.”
“That’s not true.”
“I’m sorry, sweetie, we didn’t know how to tell you.”
“That’s not true!” Miri thrashed in his arms, pummeling him with her tiny fists. “You’re lying! Why are you lying?”
“Miri—”
“But you promised! You promised we’d all see each other, and we’d live together, and we’d eat Hamburg steak and sing and watch movies and ride the Paris wheel and—and—”
She kicked him hard and finally broke his grip on him, stumbling to her feet and running away. “I hate you,” she screamed over her shoulder, nearly falling up the stairs as she ran for her room. “You’re a liar and I hate you!”
“Miri!” Kazuki moved to catch her, but his back twinged at the worst possible moment and he had to double over for a second to catch his breath. He felt numb and cold on the inside, and tears were burning in the backs of his eyes.
“Want me to talk to her?”
Kazuki rubbed his sleeve over his eyes as he turned back to face Rei. “And say what, man? She’s just...I didn’t even promise half that stuff, you know? I think she just needs some space.”
Rei was frowning at him now. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I just...my back is killing me; I’m gonna go lie down.”
He didn’t wait for his friend to answer and made his way up the stairs. He could hear Miri sobbing, but painfully bypassed her little room to head for his own and flop down on the bed, covering his face with both hands.
Kazuki wasn’t sure when he fell asleep. He thought he remembered hearing Rei’s voice, intermingled with Miri’s, but the apartment was dark and quiet when he finally opened his eyes.
“Papa Kazuki?”
He sat up in bed to see Miri’s tiny figure in his doorway, both hands on his doorknob. Kazuki opened his arms, and Miri raced across the room to throw herself against him. He lifted her up, holding her close, and closed his eyes when he felt her crying against his shoulder.
“I’m sorry, Miri,” he finally said. “I didn’t know how to tell you, and I think I screwed it up.”
She nodded, which brought a tiny smile to his face. “Papa Rei said she’s waiting in heaven for me.”
“That’s right. I’m sure she is.”
Miri sniffed. “I don’t want her to be lonely.”
“Oh, Miri.” Kazuki twisted onto the bed to lie down, still holding Miri in his arms. They stared at each other in the dimness of the bedroom, and he gently swiped his thumb over her cheeks to wipe her tears away. “She won’t be lonely.”
“How come?”
He hesitated. He didn’t talk about Yuzuko much...but maybe it would help Miri cope with her grief. “Well, I think someone very special is there with her to keep her company.”
“Who?”
“A long time ago—before I met you, and even before I met Papa Rei—Miri, did you know I had a wife?”
Eyes round, she shook her head.
“Her name was Yuzuko, and she was the most beautiful woman in the world.”
“Prettier than Mama?”
He grinned, poking the tip of her nose. “Okay, maybe they tied.” Miri giggled at that, and Kazuki cuddled her closer to settle her against his chest. “One day, there was a bad accident, and she went to heaven.”
“Like Mama?”
“Just like your mom,” he agreed. He hoped Miri would never learn how true that statement was. Yuzuko and Misaki, cut down by the violence of the organization he and Rei had worked for. “So I think they’re up there waiting together, and neither of them is lonely.”
He still couldn’t bring himself to talk about the baby. He’d lost his wife and his unborn child that day...even now, he still felt the pain from that day. The grief would never truly go away, but neither would the memories.
“Papa Kazuki?” Miri’s voice was getting sleepy now, and she yawned when she spoke. “Is heaven nice?”
“It’s the nicest place you can think of. It’s like being at the top of the Ferris wheel, but you never have to come back down. It’s like eating all your favorite snacks, but you never get a tummy ache. “
He realized she’d fallen asleep against him, and shifted around to a more comfortable position. “Good night, Miri,” he whispered, kissing her forehead. “Sleep tight.”