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Ellernate doesn’t feel real.
From the start and all the way until the end, he isn’t entirely sure if he’s a person. There’s a strange disconnect between him and everyone surrounding him.
Friendships feel fake. Relationships even more so. It feels like his life is framed in a cartoon, and he’s just peering inside of it.
Ellernate was an unfinished concept that the artist never finished—a useless scribble that was directly thrust into the world.
It was an odd feeling to describe: watching part of yourself go through time while the other part lay dormant inside your brain. You’re still there, but you aren’t all there, while trying to connect yourself together. Nobody even noticed the feeling, and he doubts anyone will. Not even his boyfriend, Caleb, would.
There’s a lack of memory between who he is and how Caleb is. Hell, he isn’t even sure how he got to this point now. Locked away in a house that’s firmly secured, an ankle monitor attached directly. The only good thing about this place is Caleb, yet he couldn’t even tell you anything about the rest.
His head was foggy, and his brain was mush, the only thing lightly grounding him being his partner’s hand scratching at his scalp. Creating a light friction and vibration between the two.
There was something so hypnotic about having your head in your boyfriend’s lap, his hands scratching across the bits of skin revealed by the locs he’d done.
“Elll… nate?” Caleb called out, switching to tapping his scalp. When his body glanced downward, he noticed they were on the couch, laid out. Caleb was rocking the same ankle monitor that Ellernate had.
“Are you high?” he said, impatient at the lack of response.
All Ellernate could do was open and close his mouth, trying to stay fully present. It was hard. He felt heavy and detached from everything Caleb—and even his own self—did.
“Hi, you,” Ellernate eventually said, much to Caleb’s disappointment.
“What’s wrong?” Caleb eventually asked. “You’re doing that dumb thing again!” His words were exaggerated, with a hint of annoyance.
He shuffled his face further into Caleb’s lap, trying to think of what it was. After a minute, he almost slipped back into the reality of being fake. Ultimately, he decided not to answer, hiding his face fully.
As if noticing Ellernate was hiding from him, Caleb spoke up. “That’s not an answer, you know.” He paused his hand, resting it on Ellernate’s head instead. “You’ve been acting weird since we got banned.”
The word “banned” felt oddly familiar to him, yet extremely far from being it. It felt like that was the reason he was grounded to this house—and stuck to this couch.
Ellernate created a light hum with his lips, trying to shift his hands into a more comfortable position.
“I don’t think I’m real,” Ellernate said, already shifting his face forward again. “Like—what if I’m fake?” Due to the shift, he was staring at a plain wall and a coffee table. For some reason, he thought television was banned. Which was crazy! It’s just television, why would it be banned?
“…Then I’m holding a very good delusion,” Caleb laughed at himself, only to quiet himself. “Well, I’m not delusional, so you have to be real.” His words were said with sudden defensiveness.
Once more, a hum was all Ellernate could manage.
“What if I’m, like, the son of Builderman?” he wondered aloud. “Or his proxy?”
Caleb244’s gaze shifted downward. Ellernate knew this by the jingle of his earring—he always wore such flashy stuff. It made it easier to tell where everything was.
There was a weird brew of silence between the two. If it lasted longer than a minute, it could have grown even more awkward.
“…Stop being a fag,” Caleb said seriously. “You seriously want to be the son of the person who got us into this mess?”
Ellernate rolled his eyes. He wasn’t sure why Caleb would use such a hateful term, but it was okay. It’s Caleb, his boyfriend. He could say all the slurs he wanted. He also doesn’t even fully comprehend what Builderman did. Isn’t he a good guy?
“I think all this house time is—” Caleb took a deep breath. “—driving your mental psyche crazy.”
Maybe that was true. Maybe it wasn’t.
“I think I’ve always felt like this,” Ellernate admitted. He wasn’t even entirely sure when or how this belief had formed. Only that he wasn’t real.
“…You’re lucky to have me,” Caleb said mindlessly, finally resuming the scratching movements Ellernate loved so much. “Genuinely, you would’ve been in a mental asylum by now.”
He scoffed as the light flickered above them. It must be time for a lightbulb change.
“I mean, I would’ve been just fine without you,”he claimed—though, for some reason, Ellernate didn’t believe that. “It’s a blessing I’m able to deal with you at all.”
“Suuuureeee…” Ellernate dragged out the word, even if he felt disconnected from himself. He was still strongly connected to Caleb. Despite the lack of memories, it was there.
“I feel like I’ve saved you more than you like to admit.”
Whenever that was said, Ellernate could sense Caleb’s face flushing. He could hear the rattling as Caleb shook his head back and forth.
“No…” Caleb stuttered. “No!”
This led to Ellernate chuckling. He liked Caleb’s panicked voice.
“You’re the one claiming to be the son of Builderman!” Caleb brought up again, using this opportunity to grab his hair. He pulled Ellernate’s head up instinctively.
Ellernate didn’t even notice the pain at first. It was numbing to him. He only took a note when he finally comprehended that the scratching had stopped.
Impulsively, he brought his fingers up to pry Caleb off. “Caleb!” he yelled, watching as Caleb shook him. “Stop that!”
It wasn’t even a tight grip—he was just play-fighting with Ellernate. And it worked. Eventually, Ellernate’s laying down turned into him kneeling, then fully sitting up.
“You’re so mean!” he complained, finally prying Caleb’s fingers off. “I wanted to rest…” Although he couldn’t even fully remember why.
“Well, maybe you need to have some time off,” Caleb’s voice rang out, still warm. Ellernate took this moment to finally glance at him.
And there was something about Caleb that drew Ellernate in further.
For some reason, Caleb had always been a blur to him—a familiar sight, yet so distant. Of course, he knew the feeling: Caleb was his boyfriend. But he hadn’t understood it until he saw him now.
There was a glow about him. His eyes were low and dark, and if Ellernate had a choice, he could have stared into them for hours. Caleb was rambling about something—probably how much better he was—but Ellernate was more focused on the piercings scattered around Caleb’s lips. They added a shine that immediately caught his eye: two silver orbs visible even from a distance.
The second feature he noticed was Caleb’s hair. It was a shade of brown many would overlook, but to Ellernate, it was his most beautiful feature. The way it stuck out, the way it fluffed up in places, and the way it framed his face perfectly… It was hypnotizing.
Before he knew it, he was completely lost in the sight. He only snapped out of it when Caleb started snapping his fingers in front of his face.
“Ellernate?” Caleb blurted, finally grounding him back in reality. “Dude, I know I’m handsome, but at least try to listen.” Caleb joked, though to Ellernate, it wasn’t a joke.
“As I was saying,” Caleb continued, “I think you could use—”
He was cut off as Ellernate’s head rushed toward his lips, pressing into a kiss. The piercing rubbed against Ellernate’s upper lip, making Caleb gasp a little.
This is love.