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It’s raining.
Susie finds refuge under a tree, but not for long. Thunder crackles. Susie flees.
No one else is outside; her lone footsteps on the sidewalk remind her of isolation. Just the shadow cast from the streetlight for company.
Headlights from a stray car glide by and Susie presses herself flat against the bushes, making herself invisible on instinct. She thinks of Kris and thinks of Toriel and thinks of Ralsei, how he wept when she walked across the broken glass of the prophecy panel she destroyed and cupped his face with her bloodied hand.
Susie does not want to think about the prophecy’s end. Nor the wet squelch every time she walks in her waterlogged sneakers, nor the door to the apartment she’ll have to jangle her key through in the dead of night.
Rain turns to downpour. Susie wipes a wet claw at her fringe. Before her is a crossroad.
It would only take her extra five minutes and an unlocked classroom window.
***
Blessings: the dark world and her attire are dry.
Castle Town rumbles with faint jazz from the Cafe.
Susie considers visiting to place a to-go order.
She walks to the castle’s grand door, clangs the iron handle against the wood.
Low golden light outlines Ralsei’s smile when he sees her. Susie sniffs the air. Something’s cooking.
“Susie! I’m surprised to see you here at this hour! Not that it’s a bad thing, of course. You need something?”
Susie stuffs her hands into her sodden cardigan pockets. It’s an awkward experience, wanting something and asking for it.
“Uh, what you said earlier. Is it still true that we can uh, you know, stay the night here?”
Ralsei laughs. He folds her into a quick hug, and even after he pulls away to let her inside and close the door, Susie still smells his scent of cinnamon.
***
Ralsei said he’ll bring her tea to her room, but Susie insists on staying as Ralsei works his magic over the colossal cauldron.
“From what I’ve read, there’s a tea for everything. Lavender will help you fall asleep.” “You’re making a cup for yourself, too, aren’t you?” Ralsei laughs again, but this time it’s a forceful jut of sound, unsure. Susie nudges him.
“Dude. We just had this conversation earlier today. You also deserve some damn tea.”
“Right, you’re right. Tea for two also makes this a tea party.”
After Ralsei ladles them each a cup, he unties his waist apron, a powder blue note. The mug is a baby ember between Susie’s hands, a far cry from the damp chill of the world outside Castle Town.
Susie takes her first sip. Her mind flickers to the mud on the windowsill after she entered, the fear that seized her when the motion-detecting light outside the school entrance turned on. She thought she’d been caught.
So often Susie finds herself in trouble that she has forgotten what existence is like without it.
“Well? Do you like it?” Ralsei asks, nudging her shoulder against hers.
“Yeah,” Susie says, guzzling the rest down.
***
“Well, good night, Susie. If you need anything, I’ll be in my room.”
“Wait —“
Without thinking, Susie grabs his sleeve.
“Can I come with you? To see your room?”
“I mean, sure. Not that it’s any different from when you last saw it.”
Which is precisely what Susie is about to change.
***
The step ladder leans against the barren wall, as if unsure of what to do with itself, while the purple couch cushion Susie yoinked sits in the center of the room, deflated.
“Look, I know it’s not much, but after seeing your room today, and especially after that last prophecy panel, I couldn’t stop thinking about how sad it was. That your room was empty. You deserve better than that, so as we navigated the church dark world, I thought to myself, ‘Hey, Ralsei would like this,’ or, ‘Oh, maybe he’ll use that ladder to climb that damn giant cauldron of his and —'"
Ralsei squeezes Susie heartbeat tight. His fur is soft against her rough scales as he nuzzles her chin. His affection flusters her, makes it difficult to remember how to breathe. Warm cinnamon dissolves the memory of her own empty room.
“It’s perfect.”
***
The pillow is tucked underneath Susie’s arm again as they travel to her room. “Trust me, you’re gonna have the coolest pillow fort ever when we’re done,” Susie says as she throws the pillow onto the rug.
“Uh, wouldn’t Kris mind if we use their pillows to build the fort?”
“Nah. They gave me blanket permission to go nuts."
“Haha. Blanket permission, I see what you did there.”
“What? No! Shit, that was not an intentional pun! Stop laughing, it’s not even funny!”
Which, to Susie’s perplexion, delights Ralsei even more.
By the time they’re done, they’ve both slowed to a shuffling pace. Ralsei’s pillow fort is a tent-like affair with pillows piled high roofed under one of Kris’s spare striped blankets, big enough for two.
“That was fun. This is my first pillow fort and my first sleepover,” Ralsei tells her, lying his head against the purple cushion.
“Mine too, actually,” Susie says, turning away.
She doesn’t want Ralsei to see this. See her sadness, see how even after she destroyed the prophecy panel, it reconstructed itself inside her head. Then, because now seemed like the appropriate time to go to sleep, Susie leaves Ralsei’s pillow fort and heads for bed.
***
Lights out. A breeze knocks against the window.
Susie drinks one more cup of lavender tea. Then another. Still, rest eludes her.
“Ralsei? You still up?”
“Yeah,” Ralsei whispers back, even though there’s no need because they’re the only ones on the second floor.
On her elbows, Susie crawls into the pillow fort. Ralsei doesn’t have his glasses on, she can tell even in this dimness. Neither are her spike cuffs or belt. Without a word, Ralsei reaches for her hand.
“Wha —"
“You really hurt yourself earlier. How’s your hand now?”
“Fine,” Susie blurts.
His paw is small compared to hers. Susie does her best to keep her breath even as she feels him trace his paw over the bumps on each knuckle, like she’s something delicate.
“This isn’t hurting you, is it?”
“No,” Susie whispers, suddenly finding that is the loudest she can speak.
“I feel the little ridges where your scar is forming,” Ralsei says, wondrous.
Green flashes inside their cushioned enclosure as Ralsei casts a healing prayer. Ralsei’s stare cuts right into her. Susie sees how close his face is to hers, how all it would take to brush her muzzle against his snout is an accident. Susie breaks eye contact.
“Scars don’t need to be healed because scars mean it’s already healed, dumbass,” Susie grumbles under her breath.
“I know.”
The light vanishes. Ralsei touches her face, feather-soft. Susie seizes up. The gentleness of Ralsei’s touch terrifies Susie because it is foreign to her. She’s hardened her heart for jumping foster homes and changing schools, not this softness that slices her open.
“Even when you learned the truth, you still did that for my sake. How come?”
It’s a rhetorical question, so Susie says nothing. Hot blood splitting open her fist, the stain on Ralsei’s cheek in her handprint. Shared, just like their fate.
***
“I hate thunderstorms,” Susie confesses once she’s sure Ralsei is knocked out.
“That’s ok, Susie,” he tells her, which makes Susie wish she could take it back.
***
Neither of them stay asleep for long.
Susie jolts Ralsei up whenever she twitches during her half-naps, while Ralsei snores with tiny goat bahs Susie would find cute under any other circumstance. After enough nodding in and out of not-sleep and pretend-sleep, Susie decides she can say out loud the question she’s wanted to ask since knowing.
“How do you face it?”
“Face what?”
“Your death. I mean, of course, me, you and Kris are gonna prevent that from happening, but if things don’t…you know…”
“Everyone dies someday, Susie. That’s not exclusive to Darkners. Since I know what is going to happen and when, I can enjoy the time I know I have left.”
Left. A knife sliding under her wrist, twisting her hand from her arm (or perhaps Kris’s).
“What’s going to happen to this castle without you? Will I still be able to come here?”
Ralsei whistles low through his breath. A familiar tune. Susie can’t place where she first heard it. Just as she remembers, focus leaves her.
***
For breakfast, Ralsei bakes them a hot cake in thick, pink icing. Susie cleans her plate and Ralsei bakes another, even though they both know it won’t fill her stomach.
“Want some green tea?” “Sure,” Susie says, so Ralsei hands her a cup.
Susie thought she’d know when daytime arrived. Was so used to seeing the sun spill orange over the horizon that it feels strange, disconcerting when she awakens in darkness as strong as before.
“Kris is approaching,” Ralsei says, straightening his glasses. “I can sense when Lightners are nearby.”
“So that’s why you always know where Kris and I are whenever we enter a dark world.”
“Of course. Us Darkners originate from Lightners like you. We are a part of you, so we know where to find you.”
Susie buckles on her spike cuffs. Catches Ralsei staring as she fastens her buckle and whistles. Ralsei hides his face behind his paws.
As Ralsei lowers the castle gate, Susie returns the mugs to the cauldron from which they came.
“Oh, Susie, you have a little cake grime under your nails.”
“I do?”
Just as Susie inspects her hands in the light of the cauldron’s blue flame, Ralsei kisses her hand. Kisses the scar on each knuckle one by one until it’s too ticklish for her to handle. The boom of her own laughter startles her, she hadn’t felt so light in so long. Longer since she will feel it again.
“You’re a friggin' cornball, you know that, Ralsei?”
Susie pulls Ralsei in for a nuggie which he gladly accepts, nerd that he is. Now, her hands are cinnamony just like him, and Susie knows she should feel happy, but all she can think about is how fleeting this moment is. Pressure builds behind her eyes. Not here, she urges herself. Not until the credits roll.