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Henry didn't want to admit it. He really didn't. Not even to himself. But in moments like this, there was nothing he could do to puff away from the truth.
CRRRRRRACK!
He was scared of thunder and lightning.
No, not scared. Terrified. Each flash of lightning lit up the sky like a flashbang with no chance to prepare for it. And each lightning strike was the only warning he got before he was hit with a deafening BOOM that rattled through his whole body.
So, it was mighty inconvenient that another storm had struck Sodor. In the middle of the night. Despite the UK-typical haphazard weather, full-on thunderstorms were rare. Rare enough that Henry never quite got used to them. As soon as he heard the first rumble of thunder in the distance, his nerves went on high alert. He begged for Lady to let the storm change direction suddenly, but alas. The storm was here.
BOOOOOOOM!
Henry jolted and suppressed a yelp as much as he possibly could. A tiny little squeak still managed to slip out. Needless to say, he hadn't gotten any sleep. The approaching thunder made him too uneasy to get even the slightest wink before the storm arrived. And he certainly wasn't going to get any sleep now that the storm was here.
While he tried to keep his shaking under control, lest he rattle too loudly, he glanced at all the other engines in the shed. They were all fast asleep. Not stirring at all. Even Percy, who was usually easy to spook, was deep in a dream and caring none for the flashes or booms pounding at his senses. If they could sleep through this - how on earth can they do that?! - then they might be able to sleep through a Henry scream. Then again, hearing their friend screaming might wake them up after all.
Best not to take chances.
He had to suppress all his cries and yelps. Especially since the engine sitting right next to him was none other than Gordon. What a strange position. A nice safe wall with windows to his right, the most pompous engine on the island to his left. Gordon often liked being next to him, though Henry could never guess why.
The lightning flashed in the corner of his eye through the window. He braced himself as well as he could. Light moved faster than sound, according to his fireman. Lightning always came first unless the storm was right on top of you, and thank Lady that it wasn't. The problem was that he never knew how long he had until the-
CCRRRRRRRRAAA-AAAACK!
'AAAHHH!'
He cringed. That scream had been suppressed as much as possible and it was still loud. The thunder came much sooner than expected. And much louder too. It sounded as if it was going off right behind him. All around him. Like the shed hadn't dampened the noise at all. He whimpered and squeezed his eyes shut.
'Thunder and lightning is not frightening…' He murmured. 'Thunder and lightning is not frightening…'
He had a small habit of rhyming to himself when he was particularly unnerved or trying to convince himself of something. It wasn't too long ago that he was reciting 'I don't want to hear the Flatbeds of Fear' in an attempt to ease his worries. It didn't help.
'Thunder and lightning is not frightening. Thunder and lightning is not-'
The lightning flashed.
CCCCCCRAAAAAACK!
'AAAAAHHHHH!'
He took it back - thunder and lightning were very frightening! With no fire in his firebox or steam in his pistons, he was stuck in place. No way to run and hide. He couldn't even try backing up into the wall behind him. Nothing to do except for hope the storm ended any time soon.
It was moments like this that made him hate his anxious side. Made him feel shame for being the way he was. He knew it was a stupid thing to be afraid of, especially when tucked up safely inside his shed. The rain couldn't touch him. The lightning couldn't strike him. Even the thunder that echoed in his smoke box was nothing more than a harmless sound. It was the sort of thing young children were afraid of. Not a big strong engine like himself.
A stupid shameful fear for a stupid shameful-
'Henry.'
'AH!'
He had braced himself for thunder. Not the voice belonging to the engine right next to him. Sure enough, Gordon was awake. Wide awake by the looks of it. Surprisingly not groggy. Well, maybe a little. Henry was immediately filled with dread for how long Gordon had been awake for before he felt the need to speak up. It seemed like no one else was up, but that was hardly any consolation.
'G-Gordon!' He stammered. 'What are you doing up?'
Gordon groaned. 'It's hard to get sleep when the engine next to you keeps yelling.'
Henry's face went red. 'O-Oh, right.'
CRRRACK!
He flinched. Now that another engine was awake, he had to try extra hard to keep it all inside. Especially when that other engine was Gordon. No engine on the island made fun of him nearly as much as Gordon did.
'Do you need any help, Henry?' Gordon asked, with the kind of tone that made it impossible to tell if he actually cared or not.
'I-I'm fine,' Henry said. 'Just… having trouble sleeping, that's all.'
Gordon let out a loooong sigh. 'So we're doing this, are we?'
'Doing what?'
'Henry, make this easier for us both and just admit it already.'
Henry's blushing intensified. 'A-Admit what already?'
Gordon closed his eyes tightly. It was the face you only make if you were getting a headache.
'That you're scared of thunder and lightning,' He said. 'You silly- Your attempts at hiding it only make it more obvious.'
Henry gulped. 'T-They do?'
'Yes, they do. Do you think we don't notice when the thunder rumbles in the distance and you flinch like you got biffed? You're obviously scared of it. Cranky can probably see it all the way from Brendam docks.'
'I- It's not that obvious!'
'You wear your emotions on your buffers. You couldn't hide this no matter how hard you tried.'
Henry wanted to keep up the retorts, but he simply couldn't. His little 'secret' had already been found out, and had been known for a while apparently. He opened his mouth to say something in his defence, but-
BOOO-OOO-OOM!
'AHH!'
The thunder interrupted him. No matter how hard he tried to suppress it, he couldn't help flinching and letting out a cry. In front of Gordon, no less.
'Henry-' Gordon said.
'I know,' Henry snapped. 'I don't need you to tell me.'
'You don't even know what I was going to say.'
'Yes I do. You were going to call me a scaredy-engine, and say that I'm silly to be scared of thunder and lightning. I know. I know it's silly! It can't hurt me but it still scares me. I'm scared of something that can't hurt me, and no matter how hard I try, I can't get over it. I don't even know why it scares me! Just add it to the list of things I'm scared of for no good reason. I wish I wasn't scared of these things, but I am. I know that, Gordon. I don't need you repeating it!'
He started to shout at the end there. Luckily, the storm outside managed to blanket the sound just enough so he didn't wake anyone up. His face had gone a little red, and he glared at the ground. Hopefully, that shut Gordon up and he could just sit there and be scared on his own.
But it did not. Henry glanced at him, as if to taunt him to speak up. What greeted him was not an expression of annoyance or mockery like he expected. It was an expression of genuine concern. A look that was very rare on that express engine. Henry wasn't sure what to make of it.
'That isn't what I was going to say at all,' Gordon said. 'Do you really believe I would say something like that?'
Henry scoffed. 'It's what you say to me all the time. Once an engine attached to a train… You love reciting that one at me.'
'What?! No I don't.'
'You recited it just a few weeks ago!'
CCRRRRRRRRR-ACK!
'AAHHH!
He hadn't been paying any attention to the flashes of light that served as his only heads-up. Without the chance to brace for it, the thunder came about even more suddenly and loudly. His frame trembled from the might. He had the strong urge to kick into reverse and run, but of course, he couldn't without steam to power him.
His breath picked up. He huffed and puffed so hard and so fast that he would've put out his firebox if it had been lit. Lady, how he hated moments like this. When his panic and terror seized him like vines ensnaring an old rusted locomotive. An experience no other engine on the island had to endure. Moments when there was nothing he could do but succumb to his fears. His stupid, stupid fears…
'Henry.'
Gordon spoke again. But there was no hint of mockery or laughter in his voice. Only serious and genuine concern. It was so unusual that it was almost enough to pull Henry out of his spiral. Almost. With the world starting to turn blurry, he looked back at Gordon. Blurry? Oh great. he was starting to cry. Because of the thunder. Pathetic. Tearing up because of a little rain.
What kind of engine was he? He oughta be put aside and preserved for his-
'Puff and huff slowly, Henry,' Gordon said. 'You're safe here.'
Henry, as much as he wanted to ignore Gordon on principle, listened to his words. Like it or not, Gordon was right; he had get control of his huffing and puffing before anything catastrophic happened. He took hold of his breath and used every ounce of his might to gain control of it again. He huffed and puffed as slowly as he could. It wasn't much, but it was something. Progress was progress.
'That's it,' Gordon said. 'Nice and slow-' He gasped. 'Lightning!'
Henry hadn't even noticed the lightning going off. But he certainly noticed a warning. He embraced himself for the oncoming-
CCCRRAA-AAAAA-AAACK!
'AHH!'
Thank Lady for the warning, because that thunder was loud. A little warning was just enough to keep himself grounded, even as his huffing and puffing still got quicker for a moment. After what felt like far too long for either of them, Henry finally got his breath under control.
He was calm now.
As calm as he could possibly be during a thunderstorm, anyway.
Gordon breathed a sign of relief. 'Oh thank goodness… Are you okay?'
Henry didn't quite have it in him to answer. It wasn't just his fear that was holding his words hostage. If it was, he wouldn't have had a problem. No, it was a shame of looking like a wimp in front of Gordon, of all engines. Even if it was Edward or Emily, it would've been horribly embarrassing, but Gordon? Yeah, he wasn't recovering from that one. He ought to have said 'oh the indignity' himself after a moment like that.
He could feel a tear rolling down his face. Only one, but it was plenty enough to make him feel ashamed for being the 'scaredy-engine' that he was.
'Is there… anything I can do to help?' Gordon asked.
Henry couldn't understand it. That windbag spent every possible moment making fun of him, even for things like his recurring health problems, but was acting all sweet about this? It didn't make any sense.
'Aren't you going to talk to me? … Can you talk to me? Or at all?'
There wasn't much else Henry could do but make a little squeak. It sounded vaguely affirmative, and Gordon took it.
'Don't think I can't recognise that look on your face,' He said. 'You feel ashamed for being scared of the storm, don't you?'
'… … … Yes…'
The answer came out so quietly that Gordon barely even heard it. It was a miracle he heard it at all, what with the massive storm happening outside.
'Well, you shouldn't,' Gordon said.
Henry blinked at him. If Gordon's plan was to confuse him so much that he forgot about being scared, then it was working with flying colours.
'Why do you look so shocked that I want to help you?!' Gordon demanded, just quietly enough not to wake anyone else.
Henry didn't reply. He just gave Gordon a look.
'Oh, right,' Gordon said. 'Of course. But I won't make fun of you this time. Not after I saw you on the verge of complete panic.'
'Just make fun of me already,' Henry muttered. 'You might as well at this point. It's not like I could possibly feel any worse.'
'No, no, none of that. Do I think it's a little silly to be scared of something like thunder and lightning? Yes, of course. You wouldn't catch an engine like me being scared of that. But you're scared of it. Positively petrified by the looks of it.'
Henry groaned. 'I-If you've got a point to make, can you hurry up and make it without making fun of me?'
'Right, yes.'
He didn't expect much from this. Nothing at all. Nothing but some dumb, pitying remark about how 'sad' it was. Just more annoying remarks that tried to sound 'sympathetic' but really came across as patronising.
'There's nothing wrong with being scared of things,' Gordon said. 'You're… just an engine who gets scared easily. That's all. I don't really blame you. You've been through a lot. And it sounds like you had a poor start in life. And some engines are just naturally easier to spook than others.'
'Yes, I know,' Henry murmured. 'You remind me of that constantly.'
'But, well, there's nothing that can be done about it. You can face it, and often do, and there are things we can do to help. But you can't really stop being scared, can you?'
'…'
'Can you?'
Henry sighed. 'Not really, no. And I've tried, Gordon. I really have. But I just can't. Sometimes my panic and fear take over and there's nothing I can do about it!'
'Not very often, though. It's been a while since the last time any of us had to help calm you down like that. For a scaredy-engine, that's impressive!'
A bit of a back-buffered compliment, but a compliment nonetheless. That was already a lot more than anyone would expect from an engine like Gordon.
'And perhaps being scared of something like thunder is a little- LIGHTNING!'
Henry braced himself again for another strike.
BOOOOOOOM!
Not as loud as the last strike, but still pretty loud. It still rattled him to the frames.
'As I was saying before this weather rudely interrupted me,' Gordon said. 'It may be a little silly. But that isn't what matters. What matters is that you're frightened. If you were just a little bit spooked, I'd have some choice words for you. It's laughable when you jump because you saw a rabbit hopping around in your peripheral vision.'
'That was one time, Gordon-'
'But it's certainly no laughing matter if you're on the verge of tears!'
Henry was about to correct him, to tell him of all the times Gordon laughed at him when he was really petrified and caught in his panic… only to realise that he couldn't think of a single time. He could think of many times Gordon laughed at him or insulted him for being jumpy or worrisome (such as the aforementioned incident with the rabbit), but not during a moment of utter terror.
Heck, even Diesel wouldn't laugh at him during a panic, albeit he wouldn't exactly be helpful about it.
'Now,' Gordon said. 'I still didn't get the answer to my question.'
'… What question?' Henry asked.
'I asked you if there was anything I could do to help.'
'Oh, right. … J-Just be there for me, I guess.'
Gordon gave him a smile. Not a mocking grin or a cocky smirk. A real, genuine, soft smile. It was easy to forget that Gordon's face could get that soft.
'And so I shall,' He said.
Henry wanted to smile too, but a flash of light caught him off-guard. He winced and braced for the inevitable-
BOOO-OOOOOOM!
'AH!'
The storm was getting closer. The gap between the flash and the boom was getting smaller and smaller. As if he wasn't unnerved enough already. The thought made his huffing and puffing speed up again, even though he really didn't want it too.
'Slowly, Henry,' Gordon said. 'Slowly.'
Henry sighed. 'W-Why am I like this? It's harmless! I-It can't hurt me, I know that. But I… it still…' He shuddered. 'It still terrifies me.'
'I'm not exactly concerned with the why of the matter,' Gordon said. 'You are, so you are. I'm more concerned with making sure you're alright.'
'Maybe all those people are right about me. I-I really am just a wuss…'
He was familiar with all the terms for it. A wuss. Wimp. Coward. Sissy. Scaredy-engine. He had heard it all. From his fellow engines, and the people too. And maybe they were right…
'Henry,' Gordon said. 'Take a look around the shed.'
'… Why?' Henry asked, hesitantly.
'Take a look for me.'
Henry, unsure where this was going, did just that. There wasn't much to see inside Tidmouth Sheds at night.
'What do you see?' Gordon asked.
'Uh, I see… you, and five other engines who are all asleep?' Henry replied.
'Engines who are your friends, Henry. And we're always here for you no matter what. Friends who won't mock you when you're in a panic. Friends who will be there for you when you need us most. Friends who don't want to hear you call yourself things like that.'
'Even though you and James don't have any problem with-'
'That doesn't mean I want to hear you call yourself that! None of us do. We're your friends at the end of the day, and we'll always be there for you. We may enjoy teasing you for being so worrisome all the time, but the last thing any of us want is for you to get so frightened and upset that you cry. I don't want to see that. I don't ever want to see it. I…' He murmured the last bit. 'I care a lot about you, Henry.'
It was barely audible at all, especially over the heavy rain pelting against the shed. But Henry heard it alright. He could barely believe what he was hearing.
'Wait…' He said. 'Did you just say that you care about me?'
Gordon blushed slightly. 'Tell anyone that I said that, and I'll swipe your special coal on purpose next time you have one of those 'relapses'.'
Henry chuckled. 'You wouldn't do that.'
The lightning flashed. But he was too busy teasing Gordon to notice. In the few seconds they had before the thunder arrived, Gordon realised that Henry wasn't doing anything to brace himself.
'Henry, the-!'
CCRRRRAAAAA-AAAA-AAAACK!
'AAHHHH!'
Henry's scream was drowned out by the thunder. His huffing and puffing was about to go out of control again, but he glanced over at Gordon. The soft smile on that big blue engine's smoke box gave off a calming aura not unlike his beloved forest. Just like that, he relaxed.
'T-Thanks, Gordon,' He said (not something he ever expected to say). 'I still think the fear is silly, but-'
'It's not such a silly fear if it frightens you so much,' Gordon said. 'Unlike the rabbit.'
'One time, Gordon. One time!'
Despite his irritation at the rabbit thing being brought up again, Henry had to admit that Gordon's logic panned out. That was something he'd be reminding himself of every time a thunderstorm rolled past. It's not so silly if it frightens me this much.
'You're not getting much sleep tonight,' Gordon remarked. 'Are you?'
Henry smiled sheepishly. 'Uh, n-no. Probably not.'
'Well then, neither am I.'
'You don't have to do this.'
'Of course I do! You need someone to help you get through the storm. Besides, I wouldn't get much sleep anyway, thanks to all your screaming.'
Henry didn't have it in him to get mad. It was actually kinda funny, unfortunately. This time, he focused on the window. Ready for any lightning flashes that might go off at any moment. And if he didn't notice, Gordon certainly would.
'Once an engine-' Gordon started to recite.
'Gordon, don't,' Henry said. 'I'm going through enough.'
'Let me finish. Once an engine, his courage asunder, was afraid of the deafening thunder. But with the help of his friends, his terror will end. Isn't friendship such a wonder?'
Henry couldn't help laughing, just a little. 'Not bad, though the ending line could use some work. Make it up just now?'
'Indeed I did. I'm quite proud of it, actually. For something I made up just like that, I-' He gasped. 'Lightning!'
Henry had plenty of time to brace this time.
BOOO-OOOOOOOM!
The thunder was still loud. It still rattled his frames and echoed in his smoke box unlike anything else. He still wanted to run and hide. But when he glanced over at the engine right next to him, those fears didn't seem so crippling anymore. Now, Gordon's decision to choose the berth right next to his made a little more sense.
'We'll get through this together,' Gordon said. 'You don't have to face the storm alone.'
Henry smiled. For the first time he could remember, he wasn't so scared of the storm outside. And he wasn't so ashamed to bear such a fear either.
With the help of his friends…
His terror would end.
THE END