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It was a rare day when Tony got the tower to himself. Normally, that was a good thing. Contrary to popular belief, he did enjoy having the rest of the team around for company. Usually. But every once in a while, it was nice to have a little space. And today, Tony had something very particular in mind - and the tower being otherwise empty was affording him the perfect opportunity.
He did a quick run-down just to be sure. Wanda and Vision had left together for a date. Sam had a volunteer shift. Rhodey also had a date, though he'd refused to tell Tony who he was going out with (like Tony didn't know that he was dating Carol again). Steve, Natasha and Clint were all at SHIELD. Tony was actually supposed to be with them, but he'd begged off, citing a need to work on the armor. T'Challa was in Wakanda, Thor was in Asgard, Pepper was in California and Peter was at university, so everyone was accounted for.
Just so that he wasn't actually lying, Tony set JARVIS to run some scans on the armor before he left the workshop. Dressed only in boxers and one of Steve's t-shirts, he padded out onto the balcony of his and Steve's floor. It was surprisingly cold outside for early October; there was frost on the railings, and he hopped in place a little, wishing that he'd thought to put shoes on.
But Tony wasn't going to be out here long enough for it to matter. He looked around, eyes scanning the nearby buildings, but of course he didn't see anything out of the ordinary. The fog wasn't helping, but honestly it could've been a crystal clear day and Tony knew for a fact that he wouldn't have seen anything. That was okay. Tony knew that he was there.
"It's cold," he called out, crossing his arms for warmth. "And I'm all alone today. Steve's gone. So is everyone else, not that you care about them. Anyway, you can come in if you want. I'm going to make myself popcorn and watch movies. Company would be nice, if only so that JARVIS doesn't have to be the only one to listen to my genius."
It was tempting to wait and see what happened, but he turned on his heel and retreated back inside, shivering. Steve would slap his butt if he knew that Tony had stepped outside dressed like this, so it was fortunate no one else would ever know.
He scooted into the bathroom for a couple of minutes, trying and failing not to be completely obvious. He didn't even know if it would work, but as far as he was concerned it was worth a try. Tony still had difficulty looking at the Soldier and thinking of anything but his dead parents. But the increasingly devestated look on Steve's face every time their efforts to lure the Soldier home failed hurt even more.
When he came back out, he wasn't really expecting to find the Winter Soldier standing in the middle of the room. Hoping, yes, but not really expecting. Tony stopped short. The Solider stared at him.
"Um, hi," Tony said when it became clear that the Soldier wasn't going to be the one to break the awkward silence. "I.... didn't actually think you'd come in."
"You said Steve's gone," the Soldier said.
Tony nodded. "Yeah, I did. He's out for at least a couple of hours, probably longer." He frowned, suddenly feeling defensive on Steve's behalf. "He's a good daddy, you know. The best." He paused, then added, "If you're like that. Sorry. The history books didn't say one way or the other, but Steve's really good at it so I just assumed he'd had some previous experience."
"He did," the Soldier said shortly. He didn't say anything else, but in the span of those few seconds he went from looking like a potential threat to just looking... kind of sad.
Damn it.
"Okay. That's - okay. Do you -" Tony licked his lips nervously, squinting at him. This was the first time he'd gotten a close look at the Soldier that didn't involve an incoming punch to the face. Truth be told, he hadn't really thought about what he would do beyond this moment. Now that it was here, he kind of wished that he hadn't forbidden JARVIS from calling Steve the moment the Soldier's foot hit the landing.
The Soldier said nothing and did nothing, just stood there at parade rest. He was probably armed to the teeth and his hair was a mess, wound up in a scraggly bun. He was thinner than Tony remembered, and the circles under his eyes were probably less due to the kohl he'd once worn and more from lack of sleep.
They stared at each other, and it slowly occurred to Tony that the uniform the Soldier was wearing did not look comfortable; he was pretty sure that could see at least three different places where the buckles were actually pinching flesh. His daddy would be really upset at him if he left the Soldier in that outfit. And maybe, if the Soldier was wearing something different, this could be easier.
"Clothes," Tony said finally, hesitant. "I can give you something else to wear if you want. If that's okay?"
The Soldier blinked once and shrugged. Tony decided to take that as a yes.
He circled around the Soldier while the man undressed, removing leather and weaponry alike, and went to the closet, where he removed an old sweatshirt and sweatpants of Steve's. Tony's clothing sure as hell wasn't going to fit; much as he hated to admit it, the Soldier was several inches taller and bulkier than him. He set them down on the bed.
After a moment's thought, he slipped into the bathroom and took one of Clint's pull-ups out from under the sink. He didn't think the Soldier was young enough to need diapers like Tony did, but pull-ups? Maybe. He stuck his head out the door and gave the Soldier an appraising look as he pulled on Steve's sweatshirt. At least the Solider looked pretty clean. Tony didn't think he was capable of giving someone a bath.
"You're not a baby?" he asked cautiously, holding the pull-up up.
"No," the Solider said flatly.
"But you - I mean, I don't like wearing diapers. I hate that I can't control myself. My body just does everything without permission, you know? And unless I'm really, really thinking about it -" Tony caught himself rambling and drew in a deep breath, held it. This wasn't the time. "So is this..."
Without a word, the Soldier took the pull-up and slipped it on. The sweatpants followed. Without the mask and uniform, he really did look like a different person. Less threatening. Less like the person who had killed Tony's parents. Tony tried to smile. It came out a little shakier than he wanted it to, but that was okay. No one else was around to judge.
"What do I call you?" he asked quietly.
"Whatever you want."
"Fine. Come on then, Princess."
That earned Tony a glare.
"James," came the answer, finally, like Tony had dragged it out of him.
"James, then," Tony said, beckoning with one finger. James followed obediently enough, which was odd in and of itself - Tony was expecting some kind of fight. He'd thought it would be harder than this, that he'd need the suit, or at the very least some kind of back-up.
But maybe James was just as tired as Tony was. Maybe he was craving some kind of peace and quiet and he didn't know how to get it. Tony could identify with that. There were plenty of days when his head just wouldn't shut up and his daddy was the only one who could make it stop, but if James didn't need that yet - if he wasn't at the point where he could trust Steve yet - that was fine.
He led James out to the living room and pointed at the couch, waiting until James sat down before Tony went into the kitchen. The sink was lined with sterilized bottles, but there were also a couple of sippy cups for when Clint or Scott came to visit. Tony picked up a sippy cup and, after a couple seconds, a bottle. He was trying not to be little today, but he thought that James would be more likely to drink from the sippy cup if Tony had a bottle. He poured apple juice into both, popped some popcorn, and returned to the living room.
"JARVIS, cue up something appropriate," Tony said, sitting down on the couch. He handed the sippy cup to James, who looked at it like it might be poison, and kept the bottle for himself. He set the popcorn between them and leaned back against the arm of the couch.
He rubbed the nipple against his bottom lip a couple of times as How to Train Your Dragon started playing on the screen. Usually Steve gave him his bottles, but Tony could do it this once. Slowly, he curled his tongue around the nipple and sucked it into his mouth. He tipped the bottle up, letting gravity help. He could feel James watching him as he sucked again, savoring the crisp taste of apple juice, but Tony didn't let himself look back.
By the time the movie was half done, James had drunk the juice and eaten all of the popcorn.
When the cup was empty, James held it loosely between his hands until Tony leaned forward and put his bottle and the bowl on the coffee table. Then James copied him, setting the sippy cup down very gently. It wasn't the most nutritious meal for either of them, but Tony considered it a step in the right direction that James was willing to eat or drink anything offered to him from a stranger.
He glanced at James out of the corner of his eye. Though Tony was curled up with his legs against his chest, James was sitting upright, hands clenched in his lap, like he was seconds from vibrating right off the couch. The tension was impossible to ignore. Biting back a sigh, Tony fished around in the drawer of the end table until he unearthed a couple of pacifiers. He slipped the purple one into his own mouth and set the other one down between them without looking at James.
"Second one, please, J," he mumbled as the first movie finished, sucking lazily on his pacifier. The pressure of the teat against his tongue was soothing. Against his will, his eyes drifted shut.
It was probably stupid to fall asleep with the Winter Soldier sitting less than two feet away. Tony did anyway. He didn't wake up until he heard someone gasp, followed by the sound of hushed voices. He forced his eyes open, realizing that his pacifier had fallen out of his mouth and that he was cold. He was wet too, and he squirmed uncomfortably when he saw his daddy, lifting his arms sleepily.
Steve came towards him automatically, but his eyes were locked on the other side of the couch. Tony turned his head to see what was so interesting and was surprised to see that James was still there; he was sleeping, or at least his eyes were shut, and his hair had fallen out of the bun. He looked a lot younger now, less threatening, less like the man who frequented Tony's nightmares.
"Tony, how did you -" Steve couldn't finish his sentence, scooping Tony up and squeezing him so tightly that Tony squeaked.
He rubbed at his eyes. "Cold out," he muttered. "Daddy, sleepy."
"Right," Steve said, still staring at James. "But how -"
Tony squirmed again. "Daddy," he whimpered.
"Steve, go take care of Antoshka," Natasha said. Tony hadn't even noticed her coming in.
"But -"
"Go," Natasha ordered, smoothing a hand over Tony's head as she walked by. "Put Tony down for a nap. He needs it. Or do you really want to spend the night walking around with a cranky, fussy Little?"
That seemed to be the warning Steve needed to move. Clutching Tony to his chest, he kept his eyes on James until the very last second. Tony looked up at him warily as Steve carried him down the hall to the nursery. He couldn't tell what his daddy was thinking. Was he angry that Tony had invited James inside?
"Daddy mad?" he asked worriedly. "Tony bad?"
Steve stopped short and stared at him. "Tony, no," he breathed. "Sweetheart, you did so good. I'm so - you got Bucky here, you brought him in and I - god, baby, I love you so much." He crushed Tony in another hug, and Tony realized that his daddy was shaking a little.
"Daddy happy now?" he whispered, patting clumsily at Steve's back, and Steve choked on a laugh.
"I was always happy with you," he whispered back. "But this is - Tony, thank you."
Tony smiled and cuddled closer to him, wrapping his arms around his daddy's neck. His daddy was happy and soon Tony would have a big brother. Maybe then he wouldn't have any more nightmares. He closed his eyes, contented.