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JD was never a particularly religious person; he believed in fate, destiny, soulmates; but the concept of a particular higher being was difficult to grasp for him. Maybe due to his less than nurturing childhood, or the horrors he sees every day in the hospital; either way, he’d consider himself more spiritual than religious. Not that he was scanning the blogosphere for his horoscope every morning (today aries, your communication skills and boldness are your ultimate superpower), he just believed in the universe.
On the other hand, Elliot was raised “Connecticut Catholic” and went to church on Easter, Christmas, and the Sundays after her mother’s monthly salon appointment. When JD proposed, she said “Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!” and then said “I hope Father Clark is free June 15th!” She had walked away to show off the ring to their friends by the time JD processed it. He had nothing against a person with faith, nor the buildings where they worship. Maybe he’s spent too much time with Cox, but the glitz and glamor of cathedrals for a so-called fatherly, loving god felt like overkill.
The months passed, and Elliot made every decision and appointment and reservation according to her Wedding Binder 2.0 (the original plan having been used for her wedding to Keith). JD felt like he was along for the ride, but all the time feeling disconnected from the process, like it wasn’t happening to him. He loved Elliot, of course, but the whole thing was intangible in his mind.
Of course, thanks to whatever force of nature hated him, JD was working an overnight nine-to-nine shift the evening before his wedding. Elliot had been pissed when she found out, but did some mental gymnastics to make it work, which JD was fairly certain her plan involved warp-speed travel, so who knows what she was thinking.
Truth be told, JD was less upset about the shift and more so about who he was working with. Dr. Cox was extra rageful to everyone lately – everyone except JD, whom he was adeptly avoiding. The few times JD managed to catch the other man, it’d resulted in an explosive rant about a very small slight. Cox would bluster about for several minutes, calling JD a girl’s name or two, then stalk off to resume the causeless avoidance. And it was causeless, as far as JD knew. He hadn’t made any mistakes in his work, nor had he overstepped himself as Dr. Cox’s nagging attending. Hell, he hadn’t even gone in for a hug in at least a few months.
Tonight, JD just didn’t have it in him. He’d been losing his fight the last couple weeks. Everything felt way too big for JD to overcome. Elliot was truly a bridezilla and kept JD up with nonstop rambling, like a podcast about wedding planning blasted right into his skull. Carla was due any day now, which was sending Turk into full panic mode; he was “nesting” and “babyproofing.” When JD pointed out that the apartment was already baby-proofed for Izzy, Turk grumbled something about “double babyproofing” and huffed away.
And, of course, the thing that really bothered JD: Cox avoiding him. Why did it bother him so much? The guy was his colleague – his boss – he had every right to ignore JD all he wanted!
Although ignoring was different than avoiding, wasn’t it? Cox had ignored JD plenty of times over the years. Once after an admittedly embarrassing incident involving JD’s scooter Sasha and a leafblower, Perry spent an entire week pretending JD was dead, saying stuff like “did you hear something?” and “I swear I can still feel him sometimes,” whenever JD spoke.
This was different. Cox had only truly ignored JD twice before – when Ben died, and when Jordan tactlessly revealed that she’d slept with JD. Both previous cases had valid causes, but not now.
It all started around the time they left the Bahamas. He and Jordan had been fighting the whole time, as were the other two couples on the trip, but unlike the other couples, they hadn’t made up. As soon as they landed, Jordan wheeled her suitcase to the ticket counter and booked a flight to Greece.
That was months ago. As far as JD could tell, Jordan never really came back to the apartment. Well, except for that one time after a fresh round of Botox. But that didn’t really seem like a happy reunion, more like a settle-their-affairs situation. Regardless, it had nothing to do with JD, so why was he getting the brunt of it?
It was all just so confusing. JD was distracted all the time, staring off into nothing trying to untangle the mess of thoughts and emotions. He hadn’t had the bandwidth for a good daydream in weeks.
JD arrived at the hospital straight from the rehearsal dinner. Cox was supposed to have been there, but never showed up. JD stared at the empty seat with Cox’s name card the entire time, and when he got to work that night, he found an ICU being run by an irate dictator, barking insults alongside orders.
“Look who finally decided to show up!” Cox sneered at JD, who hadn’t even picked up a chart yet.
“Sorry, I was hosting.” JD rolled his eyes and flipped open a chart. “Are things actually bad or are you just being an ass for fun?”
“Well I woke up this morning, so automatically a bad day to begin with. And then after an already painful twelve hour shift, I get to work another twelve with the most annoying doctor on this planet. Just get to work, m’kay?” Perry scoffed a dismissal and started away from JD, but JD was over it. He started at a brisk walk to catch up to Cox, who was only a few feet from the elevator.
Barely sliding into the carriage in time, JD panted slightly from rushing. He wasn’t as young as he used to be. Perry was boiling, arms crossed and teeth bared.
“What the hell do you want, Newbie?”
“You’ve been avoiding me and I want to know why.” JD’s eyes flicked between Perry’s, trying to read him.
“Well for starters,” Cox began his rant, “your voice is a medically proven cause of migraines and tinnitus –”
“Bullshit,” JD was getting mad now, “this is different.” Why was he growing angrier? Why does Cox ignoring him mean anything more now that it did before?
Because JD is about to get married. Because Perry’s opinion of JD has always meant more than anyone else’s. Because if JD’s life was about to change completely in one aspect, he needed to know the other would remain the same.
The elevator stopped and the doors opened, but JD wasn’t done interrogating. Cox escaped and stomped down the hall, JD at his heels.
“You can’t keep ignoring me, Perry.” JD snatched the older doctor’s shoulder and tugged him toward an open on-call room, but instead stumbled and knocked against the door jam. Perry snorted a small laugh, watching with an amused smirk as JD rubbed the back of his head.
“I’ve missed seeing you hurt yourself. You’re about as graceful as an alien in a human suit.” Perry shook his head, then sighed. JD was about to speak when he was pushed into the room behind him, and the door was shut, lock clicking in the dark. Dr. Cox stood in front of the door, arms crossed again. JD lowered himself to sit on the edge of a bed.
“Listen, Newbie –”
“Are you actually mad at me?” it fell out before JD could stop it, and he immediately regretted it. What a stupid question. That’s something a sixteen year old would ask her boyfriend over and over again. JD cowered into himself, ashamed at his insecurity.
Perry sighed again, letting his head hang down slightly. JD let Perry think, knowing the other man wasn’t a touchy-feely guy.
“I’m just tired, Nancy. The last few months with Jordan being gone has been hard.” Cox shrugged, nauseous from the honesty.
“So I didn’t do anything wrong?” JD was embarrassed again, but was feeling a little fragile today, so he let himself have this one.
“Well I’m not saying you’re not insane for your choice in women, but Barbie’s taste in men isn’t any better.” Perry laughed again, and JD felt Cox’s gaze rake down his body at the remark – it made him shiver, his spine electric. What the hell? JD’s mind pushed away the massive tangle of thoughts and planted a blank slate to take notes, pushing further into this topic.
“Do you think I’m making a mistake?” JD didn’t know what answer he wanted to hear, but waited patiently again. Perry opened and shut his mouth, his response hiding in his throat. JD could feel the other man growing uncomfortable, which will turn into rage quickly.
“Why do you care what I think?” Perry wasn’t angry yet, but the question felt heavy in JD’s hands, like a thick chain.
“I don’t know,” JD answered, avoiding Perry’s gaze, “I just care about you.”
“Is that it?” Cox asked, more incredulous this time.
“Why weren’t you at the dinner?” More word vomit, but a desperate itch was being scratched and JD couldn’t stop himself from getting more.
“I was working, Shiela, in case you haven’t noticed!” Angry now – great.
“You weren’t scheduled. Carla told me she’d make sure you weren’t.”
“So you’re messing with my schedule now? You know I’m the Chief, right?”
“Oh like you’d fire me.”
“Why wouldn’t I fire you? You’re a pain in my ass, and have been since the day you stepped foot in this hospital. I haven’t had a restful night’s sleep in nearly a decade because of you, and now Jordan thinks that we’re –” Cox froze, then roared, turning to rip the door back open. JD was still stuck on the bed, eyes wide and mouth agape, trying to interpret where that rant had been going. What did he say about Jordan?
Cox was gone before JD even looked up again. He was pulled from his thoughts by his pager, meaning he’d have to come back to this later.
So, after six hours of vitals, codes, and orders, JD finally sat down on the couch in the lounge, sliding until the back of his head rested on the back of the couch. God he was exhausted. His eyes were burning, and his ears were fizzing; he didn’t notice that someone had entered the room and sat on the other couch until that someone cleared his throat.
“I don’t care what I did, can you just wait to yell at me until later? I really can’t do it tonight.” JD was ready to go home, crawl into bed, and never wake up. The impending nuptials did nothing to remedy the desire for lifelong sleep.
“I’m not here to yell at you,” Perry sounded tired too, but not like JD’s tired. JD’s was something like a surrender, while Cox seemed determined by something. JD sat up, rubbing his eyes to pay attention to what his mentor-boss-friend-person was about to say. Cox clenched his jaw, the muscles around his mandible tensing in a way that made JD’s mouth go dry. He felt his heart thud in his chest, loud and unruly, and he began to panic. When was the last time his heart raced like this? This feeling wasn’t fear, or anxiety, or excitement – it was more like what he felt the first time he met Elliot. He suddenly didn’t want to explore that line of thinking, so his focus returned to the tired man in front of him.
“Newbie,” he started, but the inflection gave no clue as to the direction of the conversation, “you can’t ask me to tell you if you’re making the right choice marrying Barbie. I’m the last person to be giving out marriage advice.”
“I’m sorry about you and Jordan, I know you loved each other in your own way,” JD never understood their relationship, but after dating Dani, he kind of understood how intoxicating the dynamic can be.
“It’s for the best. We got divorced for a reason. We were similar in so many ways, but different where it mattered.” Cox was fiddling with the space on his ring finger that used to hold a ring. Even after the divorce, they still wore them, but it was gone now.
JD thought about his relationship with Elliot. They were both intelligent, hard-headed overthinkers. They were insecure with each other – a trait that had made their Bahama vacation hell, too. But JD was spontaneous and Elliot mapped everything exactly.
“What were you saying earlier?” JD proceeded with caution, but was dying to know.
“Hm?” Perry finally looked up from where he was wringing his hands.
“When you were talking about all the reasons you’d fire me.”
“I’m not gonna fire you, Susana,” Perry rolled his eyes.
“I know you won’t, but you started saying something then stopped and stormed out.” JD leaned forward, squinting in the half-light to read Perry’s expression, which revealed nothing. However, JD was almost certain there was a tinge of a blush, like Perry had just been introduced to embarrassment for the first time.
“Oh, that, well –” Perry was cut off when both of their pagers started beeping. Simultaneously, the men read their pagers, looked at each other, and took off running. They’d been working tangentially to keep a patient stable on dialysis until a transplant kidney became available, but she’d been circling the drain all day.
When JD was an intern, he’d often watch Cox run his codes, memorizing his habits and timing. Over the years, JD’s skills became tailored to fit in exactly with Cox’s rhythm, and now they worked together like they were sharing a dance, synchronized and effortless. Elliot’s style was more of a solo, and JD felt like more of a nuisance than helpful when running codes with her.
Why did JD keep comparing Elliot to Cox? His stomach twisted at the thought, and his mind ran away with memories of his relationship with Elliot, but her presence was surgically removed and replaced with Cox. Picnics, movies, dimly-lit restaurants. JD chuckled at the image of Cox leaning his head on JD’s shoulder while watching TV on the couch – Perry most definitely was not a cuddler. He’d said so once or twice.
Fuck. JD was losing his mind. Besides the touchy-feely parts, Perry fit perfectly in JD’s imagination. Even worse, he fit better than Elliot. When JD pictured himself with Perry, really with him, it was the clearest thought he’d had in months.
After the code, JD slipped out of the room quietly, desperate for fresh air. He climbed up the stairs silently, taking each one with labored energy. He shoved open the door to the roof, feeling the gravel press through the soles of his sneakers. Nearing three-o’clock in the morning now, the air was brisk. However, the cloudiness and light pollution worked together to block any stars in the sky – something JD often missed from his hometown in Ohio. Drawing pictures in the stars always helped his mind slow down. Tonight he had no such luck, so he opted to stand near the edge of the building with his eyes shut, taking intentional and deep breaths. This whole thing was too much for him. Why was he thinking and feeling these things about Perry? What the hell was wrong with him? He’s engaged – hell, he’s getting married today.
Today. He was going to be Elliot’s husband today. In fourteen hours he’d have a wife. The thought made JD’s stomach flip, but what was he supposed to do? He’d left Elliot high and dry so many times before, it’d be cruel to do it now. Besides, two called-off weddings might give her an aneurysm. JD clenched his hands shut, digging his fingernails into his palms. The sharp pressing kept him grounded, but he was quickly becoming overwhelmed, and when he reopened his eyes, the skyline was spinning slightly. He took several steps backwards, away from the ledge, and stumbled to the ground. The gravel was no softer on his ass than it’d been on his feet, but once again, the mild pain was necessary to keep him here. He focused on the sounds of the city. Despite the early morning hour, he heard cars and ambulances and buses — so many people moving through their lives with such certainty, while JD was sitting here, just a pair of cold feet and a brain full of second thoughts.
Before he even registered the sound of the door opening behind him, someone else was sitting next to JD. Like before, JD knew exactly who it was.
“I know the prospect of marrying Barbie makes me suicidal, but I’d hoped you were above that course of action.”
“I’m not suicidal –” JD opened his eyes and looked at Dr. Cox, who was looking out at the city. A long time ago, a rooftop beach was set up here. It’d since been cleared away but the string lights remained. Those lights were reflecting in Perry’s eyes, like a new sky of stars. JD felt a comfort he hadn’t in a long time, likely years, and allowed himself just a moment to get lost. These new stars felt like home, and it made JD’s heart ache for familiarity, for something to be easy and simple, just this once.
“Take a picture Lilly, it’ll last longer,” Perry’s face broke into a small smile, something real JD hadn’t ever seen on him.
“Sorry,” JD mumbled, his face burning, and he returned his gaze to the actual sky. “Why did you follow me up here?”
“You don’t want me avoiding you, you don’t want me next to you –”
“I didn’t say that –”
“What do you want from me, JD?” Perry never turned his head, but he peered out of the side of his eye at the other doctor.
“I want you to tell me the truth.” JD didn’t know what the truth was, or really which truth he wanted, but he knew he was tired of the half-truths and withheld information. “I don’t care if it hurts, I just need to know.” JD also didn’t turn his head, but the men were now making side-eyed eye contact, a sensible amount of distance in their vulnerability. JD could see the gears in Perry’s head turning, and briefly imagined a spring jumping from Robo-Cox’s ear.
“I think you’re making a mistake getting married.” Perry said it like it was a universal fact, like it was written in stone, sent down by God as a decree.
“Why? Because your marriage didn’t work out?” The answer JD got from Perry made his body burn, a quiet anger boiling. “Just because marriage isn’t for you doesn’t mean it isn’t for me.”
“It has nothing to do with the institution of marriage, Newbie.” Perry finally turned his head, facing JD. “It’s because you obviously don’t love her.”
JD was taken aback, his tongue heavy and dry in his mouth. Of course he loved Elliot, he wouldn’t be with her if he didn’t.
But did he? Hell, just a few minutes ago, he was replacing her in his memories with Cox, and apparently the prospect of marrying her sent him spiraling.
“What makes you think I don’t love her?”
“Because you’re not bouncing off the walls announcing your impending marriage to everyone you meet. I haven’t heard you even mention the wedding to a patient, and I’ve heard you tell them about your dream journal.”
“So I’m keeping it private, it's a personal, private life event. I have the right to keep it to myself.”
“It’s just not like you, in fact you haven’t been yourself since you proposed.”
“How would you know? You’ve been practically MIA since the Bahamas.”
“Just because you’re not trailing my ass twenty-four-seven doesn’t mean I don’t pay attention to you.” Perry broke eye contact, rolling pieces of gravel in his hands. The city-sound silence was dense, almost suffocating the men. JD watched a bus stop a block away – two buses had come and gone before anyone spoke again.
“Why were you avoiding me?” JD asked again. Insanity is asking the same questions and expecting a different answer, but JD had a feeling this would not be a feat of insanity. “Why weren’t you at the dinner tonight?”
“Why does it matter to you so much? What’s so goddamn special about me?”
“Perry we’ve been through a lot together. We’ve celebrated and commiserated and survived together. We’ve pulled each other up from rock bottom and we’ve brought each other down from the clouds. Why can’t you just be honest with me for once? Why can’t you just let yourself say what you’re feeling?”
“I don’t know what I’m feeling, Newbie! I’m not like you, I don’t have emotional conversations.”
“You don’t think I’m confused? I’m standing up here trying to decide what I’m going to do with my life in the next fourteen hours and all I can focus on is you. I can’t get you out of my head and it’s killing me. I feel sick with guilt for how I’m feeling and I need to know if I’m going crazy or if I’m actually truly sane for once.”
There were no more words. Once again the downtown-silence fell upon them. JD didn’t know what else to say, and he had a feeling Cox was withholding. JD wanted to scream, the tension between the men was growing denser by the moment, and it was making it difficult for JD to breathe, like walking through 99% humidity. Instead, he started sifting through the gravel, picking pieces that were shaped like other things – a shoe, a bottle, a heart. JD sighed, letting his head hang as he pulled his knees to his chest.
“Maybe I am insane.” JD muttered, not really trying to gain Perry’s attention, but when a hand landed softly between JD’s shoulderblades, he looked up to meet Perry’s eyes again.
“You’re not insane, I’m just a coward,” Perry shrugged, but his large, warm hand remained pressed against JD’s spine, burning through his scrubs and deep into his skin.
“How–” JD started, but he was interrupted by Perry’s other hand holding JD’s face, cupping his cheek gently. Perry was twisted sideways, one leg bent and the other outstretched.
“Jordan left because she could see what I’ve been pushing down for so long. She watched what I was becoming, what I was letting myself turn into – she saw through the lies I was telling everyone, including myself.”
JD’s mouth was dry, the roughness of Cox’s hand on his face the only thing grounding him.
“JD I don’t think you should marry Barbie because I don’t want you to. There’s no other reason besides that: I just don’t want you to. I don’t want you marrying anyone. I want –” Perry rolled his eyes, that embarrassed blush returning to his freckled face. JD reached out a hand as well, using his thumb and forefinger to pull Perry’s chin, forcing the man to face him.
“Please say it.” JD whispered, a quiet prayer to the universe, to God, to Perry.
“I want –” Perry stopped, pulling a sharp intake of air as JD’s pager beeped. JD sighed, dropping his hold on Perry and taking his pager from his waistband. Another code. JD chewed on his tongue as he stood, a sick rage filling him and defiling the softness of the rooftop. Without looking back, JD retreated from the roof and descended the stairs. He never heard the door open again, nor did he hear the sound of footsteps following him.
What did he just almost do?
Somehow, over the remaining six hours of their shifts, the men did not have a moment to spare one another. As if something greater was controlling the winds of fate, patient after patient needed their undivided attention and neither man even sat down for the last bit of their shift.
When JD walked out of the hospital, the sunlight was blinding. He squinted, raising one hand to shield his face, and made his way to his car. The clock on his dash glowed 9:17 and he groaned – less than eight hours left. He let his head fall to rest on the steering wheel, exhausted beyond comprehension. Besides a short nap before the rehearsal dinner yesterday, JD had been awake for almost fourty-eight hours. His eyes were heavy and dry, and he could barely lift his arms. He was completely burnt out: physically, mentally, emotionally, and socially. He had nothing left to give. Part of him considered going back inside and sleeping in an on-call room for a few hours, but the thought of being in that building a moment longer instilled a nausea comparable to being blackout drunk, so he decided against it. Instead he shifted the gearstick to drive and made his way home.
He was expected at the church by three, so when his alarm started screaming at one, he rolled out of bed, feeling no less tired, and took a shower. The hot water enveloped him, and his body relaxed more each passing minute. He melted, and he watched the day wash down the drain.
What was Perry about to say, anyways? What did he want? The hot stream of the shower hit the middle of his back, and he was transported back to the brisk rooftop, a strong hand keeping him warm and steady. Why did Perry follow him to the roof? What did Jordan see that he didn’t?
The steam was almost suffocating, and he used one arm against the wall to steady himself. Like looking over the edge of the hospital’s roof, the shower stall started spinning below him. Before he could collapse he shut off the water and relegated himself to sitting on his bed, staring at the pressed suit hanging on the back of his bedroom door.
Elliot had picked him a purple tie. JD wasn’t really a purple person, especially this pinkish-plum bowtie. The bridesmaids were wearing the same color, so he wasn’t alone in his suffering. Turk compared it to the color of bruising, and did that tongue-out chuckle he does when he thinks he’s clever.
The clock ticked by, moving closer and closer to two thirty and all JD did was sit there, towel wrapped around his waist. Was this the right choice? Why did he feel so much trepidation now?
Finally, when he could put it off no longer, he dressed in his pants and undershirt, leaving the dress shirt and tie on the hanger. God that stupid purple tie was mocking him. Now that he thought about it, he really hated the color purple. He much preferred turquoise or cerulean, shades of blue that made his eyes pop.
JD trudged to his car and turned over the engine, blasting the air conditioner as much as possible. He’d begun to sweat, despite it being such a temperate day. Maybe he was nervous – obviously he was nervous. He was about to make a massive mistake.
Perry’s eyes were blue, the perfect shade really. Not too light that he looked like a vampire, but not too dark that they looked grey. JD’s mind wandered to the night sky that had lived in Perry’s eyes.
Focus. Get to the church. Ignore the screaming in your head to turn around and disappear up the coast. You made a commitment, and damnit Dorian, you will honor it.
Perry was not a religious person whatsoever. His sister had “found Christ” in college and did the whole born-again thing, but Perry could never get a grasp on the concept. His father was a drunken bastard and his mother was a drunken coward, and Perry had inherited it all and turned out to be a drunken, cowardly bastard.
That same cowardly-bastard (who was not drunk at all, not yet at least) was standing in the courtyard of a large church. His hands were stuffed in the pockets of his suit pants, and he didn’t dare move. Guests arrived and filed into the building, no doubt anxious to see the happy couple join hands in holy matrimony. Perry was less excited.
Hell, he was anything but excited. He was dreading the union in its totality, and was avoiding any reminders of it he could. But the day was here, and before the sun would set, JD would be married, and Perry would still be alone.
He didn’t need to look at his watch to know what time it was. Guests had pretty much all arrived and an usher was waiting to shut the doors, glaring at Perry as if to say “shit or get off the pot.” The ceremony was starting any minute now. Perry grumbled to himself and ascended the cement steps, passing through the massive wooden doorway and into a large foyer facing another set of doors. These too were propped open, and inside Perry could see a crowd of people seated in the pews, chatting amongst themselves. He felt sick that the worst day of his life had such an audience.
He slipped into the sanctuary, choosing a seat on the aisle about halfway down the rows. As he sat, he wiped his sweaty palms on his knees, desperate to rip off his necktie as soon as possible. He’d watch them get hitched, scream in his car alone on the way to the reception, and drink half the open bar by himself in the corner. By morning, he’d be a hungover lump of self-loathing, but at least he wouldn’t remember seeing them together.
Perry didn’t take in the room at all. He barely registered who he was sitting next to, and therefore did not notice that JD had taken his place at the altar. He did not hear the bridesmaids and groomsmen descend the aisle. He did not hear everyone turn around, anticipating the bride’s entrance.
An organ started screaming, and everyone stood up, Perry startled and followed a moment after. He did not watch the doors, but instead watched JD. Jordan had once said something about the look on the groom’s face when the bride came down the aisle, and she always watched the groom instead. Perry’s reasoning was different, but he was watching JD’s reaction anxiously.
JD’s blood whirred in his ears. He chewed on the inside of his cheek and watched the oak doors. Something close to terror filled him, and he had to avert his gaze before he passed out. JD instead scanned the crowd — he imagined sitting in the electric chair, and on the other side of the viewing window was this congregation, awaiting his demise. Everyone he ever met was here, and many people he never met, too. Was that better or worse – strangers watching him die?
JD’s eyes met Perry’s, and both men froze. Perry clenched his jaw, and JD sighed to himself. Turk knocked JD in the arm with his elbow and said something, but JD couldn’t hear it over the deafening sound of Perry’s eye contact. The doors burst open, and JD’s gaze was ripped away to view his bride. Elliot really was beautiful. Her dress was poofy but simple, and her hair was long and curly. She was beaming, and JD knew that in her eyes, everything was perfect. He pulled on a stiff smile, doing his best to conceal his nerves. That’s all this was afterall, just nerves. He was going to marry the woman of his dreams and they were going to live happily ever after.
She reached the altar after the longest march in the world, and passed her bouquet to Carla. She reached out her hands, and JD moved to take them, but thought better and wiped the dampness from his palms onto his pants before grabbing Elliot’s hands. She let out a small laugh, tickled that JD was so nervous.
“It's just me, JD. You can relax,” her reassurance was soft and genuine, but it did nothing to calm JD whatsoever.
The priest began the ceremony, reading from a burgundy book the traditional proceedings for a wedding. Father Clark spoke clearly and slowly, almost chanting some passages and prayers the way a monk would. JD wasn’t paying attention to the words, he was just staring at where his hands were holding Elliot’s. Her nails were perfect too – french tipped and manicured. She was wearing her engagement ring on one hand and a diamond bracelet on the wrist of the other. The priest finished his scripture readings and looked up from the book, speaking directly to the congregation.
“Welcome, loved ones, to the union of John Dorian and Elliot Reid. This special occasion marks the beginning of their life together as a married couple. It is our privilege and great joy to witness this union and celebrate their mutual love, respect, and commitment.” The priest watched over the audience, almost a performance in his ceremony. Elliot was glowing, almost vibrating with excitement. JD was numb. He was finally listening to the proceedings and his body would not allow him to feel anything anymore. This was his fate. He had nowhere to run.
“If anyone knows of any reason why these two should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace,” Father Clark barely paused, turning the page of the book, when someone gasped. JD looked up and out at the commotion, and in the sea of seated patrons stood one man: Dr. Cox.
Perry’s legs made the choice for him. He had nothing to say, nothing planned. Hell, he wasn’t even really paying attention. But now he was standing, and everyone was staring right at him, waiting for him to speak and explain himself. Elliot was enraged, glaring at Perry with as much venom as possible. He owed her an explanation at least.
“I want peace,” he said, not really knowing where he was going. It wasn’t until he heard himself that he realized he was finishing the conversation on the roof. “I have never known peace since I met you JD, but I’ll never know it without you either.”
Perry heard murmuring, he felt gawking, but his eyes were locked on JD, who had fallen so pale he resembled more of a ghost than a doctor or groom. These moments dragged, and nobody moved. Finally, Elliot made the next move. She leaned toward JD and whispered something in his ear, to which he looked shocked. Her smile was soft, and she nodded. They hugged, and JD dropped her hands and descended the aisle, making his way toward Perry. JD took his hand and dragged him through the double doors, through the foyer, and out to the courtyard.
“Where’s your car?” JD asked, scanning the parking lot. Perry did nothing but stare at JD. The sunlight was orange on his skin, making every peak of his face glow and every valley shadowed. He looked beautiful, and Perry could hold it in no longer. He grabbed JD’s face with one hand and wrenched it towards him. The small space between them crackled electric, and Perry moved without hesitation.
Their lips crashed together, and Perry finally understood why JD was always using that girly lip balm – his lips were so fucking soft it made Perry’s knees weak. JD was in awe of how gentle Perry was, despite his rough edges. It was like finishing a puzzle, like remembering the name of an earworm song, like waking up in a sunbeam.
When they parted, huffing and blushing, the doors were just opening. Perry grabbed JD by the shoulder and dragged him to the parking lot, stuffing him into the passenger seat of the Porsche.
“Where are we going?” JD asked, beaming. He felt joy, clarity, and peace.
“My place, we’re not done.” Perry’s cheeks were sore from his newfound smile, and he was dying to continue what he’d started. “What did Barbie say to you anyways?”
“Just something about always knowing a little bit, and how she just wanted me to be happy.” JD reached a hand to grab Perry’s knee as Perry pulled out of the barking lot, squealing away. “Besides, she’ll get to keep all the gifts out of pity since her husband-to-be turned out gay.” At the next stop light, Perry leaned over and kissed JD again, this time much more certain and fervent. JD was left huffing again, and Perry chuckled as the light turned green.
“Thank God for that,” Perry responded. The car lurched forward, and Perry took JD’s hand and squeezed it.