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He should have noticed something earlier. He was Superman, for crying out loud!
But because he was Superman, he had spent the last few hours fighting an extremely flirty and psychotic assassin with kryptonite-charged whips. She had mentioned the mineral was easier to get now, which only presented even more complications for his future.
And then there was Lois acting insane, almost being stomped by a giant mecha, not to mention Hank Henshaw getting turned into a cyborg version of himself. It was too much for a single day!
Still, he should have noticed. He should have realized Kara wasn’t floating around Jimmy as much, and she definitely wasn’t praising him or blushing like her usual self. Not to mention, his best pal looked somewhat uncomfortable.
Clark was sitting on the sofa, trying to figure out the mystery, when he felt a hand grab him by the shirt and pull him. He immediately knew who that person was, of course. Lois was grinning madly, her eyes shining with excitement, giving him that look, the one that said, 'I have an extremely stupid and potentially dangerous idea, and you’re gonna help me with it.'
She looked at him, then at their friends, both of them chatting on the kitchen counter, then, in a low voice, she said, “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
I just want to fly with you all the way to the atmosphere and cuddle on a cloud until sunrise, is what he would have liked to say.
“There’s something going on between those two, something different,” he said instead, because he was Superman and he had to protect not only the world, but also, the people he cared about.
“Something? Oh, I don’t know. Maybe that ‘something’ could be the fact that Kara announced to the whole world she’s looking for a suitor,” Lois sneered. Clark could see how she was making a great mental effort not to shout at him right then and there.
“Suitor? What do you mean?”
She actually facepalmed at that (something that was adorable, in his opinion, and he mentally opened another future task: ‘make Lois make that face more’). Still whispering, she commented, “Top reporter Clark Kent doesn’t check social media, really?”
“I’ve been fighting a kryptonite-powered bank robber for hours, not to mention how stressful it was to see you almost getting crushed by the Toyman, Lois!”
Her expression softened at that. Oh. He realized this was the first time he had mentioned The Whip (an absolutely terrible name for a villain, in his opinion), the group was far too focused on Lex’s latest scheme to talk about anything else on their way back from the convention.
He blinked, coming back to the present, realizing Lois looked visibly worried at the mention of the mineral and softly caressed his face. He melted into her touch, sighing softly.
“Clark… I didn’t know… I’m sorry…”
“I’m fine now,” he whispered, kissing her fingers and making her smile.
She still was staring at him and he knew just those few words wouldn’t be enough to satisfy her.
“I promise to you, Lois, I’m fine, but just in case something happens to me, you’ll be the first to know.”
“I always get my scoop one way or the other” she declared, dramatic as ever.
He smiled, kissing her forehead and causing another sudden burst of laughter, oh, how he wished to hear nothing but that sound for the rest of the night.
He could push Kara and Jimmy out of there in the blink of an eye, close the door, double-lock it, and wrap himself and his girlfriend in five different bedsheets in less than ten seconds (fifteen in case Kara struggled a little). Then again, Superman wouldn’t do something like that.
Being a hero was especially hard tonight!
Whatever plan he or Lois were coming up with had to wait, because the only other Kryptonian in the world floated above their heads and loudly announced:
“Kal-El! I require your help to classify a pile of gifts! Could I spend the night here for that purpose, then go into my sleep routine?”
“But…” he said, about to mention she usually slept at Ma and Pa’s farm and tonight he really needed to cuddle with Lois. He immediately went silent, however, when he saw the way his girlfriend was looking at him. Right. If he wanted to figure out what was going on, this was the best option.
“Sure, let’s do it!” he agreed, giving her his best smile.
He winked at Lois, getting an adorable thumbs-up in response. Now it was her turn.
"Jimmy! We have to go back to the convention center! We need to check the Toyman's stand for clues!"
"Lois, it's almost 1:00 AM," the young man complained. "Also, the police must have cleared that place hours ago!"
"Lois Lane doesn't trust the police's half-baked detective skills, nor does she care about logic!"
"We are reporters! We have to care about logic!"
"Just move your butt before I kick it down the stairs!" she shouted, dragging him out of the apartment and loudly slamming the door behind them.
Apologizing to the neighbors for the scandal was yet another task that Future Clark Kent would have to take care of, but right now, he was focused on his cousin.
Then Clark turned around and realized, for the first time that night, the sheer size of Kara's "pile" of gifts.
How. Just, how?
There was no logical way that amount of stuff could fit into a regular human apartment, let alone on his modest coffee table. It wasn't a pile; it was a monument about to collapse.
And truth be told, he felt a sting of jealousy looking at it, he had been the protector of Metropolis for over a year now and he had never received that much correspondence, not even if he added the weekly suspicious packages from LexCorp to the list.
Kara, completely oblivious to his mental breakdown, floated down, gently nesting herself in the middle of the pile, Clark had to admit she actually looked happy right now.
“Should we begin with the perishable goods?” she asked. “Humans seem quite fond of expressing admiration using them.”
He didn't answer because his eyes were completely fixed on a clear plastic container.
"Is that chocotorta?" he asked, his voice practically shrieking.
“Yes!” Kara said excitedly. “One of my fans got it for me. Him and his extraordinary sweet delicacy are from the faraway lands of Ar-gen....”
“Argentina” Clark supplied, seeing Kara nodding several times, he had to chuckle at her explanation. To them, there was no place on the planet that could truly be considered faraway.
He then glanced quickly at his cousin. She was completely occupied checking several drawings, categorizing them by the length of the paper and the number of colors used.
Taking his chance, he blurred toward the kitchen, grabbed the nearest fork, and flew back to scoop up a portion of the dessert.
The rich, sweet flavor immediately brought back a warm memory. Just last month, he had scooped Lois up in his arms and used his super speed to fly across the ocean, landing them right at a cozy sidewalk cafe in the heart of Mar del Plata. She had praised him for being a “good plane boyfriend” (something that should not have made him blush as much as it did), and they had spent a whole afternoon in a place where no one knew or recognized the two reporters. They had walked along the street hand in hand, watching the waves and visiting every cafe to eat chocotorta to their hearts’ content.
Repeating the experience would be a good idea, Clark decided. Definitely tomorrow. First thing in the morning, right after the cuddling.
“Kal-El!” Kara protested immediately, floating a few inches higher. “Do not devour my treats!”
“Consider it payment for helping you with this,” he replied with a laugh.
Seeing the way she pouted at him, he decided to be useful. He began flying left and right around the apartment, grabbing more dishes from the pile and stacking them neatly inside his fridge. Throughout the whole process, Kara mentioned several times how amazed she was by the fact that her fans had sacrificed their ‘survival rations’ just for her. Meanwhile, Clark realized she had enough food to last for days, which was honestly a good thing, considering Ma had recently warned him that Kara's own culinary abilities were practically non-existent.
And if he gulped down one more tiny square of chocotorta while her back was turned, he certainly didn't say anything about it.
Once the fridge was completely packed, Clark turned back to the remaining mountain. Kara was now checking every letter, making annotations, and telling him how she was going to record a video to answer every single question she had been asked.
“That would take hours, Kara,” he said, not looking forward to how excruciating that task could be.
“My fans will be grateful for every second!” she replied, still smiling as she reached into a stack of colorful papers and pulled out a bright blue piece of construction paper folded in half. She inspected it for a couple of seconds, then shook it left and right several times.
Clark winced. Whoever had given that card to Kara had certainly used an industrial amount of glitter. He watched in horror as the shiny substance covered everything: the gifts, the floor, the side of the window, and even his cousin’s cape.
“Kal-El, is this residue a chemical weapon of some sort?”
“Nope, just glitter,” he commented. Yet again, Future Clark Kent would have a new mission to add to the list, and getting rid of all that glitter seemed much more difficult than anything else he had faced so far today.
She shrugged. If that ‘glitter’ thing wasn’t dangerous, then she could flip the card and see the pretty particles float to her heart’s content! So she did that for exactly three seconds until her cousin snatched the paper away from her.
“It’s not dangerous, but it’s very annoying to clean up, Kara.”
“I do not live here, so I don’t have to care about the cleaning, Kal-El.”
He shook his head in disbelief. This Kryptonian, he thought as he started to read aloud:
“Dear Supergirl, thank you for saving my cat from that very, very tall tree. My Dad says you can fly faster than a jet. Can you? Leah, age six.”
Both aliens cooed at the same time, then Supergirl asked, “Kal-El, do you have any contacts in the military forces?”
Excluding anyone hell-bent on killing me, no, Clark thought, before replying, "No, not really. Why?"
“I must prove to Leah that I’m up to the challenge! We must schedule a race!”
“Just answer her ‘yes’ in the video, Kara, that will be enough.”
With a tiny frown, she accepted the suggestion, reaching for another letter. Then, her grimace deepened.
“Not another one…”
“Another one of what?”
“Another very specific note, detailing many of my physical characteristics and filled with creepy flatteries and other uncomfortable sentences. Into the ick pile it goes!” she declared, crumpling the paper and tossing it into the corner of the room.
Knowing exactly what she was talking about, Clark fixed his eyes on the discarded pile and immediately incinerated it with his heat vision.
“And nothing of value was lost,” he said, reaching forwards to choose another card.
He picked a red, heart shaped one, impressed by the amount of detail that had gone into it, it was perfectly cut, incredibly symmetrical and its edges had been covered in glitter, but also glue, making it impossible to create any kind of mess.
“Ooooh, pretty heart!” he said, completely sure of who could be methodical enough to give her something like this. “Jimmy outdid himself, didn’t he?”
To his surprise, Kara didn’t answer, she simply floated upwards, with a quick movement, she snatched the card away from him and pressed it against her chest. The man had to blink several times, because, wow, that was fast, even for him!
“Do not mock the offerings of the citizenry, Kal-El,” she warned, her eyes turning red and her voice becoming cold, even somewhat aggressive “This did not come from a suitor, and yet, it is incredibly important to me”
“How so?”
“It was given to me by a very young human male. He didn't dare to look me in the eyes until I thanked him for the gift, and his hands were shaking so much that I feared he would go into cardiac arrest. But what surprised me the most was what he told me. Do you know what it was?”
“Supergirl, you’re so pretty!” Clark said, grinning.
Kara’s face remained unfazed by the joke, okay, he got the message, she was taking this whole thing seriously.
“He was shaking and looked tremendously nervous and yet, he confessed to me! He said ‘You make me feel safe’,” she hiccuped ever so slightly and Clark wondered for a brief moment if he should hug her, but she managed to compose herself, shaking her head as she kept talking “Safe, Kal-El! Me, the conqueror of planets, Brainiac’s instrument of devastation, the destroyer of dozens upon dozens of great, glittering cities across countless worlds. Me, making a little human boy feel safe!”
Yeah, she definitely needed a hug, Clark decided, flying up and wrapping his arms around his cousin. He was loving but firm, because he would not tolerate Kara complaining about how frail and human-y his hugs were, not this time.
But instead of teasing him, Kara closed her eyes and put her head on his chest, still emotional.
“Making humans feel safe... it is an honor, Kal-El.”
“It is,” he agreed. “One that you’ve earned all by yourself, Kara.”
His ears focused on her heartbeat as she held onto him for a few moments more. When she finally let go and floated away, his cousin simply stared at him with a smile of gratitude, but he felt he needed to drive the point home.
“You know that kid doesn’t see an instrument of Brainiac when he looks at you, right?”
“That is something I still find hard to understand, especially with people like Lex Luthor out there.”
“He’s the exception, not the rule, Kara. When anyone looks at you, they see a heroine, a savior, a woman willing to put everything on the line to save their lives. That’s the main reason why you've got so many gifts.”
She twirled around in a really weird way, ending up upside down, her face inches away from the floor.
“If only James Olsen looked at me that way,” she commented, sighing deeply.
Clark suddenly remembered what he was supposed to be doing right then. If Lois had been there, she probably would have chastised him for being so dense. But another thought suddenly popped into his mind.
“Wait, since when do you call him that? He has always been Jimmy Flamebird to you!”
“Ever since he rejected my romantic advances.”
Wait. What?
Clark had to wonder for a moment if he had fallen into a trap laid by Mxyzptlk and been sent to an alternate reality, because there was absolutely no way his pal, Jimmy didn’t like Kara Zor-El!
Suddenly, his ears went into alert, his Kryptonian super hearing picking up a really familiar sound: Both Lois’ and Jimmy’s heartbeats, right above their heads, they were at the building’s rooftop and, not surprisingly, his girlfriend was having a shouting match with his best friend. And in truly Lois Lane fashion, she wasn’t holding back.
“James Bartholomew Olsen, you can’t be this stupid!”
“Lois, I already told you, it’s complicated!” Jimmy huffed “Kara can have anyone she wants, she can experience anything she wants, I’m not going to hold her back with a relationship that’s doomed to fail!”
Clark could sense Lois’ anger, but Jimmy’s heartbeat was much more uneven, the poor guy was drowning in a sea of different emotions…
“Jimmy…”
She calmed down, briefly, which gave him the chance to keep talking.
“She’s Supergirl, the most powerful woman on the planet and I’m just… me”
“That’s exactly the point!” Lois said and down there, her boyfriend smirking slightly, she was screaming but that was her signature ‘I care about you and I’m going to keep shouting at you until you understand what I’m trying to say’ scream “You are Jimmy Olsen and Kara Zor-El wants Jimmy Olsen”
"Because she doesn't know any better!"
"Because there's no one better for her!" the young woman insisted.
“You still don’t get it!”
“Kal-El?” Kara suddenly asked, and he coughed, realizing he had been caught in an act of espionage “Why are you frozen like that? Is this another weird Earth custom”
“No, I was just listening to…”
He stopped mid-sentence. Lois would slap the heck out of him for letting that out, especially considering Kara’s attitude, she was obviously unaware of the discussion happening three stories above their heads.
“To whom?”
“To Lois’ heartbeat,” he said, because it wasn’t technically a lie.
“You listen to your mate's heartbeat when she’s not around? That is not only unusual, but creepy, Kal-El.”
“It’s…it’s not cr-creepy!” he stuttered, looking away. Then, lowering his voice, he added, “I like to keep tabs on the people I care about, and sometimes, my subconscious just focuses on them. It’s pure Kryptonian biology.”
She considered that for a moment, until Clark added, “Don’t tell me it doesn’t happen to you, too.”
"No! It absolutely does not!" Kara snapped, crossing her arms.
“Oh, really? All those times you stopped in mid-air during a city patrol? I know it was because you heard Jimmy’s laughter. I heard him, too.”
The creeping blush on her cheeks betrayed her immediately. She sat on the floor, frowning as she covered her face with her red scarf.
“Not anymore,” she grumbled.
Well, mild-mannered reporter Clark Kent had Jimmy’s version of the facts. He supposed it was time to get Kara’s. He floated gently toward her, sitting down in front of her with a soft smile. Kara looked away but didn’t move, which was a good sign.
“What happened?” he asked.
She took a deep breath, but to Clark’s surprise, she didn’t reply. She just dove back into the pile of gifts, analyzing the prose of several love declarations, burning up some others that definitely went too far, and complaining about a specific one that suggested she should take vitamins to ‘build more muscle.’
“Kara, you don’t have to do this,” Clark interrupted at some point, knowing exactly what she was going through.
No answer.
“You don’t have to force yourself to look through the gifts when we both know there’s something more important on your mind,” he insisted.
“Look at this!” she interrupted him, showing him a crude drawing of a rocket ship. “These humans know nothing about how I came here or to what end. They think I descended on a rudimentary vessel ready to save the planet!"
“Yes, that’s the story we told them,” he admitted.
“But that’s not the real story,” she sneered. “The real story doesn’t mention the first human I met on my initial landing on this planet. It leaves out the young man crossing hyperspace to save Superman when I kidnapped him. It completely wipes out the presence of the brave human who stood by our side during our final fight against Fa…”
She stopped. Clark knew she had problems using that word lately.
“Against Brainiac,” she finally said. “Jimmy is completely missing from the official chronicles.”
“Lois was also there,” Clark reminded her.
“And didn’t that fact make you fall for Lois Lane even more, Kal-El?” she questioned.
“Of course,” he nodded.
“Then I suppose you know exactly how I feel.”
She wasn’t really expecting an answer; she already knew what he was going to say. As she checked a few more of the notes on her lap, she continued, “This amount of endearing affection from kids and adults alike, notes upon notes of eternal love and constant praise, all of this, it means a lot, but...”
She looked directly at her cousin, her face now fully visible. She wasn’t blushing anymore, but at least she was smiling.
“But it pales in comparison to everything your pal has done for me, Kal-El. No Earth suitor could ever compare to him, because no one would show me the world, or teach me how to act, or stay by my side through hellfire like Jimmy Flamebird has.”
Clark stayed silent, even though internally he was melting at the fact that she had called his friend by his nickname once again.
“Yeah, Jimmy is pretty great.”
“He’s not only ‘pretty great,’ Kal-El,” she scoffed. “In my eyes, he’s the greatest warrior in the universe!”
“Even greater than the mighty Superman?” he teased her.
“We’re Kryptonians,” she said, her tone shifting right back to deadly serious. “It is easy for us to step in front of bullets and destroy robots with our bare hands. Walking into danger comes naturally to us because we’re impervious to it most of the time. But humans do not have that advantage.”
“That’s what makes Jimmy awesome.”
“Same goes for Lois Lane,” Kara conceded.
“And yet, Jimmy can...”
Clark stopped. He had no idea if he was supposed to say this. He couldn't hear Lois and Jimmy's voices on the rooftop anymore, so he was entirely on his own now. He knew exactly what the problem was, not only because his pal had practically shouted it into the skies of Metropolis just minutes ago, but because Jimmy had already repeated those same words to him too many times in the past.
For a moment, he wondered: What would Lois do?
He sighed, realizing the answer was obvious. Lois Lane would take a risk.
“Jimmy can have some problems... self-esteem problems,” he told his cousin.
She flinched at the word, her eyes locking onto his and prompting him to keep talking.
“He’s pretty sure he's not good enough for you.”
“That makes no sense!” Kara shouted, red with anger. She flew upward, almost crashing her head against the ceiling. Her eyes shone brightly once more as she smacked her fist into her open palm. “If this 'self-esteem' you speak of is the cause of Jimmy having these horrible, incorrect thoughts, then I shall eradicate it!”
"No! Kara, please do not crush it! It would be better if you did the opposite!" Clark panicked, throwing his hands up.
“And how am I supposed to do that? I have no idea how to proceed!”
Ain’t that a human and Kryptonian problem, Clark considered.
A year ago, his solution to a romantic misunderstanding would have involved some tea and a lot of gentle listening. He used to be the sensible one. The grounded one.
But right now, he was starting to consider that the only real solution to this problem could be to grab both Kara and Jimmy and lock them away in the deepest, farthest, most isolated and impenetrable bunker he could find, forcing them to talk about this like the adults they were supposed to be.
He internally cringed at the idea, realizing that over a year of being in a relationship with the wonderful Lois Lane had come with the unexpected side effect of thinking like the wonderful and unhinged Lois Lane.
“Kal-El, I asked you a question. Are you still considering my options?”
“Yes,” he replied quickly.
“Oh,” Kara muttered, looking down dejectedly. Then, she stared at him and whispered, “Thank you.”
She went back to her task, not saying another word. She simply took notes, wrote responses, and neatly organized the last few boxes into a corner of the room.
Once she was done, Clark knew it was time to say what was on his mind.
“I wish I could tell you exactly what to do, Kara,” he said. “I wish there was an instruction manual on how to deal with these things. I know exactly what Jimmy thinks, but you don’t, so the best thing you can do is talk to him.”
“I have tried, and…”
“Then you try again. And all those sweet things you just told me about him? Tell him that!”
“I could never!” Kara practically shrieked, her face turning fully red.
“You will have to,” Clark said, shrugging. “It’s part of the whole ‘talk to him’ mission. Also, it’ll do wonders for his self-esteem to finally realize not only what you feel for him, but also why.”
“Is it necessary that I do it right now?”
Clark looked at the clock above the kitchen counter and felt the exhaustion hit his entire body almost immediately.
“Considering it’s 3:00 AM, I’d say you wait until morning.” Seeing the way she went stiff, he added, “Or until you feel ready, okay?”
“I understand…” she nodded softly. “Once again, thank you, Kal-El.”
She floated toward the window, opening it and taking a deep breath of the chilly night air.
“You’re not staying for your sleep routine?”
“I have a lot to think about.”
He simply gave her a thumbs-up as his only response, keeping it there as she flew away into the night, leaving the window completely open. He shook his head at her lack of manners, flying up to close it down.
He stopped mid-motion, however, when he saw that Kara was suddenly back in front of him. She was hovering just outside the glass, with a terrified reporter clinging to her shoulders.
“Kal-El, I have retrieved Lois Lane to thank you for your crucial help!” the Kryptonian warrior declared cheerfully.
“I appreciate it. Thank you, Kara,” he replied, reaching out to pull his girlfriend safely inside. He hugged her tightly as Kara gave them a quick wave, then completely disappeared from sight.
“She’s faster than you,” Lois gasped, completely out of breath. “You have a lot of work to do to catch up to her, you know?”
“Not tonight!” Clark declared. He quickly scooped her up, bringing her over to the bed and immediately snuggling up against her side.
He smiled as soon as he heard her laugh, his chest warming even more when he felt her fingers gently ruffling his hair.
“How did it go with Jimmy?”
“He’s more stubborn than the cows at your farm,” she said, huffing in exasperation. “But at least I got him to promise me he will talk to Kara, just so she can understand what’s going through his stupid, dense mind.”
She ended her report with a tender kiss on Clark’s forehead, adding, “How did it go with Kara? I’m surprised to see how organized everything is. I was honestly expecting to come back to a warzone.”
“You don’t trust my skills to give romantic advice?” Clark teased, nuzzling into her neck.
Lois grabbed his face by the cheeks, forcing him to look her right in the eyes.
“Definitely not. Now tell me what happened.”
“Basically the same thing that happened to you,” Clark explained. “Kara knows the best thing she can do is talk to Jimmy. When that happens, they’ll finally understand each other, and we won’t have to deal with Jimmy thinking he’s not worthy of her.”
“And we’ll say goodbye to sulking Kara Zor-El!” Lois agreed, but then immediately huffed once more. “But that could take weeks! We have to…”
“Lois, no.”
“Lois, yes!”
“Fine,” the man accepted, knowing he was never, ever going to change her mind. “We could trap them in the fortress in Antarctica…”
Lois’ only response was a mild sound of approval.
“And I could instruct the Custodians not to let them out unless there’s a super serious crisis.”
“O-kay…”
“And I will disable the security systems so they have privacy and we can’t know what they talk about.”
“Ah,” she said, accompanied by a loud, obvious sound of disapproval. “Always the good boy scout, aren’t you?”
When he nodded, she kissed him right on the lips, then once again, and again, and again…
“Fine, we’ll do it your way. I have to admit, it’s just enough of a crazy plan to work.”
“Your craziness is rubbing off on me, Lois Lane,” he said, and she shoved him away playfully.
Clark laughed again, willing to seal the deal once and for all. “And in the meantime, I can take you to that place in Argentina you love, and we can eat as much chocotorta as we want.”
“I knew your lips tasted like something familiar!” Lois shouted. “Now, how do we…”
“Tomorrow,” he interrupted her.
“What?”
“Tomorrow afternoon,” he specified, covering both of them with the bedsheets and pressing his body against hers. She hugged him back, but he could feel she wasn’t fond of the idea of waiting. “We’ll give them a few hours to talk to each other. I have plans to cuddle with my girlfriend until noon, at the very least.”
“We have to be at the Planet at 8:00,” Lois reminded him.
Clark groaned, burying his face in her neck again. “Let’s call in sick.”
“But I’m not, and neither are you!”
“But I’m starved for cuddles!” Clark insisted, his eyes closing as she rubbed his back. “That’s a very dangerous and potentially deadly disease! It’s a Kryptonian weakness!”
“You’re impossible, Clark Kent,” she whispered.
He didn’t answer, and Lois kissed his forehead again, realizing he had already fallen asleep.
“Fine,” she said, also closing her eyes. She moved her arm ever so slightly to turn off the lights, only to return to holding him immediately.
“You win, Smallville.”