Chapter Text
Mike knows that he is not the most in touch with his emotions or the best at understanding others. It's how he was raised. His parents have never really been affectionate with each other and whenever Mike cried his dad would tell him that "boys don't cry" or that he needs to "man up". So when he is 12 and Will goes missing and he feels like he has lost a limb, he doesn't understand why it hurts him so badly and instead he tries to push it down and just bring Will home safely. When he is 13 and Will gets possessed and he had to watch him be hurt and struggle, he felt a heavy pain in his chest but he thinks he's just traumatized from the year before and he's being a good friend worrying for his best friend. When he watches Will dance with some girl at the Snowball and he feels jealousy, he thinks it's because El isn't there to dance with him. When he's kissing El, he doesn't understand why he's not feeling the fireworks that Lucas describes when he kisses Max. When he feels intense dread as Will bikes away from his house in the rain after their fight the summer of 1985, he thinks he's just scared Will will go missing again, that he was completely in the wrong during their argument, and those hurtful words would be the last thing Will would ever hear him say. When Will moves to Lenora and the whole time he is gone he feels like he's lost, he can't even begin to think about what that means. When they are in the van and Will gives him the painting, Mike doesn't understand why he feels so disappointed when Will tells him it's from El and all her feelings for him.
It's not until he's sitting in the Squawk and Will is coming out to everyone that things start to connect in his head. The connections scare Mike and he doesn't have time to spiral, not with the impending final battle, so he just does what a Wheeler does best and push the feelings down. It's hours and hours of fighting but they win in the end and everyone miraculously survives. Once everything is calmed down Mike still keeps pushing those thoughts away.
Him and El talk about their relationship about a month after everything calmed down and she was cleared to start at Hawkins High after Christmas. They had decided to take a break when they returned from California to focus on the war with Vecna and now was the time to finally continue that conversation. During this talk they both admit how much easier it has been to just be friends these last 18 months and they break up for good. Mike knows that he likes El better as a friend but he doesn't understand quite why when everyone thought they were good for each other. It does make the rest of his high school years better. He doesn't have a crush on any of the other girls in their school so he never gets into another relationship. Not that he cares because he has been working his ass off to make it up to Will for how he treated him in recent years and would rather not have a girlfriend who can take his time when he could instead be hanging out with Will.
By the end of their Senior year, him and Will are back to being best friends just like they were years ago. They have decided to both attend NYU and be roommates, it was a no brainer for the both of them. Within these last 18 months he has had some time to think about what he was feeling when Will had come out to him and he has figured out what it was, it was understanding and a bit of envy. Mike won't allow himself to try and understand what that means and why he was feeling that way.
It's not until they start living together in New York, that he finally allows himself to understand the meaning of all of those feelings. Things have been going well living with Will. They've always worked well together and know what the other is thinking so easily that they really haven't had too many problems. It's not until they are into their second semester that Mike is forced to confront the feelings he has been pushing down for years.
Will comes back from class with a huge smile on his face one day and Mike immediately is curious. "What's got you so happy?"
"Oh, um… nothing." Will responds and then enters his room. Mike is now confused, it was clear Will was lying but he doesn't know why.
It's a few hours later when Will exits his room and comes to stand in front of Mike, who is on the couch writing. Mike looks up and Will is shyly standing in front of him in dark jeans and a yellow and brown stripped button down with the sleeves rolled up to his elbow.
"Hey, do you think this looks good?" Will is pulling on his fingers, a sign to Mike that he is nervous. Mike is stunned. He's beautiful is all he can think.
"Uh-yeah, yeah you look-um you look amazing." Mike stumbles through his words.
"Oh thank god." Will sighs out and visibly relaxes. "I've been trying to find an outfit for my date tonight and everything I put on I thought was either too casual or looked like I was trying too hard."
"Wait, date?"
"Yeah, a guy in my studio arts class asked me out and he's really cute and nice and we have good conversations so of course I said yes." The smile that was on Will's face when he got home earlier is back and now Mike knows why. Someone is taking Will out on a date.
"Oh that's uh that's great Will. Where are you guys going?" Mike needs to make sure that this guy is going to treat Will right, it's what friends do…right.
"My favorite sushi place that's down the road and then probably going to walk around the city." Will looks at the time and then curses. "Shit I gotta go. Thanks for the help with the outfit!" Will is out the door seconds later and Mike is left reeling on the couch. For the first time he doesn't push away the feelings or the thought when it pops up. He's going out… on a date… with some guy… who isn't ME. Mike can't deny it any longer and with the acceptance of what he is feeling right now, he's reminded of what he felt that day in the Squawk, what he has felt this whole time. I'm in love with Will.
The thought doesn't surprise Mike, it's almost like the universe is righting himself after years of being misaligned. It's been there this whole time but he has pushed it down because he has always been told it's wrong. A boy liking another boy goes against everything his parents have ever told him. It's not that he thinks Will is wrong for being who he is but MIKE can't be like that. Not after everything and how could he, he dated El for all those years. Although maybe that's why he never felt those fireworks when they kissed, why he wasn't sad when they broke up, why he was more sad that Will was moving away than El was. But no he couldn't be, he couldn't like guys. As the thought comes he knows it's wrong immediately because it makes every feeling he has never quite understood or felt confused on make sense. It's why when Lucas and Dustin were talking about crushes at school he would always pick the most popular girl that he heard other boys say were pretty. They were but not in a way Mike wanted, not in the way Will was. But Mike is still scared, he sees the news and the headlines about what happens to people like Will… like him.
He spirals on the couch for so long that the door opening scares him. Will is back from his date with another smile on his face. A smile that means so much more now that Mike is acknowledging what is actually means to him. "Hey, quite a long date." Mike tries to joke but it comes out strained to his own ears.
"Yeah, we were just having a really good time."
"Well, um- that's good. Are you guys going out again?"
"Yeah on Saturday."
"That soon?" Mike stands from the couch.
"I mean yeah, I really liked it and we see each other in class anyway so it's not like the craziest thing."
"I mean I guess that makes sense." There's more that Mike wants to say, wants to ask. Did they hold hands while walking around? Was this date a gentleman and pay or did he make Will pay? Does he know what park is Will's favorite to walk? Did they kiss? But Will is already walking towards his bedroom before Mike can ask anything.
"Well I'll see you in the morning, Mike." And he walks into his room with a smile on his face.
Mike doesn't sleep well the next couple of days. Not only is he dealing with all these questions that he wants to ask Will but is unsure how to, he is also still trying to work through the fact that he is maybe most likely gay. It's Saturday and Will is going out with this guy again. It's almost a repeat of a few nights ago. Will asks him about if his outfit is good (as if Will ever looks bad in anything) then he leaves, is gone for hours, and comes back with a wide smile all while Mike sits at home wishing it was him with Will instead.
It takes about two weeks and 3 more dates before Will is rushing into Mike's room after a date with Carlton. Mike found out his name after date 3 and has been trying not to make fun of it every time Will mentions him.
"Mike, Mike, Mike!"
"Woah, Will, what's going on? You seem really happy right now?"
"Guess who finally has a boyfriend!!" Will explains and flops onto his bed with the biggest smile (a smile that Mike hasn't seen out of him in years). No, no, no, no, no is all Mike can't think right now, but he has to be a good friend not a heartbroken fool.
"Ummm Dustin?" He tries to joke, hoping it sounds normal.
"No you idiot," Will laughs as he hits his chest. "Me obviously. Carlton just asked me to be his boyfriend, so of course I said yes! Ahhhh Mike can you believe it, my first boyfriend."
"Congrats Will, I'm so happy for you." Mike smiles but he knows it doesn't reach his eyes because what does this guy have that Mike doesn't. It should be him who's Will's boyfriend not this random guy. But also this is no one's fault than Mike's who took too long to notice what was right in front of him.
They end up talking for hours. Mike tries his best to look happy for Will and not like he's dying on the inside. He either did a good job or Will was too happy to notice because he doesn't mention anything.
The first time he meets Carlton, Mike is immediately not a fan. He's picking Will up for a date and as always Will is looking amazing in some nice jeans that fit him perfectly in all the right places and a sweater that Mike is unsure whether it's his or Will's at this point. Carlton is not looking great, he's wearing a green polo shirt and khakis, fucking khakis to take Will out on a date. Mike doesn't know anyone under like 30 who wears khakis in general, let alone on a date with someone as great as Will Byers.
"Hey you must be the roommate, Mike right?" Carlton holds out his hand.
As much as he doesn't want to shake this guys hand, Will is looking right at Mike with these expectant eyes, so he shakes his hand. What can he say, he's just a hopeless man. "Yep, that's me." is what Mike says when really he wants to explode because roommate, ROOMMATE. Mike is so much more than just Will's roommate but again he is trying to keep Will happy.
"Well we should get going William, don't want to miss the reservation."
"Okay, I'll be back later Mike."
They are out the door before Mike can answer. Mike is even more annoyed. William, this guy called him William. Will hasn't liked that name since it was all that Lonnie would call him. Now this boyfriend is calling him that, he doesn't know how Will is standing it. Again, he doesn't do much more than sit and think while Will is gone. He can feel it that this guy isn't right for Will but what can he do besides wait. Will will realize that too soon enough and everything will be okay.
Except it doesn't work like that at all. Will has now been dating Carlton for 4 months. It's summer break and they are back in Hawkins but so is Carlton. He's meeting Will's family, he's meeting the party and somehow everyone likes him but Mike. He jokes around with everyone while his arm sits around Will's shoulders. Mike just sits back, he is really trying to be happy for Will but it's hard when he knows he would treat Will better. Would you? The voice in his head asks. Mike can't argue with it too much because he has hurt Will, so many times, and he knows that he hasn't been able to make Will smile or laugh like he has been recently in quite some time.
He's sulking on one of the couches in his basement while everyone laughs with Carlton in another part of the basement when Max walks up to him. "Jeez who crawled up your ass and died" she asks while sitting down next to him.
"Wow so funny Maxine." He deadpans back.
"No I'm serious, what's wrong I haven't seen you act like this since the Byers moved away."
"It's nothing."
"I though friends don't lie Michael." Max looks at him and it's almost like she can see right through him "It's Carlton, isn't it." And apparently she can.
"What makes you say that?" He asks instead of answering her question.
"You are always glaring at him every time we all hang out."
"Well it's nothing. You guys wouldn't agree with me anyway so just leave it."
"Try me." She says, staring at him with a look on her face that Mike can't decipher. He decides to just talk. It's not like him thinking is helping maybe if he tells someone else his opinions on Carlton they will see what he's seeing too.
"He's not right for Will. He barely knows what he likes, he is taking him away from everyone and butting into our summer hang outs, he's rude to Mrs. Byers but in a way that no one notices, and he wears khakis."
"Yeah like who wear khakis."
"No seriously. I don't know what Will sees in him."
"I mean he does seem like he's nice to Will."
"Yeah sure he is nice, but he's not who Will needs."
"And who does Will need?" Max asks and if Mike weren't so in his head about everything he probably would've notice this as the trap it was.
"Me, clearly, I know everything about Will, way more than this dumbass." As the sentence leaves his mouth, he knows he's messed up. He hasn't told a single person about what he has discovered about himself and how he feels about Will since he realized 4 months ago and now Max knows. He turns to her with wide eyes to see a soft smile on her face.
"So you finally figured it out? About time Wheeler."
"What, you knew?"
"Of course I knew, I have eyes." Ones that she rolls as she says this.
"But how, I only just figured it out a few months ago."
"Damn, you're worst than I thought." Mike huffs at her. "Look you always acted different around him, softer, in a way that you weren't with anyone else, even with with El. It's like you said, you know everything about him but yet Mike you were always looking to learn more. You needed him to be near you constantly, almost like he was the oxygen that kept you alive. That's not best friend behavior, that's love."
Mike doesn't say anything for a bit before quietly saying "I didn't realize it was. I just thought we had a stronger friendship because of how long we have known each other and everything we've been through. Then before his first date with this guy, he comes out of his room all nervous and asks if his outfit was okay and if he looked good. All I could think of was how beautiful he looked. Then he said he was going on a date and the whole time he was gone I just kept thinking about how I wished that it was with me."
"Mike-"
He interrupts her before she can even begin to feel pity for him, "I haven't liked Carlton from the moment I met him but it's apparently a jealousy thing because everyone else loves him."
"I don't love him."
"What?" Mike looks at her.
"I agree with you, I don't think he's right for Will. He doesn't know Will at all and it's so clear to me he doesn't really care about your guys' weird nerd stuff."
"You say that like you don't also like the weird nerd stuff, as you call it."
"No I do sometimes, but that's a reason that Lucas and I work. We can both learn things about each others hobbies and interests. He doesn't actually seem to care to get to know more about Will's interest."
"No seriously. He took Will to a baseball game before we left, a baseball game Max."
"Since when has Will ever liked sports, let alone baseball."
"Exactly."
"Look Mike, you're not wrong. You're better for Will than this guy so get off your ass and show Will you like him."
"I can't Max." Mike says dejectedly.
"Why not? I see multiple reasons why you should."
"Look at him Max." And they both look over to Will, who is resting his head against Carlton's shoulder, holding his hand in his lap, and looking up at him smiling while he's talking to Lucas. "I haven't seen him smile like that in years and ever since he's starting going out with him that smile hasn't left his face. He's happy and after everything he has been through I can't be the one to ruin that for him. I can't hurt him again, I can't loose him again."
"Oh Mike."
"It's best if I just let him go. I can stay in his life as his best friend and that is what's important to me. As long as Will is happy, I can try to be happy, even if it hurts to see him with someone else when I know I can treat him better."
"You deserve to be happy too though."
"Eh I've been an ass to everyone throughout my life, maybe it's finally catching up to me."
Max doesn't respond to that and they just sit there in silence for a while. "Look, I know we joke around a lot but Mike you're my friend. If you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm one phone call away okay?"
"Thanks."
Carlton leaves after 2 weeks of being in Hawkins saying that he needs to go to see his family. Will joins him for only a week and then he's back and it feels like normal. Mike's never been happier then Will mentions Carlton and he's back to feel lost and sad.
They move into their new apartment for Sophomore year and Mike thinks things will end up being better, he couldn't be more wrong. He starts to see Will less. Both of their classwork is picking up, they are both working, and Will's always with Carlton. Although phone calls with Max increase and they are helpful. They might be the only two people in the party who don't like Carlton and so the rants to each other help. He is trying to stay positive because he can see how happy Will is and he doesn't want to mess that up. That might be why he ends up in the situation that he is in.
It's one day in late October that he gets a text from a number he doesn't have saved.
Unknown: Hey can I ask you a quick question?
Unknown: It's Carlton by the way.
First, how did Carlton get his number. Second, what would he need to ask Mike about, it's not like they are anything more that civil with each other for Will's sake. Mike doesn't answer until after his phone call with Max. He's laying in his bed thinking about what she said. Come on, aren't you the slightest bit curious what he's wanting to ask? It could be about Will, actually it's probably about Will. The fact that she's right and it's probably about Will is what makes him respond. Sue him, he's a weak man whenever one Will Byers in involved or possibly involved.
Mike: Sure man, what's up
The reply is almost instant.
Khakis: Do you happen to know what Will's favorite color is?
That's it, he wants to know Will's favorite color. They've been dating for over 6 months now and he doesn't know Will's favorite color.
Mike: Its yellow
Khakis: Are you sure, I thought it was like orange or something?
Mike is getting annoyed, why would he ask Mike just to say he's wrong. As if Mike wouldn't know Will's favorite color, it's yellow always has been.
Mike: Im pretty sure. Its definitely not orange he hates orange.
Khakis: Okay thanks.
Mike is annoyed for the rest of the night because why does this man who spends so much time with Will and claims to care about him, not know something as simple as Will's favorite color. Except it doesn't stop there. The questions keep coming about simple facts about Will. What is his favorite food, favorite place do eat, does he like reading, who's his favorite band, would he like going to a football game, should he get him flowers? It's non-stop and always about things that he should know as Will's boyfriend.
He told Max about the texts and she said that he should just stop responding or starting giving him wrong answers. He considered it for a while until one day Will walks in with a bouquet of flowers. "Mike look, Carlton finally got me flowers and they are my favorite!" Again the smile on his face is blinding. He looks radiant as the sun shines perfectly through the window illuminating him while he arranges the bouquet in the vase on their table. He talks about it the rest of the night, as well as how Carlton seems to be trying to do more things that Will likes too. He talks about how he feels like Carlton really listens to him because he's remembering so many of his favorite things. Will is so happy when he talks about it that it's right then and there Mike makes a decision. He may hate Carlton, but he loves Will more. He would continue to tell Carlton anything about Will if it kept him this happy. Mike would continue to hurt himself, watching a man who hasn't cared enough to listen to Will to find out his favorite things and instead turns to Mike to get answers if it meant that Will got to smile like this again. Will deserved someone who could be with him openly like Carlton was, who wasn't still afraid of the feelings he felt for Will, and who hadn't hurt him in the past with his words. That person wasn't Mike, he couldn't be brave like Will or Carlton was and he didn't know how it would take before he could be. So if this khaki loving art student who barely knew Will at all was what was making Will happy then so be it. Because Mike is realizing that real love sometimes means letting someone go and if Will was happy, then Mike could try to be too.