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It was pretty clear that Daeyoung and Riku really, really like doing skinship. Even questioning it would be no use because you see them from afar sitting next to each other and turn head one second, Riku already has his hand on Daeyoung’s shoulder, while Daeyoung’s hand is on Riku's shoulder. So close to each other like they have no concept of what private space is.
When it comes to touching Daeyoung, Riku didn’t think much about it. Daeyoung is his home. Riku wanted to hold Daeyoung, then he would hold his daeyoung. He wanted to link arms with the younger, then linking arms he will. Riku wanted to lean his head on that dependable shoulder, then he would rest on that shoulder.
That one thing Riku liked when hugging Daeyoung was how safe, solid and steady the younger was against him. Yes, size differences is one thing. Daeyoung is much bigger and taller than him. But it was the way Daeyoung held him. Like Riku is so fragile, like he would melt away, like how he is protecting Riku from the world just with an embrace. As a bonus, he also likes putting on his cutie patootie mode as well, knowing Daeyoung will react automatically and compliments how cute and pretty Riku is. There is nothing sweeter than Daeyoung holding him while pampering him with compliments to Riku.
Daeyoung, though, likes to restrain himself when there are cameras around or while they're in public. You could almost see him hesitating and questioning himself whenever Riku was nearby. Overcorrecting himself in the way he holds Riku, making sure his hold on the older wasn’t giving a pathetically possessive boyfriend. He taught his hands where they were allowed to rest. Hand on shoulder was acceptable. A brief pat on the back was acceptable. A quick side hug, if everyone else was doing it, was acceptable. Anything beyond that had to stay buried beneath careful smiles and practiced restraint. There were days he genuinely had to clasp both hands behind his own back just to stop himself.
The reason why Daeyoung restrained himself was pretty simple, and almost laughable. He genuinely didn’t know how to hold back if he were to initiate such close and intimate touch. Like he KNOWS when putting his hand on Riku's shoulder for long enough, his hand would trail down lower and lower. From his shoulder to his back, to the dip of his hips, to his waist, then to his butt. And he knows when daeyoung got a grabful of the older's butt, he couldn't resist himself not squeezing that perky, little butt. Which he knows Riku would hit him when he does it out of nowhere in private space, or if Daeyoung is lucky, he would even get a moan out of riku. and they simply couldn't have that on camera, for their dignity. Therefore by restraining himself, Daeyoung was actually doing a favor for the greater good.
And he was good at it too. Years of being an idol had taught him discipline. Cameras were everywhere. Fans noticed everything. A hand lingering a second too long, a gaze softening too much, body naturally leaning toward another.
That’s why he much prefers letting Riku initiate any sort of physical contact. He would make himself available next to Riku, ready whenever the older wanted to lean on him, hold his hand, or hug him. Because he believes Riku knows the boundaries and knows when to limit himself. Even when Riku had initiated a fake kiss leaning in front of the camera which Daeyoung also followed. Even when Riku sometimes touches Daeyoung out of habit in front of the camera. Even with all of that, Daeyoung still believes Riku knows better. Riku is always right in his book, so he completely believes in Riku's lead.
But sometimes though, there are days when the stylists were really testing his patience. They would have Riku in skinny jeans that somehow sculpted Riku’s very tempting, tempting butt, with a tee that stops just below his hips that would ride up and showing his perfect tan skinny waist that is just begging to be decorated with Daeyoung’s arm. Every time Riku wore something like that, Daeyoung would just give up looking in Riku’s way completely. Because if he were to even let loose and betray himself, even just a slight glance to check how Riku were doing would end up with his eyes following Riku, hypnotized by that alluring sway of Riku’s hips.
Daeyoung remembered that day, his hand brazed slightly against Riku and it made him freeze because he became aware of Riku again. How Riku looked with that outfit. They are in front of the fans. They were in the middle of a fansigning event. He had to clench his fist as an effort to remind himself. Don't hold his hand. Daeyoung’s eyes catch Riku’s waist. Don't touch his waist. Daeyoung then suddenly became aware of their size differences. How Riku was smaller than him. Don't hug him. The less he allowed himself to touch Riku, the more aware he became of how badly he wanted to. He knew at some point he was physically shaking with how much he was trying to hold back himself.
Riku knew about this, of course, it had been once an issue in their relationship where Riku confronted the younger why he wouldn’t look at him or come near him when Riku wore a mesh shirt with nothing inside.
“Why wouldn’t you look at me?”
Riku appeared in front of a freshly showered Daeyoung who just came out of the bathroom.
“Huh?” Daeyoung tilted his head like a questioning puppy. Normally Riku would laugh at how cute Daeyoung looked, but he must press further upon his very important inquiry.
Riku huffed and crossed his arms. “Today! You didn’t look me in the eyes at all. Did I… Did I do something wrong?”
Riku watched as Daeyoung’s face melted from confusion, to realization, then… in a turmoil. With a groan, the younger immediately enveloped Riku in a hug that was more possessive than usual. Riku could smell that fig body wash faintly in Daeyoung's skin. The minty smell of their shared shampoo. All the little rage Riku had earlier melted immediately as soon he really registered being in the younger’s arms.The safest place in the world.
“You wore such a dangerous outfit, hyung.” Daeyoung said, muffled as he buried his head in the crook of Riku’s neck. His hands began wandering under Riku’s shirt. “I wanna touch you so bad. I wanna kiss you, those damn nipples showing through, people can see your bare skin so clearly… I wanna tell them you’re mine, wanna mark all over you. I wanted to kiss all of you. But.. we were working and I don’t want to put the members and the staff through that.” Riku could hear the younger’s pouting through his explanation.
“How can I look at you and not immediately wanting to jump on you? I was really trying my best to behave, so I ended up not looking at all. I’m sorry, hyung…”
Riku chuckled at how almost pitiful Daeyoung sounded. Almost, because now the younger’s hands are caressing all over his skin, fingers grazing over Riku’s nipples that made Riku have to bite back a moan. Daeyoung was now actively peppering kisses all over Riku which was not fair because it felt like the younger was trying to bribe his way out of apology with this. And it worked because Riku is just a man with his own needs. The next thing he knew, Daeyoung was already carrying him bridal style to Riku’s bedroom.
The next day, Riku woke up late. Which usually never happens. Everyone knew what happened because of all the marks Daeyoung left on Riku’s skin was visible. Riku never felt anything more shameful than that.
Now that Riku is aware of what was going on in Daeyoung's head, he found it quite funny. Every time Riku wears something that is well fitted to his body, he knows Daeyoung is having a hard time. He would take a glance at the younger and saw Daeyoung was turning his head away from him, as if he was watching Riku the entire time but didn’t want to meet eyes. It was endlessly entertaining to Riku that sometimes he would make it worse for Daeyoung. Sometimes he would deliberately stand beside him. Letting his scent linger in the air Daeyoung would breath in. Every time, Riku could almost see the man’s eyes widening, as if telling himself to lock in.
But most of the time, Riku takes it easy on Daeyoung. As much as he likes having this power over Daeyoung, he knows Daeyoung was restraining himself because he was lacking self-control. If anything, that was the proof that Daeyoung loved him so much that he would hold himself back in reaching Riku out. That sense of longing was so endearing to Riku, and when Daeyoung got to release all the restrain later in a private moment, it felt rewarding.
-
Daeyoung was actually honest about his restraint being only in front of camera and the public’s eyes, because he was absolutely a menace in the dorms and in the practice rooms. After one rehearsal run, he would plop beside Riku catching a breath. Daeyoung took no time to caress Riku’s thigh, as if he was massaging Riku, as an indirect you worked hard, you did well. Then Riku would lean his head on Daeyoung’s shoulder, and Daeyoung would travel his hand to Riku’s waist, holding him closer to his space. They were both a sweaty mess, even they themselves would comment on it, but it never bothered them. During the first year of them being like this, the other members have their own ways on reacting to this behavior. Sion would chuckle in disbelief, Yushi would giggle sheepishly, Ryo would comment how disgustingly sweet they are and Sakuya trying to get away from them. Now that it has been years, the members have almost to no reaction at all with how much they’re used to it.
However, Daeyoung’s restraint was not only caused by desire. Not only because of how attractive and irresistible Riku looked that day. But also because of how overwhelmingly he needed comfort that day. Like he doesn’t ever wanna let go if he touches Riku. When he was down or exhausted, and when all he needed was Riku’s touch calming him down.
The severity of Daeyoung’s restraint would also sometimes be challenged by jealousy. Daeyoung knows Riku is an affectionate person, and so does Daeyoung himself. But Daeyoung couldn’t help but get jealous when other members are holding Riku a bit too intimate for his liking. Making Riku giggle a bit too much.
When Daeyoung was in deep need of the comfort of Riku and in jealousy, Riku would prepare, or to be accurate, Riku would anticipate a very clingy Daeyoung in his pitiful, big puppy mode.
As soon as they enter the dorm, Daeyoung would immediately lift Riku up, then plop themselves onto the couch. He would hold Riku tightly against himself, burying his head on the older’s chest.
“Hyungggggg…” Daeyoung would let out the most pitiful whine. Like an actual dog whining.
Daeyoung burrows his head against Riku. “You have no idea how much I wanted to hug you…” Riku knows.
Riku could feel Daeyoung exhaling, although his hold on Riku never relaxed. “I was really trying my best holding myself back… It was soooo hard…” Riku noticed. Especially when Daeyoung looked like he was keeping himself from exploding on spot earlier.
“Like, I almost hugged you on stage, hyung. Like a real, deep hug. It was dangerous. I felt I was dying. You were there, and I was fighting every bit of my being not to reach for you, hyung. ”
Riku smiled, listening to Daeyoung’s mumblings as he felt the younger’s arms holding him even tighter. It was in moments like these that Riku got reminded again and again, that his younger boyfriend is indeed younger than him. More than usually the effortlessly dependable and caring guy people see. With much effort, he tried to wiggle his hand out free of the younger’s hold. Riku brought up his hand to pat Daeyoung's head, combing the smooth hair, knowing it will calm Daeyoung down. Like he was petting a puppy for behaving so well.
Unconsciously, Daeyoung leaned fully into Riku's hand, petting him, like he couldn’t get enough. Trusting to be pampered with so much love. Not afraid to bask himself with all the love Riku got for him. Comfortable without any restraint holding him back.
“You did great, aegi. I knew it was hard for you. Good boy, good boy…”
Riku could feel a low, pleased hum vibrating against his chest. Daeyoung was now relaxing his hold on Riku, pulling back a bit so he could see the face of the boy in his lap. Daeyoung smiled smugly seeing the soft, sparkling eyes of Riku looking back at him. He couldn’t resist kissing those very kissable lips in front of him. Daeyoung leaned and stole a quick peck.
“You also did great today, hyung. So pretty and so cute.”
And then another peck. Riku giggled. Of course the younger won’t let the moment went by before paying back the affection double the amount of it.
-
By now, Daeyoung liked to believe he had mastered the impossible. He thought he had perfected his know-how and tips to not let his restraint fall down. He had the media trained his mind and body to make sure he doesn’t cross the line in touching Riku, no matter what happened.
Yet, there was one factor that could make him easily crumble.
Distance. Days of being apart from each other.
They were given a week of break, and respectfully, the members went back to their hometowns. To their families. It was a good thing, of course. To reconnect back with their family, a week full of healing, no prying eyes.
The thing was, Daeyoung and Riku had to spend it away from each other. From Daegu to Fukui, they had to bear all the distance during the week that was supposed to be healing for them.
Naturally, they would send each other selfies, updates on what they’re doing that day, their fits. In the morning, Riku would send his messy hair after sleep, laying down in his bed. Daeyoung would send him a mirror selfie showing his fit of the day. They would send what they’re eating, what they’re seeing. Hoping the other could feel their presence as if they’re next to each other, holding hands.
Riku: you look so handsome and huggable
Riku: i wanna hug you so much 🙁
Daeyoung: I wanna kiss you so bad too hyung
Daeyoung: It would be nice to kiss you in your bedroom
Riku giggled and he would then ask for a video call. Seeing each other’s face help, the call bridged distance, a conversation healed a part of ache left by separation. But still, nothing would ever replace their touch. Riku would imagine Daeyoung holding his waist as they stroll down the Fukui streets. Riku leaning on his head as they watch a movie in a theatre in Daegu. Riku kissing Daeyoung as a thank you for preparing breakfast. Daeyoung kissing Riku in Riku’s bedroom and making out lazily.
And so that week passed by with part healing, part yearning.
When they finally saw each other in the dorms, there was no verbal greeting needed as they run to each other’s arms. Quite literally like in those drama scenes. Riku’s hands on Daeyoung’s shoulder, Daeyoung’s hands on Riku’s shoulder. The default hand placement. Their bodies had spent an entire week remembering the exact shape it was missing, like a puzzle.
Riku sighed as he closed his eyes. It felt like he could breathe again. Daeyoung was here, real, breathing and hugging him. That hug he missed so much, that hug as if Daeyoung is protecting him from the world.
“I really missed you a lot, hyung.” Daeyoung finally said with a shaky exhale at the end of his sentence. His body relaxed along as he puff out a breath. Riku could feel Daeyoung’s hand wandering everywhere, as if trying to make sure Riku came back full in his body pieces. Riku let out a soft giggle as he nodded against Daeyoung’s shoulder. “I missed you too.”
But now that they have overcome that unbearable distance from each other, a new problem arises for Daeyoung. Now that he remembered what it felt like to touch Riku again. He couldn’t let himself fight his urge or forget it. Even ignoring it became impossible.
For the first days of getting back to schedules, Daeyoung’s restraint was totally thrown out of the window. He didn’t care if he’s holding Riku’s waist in front of the camera. Didn’t mind if his eyes were being too lovey dovey. He even remembered hugging and clinging to Riku like a keychain in front of the camera, but thankfully (or not thankfully) it was cut from the camera. He had known even the content editing team had to restrain Daeyoung and Riku from the fans because they were just too inseparable.
But truly though, what are they supposed to do? They are a couple, and they will do things that a couple do. It wasn’t even something they did. It’s their being. Reflex, intuition, habit. The language their bodies are more fluent than their words could ever convey. It was ironic that even just something so ordinary like holding hand and hugging, had to be done with so much thought and restraint. Especially when physical contact became the language of two people in love, every single touch meant a lot. That is why every brush of skin, every embrace, every kiss, was precious to them.
They were only trying their best to protect their love in the midst of this surreal, crazy career that very rarely allowed them to be ordinary people in love.