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Eddie Diaz had never been good at sitting still when people he loved were hurting.
It was probably why he’d spent the last 45 minutes pacing holes into Buck’s kitchen tile while the man in question sat at the kitchen table staring at a stack of paperwork like it had personally betrayed him.
“You’re making me dizzy,” Buck muttered finally, causing Eddie to stop mid-step, hands settling on his hips with a sigh.
Buck huffed out something that might’ve been a laugh on a better day, but it faded quickly before his eyes dropped back to the papers spread across the table.
It was thicker than Eddie had anticipated, but, looking at it now made a little more sense. It was all of the adoption files. Home study reports. Character references. The future… or at least, that's what it had been yesterday. Now the whole thing felt so fragile that Eddie was afraid to even breathe wrong in Buck's space, lest it all break apart and shatter on the floor.
From the living room came the muffled sounds of cartoons and Theo’s occasional delighted gasp. Christopher sat beside him on the couch, patient as ever, helping the preschooler build something at too complicated out of magnetic tiles during commercial breaks.
Theo had been with Buck for six months now. Six months since the accident on the bridge and the fiery crash that had taken Connor and Kameron right out of this world. Six months since Buck learned that the child he biologically fathered for two friends who had desperately wanted a child, had nobody left.
Buck had stepped in without hesitation. Because of course he had. Because of course Buck had seen a struggling child, one that was very much him in so many ways…and taken on that burden himself
Of course he had.
And somehow Theo had slid into Buck’s life so completely and effortlessly that it was nearly impossible to remember what bucks place had even felt like before scattered toy cars and dinosaur fruit snacks and tiny socks had somehow ended up everywhere. The toddler was basically a mini- Buck; reckless and emotional while also being stubborn as hell. But he was also so full of love that it overflowed out of him in messy handfuls that couldn't be contained. Which meant Buck adored him with terrifying intensity. Because, to him, Theo was a mirror and Eddie knew what that was like. To want to do better. To want to protect your child from everything that you had to suffer.
It also meant this whole thing had the potential to destroy him.
“They said the final visit should be easy,” Buck said quietly. “Just sign everything and then we start the transition to permanent custody and it would only be a few more months and then–then he would be mine.”
Eddie leaned against the counter, arms crossed. “That’s still the plan.”
Buck didn’t answer. Because both of them knew that simply just might not be the case anymore. The best laid plans simply could go up in smoke.
The problem had started two weeks ago when the agency requested additional medical records. They'd said that it was routine, nothing to worry about. Just a precaution that was taken with all potential adoptive families, and especially for a single father with a stressful career. Eddie understood it. He did. And it should have been an easy box to check.
Except apparently somebody digging through Buck’s history had found documentation from the last year–his short stint in treatment after his dependency on pain medication following the horrors in New Mexico that neither of them ever wanted to actually talk about.
It had only lasted a few weeks and Buck had done everything right. He's asked for help and gotten treatment. Never missed a follow-up, did all his counseling and meetings. It had never tipped over into a true addiction, but it had happened and he'd gotten through it. The 118 had practically wrapped around him like human armor until he got steady again.
But CPS didn’t care about nuance. Not when it came to adoption and the stability of the family for placement. And Buck already had so many points against him…this had ended up feeling more like a nail in the coffin than something that could be waved away or explained.
“I should’ve told them sooner,” Buck said, a type of watery struggle working its way into his voice.
Eddie’s jaw tightened immediately, a fierce feeling of protectiveness for both Buck and Theo threatening to spill over. “No.”
“I should have.”
“You disclosed your medical history.”
“But not this specifically.”
“Because it wasn’t ongoing!”
Buck dragged a hand down his face. He looked exhausted in that deep, soul-level way Eddie hated seeing. “What if they think I’m unstable?”
Eddie stared at him for a moment and realized that Buck looked genuinely afraid and not even for himself. For Theo. It wasn't the first time that Eddie had looked at Buck and seen his own past reflected back, but it might have been truly the first time that Eddie took a step back and realized what that meant.
That was the worst part.
“You know what I think?” Eddie questioned softly after a few quiet moments where only the muffled sound of cartoons and laughter could be heard from around the corner.
Buck glanced up.
“I think Theo’s safe here.” Eddie nodded toward the living room where Theo and Chris still sat together, like there had never been a life where they didn't know each other.
“I think he’s loved here. I think you’d walk through fire for that kid.”
Buck’s mouth pulled tight. “But that’s not what matters,” he whispered.
And there it was. The thing that neither of them could fix. Because Buck was right. Loving a kid wasn't always going to be enough for the system.
—
Diedre arrived at ten the next morning and Eddie immediately disliked her.
It wasn’t fair, probably. She had worked with Hen and Karen before and she was a supportive and helpful social worker. She wasn’t cruel or cold, but she had the particular detached professionalism of someone used to delivering devastating news while pretending it wasn’t going to rip lives apart. But, he supposed that's what they do too. Deliver horrifying news as if it was just another Tuesday. Maybe they were at least a little similar in that way.
Theo was coloring at the coffee table when she walked in and he looked up immediately with a small smile. “Hi Dee-druh,” his little lisp pulled a little funny at the name and Eddie gave him a thumbs up, genuinely impressed by the work that he and Buck had put in to help level out Theo’s behaviors and manners over the last few months.
“Hi, Theo.”
Buck stood near the kitchen island, tense enough Eddie thought he might actually snap the granite under his fingers clean in half.
Diedre sat carefully on the couch and opened her folder. That couldn't be a good sign. He moved to sit in the armchair closest to where Theo was coloring as Buck came around to sit next to Diedre, trying to glance over the little words on the page in front of them.
“Im afraid that the adoption process has been temporarily suspended pending further review.”
Buck inhaled sharply.
“Okay,” he said carefully after a moment. “What does temporarily suspended mean?”
“It means that due to the recently disclosed substance abuse treatment history, the department has concerns regarding long-term placement stability for Theo.”
Theo looked up from his coloring page. “What’s stab-ability?”
Nobody answered him. None of them really could. And Eddie watched Buck go pale, stuttering as he tried to explain himself.
“It was prescription medication,” Buck rushed out. “I got help voluntarily. I completed treatment. My therapist signed off months ago before Theo was even–”
“I understand,” Diedre interrupted gently. “But department policy requires at least twelve months of demonstrated recovery before adoptive approval can proceed.”
Buck just stared at her.
“Twelve months?”
“Yes.”
“That’s–”
He stopped and Eddie knew in a moment what that meant. Buck had only gotten the all clear right before Theo toddled into their lives. It meant there was at least six more months to go and Theo couldn't stay in legal limbo like that. It wasn't fair. Not to any of them, but especially not to him. Which realistically meant his next placement might become…permanent since Buck didn't have any legal rights from being just a sperm donor.
Diedre’s eyes softened slightly as she continued. “There’s also the matter of foster placement reassessment.”
Eddie felt his stomach drop as he let his eyes travel over Buck's horrified face. He knew that it was coming, but from the look of devastation on his best friend's face the other man must have not truly thought about that part of it all.
“You’re removing him?”
Diedre glanced toward Theo before lowering her voice. “Mr. Buckley, until the reassessment is complete, Theo may need temporary placement with another foster family.”
“No.”
It came out immediate and raw, confusion and fear etched into the very heart of the word.
Theo stood up from the floor, confused now at the sudden tenseness in the air. “Buck?”
Eddie moved before he even thought about it, crouching beside Theo while Buck struggled to breathe through whatever panic was clawing up his throat.
“Hey, mijo,” Eddie said gently, not sparing any additional thought to how easily that nickname had slipped out of his mouth. “Why don’t you show Chris your dinosaur drawing again?”
Theo looked uncertainly between the adults.
“But Buck’s sad.”
Jesus Christ.
Eddie swallowed hard. “Yeah,” he said quietly. “I know.”
Christopher stepped in smoothly then, guiding Theo back toward his bedroom with the ease of someone who understood when adults were falling apart. And at nearly 16, Eddie realized with sudden clarity that he must know what's happening and he must understand it at a level similar to Buck and Eddie themselves. And that thought nearly brought him to his knees.
The second they disappeared, Buck turned back toward Diedre.
“You can’t take him.”
“I understand this is difficult–”
“He lost his parents,” Buck snapped. “He finally feels safe here!”
“And our responsibility is ensuring continued safety.”
Buck laughed once in a broken and humorless kind of way. “You think I’m dangerous.”
“No one said that.”
“You didn’t have to.”
Silence stretched heavy through the room and Eddie watched as Buck's hands sated to shake. Watched him unravel in real time.
And suddenly, something inside Eddie locked in. It was immediate and intense, not a moment of hesitation as he stepped forward, almost as if he was somehow holding all of the answers in his palms.
“What if Theo had another placement option?”
Both Buck and Diedre looked at him, two sets of confused eyes locking with his.
“I mean,” he said carefully, “if the concern is Buck being the sole guardian during reassessment… what if Theo stayed with someone already approved?”
Buck frowned slightly. “Eddie–”
“I’m serious.”
And he found that he was. Not a single molecule of hesitation could be found. Down to the very core of his being there was just something about Theo that he'd fallen in love with so easily. And yea, Eddie had always liked kids. He'd always had a soft spot for struggling kids more than anything. For years when he was younger he'd always told people he loved Chris and that maybe it wasn't all kids, but just his. Of course, the universe had made him a liar quickly. And, he's never said anything. At least not to anyone but Hen…when they'd struggled with Mara and he'd watched Chim take her without hesitation or fear, take in a child who just needed a safe place to land for a short period of time; he'd wanted that. Wanted to help. He'd never acted on it, never found the right time or child, but there was a stack of paperwork in the firebox shoved under his bad, buried under social security cards and army discharge documents and the 7 years of taxes they all tell you to keep on hand for some reason.
A stack of paperwork that could mean Theo could go home with him tonight. To a safe, familiar place not far from the structure he calls a home and the man who wanted nothing more than to shield him from more trauma.
“It would uh–” he stuttered as he let his eyes move from Buck's intense gaze over to Diedre. “It would be familiar and might not be as…” he trialed off with a shrug.
Diedre tilted her head. “Mr. Diaz, are you suggesting kinship fostering?”
“If it would work, yea, I guess I am.”
“You have an established relationship with the child,” she said slowly, typing into her iPad. “You have prior approval and an emergency services employment history.” She paused. “Potentially.”
Buck just continued to stare at him.
“Eddie.”
And there was the problem. Because Eddie hadn’t actually thought this through beyond the immediate overwhelming need to keep Theo from disappearing into another home. From the idea that he had to keep the two of them together, keep them both close and sheltered from the reality of the world around them.
But now that the idea existed–
Now that he could picture Theo home with him and Chris instead of terrified in some stranger’s house? There was suddenly no universe where he could let it go. There was not a single way that Eddie could do anything now other than say yes and make plans, because what other choice was there really?
“If Theo has to leave here,” Eddie said quietly, eyes still on Diedre, “then he should go somewhere he already knows he’s loved.”
Buck looked wrecked.
“Eddie, you don’t have to–”
“Yeah,” Eddie interrupted softly. “I do.”
—
The first few weeks were hell.
Buck tried to pretend he was okay with the arrangement.
He wasn’t.
Eddie knew it every time Buck went quiet halfway through a sentence or lingered a bit too long after a day out and being forced to leave Theo at the doorway.
And it wasn't much better on the other end either. Refusals for daycare and sobbing for Buck at bedtime. He was stuck between a heartbroken man and a terrified toddler. And although Eddie didn't take offense to it on either side, he was exhausted. Physically and mentally, there was simply nothing he could do to keep those feelings at bay.
The first night in Eddie’s house had been brutal. Theo had sat curled on Eddie’s couch clutching a stuffed giraffe while Christopher tried unsuccessfully to distract him with Mario Kart and screentime that was usually not allowed in any capacity.
“I wanna go home,” Theo whispered eventually, little voice cracking around the words, and eyes welling up with tears. Eddie’s chest ached at it.
“I know, buddy.”
“Did I do bad?”
The question hit like a knife between the ribs and Christopher immediately shook his head, beating Eddie to an answer like the near adult he was becoming. “No. No way, dude.”
“Then why Buck sad?”
Eddie crouched in front of him slowly. “Hey.” He waited until Theo looked at him. “None of this is because of you, okay?”
Theo’s lip trembled. “I want Buck.”
God.
And he knows that most people might be offended, may be upset that a child didn't want to be around him. But, he understood it. Because Eddie wanted Buck too.
Wanted him back in his own house with Theo climbing all over him and complaining about vegetables and leaving tiny sneakers in impossible places. He wanted this nightmare to be over just as badly as Theo and Buck did. Because he gets it. He trusts Buck with Chris in a way he's never trusted anyone else, not even Shannon if he's truly honest with himself. But, he wouldn't want to be forcibly separated from Chris in a way he couldn't fix or attempt to at least. And he didn't know what to say, how to explain it.
Instead, he just opened his arms wide and Theo crawled into them instantly, sniffling in that devastating way that always hit Eddie straight behind the ribs.
And in the silence and the hurt Eddie realized something just a little bit terrifying.
He wasn't sure he wanted this to be temporary, when Theo (and Buck) had taken such strong root in his heart.
—
Buck came over almost every day once Theo had settled in. Sometime it was for dinner. Sometimes breakfast on the way home from shift. Sometimes he rushed over when Theo asked for him, and sometimes it was because Eddie suspected that Buck genuinely didn't know what to do with himself in an empty house with a basket of undisturbed toys and boxes of untouched mac and cheese in his cabinets.
One evening, Eddie found him sitting on the floor beside Theo’s bed after finally getting the kid asleep. His shoulders were slumped, Theo's tiny hand wrapped around two of Buck's fingers, so small and delicate. So unable to understand everything that was happening to him, but taking it like a champ. Being the bravest kid he knows, only next to Christopher of course.
Eddie leaned quietly against the doorframe. “You know,” he said softly, attempting not to startle his best friend. “Most people use babysitters, so you don't have to act like he's gonna disappear. I've just been framing it like babysitting, like one big sleepover.”
Buck snorted weakly without looking up.
“I think he hates me.”
Eddie’s heart twisted at that, stepping more fully into the room, standing so Buck basically was sat between his feet.
“He adores you.”
“He cries every time I leave.”
“Because he misses you.”
Buck finally looked up then, eyes rimmed red with exhaustion.
“What if this is it?”
Eddie frowned. “What?”
“What if they never let him come back?”
The fear in his voice nearly undid Eddie completely. Because underneath all of this–the paperwork and policies and placement reviews–was one brutal truth. Buck thought he was losing his son. He hasn't been bucks for long, but they'd bonded quickly. And no, he didn't want to erase Connor or Kameron, but he saw their as his, saw that little boy as his son, a piece of himself.
Eddie just sighed, dropping down on the floor carefully next to Buck, knees knocking together as he did so. “You are not losing Theo.”
Buck looked unconvinced.
“I failed him,” he whispered.
“No.”
“I should’ve known this would happen, should have known better.”
“You got help when you needed it.”
“And now he’s paying for it.”
Eddie grabbed the back of Buck’s neck before he could stop himself, feeling the way that the other man startled in the darkness.
“You listen to me,” Eddie said firmly. “Theo is alive because of you. Loved because of you. Safe because of you.”
Buck’s eyes closed briefly.
“And if CPS can’t see that,” Eddie continued quieter now but not wanting Buck to interrupt, “then they’re blind, and if we need to find a way to make this–make it permanent so then we can do what we need to do to keep you in his life then–thats what– that's what we'll do, okay? But we're not–you’re not giving up that easily.”
For a second neither of them moved. They just sat there in the darkness, Theo's little snores filling the silence. Then, Buck leaned forward. It was just a slight movement, nothing major, but enough. Enough that Eddie could feel the trust in it. The need. And maybe there was something else in it that neither of them had been quite brave enough to touch yet, even though they've been so close to it for years. Even though it's gotten harder to ignore since folding a tornado of a four year old into both of their lives.
Theo shifted in his sleep suddenly, mumbling something incoherent causing both men to freeze and look towards the bed, refusing to move until he settled again with a tiny sigh. His hand flailed and ripped itself from Buck's grasp, tiny fist punching the air before finding a home under his mop of messy curls.
“He sleeps like you,” Eddie murmured, feeling the vulnerability in it clawing up his throat.
Buck glanced sideways. “What does that mean?”
“You both move around like you’re fighting invisible people. I don't take the bunk on the opposite side of the room for no reason, Buckley.”
That got a real laugh. It was small, but genuine and that's all that mattered.
It was then that Eddie found himself staring at Buck’s mouth afterward. It was a dangerous thing to do. So dangerous that he almost never let himself do it, never let his mind wander there. They had always been…complicated. And Theo, well, he just complicated it further.
Because this arrangement was already fragile enough and Eddie was pretty sure he’d been halfway in love with Buck for years now and this was absolutely not the time to unpack that.
Unfortunately his feelings did not seem interested in good timing and all he could do was lean back with a smile before getting up, leaving Buck alone with Theo while he slept.
—
The official reassessment meeting happened four months into the arrangement. Four months for them to fall into a routine that kept all four of them happy and as sane as possible. Four months of Chris getting used to sharing a room and Buck staying over, falling asleep in Eddie's bed and passing over cups of coffee and plates of eggs before driving into the station. Eddie saw his own home as much as he did Buck's and they'd created a system, a routine, while Theo could only see Buck alone for 6 hours a week. They made it work and it became normal. Their normal. And they weren't really sure how that was about to change yet again.
Buck was a wreck beforehand, Theo basically clinging to him through more than half of the meeting with Eddie beside them both at the dining room table, fingers digging into his thigh so the other man would stop shaking the damn table with his nerves.
They sat for nearly two hours as Diedre poured over reports and assessments with them both, poking and praising Buck's stability and Eddie's connection with Theo. There were progress reports and therapist notes, photos of both houses from the, quite frankly invasive, home studies. There was even an interview with Chris, the black and white of him explaining how he saw Buck, how he saw Theo fitting into their lives. It was… Eddie had never seen his life so neatly organized into one pile before.
“The department recognizes that Mr. Buckley has maintained consistent recovery efforts,” she said as they closed out their meeting, Buck's fingers twitching anxiously against his knee.
“Additionally,” Diedre continued, “Theo has demonstrated continued emotional attachment and stability between both households.”
Theo, currently upside down on Eddie’s couch cushions, yelled, “I maked a fort!”
Diedre blinked with a smile just gesturing at the scene a few feet over from them with a blanket fort constructed in the middle of the living room, Chris tucked under a mountain of cushions while he played video games as Theo climbed around, playing with the firetruck he'd become so fond of over the last few months.
Diedre closed the folder finally.
“At this time, we are prepared to recommend reunification placement pending final approval.”
Buck went completely still.
“What?”
“Theo may return to your custody while the adoption review continues.”
Buck looked genuinely unable to process the sentence.
Theo perked up immediately, as if he recognized what was being said and all but launched himself across the house and into Buck's waiting arms. Arms that closed instinctively around the toddler and held so tightly as if he would never let go again.
And honestly?
Good, Eddie thought. Let him. He looked away quietly, suddenly feeling like he was intruding on something sacred and helped Diedre pack her papers and walked her to the door.
“There will still be follow-up evaluations,” she said gently. “But this is a positive step.”
Eddie just nodded, letting his eyes wander back over to Buck and Theo, where Chris had now joined their emotional and definitely damp group hug. “We'll get through it.”
After she left, Theo immediately demanded celebratory pancakes despite it being almost seven at night and way past when either of them would usually let him stay up. But of course, Chris even agreed instantly with a smirk, knowing that either of them would be absolutely powerless against two sets of puppy dog eyes.
Buck just laughed helplessly while Theo dragged both he and Chris towards the kitchen.
And Eddie–
Eddie stood there watching them. Watching Buck glow with relief so profound it transformed him as Theo chatted happily about the syrup options. Watching Christopher roll his eyes fondly and brush flour from his own curls before hitting Theo with a handful of chocolate chips.
The realization struck him with a sudden clarity. This was already a family. This wasn't just something that Eddie was doing because he wanted to, but because it made sense. Because it was Buck and Buck's son. Because whether Eddie wanted to admit it or not, they'd been co-parenting for years. Adding another child to the mix really wasn't difficult for them. The difficulty had come from the legality surrounding it all, but not from them or how they worked together as parents. As partners.
Because that's what he wanted wasn't it? This family. Buck. Theo. All the complications and messiness and all the love that poured out between them all. This was his family. This is what he wanted. And not in a… far too dependent best friend type of way either.
Buck noticed him staring.
“What?”
Eddie shook his head once with a smile. “Nothing.”
But Buck kept looking at him softly and carefully, as if he knew there was something Eddie wasn't saying. As if maybe he knew before even Eddie himself did about this development within himself.
The kitchen devolved into disaster quickly after that, breaking the spell between them almost instantly and delving Eddie's house into chaos. Theo somehow got pancake batter on the ceiling in a way that had Chris cracking jokes about the physics of toddlers while Buck almost burned an entire batch of pancakes from laughing too hard and not really paying attention. Eddie, for his part, found himself standing shoulder-to-shoulder with Buck at the stove while the boys argued loudly nearby about the blueberry to chocolate chip ratio that was most acceptable.
“You know,” Buck said quietly once the boys were started on their first round of pancakes, “you didn’t have to do any of this.”
Eddie kept his eyes on the pan, avoiding Bucks. “Yeah, I did.”
“No, you really didn't. Maddie and Chim would have figured it out,” Buck reminded him softly. “Hen and Karen have fostered and adopted. I'm sure they would have done it too. Honestly?” He paused. “My first thought was to call Athena. So you–you didn't have to, Eds.”
Eddie swallowed and then finally looked up at him, taking in the unbearably open expression on his best friend's face. How grateful it was, how hopeful.
“I couldn’t let them take him somewhere else,” Eddie admitted with a sigh.
Buck nodded slowly. “Because you love him.”
“Yeah.”
The word came easy. Because it was the truth, he did love Theo. He never thought he could love a child as much as he did Chris, but that little ball of blonde hair and boundless energy had taken root so deep in Eddie's heart, he wasn't sure he'd ever be able to let go. And he wondered, not for the first time, if this was at least a fraction of what Buck had felt for Christopher for so many years.
So yes, it was the truth. And he could have left it there. But, it wasn't complete. Wasn't the full reason and Eddie could physically feel the way it sat between them now, just begging for one of them to poke at it and stop avoiding what they'd so carefully been maneuvering around for years now.
Buck must’ve seen it on his face because his breathing changed slightly.
“Eddie…”
Eddie laughed once under his breath in a slightly terrified way. “Well,” he muttered, “this is either a really good time to say this or the absolute worst one.”
Buck stared at him.
And Eddie finally said the thing that had apparently been true for far longer than he’d realized.
“I took Theo because I love him,” Eddie said quietly. “But I also did it because I love you.”
He's met with silence. Complete and utter silence. Buck looks absolutely stunned and even the boys in the other room had somehow picked up on the energy and stopped arguing just long enough to add to the tension and anxiety surrounding him.
“Okay,” he said quickly, clearing his throat. “You don’t have to say anything right now, I just–”
Buck kissed him. Hard enough to cut the sentence off completely, causing him to make a startled noise directly into Buck's open mouth before kissing him back, wrapping his arms around Buck instinctively.
Somewhere behind them, Theo gasped dramatically.
Christopher groaned. “Finally.”
Buck laughed into the kiss as they pulled apart, both of them looking a little wrecked as they turned to find both kids staring at them, Theo pointing excitedly.
“You're kissin’!”
“Observant,” Christopher deadpanned but with a smile that looked like he couldn't hold it back even if he tried.
Buck pressed his forehead briefly against Eddie’s before turning back towards the boys, Theo eyeing him a bit suspiciously.
“Are you gonna live here now too?”
Buck blinked. “Buddy, I already basically do. But maybe,” he glanced up at Eddie, lashes fluttering, “it's time for us to start looking at something that's a better fit for all of us?”
And standing there in the middle of a wrecked kitchen with pancake batter on the ceiling and Buck’s hand still tangled with his…
Eddie felt whole.