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trying to feel alive

Summary:

Adrian finds an alien in a tree on a moon that appeared in Erid's orbit years after the launch of their first star-faring ship. Simon finds a second chance at life on Erid and spends his days gardening and doing space walks.
Years later, Rocky finds out Adrian never stopped loving him, bagged their own leaky human(?), and the head scientist in alien biology. Grace finds that the astronaut that floated past Mary's view window and speaks Eridian is real and not a malnutrition hallucination.
~~~~~
Grace Rocky saved the stars. AT-5 is still lurking around Erid's orbit. There's still a universe that needs to be saved.

Notes:

ive consumed nothing but bloodymary and phm and iron lung fics for the past two weeks and realized god i need more adrian/simon and bloodymary on the rocks as a whole
apologies for the egregious hand waving science here trying to understand base 6 was already too confusing find me squinting on nasa's website page of what space radiation is

i also apologize for any ooc-ness this is self indulgence of trying to get the brain worms free

title from "trying to feel alive" by porter robinson

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: ... --- ...

Summary:

Adrian finds a new alien in the mysterious moon that appeared in Erid's orbit.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

You made an ignorant god blink.

This universe is on its final breath. The ghostlight of the stars remaining are all that's left. Blood will be purified into water, iron will turn into leaves, the few remnants of humanity will reside under you, the First Tree, and weep. But you will not be here to witness it.

Last son of Eden. What do you wish for?

Then live.

~~~~~

 

... --- ...

"Are you sure about this?"

Adrian did one last check on the xenonite suit, flexing their claws and range of mobility. Three taps showed the sun-eaters lining the inner walls, their second line of protection. Mesa trilled by the airlock, confirming that the tunnel was now oxygenated. The chill of a new atmosphere brushed over them as the secondary airlock opened, letting their vents exhale the last bits of fear.

"Be careful," Lorri reminded, starting the timer. The first rung turned with each passing second. "If you're not back in I+ℓ minutes, we're coming after you."

Adrian descended down the tunnel, keeping track of the ship distance in one part of their mind as the rest were focused on getting to the source of the beeping. Gnarled roots and tendrils snaked around the outside, trailing deeper in the same direction. Every IVVℓ seconds, their destination beeped.

... --- ...

Ever since the launch of the sun-eater solution ship, the field of space exploration had only grown. Thrums were hosted to build more space elevators, another ship, new technology. An entire frontier previously unknown to them, just waiting to be explored.

Adrian wanted no part of it. They already done their dues with arguing over the discovery of the sun-eaters, designing a life support system, and watching Rocky sleep with the wish to embed the rest of him into their carapace so he'd stay. There was no need for them in the space sector when the planet was already changing with the dimming sun. The fact the ocean had cooled so much from the rush to breed sun-eaters for fuel made their colony want to splinter.

The loneliness was easier to deal with when they pretended everything was still normal. Adrian would disappear for a couple of weeks into the wild. Rocky would attend engineering thrums and keep the den tidy. They had enough clutchmates on both sides of the family to ensure he didn't sleep alone when Adrian was away, and wilderness excursions were always done with a team.

Only when Adrian returned home now, it was to an empty nest.

One trip became two. Two became three. Three became signing themselves up for any biology and ecology thrum available. After attending the tenth thrum in a row, they were cornered at the exit.

"You've got so many stress cracks forming, a pebble vent would crumble you," Plateau reprimanded, huffing and stomping one of their limbs. 

"There's a sleep-watching service I use when I can't go home in time? Would you like me to refer you to them?" Zircon chirped.

"Go home and rest, Adrian. We have plenty of other observations planned," Lorri reassured. She gently tapped a claw against them, highlighting the thin fractures already present.

... --- ...

One of their clutchmates had tidied up the den when they were away, but did not touch the nest. Adrian had shuffled in and collapsed among Rocky's belongings, knowing that he would throw an absolute fit at the current state of their nest. He was always the neater of them two, stressing the importance of knowing where one's tools, materials, schematics, and workstation was.

Dirty dirty dirty, how is it more messy than the workshop?? Messy workshop means messy work! Adriaaaaaan!

They tucked a replica Rocky figurine against their carapace and slept, pretending he was watching. When they woke, they slowly cleaned the nest up, but couldn't bring themselves to put Rocky's courting gifts away. Instead, they brought one to each excursion, tucked in a pocket or worn on their carapace. They went home to put the gifts back and put on new ones, so every piece of Rocky could get a turn outside.

Adrian knew it was nonsensical, there was no plausible way Rocky could feel the Eridian sun or experience the ocean tides or witness plantlife in deep caverns their gifts got to witness while in the middle of space. A small, smoothed over textured spot on their arm hoped he did.

As the years passed with no signs of the crew, Adrian found themselves back at the space sector, studying the sun-eaters and learning engineering with great frustration. Shoving their way into the examination room as the thrum searched for signs of alien life. Searching for alien life. Any possible alternatives. 

All their environmental work would be for naught if Erid turned into a frozen star.

Then their fellow Eridians started getting sick.

... --- ...

Those that worked the most in space died early from an unknown disease. Those that worked on the upper levels were met with health complications down the line. Those who test piloted new ships suffered similar issues. The space teams moved back down to the base of the space elevator instead. Only when the hull arms failed did they send a crew up for emergency maintenance. 

Adrian refused to think about what that meant for their star-faring crew. For Rocky. For their own sanity, they had to believe that he was still out there. Twenty-three of their most resourceful, smartest, and capable Eridians. Rocky practically built half the ship himself, pioneering new xenon techniques. They had to have figure something out.

In the end, the thrums pivoted to probes, data collection, and attempting remote machinery. A separate thrum was hosted on dealing with the amount of failed satellites and probes now in Erid's orbit, Adrian feeling a stress crack at the notion of the debris falling back onto Erid and impacting the already changing environment. From Lorri's complaining, a quarter of her excursions were to pick up said debris that crashed back into their planet. Adrian would've joined back up with her, if it wasn't for the discovery of a new moon in Erid's orbit.

A moon that the sun-eaters had decided to feast on instead of Eridani for the time being. A moon that emitted a radio frequency: three blips, three beeps, three blips. A moon that had oceans made of a mystery liquid that killed sun-eaters.

Adrian descended further into the tunnel. They could hear the sloshing of the liquid a little over the halfway point outside, highlighting a rather barren and plain exterior terrain.

... --- ...

Weeks spent in the examination room only generated more questions than answers. All the samples the probes brought back were dead. They had to go through ten different collector designs and three thrums before they figured out a mix of oxygen and water gave the mystery liquid the best chance at surviving. Another week was spent creating a side laboratory after they found out the supposed predator immediately dried up in their atmosphere.

Not a predator, Adrian mentally corrected themselves. The sun-eater and the mystery liquid killed each other, ultimately resulting in a net-zero. As they continued to study the probe returns, it returned with less and less. One theory proposed was that the ocean was somehow draining or disappearing with the sun-eaters.

It drained enough for them to find out that the radio beeps were coming from an oblong metal structure near the center of the moon, covered by a series of giant, heavily textured tendrils. Another probe returned with a broken off tendril, Adrian immediately bringing it to the examination room. The texture and makeup reminded them of the trees that grew underground in flooded caves, surviving off water that seeped through the ground and created dangerous oxygenated pockets.

Almost too similar. Adrian zeroed in on the tendril, their teammates leaning over or under their carapace to also get a better look.

In the oxygen and water compartment, it grew, tiny roots emerging into the water.

Organic origins. It was alive.

Lorri subsequently reprimanded them for running over three fellow Eridians in their haste to get it in a proper preservation chamber. Then turned around and demanded for a spaceship to be made so they can go study the moon up close.

The roots were getting thicker. Adrian knew the tunnel would hold, but the sight of the tendrils curling around the xenonite still slowed their steps down. Plateau would equate it to the gaping maws of subterranean boreworms. They hurried forth, taking care to not make more noise than necessary. 

It wasn't long before the tunnel reached the wall. They grimaced at the stickiness of the floor, glad that they designed the suits to have a barrier of sun-eaters. The suit would need to be entirely discarded after this excursion.

... --- ...

The new ship was fitted with lined hulls, at Adrian's insistence. They didn't know what kind of contaminants or what the liquid was still, only that the sun-eaters served as some kind of block. Though the original plan was to just study the giant tree, they begged Lorri to explore the metal structure at the core. Further investigation revealed that the interior was a pocket of oxygen rather than liquid, meaning with a tunnel, a drainage system, and a cutting tool, they could get inside.

Their collective scientific curiosities could not pass up the opportunity. Adrian had their own reason on why they volunteered to be the first to go down.

The radio frequency was getting weaker as they spent time studying the tree and atmosphere of the moon. It broke apart at times, fuzzing or barely audible. A working theory they didn't speak aloud was the thought that it was a signal for help. A simple message, sent at planned intervals, to repeat until either rescue or death.

A deep, echoing part of their colony whispered that Rocky could be in a similar situation. Alone, stranded, begging for help in the endless abyss of space.

Unhooking the tool strapped to the xenonite suit, Adrian cut at the wall, noting that it had a similar texture and feel as metal. If the metal was corroded, rusty, and much more fragile. It didn't take long for them to make a big enough hole for them to step inside.

Roots filled the interior. The spots where they broke through the metal only allowed drops of the mystery liquid to get through, a thin layer of it already lining the floor. Adrian paused to scrape some of the gunk on the walls into a collection tube and break off more tendrils for study. One attempt was made at scaling the walls instead of the ground, but they quickly found the walls were stickier than expected, covered in the same corroded texture. Instead, they used the thickest surrounding roots as platforms to avoid the liquid as much as possible.

They focused on what looked to be a rudimentary control box, containing some kind of circular impress and a lever. Another circle sat on top, surrounded by half-sphere nubs. Two rectangular parts sat by the lever, made of the same material as the circle. Further inspection revealed lots of tubes and wires on the inside, though a good chunk had been ran through by the roots.

There was a cushion on the ground connected to a secondary, taller one. Adrian prodded at it, wondering if it was meant to be a sitting apparatus of some sorts. Above was a bulbous, oblong protrusion. Inside were tiny wires, also inert. 

Alien artifacts. They definitely needed a second and third excursion up here later.

... --- ...

As Adrian focused on the broken tech, they noted how the roots crawled around them, giving them more spots to walk on. The tree was undeniably alive. Rocky would most likely chitter in a frenzied panic for them to be more careful. Plateau would start reminding them of predator trap tactics and gruesome accidents of previous excursions. Lorri would be dragging them to the safety seminar again.

Adrian threw all that to the wayward side when they heard a heartbeat at the far side of the compartment. Next to a tall panel of unknown material and a secondary box with more interior wires and smaller panels. Above, over a rectangular button completely covered by tendrils, the thickest roots parted slowly.

All of Adrian's observations came to a halt. 

Cradled by several branches, it sported an interior skeleton made of several interlocking bones, fragile and prone to breaks. On the outside, it was cushioned by squishy flesh with lines thinner than stress lines connecting its insides. Three limbs, though Adrian wagered it was supposed to have four, if it was meant to be symmetrical. Oxygen entered through a hole in their head, lined with squishy flesh and rows of sharp bones. Its body rose and fell with each breath. The alien's blood flowed with each heart beat. 

Against all their instincts, they reached up and brushed a claw against the alien, feeling the texture of their tattered clothes and skin.

The roots retracted further. Adrian froze as the alien fell into their claws with a wet sound, surprisingly light. One branch trailed slowly over its head, much like how a parent would cradle a pebble upon first hatching, before shrinking back.

... -.-

<ADRIAN!> They jolted at Lorri's echoing yell, limbs scrambling as they saw the entire tunnel trembling, the compartment walls trembling and making them stumble. <Something's happening outside—the ocean—!>

The roots were writhing. 

Tucking the alien on one limb, Adrian sprinted out and back through the tunnel, swearing as the xenonite groaned under the pressure. Scuttling as fast as they could, they had to readjust their hold more than once, wondering how the alien was both slippery and sticky at the same time. The waves slapped against the tunnel. Adrian used all four limbs to cling onto the walls, praying the xenonite barrier didn't cut into the squishy alien.

They could still hear its heartbeat. Weak, quiet, but still there.

There was one moment where the tunnel creaked a little too loudly, Adrian forcing their limbs to haul them them forward. The entire structure swayed as a harsh wave bashed against it. They could see their team running around in a panic beyond the airlock. Mesa was reaching for the button to flood the tunnel with ammonia.

They tightened their hold on the alien, immediately loosening as they worried about the fragility of the endoskeleton.

<NO!> They all froze. <No, leave it oxygenated! Make a tunnel to the laboratory!> Adrian yelled. Lorri and Plateau immediately got to constructing it, moving the xenonite barriers. Lorri opened the airlock as they reached the last stretch, the team already tapping incessantly and yelling incoherently as the whole ship trembled with the tunnel. At the sight that the lump in Adrian's arm wasn't just some strangely shaped root, a new wave of screaming started.

<What the fuck—>

<Is that—?!>

<In the quarantine, go go go!> Nearly tripping over the threshold, Adrian scrambled into the laboratory, almost dropping the alien in their haste. Plateau sealed them off as Mesa immediately got to work on scrubbing any texture splatters they left behind.

The entire ship might need to be deep cleaned at this point. There was no saving their current xenonite suit, that was for sure.

<Adrian, what… what is that?> Lorri tapped on the barrier. Adrian brought the alien closer for them to inspect. Mesa shivered and hurried away, mumbling that the sounds were disgusting. Plateau ooed and trilled, rising and crouching to inspect all angles.

<The tree, it… it was inside the tree.> Adrian mumbled. They described the interior of the compartment and how the tree dropped the alien into their arms. Lorri confirmed that they stopped receiving the radio transmission around the same time. They also described the two wired boxes, regretting slightly that they didn't have time to inspect the second one.

Plateau grumbled, scraping their claws along the floor to check for left over contaminants. <Maybe you should've taken those instead.>

<They looked to be welded to the walls and floors. We would need a whole engineering team up here to do that.>

<Do you think… that it was meant to be a space ship?> Mesa nervously tapped from the cockpit, getting out the directions back to Erid. <It kind of sounds like a simplified control system.>

<How so?> The ship rumbled to life. Lorri disconnected the xenonite tunnel with the hull arms, leaving it for future exploration purposes. And because they weren't sure if they could clean it. It would be a good experiment, to see if xenonite could hold up against the mystery liquid over time.

<It had a circular control, right? Maybe that was to steer, and the lever was to make it go forward or backward!> Mesa hummed. <The nubs would help identify which direction you were headed!>

<But how would you go up or down?>

<… Maybe not a ship then.>

The mystery would have to wait. Adrian hunkered down, tucking the alien carefully under their limbs so it wouldn't shift around as they flew back to Erid. Something so light and fragile, in the middle of space.

There was a far more pressing mystery to solve now.

Back on Erid, the oxygenated laboratory was cleared out to be repurposed into a new quarantine and observational cell for the alien. For being covered in the contaminant, Adrian resigned to also be stuck in quarantine, at least until they confirm none leaked through the xenonite suit and they didn't experience any side effects.

On the plus side, it gave them plenty of time to observe the alien.

Worried for their squishy exterior, they requested for blankets and cushions, forming a rudimentary nest in the corner. They also requested water to clean the contaminant off the alien. Afraid Eridian brushes might be too rough, they went with some old fabric scraps instead, doing their best to dab away until the alien no longer felt so sticky. They weren't sure how to deal with the tattered clothes, deciding to leave it be for now.

Under the liquid revealed more strange aspects. On top of their head were tens of thousands of strands. Two protruding stalks were growing out, similar to the texture of the tree. The alien's head had smooth textures on the right, rough on the left. The teeth extended far beyond the left side compared to the right as well. Slits lined a column between what Adrian guessed was a connector for the brain and body, fluttering slightly with each intake of oxygen.

Once they deemed the alien sufficiently cleaned, they lowered them into the nest and waited for their clearance.

It wasn't long before they detected the alien's heart rate raising. The two orbs on their head shifted, their coverings snapping open in an instant and their whole body jerking upright, if heavily tilted.

<Hello?> Adrian greeted, tilting their carapace.

They flinched as the alien screamed, violently threw themselves backwards, and knocked their head into the wall. They fell backwards and collapsed back onto the floor, unmoving, yet heart still beating. Adrian shuddered at the sound of their flesh and delicate endoskeleton smacking the floor, shuffling over to gently move them back into the nest.

They need to ask for more cushioning.

Notes:

ive rewritten this and simons chapter like 3-5 times atp and putting my foot down on my neck to finally post

my thought for simon is he's one third tree (got wood horns growing out of his head ram style) ((regrows if cut off)) and one third eel (third eyelid for left eye, fucked left teeth, gills on neck and ribs) one third human (dubious)