Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Shane’s hand hovered, twitching, over the doorknob as his face slackened. Jared smiled wryly, staring intently into his eyes. “You’re going to forget what you’re doing here and go back to the dorms,” he said cooly, tossing PBG a knowing wink. Shane blinked slowly, his eyes drifting to the clubroom door, then to PBG and Jared’s mischievous expressions.

His brow furrowed as he seemed suddenly at a loss for words. “What… am I doing here, again?”

PBG, clearly fighting back giggles, cocked an eyebrow and beamed. “We don’t know! What are you doing here, Shane?” Their friend’s briefly confused expression quickly hardened. He clenched a fist, the other hand pointing from his eyes to theirs as if to say ‘I’m watching you’. “If what I think just happened did just happen…” he growled, withdrawing his hand and shoving it hastily into the pocket of his Normal Boots jacket, “it better not have.” As he stalked off, the pair burst into a fit of riotous laughter, PBG clapping a hand on Jared’s shoulder and the other around his stomach. Jared doubled over, propping himself up on a nearby locker as he wheezed.

“I’m even forgetting what you’re making him forget!” PBG snickered.

“That’s the third time today he’s walked aaaall the way here from Bluebell to pick up his, what –” He poked his head into the room for a moment. “– his pencil case where he keeps all his art supplies, I think. He left it in here hours ago. This is also the third time I’ve sent him aaaaall the way back home, wondering why the hell he keeps showing up outside our clubroom.” Jared smirked and leaned against the doorway, while PBG’s smile faded, replaced with an overly concerned look.

“But… Shane’s one of the good guys, Jar! This is like, how villains are made…” He mused, pouting like a lost puppy. For a brief moment, he seemed deep in thought before his face lit up and he pounded a fist resolutely into his open palm. “I’ve got it! We need to fix our karma. Use our powers for good again!”

Jared’s eyes twinkled. “Mimi?”

“Mimi.”

* * *

The target was in position, humming to herself as she organized her locker. She cast a flirty smile at her own reflection in a hot pink mini-mirror, fluffing up her inky hair. Jared stood, back pressed against the wall around the corner, poking his head out hesitantly. A split-second passed before Mimi felt a strong breeze ruffle her hair, followed by a quick tap on her shoulder. She whirled around, shuddering in the sudden breeze.

“Yeah – ah? Oh.” Her smile faded as she found herself alone in the hallway. “Huh.” With a hauty sniff and a flippant shrug, she spun back to her locker. “What the –” Another glance over her shoulder confirmed her suspicions; her bottles of perfume and makeup, books, and mirror were strewn across the hall, undamaged. “Oh, for god’s sakes. Hey! Go to hell, Peanut, I know it’s you!”

Another book clattered to the floor at the mention of his real name and Mimi grit her teeth, pointing at the blur that continued to whisk by her. “Aha! Swear to god, every time dumb shit like this goes down, invisigirl and the funky bunch are behind it.” Mimi cleared her throat as she bent down, scooping up as many of her belongings as she could manage. Jared clapped a hand over his mouth as PBG joined him around the corner, grinning like an idiot.

And then, PBG’s voice – from Mimi’s mouth – echoed through the building. “Hey, Miss Shizuka! News flash: even shapeshifting can’t save you from those giant stretch marks!” Mimi slung her backpack around her shoulder and smiled bitterly, flipping the two off before slinking off in the opposite direction. “Have fun with that, boys!”

Their faces instantly fell. They stood, paralyzed, as the eerie silence of the hall suddenly swelled with the sound of Miss Shizuka’s high heels clicking furiously across the tile, coming swiftly towards them. Panic. Jared mouthed the word ‘run’ and before he could blink, he was being dragged by his hand in the direction of a nearby supply closet. He was shoved roughly inside, and they both clamored into the stuffy room, clutching at each other’s shirts. Both panting, both laughing, both choked with fear.

Silence settled over them as they struggled to still their pounding hearts. A few angry mutters were exchanged outside, and after what felt like an eternity, the heels turned and stalked off. PBG and Jared stared at each other in silent awe. For a moment, all they could do was grin as their eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness. Having both already realized they were clinging to each other for dear life, a faint tint of red rose in their cheeks. Neither addressed it. Neither moved.

“Holy shit,” Jared finally breathed, beginning to chuckle. PBG simply nodded, chest heaving. “Holy shit! That bitch, we have to get her back.” Jared was on an adrenaline-fueled tangent. One hand waved ecstatically in the air while the other gripped PBG’s hand tightly. “We… we have to go back! I can clear your name. And… this is way too fun to stop now! Should we prank Jirard next? I had this great idea where -”

PBG was no longer paying attention, instead lost in his thoughts. He studied his friends expressions, his goofy, unguarded smile. He didn’t get to see this dorky, excited, passionate side of his friend often enough. He felt his heart flutter. And time began to slow.

And slow. And slow.

Time ground to a halt around him.

Jared stood frozen before him, beaming, eyes glistening like a kid’s on Christmas, his hair still bizarrely perfect even in slow-motion. PBG needed time to think, and luckily he had all the time in the world. He stared at his friend in horrified realization.

Crap, he’s cute.

He skewed up his face, his hands beginning to ever-so-slightly tremble. I could kiss him. I could just… kiss him now, and he would never know. He leaned in, eyes shut tightly, lips hovering mere inches away from everything he’d been wanting deep down for longer than he was willing to admit. No, firstly, that’s a terrible thing to do. Secondly, I want him to know. I want him to kiss back. I -

Wordlessly, Jared leaned in and closed the gap between their lips. Somewhere in his moment of distraction, PBG must have pressed ‘play’ on the world. Everything around him melted away as he leaned in, and then quickly pulled away. Crap, he’s a good kisser. His eyes shot open and searched Jared’s smug expression. “I-I-I… how long have you been unfrozen?”

Jared rolled his eyes and shrugged nonchalantly, the blush in his cheeks betraying how flustered he truly was. “Oh, y’know, a while. But hey,” Jared slid past him and opened the door, gesturing them outside, “I bet you didn’t see that coming.”

Chapter Text

Jeff fidgeted with the hem of his Hidden Block jacket, an uneasy air surrounding him. He clearly wanted to say something, looking almost fit to burst. His fumbling fingers suddenly stopped and his head shot up. “I don’t get it! Is this a friendship test?” he blurted, and in a smaller voice continued, “Are we bad friends if we can’t figure this out?”

Ian, who was sprawled out across Luke’s couch, waved a hand limply. “He’s probably just fucking with us, right?” Jeff nodded slowly, not fully reassured, and jumped as Ian suddenly shot up, his brow furrowed in concern. “Unless… he’s having a huge identity crisis and will surely spiral into crippling depression if his individuality is put into question! That’s also a possibility.” Jeff paled, and Ian quickly looked away to hide his smirk.

“Oh god, but they’re all so similar!”

Ian shot Caddy a wolfish grin before burying his face into the couch, laughing his ass off at Jeff’s gullibility. Caddy glanced up from his phone, completely unimpressed. “Jeff, HE’s fucking with you,” he deadpanned, glaring pointedly at Ian. Jeff frowned up from the pillow he was hugging, shifting through several different emotions.

“Wha - ah - oh,” he pouted, “dude!”

Ian shrugged, a little too smugly. “Okay, okay, sorry! Jeff, it’s for his training. Don’t worry.” As Jeff breathed a sigh of relief, Ian turned to address the group. “So Wallid wants us to - what - figure out which one is the real him? How hard could that possibly be?”

Jimmy nodded and cocked an eyebrow. “Yeah, but isn’t it, like, his entire deal that they’re all exactly like him?” His face soured and he held up a hand questioningly. “How the fuck do we tell them apart?” Hidden Block fell silent, all staring thoughtfully at the floor. Finally, Luke broke the quiet, speaking up from his desk chair. He held a capped pen between his middle and index finger, tapping it rhythmically on his knee.

“Describe Wallid in one word.” He turned to them, pointing the pen in their direction. Five confused faces stared back at him. “Just do it,” he insisted.

“Shaped like a friend?” Jeff offered.

“Nerdy as shit,” Caddy grunted.

“A fucking idiot that needs to stop?” Jimmy added, helpfully.

“No,” Ian deadpanned, turning to face Luke with a hint of finality in his voice, “memes.”

* * *

“Run that by me again?” Caddy asked incredulously. Luke grasped him by the shoulders, staring into the eyes with the intensity of a ‘life or death’ situation.

“Okay, game plan: use memes to figure out the clones,” he commanded, “Then, punch the clones in the face.”

Caddy balked. And then slowly, menacingly, grinned. “I like this plan.”

“Wallids, 4 o’clock!” Jimmy shouted at them from down the hall. Surely enough, three Wallis rounded the corner, chatting animatedly amongst themselves. Jimmy leapt in front of the middle Wallid, stopping him in his tracks. “You! Gotta go fast!”

The potential clone Wallid blinked at him, a slightly nervous smile spreading across his face. The Wallid stared down, wringing his hands, before stammering out a feeble, “W-way too cool?” Jimmy tutted, sucking air in through his teeth. He smiled apologetically, before drawing back his fist and with all his strength, clocked the fake friend right across his dumbfounded face. Caddy watched with a slightly perverted, wide-eyed grin as the Wallid reeled back, and promptly exploded into a puff of smoke.

“Jeez, don’t get a boner, James,” Ian teased. If looks could kill.

The other two Wallids exchanged a horrified look and began to sprint down the halls, but Luke and Jeff sprang on them. Jimmy still stood, staring shell-shocked at the space where the look-alike once was, his hand stilled clenched into a fist.

As Luke began to interrogate his Wallid, Jimmy turned his head and looked at them urgently. “U-uh, guys? I feel like this maaay or may not be, probably, definitely is very damaging to our psyches?” He looked back at the empty space with a bitter taste in his mouth. “I can’t believe Wallid is fucking dead.” He shook off his hand, shaking his hand. “This is nasty.”

Luke pointed at the Wallid he had tackled to the ground. “My memes are ironic, but…” he trailed off, gesturing for his prisoner to finish. When all the captive did was flounder for a response, Luke sighed in exasperation and pulled back his fist. “Dude, are you even trying? Your depression is chronic!” Poof! “You’re right, Jimmy, that is a liiiittle disturbing.”

A ways down the hall, Jeff wailed, straddling thin air where a clone once was. “Augh, he said ‘dicks out for Hillary Clinton’!” He stood up and dusted himself off disgustedly, jerking his thumb back over his shoulder. “Your turn, Caddy.” Behind him, another Wallid was meandering towards them, a textbook tucked under his arm.

* * *

“Remind me how exactly this happened?” Creeps asked coolly, though his irritation was evident from the way his foot tapped impatiently on the tiled floor. He waved a hand emphatically towards Wallid – the real one – groaning and clutching his bloody, bruised nose. Caddy blushed as several pairs of eyes turned to glare at him. He held up his hands defensively.

“It was an honest mistake?” he chuckled nervously. “Well, on the bright side, Wallid. Your clones are getting more and more like you. Or, maybe, you’re getting more and more like them?” Wallid’s face lit up and he beamed, wincing only slightly at the rush of pain.

“Hey, you’re right! Maybe we should run a few more of these tests just to be - guys? Guys?” Wallid glanced up as the room was quickly vacated, the terrified screams and protests of his friends ringing through the building. “Huh.”

Chapter Text

Zzzt.

Caddy’s eye twitched and he glared down, staring daggers at me. I peered up from his lap with the faintest of smirks, cocking an eyebrow. “Something wrong, James?”

“Did you just… fucking zap me…?”

I blinked up at him, doe-eyed, and gestured at myself. “Who, me? I’m offended, James, really.” His face soured as I stuck my tongue out and rolled onto my side, resting my chin on his lap. My eyes flickered to the TV screen as two grainy figures discussed the importance of kitchen safety. Usually I loved watching cheesy tapes like these, but tonight I was too restless to focus. I lowered my finger, hovering over Caddy’s knee, and…

Zzzt.

He jumped, bouncing my head up and sending my chin crashing onto his leg painfully. I jolted up and massaged my jaw, growling. “Ow! Watch it, James!”

Caddy scoffed. “You’re the one that keeps using your bloody lightning powers just to piss me off! No, you know what? No comfy headrest for you. You’re grounded.” He sniffed indignantly and swept my head off his knee. I groaned as I slowly slid off the couch and down a blankety slope to the cool floor.

“Tch. Rude,” I mumbled, sitting up straight, “would you prefer I electrocute you? Because, if I did –” I placed a hand on either leg and pulled myself back onto his lap, straddling him this time, “who would watch shitty old VHS tapes with me?” Caddy paled and coughed, eyes trailing over my lips. I tutted. “Careful, James, my eyes are up here.”

He smiled wryly. “Careful, Moosey, the screen’s over there. Funny, I could swear you never actually watch these tapes when I’m over. Distracted, much?” I stuck my tongue out and he beamed, smug as all hell.

“Touché!” I trilled, leaning in and planting a quick kiss on his neck, “you just make distractions so fun.” Caddy turned beat red in an instant. Now would be the perfect time to – no, I shouldn’t – but, then again…

Zzzt.

“I fucking hate you.”

“Love you too, James.”