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There’s something wrong with Killerwatt. Carrie thought they had become closer recently, they spent a lot of time together since she was converted to electric in order to work for Electra. Since they were both in the back of the train, they would talk a lot during travels. He would bring her something to drink during their breaks, and Carrie had even managed to make him smile a few times. It really felt like a breakthrough. It felt like she had managed to become a part of the components finally. But then out of nowhere, Killerwatt is acting like she’s not even there. He doesn’t respond to her when she tries initiating conversations unless they’re directly related to Electra. He hasn’t smiled. He hasn’t even looked at her unless she stands directly in front of him. The other components are acting like nothing’s wrong. Carrie tried asking Joule if she noticed Killerwatt’s weird behaviour but she just tilted her head to the side and stared at Carrie confused.
“What do you mean? He’s being normal. I think you’re the one acting weird. He’s not your boyfriend you know.”
That cut deep. Carrie knows that. Killerwatt isn’t her boyfriend, he’s her coworker. Her coworker that she cares about a lot. Her coworker who was starting to become her friend. Maybe something more. She’s worried about him, and that shouldn’t make her weird. Why is she the weird one for caring about him? For wondering what happened? Why did he change overnight? Is it her fault? What can she do to fix this? Is there anything she can do?
A million scared and worried thoughts swirl around in her head and there’s nothing she can do to self soothe or fix it. She isolates herself in the room she was given, curled up in the bed that is supposed to be hers but doesn’t feel like it. What is she supposed to do?
—
He broke the rule. Killerwatt broke the one rule he was given by Electra when he was first employed. The golden rule. He swore when he was employed that he wouldn’t build an attachment to anyone other than Electra. But there’s something about Carrie that has an effect on him. She’s wormed her way through his walls with her lovely personality and sunny demeanor. He couldn’t sleep at all last night, as he was kept awake by the echoing betrayal he had committed. He’s a failure. Electra will never forgive him for this misstep. They shouldn’t forgive him for this misstep.
Killerwatt sits on the edge of his bed, contemplating what he should do. Well. That’s a stupid way of putting it, as there’s only one thing he can do. He has to go and confess his failure to Electra so they can punish him as they see fit. It’s what he deserves. The only issue is he doesn’t want to. He knows that the punishment will be linked to his feelings for Carrie, and he doesn’t want those feelings to be tainted, selfishly enough. Why can’t he just stay as he is without telling Electra? Oh but they would find out. He can’t hide his feelings from their watchful eyes. Electra… Beautiful and powerful, a force to be reckoned with. And Killerwatt, a barely passable security truck, broke their trust and the promise he made. He’ll be lucky if they don’t scrap him for his failure.
Finally giving in to the nagging voice in the back of his head, Killerwatt stands up and rolls to the door. He doesn’t have a choice, and he’d rather this betrayal be spoken from his own mouth, than Electra hearing it from one of the other components. The door slides open and he starts down the corridor with his heart heavy in his chest. What a stupid phrase. He doesn’t have a heart. He’s a computer. A machine. The lights are too bright in this corridor. He left his shades behind in his room because he doesn’t want Electra to think he’s hiding something from them. He’s baring himself for them completely. Like he wishes he could for Carrie, without guilt or shame. He would pry open his chest hatch and let her pull on his wiring if it meant he could be with her. But he can’t. It’s not what he’s built for. He’s built for Electra. He’s theirs, no one else's. No matter what his heart is telling him, his brain will always win. It’s simply his programming. He’s not for anyone but Electra, even though some traitor part of him wants to be Carrie’s. He could be her security truck too. Maybe she could even degrade herself enough to be his. It’s alright if she wouldn’t, he can just be hers.
Killerwatt stands in front of Electra’s door for a solid five minutes before knocking. He knows that they can sense him standing there. But he just can’t bring himself to lift his arm and ask to be let in. He knows they’ll be mad at him and maybe it’s just not worth it. But it is. It’ll be worse if he hides it for longer and they find out. He doesn’t want it to be worse than it already is. Maybe they’ll take it out on Carrie. That wouldn’t be fair to her, it’s not her fault Killerwatt failed. Finally he knocks, and hears Electra’s buzzing voice call out through the door.
“Come in Killerwatt.”
The door slides open and he steps into the dimly lit room. Electra is sitting in their armchair, gazing at him with that cold loving stare Killerwatt has come to adore. The only light in the room comes from their visage, screen displaying the small rectangles of light they tend to stick with, hair illuminated and beautiful. A perfect and beautiful machine. They exude pure and unadulterated power. Killerwatt feels weak in front of them.
“I can sense your unease. What is it my dear?”
He kneels down on the floor, bowing his head in reverence and apology.
“I am sorry, sire. I have made a misstep, and I fear I may be close to breaking your rule. Please forgive me for this error and punish me as you see fit.”
That catches their attention, the usually pleasant and gentle expression on their face turning hard as marble. The buzz that normally layers under their voice grows stronger, turning into a horrible screeching as they speak.
“You what.”
He bows his head further.
“I- I’m sorry she just- she kept insisting to speak to me and I-”
An electric charge, powerful enough to make him whimper and curl in on himself, courses through him.
“She? Who could possibly- oh. That little luggage van.”
Another charge, he gasps in pain.
“Very well. Since she couldn’t have known, I will not punish her. But you. You should have known better darling.”
He whimpers in response, the painful sparks still pulsing through his body.
“How should I deal with you… breaking your promise is the worst thing you could have done to me my love…”
They force him back up to his knees with their electromagnetism, pulling him out from his cowering form. He stumbles to his feet and follows their directions, sitting down on their lap while shaking. Electra strokes down his jaw, comforting him in a sickly sweet gesture. Despite the pain he’s still experiencing, he leans into it. They didn’t want to hurt him, they love him. Electra is his whole world, a saving grace in a universe full of evil and pain. They had to punish him for his failing, that isn’t their fault. It’s Killerwatt’s fault for being so useless and easily swayed. Electra pulls off his armor, getting him more comfortable on their lap. He cries, begging for forgiveness with every tear rolling down his cheek.
Sticky lips press against his cheek, and Electra combs a hand through his hair, long nails scratching against his scalp, not in a painful way. The comforting gesture almost makes the waves of electromagnetism emanating from Electra feel worse, because Killerwatt wants to give in so much easier. Every wave wipes away another thought from his mind, leaving it a blank canvas for Electra to leave a new imprint on, however they want. Killerwatt is a tool, not a person. As the last shreds of personal identity are wiped away like condensation from a window, Killerwatt hears Electra speak.
“That’s it… just forget about her, she’s not important… you only need to think about me.”
Forget about who? Who could this “she” be? Surely she can’t mean anything, Electra is the only one there is. Killerwatt relaxes and puts his head on Electra’s chest, breathing out a sigh of pure relief. It feels like his head is filled with a thick stuffing, turning him into more of a doll than a large truck. It feels much better than the anxious static that filled it before. What was he so scared and worried about? There is nothing that could have caused him any harm here, not when he’s Electras. They keep soothing him, petting his hair and cooing at his confused neediness. Gently prying the panel at the back of his neck open, they begin the reset process, reuploading his security protocol. Killerwatt gasps before going unconscious, and Electra holds him possessively. This will never happen again. He will never disobey Electra again.
—
Carrie tries again, walking up to Killerwatt with a smile.
“Hi Killerwatt, how are you today?”
He doesn’t even respond. He looks through her with dead, uninterested eyes. It’s like she’s not even there. He turns back and walks away, posture stiff and alert. Joule appears out of nowhere, leaning over Carrie’s shoulder.
“You really thought that would work? He’s not yours to care about, Carrie. Are you really so stupid to think that you could do anything to sway him? Killerwatt is Electras, no one elses. Stupid of you to try and take what isn’t yours.”
With that she waltzes off, humming a tune Carrie can’t place. She’s left with tears in her eyes, whispering to the retreating back of Joule.
“...I wasn’t trying to take anything. I just wanted a friend.”
No one hears her. She isn’t anyone important enough to listen to, to care for. She doesn’t have any friends because she hasn’t earned that yet. She thought she had a friend but he isn’t meant for that. For her.
Joule is right. How could she be so stupid? Killerwatt was just tolerating her, and now he’s grown tired of her incessant pestering. That’s why he’s ignoring her. Carrie sinks to her knees, hugging herself as she starts to cry. It feels like she’s not getting enough air, and her body feels cold. She falls forward, gasping for air as her lungs constrict harshly. Her vision begins blacking out, and she sends out a distress signal. Her heart hurts and it feels like she’s dying. Every gasp lets out more air than she can afford to lose, but there’s nothing she can do. Carrie might die here in the middle of the yard, alone and not important enough to be paid attention to.
Carrie hears metal against metal as someone comes rolling down the track towards her. She hopes it’s someone who can help instead of some stranger, she hopes it’s Killerwatt. Strong hands grab her under her armpits and haul her to her feet, but she can’t stay upright, collapsing back to her knees the moment they let her go. The someone sighs and crouches down next to her, snapping their fingers and suddenly her heart stops hurting and her lungs can take in air again. She’s still crying, but at least she isn’t actively dying anymore. Looking up at her savior she sees Wrench crouched next to her with an annoyed look on her face.
“Why did you do that?”
Still trying to catch her breath, Carrie wipes her tears and looks at Wrench confused.
“Wh- what do you mean?”
Wrench rolls her eyes, pulling Carrie up to her feet again.
“Why did you shut off your pulmonary systems? That’s a bit overdramatic just because Killerwatt didn’t talk to you, isn’t it?”
She shakes her head, eyes wide and scared.
“I didn’t- that’s not- Why would I shut off my own pulmonary systems? I don’t even know how to do that!”
Wrench sighs and grabs Carrie by the wrist, forcefully dragging her along towards her workshop.
“Then what? Why did you do all of that? Just because?”
Carrie shakes her head again, her arm hurts where Wrench is grabbing her.
“No! I think- I think it was a panic attack, but I just- I don’t know why.”
Wrench doesn’t even respond until they’re inside the workshop and Carrie has been placed on one of the desks.
“That’s not a real thing. Just because you are emotional and out of control doesn’t mean you can use that as an excuse. Now shut up while I make sure you didn’t cause any long lasting damage to yourself in your little tantrum.”
Carrie shuts up as told, tears still running down her cheeks as she tries to cry quietly so she won’t annoy Wrench.
Deciding that she isn’t damaged other than some scrapes on her knees, Wrench tells her to leave the workshop and go to her room. Until she’s learnt to “control her outbursts”. Carrie tried to tell her that it’s not something she can control without outside help. Wrench waved her off and told her to stop being stupid. Carrie hurries to her bedroom and locks the door before breaking down again. Falling onto her bed, she wails like someone died. Because in a way someone did. Carrie has lost everything she loved in her life, she doesn’t have any friends, family, and barely any belongings. Why did she take this stupid job? Just for money? It wasn’t even that great of an opportunity, at most it’s a lifetime gig. There’s nothing and no one available to help her. She has no support system. She’s alone.
…
Electra gave her an offer when she first got the job. An offer that she refused vehemently, saying that she wants to keep her individuality. Electra had laughed and said that she would change her mind eventually. They were right. Carrie has changed her mind. Maybe a complete system reset and reprogramme would fix her. She can’t be this emotionally fragile while working. It’s not good for her or the job. So she gets out of bed, giving up on wiping her tears, and she leaves her room, moving down the corridor towards Electra’s room. They can fix her. They can take away this pain and the source of it.
The door to Electra’s room is just as plain as all the other doors in the shed, and Carrie knocks carefully. Electra tells her to come in. She steps inside, and a soft soothing voice speaks.
“Oh poor dear… come here.”