Chapter Text
Chapter 1
Hometown passes Noelle by in bits and pieces. She passes balloons, flower arrangements, smears of color from the festival stalls, and monsters that turn their heads as she runs by too fast for anyone to think it’s a natural pace, hooves striking pavement in a frantic rhythm that sends jolts up her legs to rattle her teeth.
None of it quite sticks in her mind. The entire world has narrowed in around a single set of four words.
Your father fell down.
Her mother’s voice keeps bouncing around her head, delivered in the flat and precise way that only the mayor of hometown can manage in the face of a crisis.
Your father fell down.
Not had an accident. Not hurt himself. Fell down, the phrase reserved for heartbreaking news passed from a doctor to the loving family of a monster with little time left. The phrase Noelle has wondered time and time again when it will finally be her reality, too.
Her lungs burn, her throat tastes like metal, and she clutches her phone so tightly the edges bite into her palm, but she continues to run. Only the thought that she left Susie at the lake is almost enough to slow her.
Susie, standing there alone after everything. Susie, who had just looked at her like Noelle was something worth more than just good grades and gold medals at track events. Susie, who Noelle had wanted to say a dozen things in a dozen different ways to, but only managed to stumble out an awkward half-confession before she fled in a panicked run.
She’ll understand, right? She has to.
She can’t think about Susie’s face right now. She can’t think about the way her voice shook when she answered her phone and how she just ran away from the best moment of her life, straight towards the worst one.
Please, Angel, don’t take both away.
She cannot ask for her father to hold on long enough for her to say goodbye, while also asking for Susie to forgive her. That feels childish and greedy to plead to the Angel. She must trust that Susie will understand, of her own accord.
By the time she reaches the hospital, the front doors shoulder open before her and she clips her shoulder hard on the door frame rushing through. The cold, clean air inside hits her like a slap. Antiseptic, polished floors, and the soft hum of fluorescent lights that are all too familiar rush in to fill the gap left by the festival’s overwhelming presence.
The monster at the front desk looks up. “Noelle - “
“My dad,” Noelle gets out, barely more than a breath. “Rudy Holiday. I know where - I know where I’m going.”
She doesn’t wait for permission.
She knows these halls far too well by now. She knows to turn left after the vending machines, to step around the soft dip in the floor tile near the nurse’s station, and knows the door to her father’s room by the tiny scratch in the metal near the handle. She’s stared at it too many times trying to convince herself that this next visit will be the last one and that he’s just a few more good days away from being released.
Her hands are shaking so badly that the glass door rattles when she grabs it. For a halting breath, she almost doesn’t pull the door open.
No, no, no, please be okay.
Then it slides and Noelle spills into the room. Her breath stalls in her throat as she searches for her father’s form on the bed.
Rudy Holiday lies beneath a hospital blanket, broad shoulders slightly hunched and arms folded loosely over his abdomen. His eyes are closed and his mouth hangs half-open, and he’s not quite snoring, yet not silent. Beside him, the monitor continues a steady rhythm, almost in time with the rise and fall of his chest.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
“He’s alive,” she whispers as her knees give out. She hits the floor hard, pain ringing up through both of her legs, but her mind doesn’t even register it. She presses one hand over her mouth and stares at the bed through tears that blur her vision.
“He’s alive,” she says again, as if trying to convince herself. “Thank the Angel. Thank the Angel, he’s alive.”
A voice calls from the edge of the room. “Good, you’re here.”
Carol Holiday sits in one of the stiff hospital chairs, her laptop balanced carefully across her knees. One earbud is tucked into her ear, and her pale hair is pulled back in a loose bun. A satchel rests by her feet, and her face is composed in the same way it is during school-board fundraisers or town addresses.
She’s working. Of course she’s working.
Noelle stares at her mother, brain not connecting the woman in the chair to the sentence spoken over the phone. Her father fell down, and her mother is checking emails.
The room tilts around Noelle. When she speaks, her voice sounds wrong. It’s small, and scraped raw with emotion. “How long does he have?”
Carol hums without looking up from the screen. “The doctor set his leg already. They gave him something for the pain, so he’ll be asleep for a while. I believe they’ll put on the permanent cast once the swelling goes down.”
Noelle blinks. Her father’s chest rises again, and the monitor beeps again. She pushes herself upright, one hand braced against the wall. Her knees ache, her skirt is wrinkled, and there is dust on one palm from the floor. She cannot bring herself to care.
“Set his…” her voice catches. “His leg?”
“Yes,” her mother says bluntly.
Noelle looks at Rudy again, really looking this time. The blanket is raised oddly over his left leg, with the rigid shape of a temporary splint poking out from beneath it. His face is peaceful in sleep, and not bearing any of the marks of a monster approaching death.
The relief Noelle knows she should feel curdles into something else. A hot pit opens in her stomach, spreading throughout her body like a raging inferno. Her hand starts to tremble once more, but not from fear or anticipatory grief this time.
“You said he fell down.”
Carol finally glances up, but only briefly. “He did.”
Noelle’s fingers curl, nails biting into palms.
“You said he fell down,” she repeats, voice hardening. “You said Dad fell down.”
Carol’s expression does not change. “Yes. He fell from the ladder while hanging those lights outside of the community center. Broke his leg. It was a rather ugly fall, but the doctors say it was fortunate. The biggest danger going forward will be to ensure it stays sterile, so nothing exacerbates the cancer.”
Noelle hears a sharp sound, then realizes it came from her. An almost laugh, the type of sound someone makes when they’ve heard something so ridiculous they can’t believe it is real.
“You told me he was dying.”
Carol’s eyes flick back to her laptop. “Lower your voice.”
“You told me he was dying!”
“Your father is resting.”
Noelle’s chest heaves. “You told me he fell down!”
Carol exhales through her nose, exuding the type of patience reserved for nuisances. “And he did.”
“Not like that!” Nelle’s voice cracks. She flinches at the volume, glances at her father, but he does not stir. At this, the anger surges higher in her throat, as she realizes that even now she is the one checking herself. Not her mother who lied, but her, the victim. “You said he fell down. You know what that means. You know exactly what that means.”
Carol flicks a few buttons on the number pad on her laptop. “Noelle.”
“No.” She shakes her head. “No. Don’t start that right now. I don’t need a - a lecture!”
Her mothers fingers remain typing on the keyboard. Noelle’s throat tightens until he feels almost like she cannot breathe. When she blinks, she envisions her father’s hand going cold before she can say goodbye. “You made me think I was coming here to watch him die.”
Carol’s mouth presses into a thin line. “That is dramatic, dear.”
Noelle’s vision flashes white at the edges. “Look at me.”
Carol does not.
“Mom,” Noelle’s voice shakes. “Look at me.”
“I am in the middle of something important.”
“Look at me!”
The shout tears out of her before she can stop it. Rudy finally shifts on the bed, and Noelle freezes, guilt at waking him spearing straight through her anger, but he only mumbles something before settling back to sleep.
Carol closes her laptop and finally looks up. “Yes, dear?”
For a moment, all Noelle can do is stare at her mother’s calm features and deliberate posture.
“You lied to me.”
Carol raises one eyebrow. “I called you because your father was injured.”
“You said something you knew would scare me!”
Carol’s eyes narrow a fraction. “You ignored my first call. I made that call while I was still rushing your father to the hospital, by the way. Then, when I called again, you only answered long enough to tell me you were with that girl I forbade you from seeing, and then you hung up before I could get a word in.”
Noelle’s cheeks burn. “Because you were going to yell at me for being with Susie!”
“I was calling because your father had been hurt.”
“If you just said that, I would have come!”
Carol tilts her head, calm and clinical. “You already made it clear that spending time with Susie was your priority, so I did what I needed to do to get you to come here.”
Noelle shrinks beneath her mother’s gaze. “That’s not fair.”
“No,” Carol says. “What is not fair is your father being injured while I have to negotiate with my own daughter for the privilege of her answering the phone.”
“I didn’t know he was hurt!”
Carol lets out a sharp breath through her nose. “Because you hung up, because you’d rather be with that girl than speak to your own mother.”
For a half second, Noelle is back at the lake, looking out over the water. For another half-second, Susie is grinning while holding her in her arms, face flushed crimson. Then, she is back in the hospital again, her father sound asleep beside her.
Noelle’s hands clench tighter, and she can feel the warmth of blood spreading from where her nails break skin. “So this is, what, a punishment for choosing Susie?”
“This is about your father.”
“No. No, don’t - “ Noelle swipes away her own tears, hating that they make her look younger and immature. “Don’t twist it. Dad got hurt, and you used him to get me away from Susie.”
Carol clicks her tongue. “Do you hear yourself?”
“I was terrified!”
“You are hysterical.”
Noelle steps closer before she even realizes she is moving. “I ran across town thinking Dad was going to die before I could get there. I thought - I thought I missed it. I thought I’d be too late because I was selfish and stupid and wanted one afternoon to myself.”
The words spill out of her faster now, blowing past any filter or walls of propriety that she’s erected over years of hard practice. “I thought I was going to walk in here and he’d be gone and I’d never get to say goodbye or tell him where I was or tell him about my date or - “
Her voice breaks and she sucks in a shaky breath, unable to continue.
Carol takes a long breath, before nodding brows furrowed. “Forgive me for my wording if you feel that it was imprecise. But it got you here, did it not?”
The freshly-scooped out hollow space in Noelle’s chest floods red once more. She laughs at something small and disbelieving. “You’re not even sorry.”
Carol stands, fitting her laptop into her satchel and slinging it over one shoulder. “I did what I felt was necessary.”
Noelle feels like she has been slapped. She looks to Rudy, because some childish part of her wants him to wake up in that moment and fight this battle for her like he has so many times before. She wants him to comfort her and tell her she’s not crazy for feeling hurt by her mother’s actions.
Noelle turns back to her mother, whole body shaking now. “You just can’t handle that I really like someone you don’t approve of. You can’t handle that I was happy with someone you didn’t choose for me, so you scared me. To punish me.”
Something in Carol’s expression flattens. Her voice drops. “Be very careful, young lady.”
“No,” her breath shudders. “I’m not going to let you - you pressure me into backing down. Not this time.”
For the first time, Carol looks genuinely taken aback, but it only lasts for a moment before she straightens and the calm mayor of hometown returns. “You are a child who has spent the last several days behaving irrationally and with poor judgement. Susie is dangerous. Whatever infatuation you think you are experiencing does not change that, and it will not change my answer.”
Then, Carol’s phone buzzes. She looks down at it, reads something, and her focus shifts with a speed that makes Noelle suddenly feel like nothing more than a nuisance. “I have to go.”
“Now!?” Her voice comes out an octave too high, cracking.
Carol moves toward the door. “Your father is resting. He will be all right for now. Just stay with him until he wakes.”
“You can’t just leave! We’re having an argument!”
Carol looks at her for a long moment. Then, she says, “If you wish to continue this tantrum, save it for when I am not busy.”
Noelle flinches and Carol steps around her. “I am sure it goes without saying, but you are grounded for this. And stay away from Susie. I mean it.”
The door glides shut behind her with a soft click.
Noelle just stands there in the middle of the hospital room, trembling so hard her teeth nearly chatter. The anger has nowhere to go now, ricocheting inside her chest and pressing against the confines of her very soul.
Without quite meaning to, Noelle grabs one of the stiff pillows from a chair nearby, sinks down beside the wall, and buries her face in it.
The scream that comes out of her is muffled and broken halfway through into a sob.