Archive of Our Own ^beta

It’s starts as a niggling suspicion at the back of your mind that you aren’t even wholly aware of.

Dave collapses beside you on the couch, propping his feet on the table and looking lazily pleased. “Man, the Mayor is the fuckin’ best.”

You aren’t sure what he’s so happy about. The Mayor’s alright, you guess. A step up from most of the morons you deal with on a daily basis, and at least he doesn’t sass you like it’s his fucking job. You just don’t understand why Dave thinks he’s so great. “If you say so?”

“The best,” Dave repeats. Then he shoves you right off the couch, and you forget about the Mayor in favor of beating his stupid pasty face in.

* * *

A few days later you’re down in Can Town looking for Terezi, but she’s not there. It’s just Dave and the Mayor, and Dave is hanging all over the little guy in a way that strikes you as vaguely inappropriate.

The suspicion grows, and you frown at them for a second before turning on your heel and going back the way you came.

* * *

You wake up one morning/night --who the fuck knows anymore-- to find Dave and the Mayor in the common room, which is pretty unusual since the Mayor basically lives in Can Town. You blink in sleep-blurred confusion as Dave grabs the Mayor and twirls him.

It takes you a minute to realize they’re dancing like a couple of lunatics.

Wasn’t dancing some sort of human mating ritual? You seem to recall something of the sort from Rose and Kanaya. Except this was the Mayor, and Dave couldn’t possibly--

Could he?

* * *

You start watching them a little more closely after that, and you aren’t sure you like what you see. Dave is friendly with the Mayor, uncharacteristically so, and it’s really starting to weird you right the fuck out. You have no way of knowing how old the Mayor is, or how romance works for his species, but he’s undeniably wiggler-like and he just seems so oblivious.

You figure he’s just as much your responsibility as anyone else on this godforsaken space rock, and you resolve to deal with it yourself.

* * *

It takes you a few days before you find a good opportunity to corner Dave. He’s alone in the library, a cup of that disgusting coffee in hand, scribbling something on a loose piece of paper. You clear your throat.

He doesn’t even look at you. “Sup.”

“You need to stop with the Mayor.” There, that sounded suitably authoritative.

He does look up at that, and you can see his brows dip under his shades in a small frown. “Stop what? Hanging out?”

You sigh and cross your arms. “Look, I’m not going to give you any shit about whatever weird-fuck proclivities you might have, but I don’t think the Mayor is equipped to deal with your human mating nonsense.” You think that should be obvious.

Dave’s jaw just sort of drops, and he lifts his shades a bit like he can’t believe what he’s seeing. “Karkat, are you defending the Mayor’s honor?”

You roll your eyes and huff, “You gonna lay off or what?”

The asshole has the audacity to laugh. “Holy shit, you think I’m hot for the Mayor.”

You think back on the evidence and there really isn’t any other explanation, so what the fuck is so funny? “Aren’t you?”

He sets his coffee down with a delicacy it probably doesn’t require and promptly slumps over into his arms, shoulders quaking with laughter. “Oh god, I wish Rose was here. This is priceless.”

“What the fuck, Strider?” You bristle. This isn’t funny!

He sucks in a wheezing breath and actually grins at you, the smug little shit. “I’m not macking on the Mayor, dude. We’re just buds, I promise.” Another snicker slips out. “Wow, you are so dumb I’m actually speechless over here.”

You probably didn’t have to hit him, but when he’s laid out on the floor and your knuckles are aching, it makes you feel a little better anyway.