Work Text:
“Hey…”
You felt something jostle your shoulder. It wasn’t hard or urgent, just a slight motion to make your awareness flicker to life. Nothing else followed it, and the feeling wasn’t repeated. You thought it was a dream—or maybe Kris talked in their sleep or something—and you begin your slow but sure route back into unconsciousness.
Then it happened again. The same motion, slightly rougher, on the shoulder, and a raspy voice whispered (as best as she could), “Hey, Not-Kris, you awake?”
Your perception widened. You’re more careful now than you were at the start of this journey, and know just how far you can push without waking up Kris. You couldn’t take in the full room, but you knew enough to remember where you were. The room was dark, lit only by a faint sliver of moonlight that broke through a gap in the curtains. Still, you could make out the light blue wallpaper, decorated with pictures of snowflakes. Old lengths of tinsel hung from the ceiling, right above a large clock, the hands pointed in some configuration that was disgusting too late to be awake.
Ever since the end, it’d been hard for Kris to sleep alone, even if they weren’t truly alone, not with you here. Sometimes, it got bad enough where Kris would sneak out to Susie or Noelle’s, both girls happy to share a bed, especially since they had all contracted the same bout of post-prophecy insomnia. Eventually, through awkward, stuttered conversation, they had all agreed to a set schedule to share nights together, swapping between Noelle’s house and Kris’s, since Susie’s wasn’t… the best of homes.
Tonight, they’d all squished into Noelle’s bed. Noelle curled against the wall, seemingly comfortably squished against the hard surface. Susie had taken the middle, her large size and tendency to spread out like a starfish meant she’d fall off the edge or inevitably squish whoever took the middle spot (a fact that Noelle looked almost eager to take advantage of, if she had too). Kris had taken the edge, their body torn between rolling off and simply taking the couch or sleeping on the floor, stiff as a log.
You had to fight them to stay on the edge. Nowadays the fighting was somewhat more playful as opposed to being forcibly ripped out or Kris tensing every muscle in their body while you desperately tried to make them move. Kris wanted to be on the edge of the bed, but also didn’t want to get in between the girls. You knew the kid wanted to be on the bed and you, also, wanted to sleep on the damn thing instead of waking up with a painful crick in your neck.
So, you did your best to make Kris look pathetic, absolutely taking advantage of Noelle’s puppy eyes and Susie’s sad smile and you got Kris to sleep on the bed. Even the uncomfortable edge was better than the floor, and what would be the point of this whole arrangement if Kris slept by themselves in a room with two other people?
Susie nudging Kris’ body was about to precariously roll them off the bed, though. You took abrupt control of Kris’s left arm and shot it straight up in the air. Susie jerked back at the sudden motion, watching your hand twitch and slowly form a thumbs up. “Oh, hey, you are up! Why didn’t you say something sooner?”
You knew you couldn’t take control of Kris’s voice. For one, they weren’t exactly comfortable with that—you couldn’t blame them, a lot of this was uncomfortable—but for another, you instinctively knew talking would definitely wake them up. Kris was exhausted, and you didn’t want to disturb them any more than necessary.
…and, some deep part of you whispered, Susie asked for you. You’d never been addressed so directly, so… kindly. You wanted to hold onto that for as long as you could.
Instead of responding to Susie directly, you curled your middle three fingers towards your palm and brought your hand close to Kris’s head, thumb by their ear, pinkie by their mouth.
It took Susie a few seconds to ask, “Do you… want a phone?”
You pulled your hand away from Kris’s head and made a fist, ‘nodding’ it up and down. Though clearly confused, Susie dug into Kris’s pockets and pulled out their phone, handing it to you. It took you a moment to fumble through unlocking it, muscle memory guiding you to turn down the brightness (thankfully, Kris hadn’t roused from the blinding light blasting their face) and opening the notes app. Your thumb flew across the screen, then you turned it so Susie could read.
[ty didnt want t o wake kris]
“Oh, guess that makes sense…” Susie said, scratching the back of her head. “So, wait, Kris isn’t awake, but you can still move ‘n stuff?”
You turned the phone back to face Kris so it was easier. Susie laid on her side, propping her head close to Kris’s so she could read the screen without you needing to turn your wrist, and she could see what you were typing as you went
[not as much]
[arm and fingers easy]
[theyre like… distanct?]
“’distanct’?”
[shut up]
[typign w one hand not easy]
[also can’t see screen so its SUPER hard]
[u know how hard it is to type on a SCREEN w/o tanglibe buttons?]
“Wait, what? You can’t see?”
[bro look at kris face]
“Huh?” Susie did as you asked. The light of Kris’s phone screen was enough to illuminate their face, showing their gentle, relaxed expression in sleep. “Oh, shit, their eyes are closed!”
[ya]
[so I cant see super well]
“But you can see.”
[a lot less than normal]
[and i cant see the screen pretty much ever]
[this is a LOT of guesswork and muscle memory]
“That’s… really weird.”
[wat about this ISNT weird]
“Heh, fair point,” Susie chuckled. “I guess… this is a good enough lead in to my question.”
[?]
“Well, actually, I have two questions now. Guess I’ll start with the easier one…” Susie shuffled a bit, looking down at Kris’s chest. “You’re that… red heart thing, right? The thing that sealed all the fountains.”
[yes]
“And you’re just a red heart?”
[as far as i know]
[maybe i can grow red legs or smth]
[or make a big ass fist to punch people or try to noogie kris]
[but i’m not exactly interested in trying]
“Okay but like… how do you see?” Susie squinted at Kris’s shirt intently, as if she could see through the layers of cloth and flesh to see you. “You didn’t have eyes. Or ears. Or a mouth but, well, you don’t really talk that much. So…?”
[honestly ur geuess is as good as mine]
[most of the time i perceive things through kris]
[because most of the time im IN kris]
[so whatever they see or hear, i can see and hear]
“But right now, Kris isn’t awake. Or, at least, their eyes aren’t open…” Susie moved her hand towards Kris’s eyes. You could tell that she was going to do something stupid, like prying their eyelids open, so you typed quickly and shoved the phone in her way.
[PLS NO WAKE]
[theyre tired let them b]
“Okay, okay!” Susie raised her hand in surrender. “Hey, wait... you could tell what I was gonna do without their eyes being open?”
[i never see thru kris’s eyes tho]
“…what.”
Your fingers falter. You’ve never had to put words into how you see the world, but you know it’s different. You’ve picked up on that slowly but surely, especially since Kris also knew and gladly took advantage of your limitations and acceptations in equal measure. Trying to explain it to anyone would be difficult, but Susie…
Well, you didn’t want to freak out Susie any more. But you also didn’t want to lie.
Susie had been lied to long enough.
[i dont see thru eyes]
[i see things more]
[broadly]
“What the actual hell does that mean?”
[ok ok ok hold on]
[when u see things, you only see the things directly in front of u, right?]
“Yeah…?”
[ok so i see more than just in front]
[i can see around kris]
“’Around’?”
[yeah like]
[ok theres not good examples rn bc kris eyes being closed makes it hard to see FAR]
[but like. when we walked in a line in the dark world i could see how far back u and ral were]
[or what was on the other side of a wall if there was a connecting hallway]
“Whoa, like x-ray vision?”
[sort of???]
[i cant see THROUGH walls]
[like I can’t see whats on the other side of the wall here for example]
[but if there was a BIIIG room like queen’s castle I could see what was on the second floor even when we were on the first bc it was completely open]
“Okay so not see-through, just see… a lot?”
[basically]
“Wait, was that why Kris knew how to get through the dark parts of the Sanctuaries so well? You could ‘see’ better than them, so you could direct them better?”
[well i mean]
[i was just making them walk]
[but ye i could direct them to things]
[i could kinda see the halls better and fingure out how sound echoed around?]
[so i knew where hallways were and how to get thru them]
“What about touching? Or tasting?”
[LOT more vague]
[like… when u and kris were at church and drank juice i knew you guys drank stuff]
[and i knew it was red and yellow juice]
[but i have no clue what red and yellow juice tastes like]
[or most food or drinks]
[and touching is something that bodies filter out sometimes too so…]
[i dont think I process touch unless its somethings weird enough that kris makes a mental note of it]
“And that’s… separate,” Susie said, looking more uncomfortable with each passing second. “What you and Kris feel.”
[kind of???]
[cant emphasize enough this shit is COMPLICATED]
[the line where what kris feels and *i* feel can get]
[blurry]
[some things r clearer than others]
[like… i didnt like noelle at first (dont tell no]—
“Wha—” Susie started, looking at the phone screen in shock. You, still mid-sentence, continued typing. “How could you not like Noelle?”
—[elle that i think kris knows and theyre mad at me for that still) bc i didnt know her well and i thought she was going to be kinda mean girl nasty at first?]
[and i know better now that noelle is super sweet nad nice! but i didnt know that when i first talked to her for 5 SECS in homeroom]
[but kris obviously knew her and had their own opinions of her]
[and rudy]
[and carol]
[and]
[well]
“Dess.”
The name sat heavily in the air of the room. You froze, irrationally fearing that Kris or Noelle would wake at the simple uttering of her name. The silence rang, only broken by chirping frogs and cicadas from outside the window. Susie’s bangs covered her eyes, and she continued in a hushed voice, “How long did you know about the Knight?”
Your fingers were slow to respond, now painfully aware of Kris’ tentative rest, and Noelle’s face nuzzling closer to Susie’s hair. Susie watched you type with rapt attention.
[i never saw kris talk to the knight if thats what ur asking]
[i knew something weird was going on when we fought them in the tv world]
[the knight knocked out u and ralsei but]
[they just put their sword on kris shoulder]
[and then after that more and more evidence kept piling up]
“And you didn’t tell me?” Anger threaded its way between each of Susie’s words, her hands clenched into fists. You typed quickly and shoved Kris’s phone in her face.
[I WANTED TO]
[the MOMENT i knew something was up i was so upset and wanted to say something]
[wanted to stop kris from making dark worlds]
[wanted to scream at u and noelle and everyone that they were doing something messed up]
[but every time i tried Kris would just keep their mouth shut]
[literally]
[they got very good at making sure to limit how much i could say very fast]
[turst me I had to do some BULLSHIT to get u that guitar and even then it wasnt enough]
“So… that means you didn’t know from the start, right?”
[def not]
[all i knew at the start was that i was someone named kris and i had a goat mom and i was going to school]
[didnt know anything was up until the day ended and kris]
You stopped typing. You weren’t quite sure how cool Susie was with the concept of Kris literally ripping you out of their chest, let alone everything else Kris had done to you, physically. Frankly, you were still nursing your own resentment over that, having never received a direct apology. In the end, you decided to go with something of a compromise.
[didnt like it when i got in the way]
“Heh, no kidding.” Susie rolled onto her back, careful to not crush Noelle and closing her eyes. “If there’s one thing I learned about Kris, it’s that they’re stubborn to a fault.”
You don’t type, knowing it was somewhat pointless with Susie not looking. Instead, with your odd ‘vision,’ you watched her expression become pinched, her claws flexing in the sheets.
“Hey, Not-Kris?” Under her breath, she muttered, we gotta come up with a better name for you, “You don’t have to answer this, but… it’s been bugging me for a while, and I know Kris won’t tell it to me straight.”
Susie’s eyes opened, and she turned her head to look at Kris. The phone screen illuminated her face with harsh, white light, her eyes scrunching closed at the brightness. “That day, when we went into the closet and entered the Dark World… how much of that was you?”
Surprise shot through you, almost enough to make you lower the phone and turn it off. Even though that first day felt so long ago, it had only been a few weeks. You still remembered that first day, waking up in bed, hearing Toriel call ‘your’ name. Going through the motions, arriving at class, meeting Susie, falling, falling into darkness…
And you remember when the rug was pulled out from under you.
[i wont lie to you]
[i think a majority of that day was me]
“…a majority, huh.”
[that first day was]
[weird]
[i woke up and didnt know what was going on]
[and for a long time i thought i WAS kris]
[its kind of like]
[ok do u remember mew mew]
Susie's eyes squinted. “The pink cat girl from the Flower World?”
[yeah]
[her whole thing was that she was a ghost lightner]
[and she possessed a doll of that anime character]
[but in the dark world her body developed their own thoughts and opinions]
“Right, and the ghost guy was fighting against what the body… wanted…” Susie’s eyes went wide. “Wait, are you saying—?”
You typed quickly, holding the phone up for Susie to see.
[im the ghost]
[and kris is the body]
[i didn’t know there was someone in the body or how i got there]
[so that entire day i thought EVERYTHING the body did was all me]
[and tbf]
[kris didnt really like]
[force their will against mine so]
[i didnt know until that night]
“So…” Susie ducked her head, looking away from the phone. “So this entire time, this entire thing Kris and I had… it didn’t start with Kris? It was you?”
Your fingers flew across the keyboard, a cramp building in your thumb. Susie, however, turned onto her stomach, facing the head board and completely hiding her face from view. “Heh. Who am I kidding. Of course it wasn't Kris. I’m not the friendliest gal around, and before that day, I was a pretty big jerk. I pushed Kris around, I didn’t want to talk to anyone, I didn’t want to do anything but get through the day.
“Should’ve known something was up when they started acting differently. I mean, you still didn’t talk much, but you actually… gave me the time of day. You wanted me around. You looked… happy to see me. Kris wouldn’t have done that. They probably would’ve left me behind, wouldn’t have let me come into their house, eat breakfast with them, work on the project. All of that… all of that—!”
You shoved Kris’s phone in her face, smacking her eye with the corner. Susie recoiled with a yelp, holding her eye, “Hey, dumbass, watch where you shove that thing!”
If you had eyes to roll, they’d fall out of your head. Instead, you shake the phone more insistently, enduring her annoyed grumbles as she swiped it out of your hand to read.
[but that doesnt mean kris wasnt doing stuff without me knowing]
[almost everything i could ‘say’ was something kris kind of fed me?]
[again i dont know how to expla]
[susie hey no dont]
[do u remember when lancers shitty dad was going to hit you?]
[KRIS was the one who blocked the attack]
[NOT ME]
[i thought it couldnt move]
[couldnt do anything but watch you get hit]
[but kris COULD move]
[and they protected YOU]
[even though i mightve been here for the dark world stuff]
[kris has known you for far far longer]
[and they care so much about you]
[theyd get mad being apart from u]
[they wanted to be at your side]
[almost everything they said]
[and every laugh and glance and smile]
[that was them, not me]
[pleaes dont think kris doesnt like u]
[because that couldnt be further from the truth]
“…heh.” Susie turned off the phone, plunging the room into darkness. Not impeded by the lack of light, you watched Susie bury her head in her arms. Her voice wavered as she said, “‘Almost everything,’ huh?”
You couldn’t say anything, not without the phone. You tried waving your hand only to realize how stupid it was to try—not only was Susie not looking, even if she was the room would be too dark for her to see. You couldn’t mouth words, couldn’t speak, couldn’t move. How could you make sure Susie was okay?
Susie’s breath hitched with a low, sad laugh as she pulled her legs up to her chest in an uncomfortable ball. “How am I supposed to know… which of you really wanted to be my friend?”
In that moment, that tiny, infinitesimal second, a thin beam of moonlight landed on Susie’s face. Though covered by her thick, dark hair and half-buried in Noelle’s pillows, you could see the glimmer of tears gathering in the corners of her eyes.
And you decided, fuck it.
Your influence spread through Kris’s body like wildfire, seizing control of each of their limbs within a single pulse of the body’s nerves. Kris’s eyes flew open, a choked gasp leaving them as you summoned all your will to fling your body over and slam Susie with an amateur bed-rolling hug. She let out a startled “Wha—!” and sank her claws into the bedsheets to keep herself from rolling onto Noelle and waking her up. “Why’d you tackle me, dumba—"
“Both,” you say with Kris’s voice, taking advantage of their exhaustion and disorientation to get out what you needed to. “We both wan—”
Your throat closed up as Kris smothered your connection. They slapped their hand over their mouth, their face turning red as they hid their face in the pillow and pulled away from the half-assed embrace you managed to get them into.
But Susie… her eyes had gone wide, her jaw dropped open just enough to show her bafflement. Before Kris could notice it though, she broke out into a big, beaming grin, and she leapt onto Kris, wrapping them in a big hug and noogying them.
“‘We both’ what, Kris?” She goaded, nuzzling her snout against their cheek. “Come on, you can say it!”
Kris made a choked sound and tried to pull away. You couldn’t read Kris’s thoughts, but you could tell they were probably mentally cursing you out as they tried to escape Susie’s octopus-like grip.
They’d be mad at you tomorrow for sure. You knew that, if you were in the Dreemur house, Kris would’ve absolutely ripped you out and flung you across the room. But right now, Susie was happy, Kris was stuck in an inescapable hug, and Noelle was getting the rest she needed. Kris could be mad at you the rest of time, for all you cared.
This moment was important. You were glad you could make it.