Work Text:
Atsushi’s mind wanders back to Kunikida’s Ideals.
Specifically, the eight pages devoted to his Ideal Woman.
When Dazai swiped the small green book, and she read through the first two pages, it was shocking to say the least. Nothing particularly perverted, barring the measurements sections, but the level of detail was staggering. Even someone as inexperienced and uninterested in partnering as she is could tell he would never find a woman who could fit all of his criteria.
But now, as she taps her pen against her desk, staring at the characters on her laptop screen that have long ceased to make sense, she turns those pages around in her head over again. There’s something at the edge of her mind, sometimes that nags at her about it, that she can’t put her finger on…
“Atsushi-kuuuuuun. Something on your mind?” Dazai stares, a playful gleam in his eyes.
Kunikida’s eyes are still focused on his laptop screen, fingers moving across the keyboard with a precision and efficiency only he can pull off. “Hopefully, the only thing on your mind is that report due by noon.”
Atsushi starts, flustered as she returns to her unfinished work. In the background, Dazai cackles, then is immediately put into a headlock by Kunikida for his seven overdue reports.
An hour later, and half an hour before the deadline, she finishes her work and sends it to Kunikida, who takes a moment to read it over before nodding in approval.
She and Kyouka decide to take an early lunch and head to the nearby Yamashita Park to enjoy the lovely summer weather by the bay and each other’s company. They stack their bags between them on a park bench and eat their store-bought bento in a peaceful silence.
“You were distracted today.” Kyouka’s voice is soft, though her blue eyes seem to stare through her soul.
Atsushi takes a bite of seasoned rice with salmon and chews carefully before answering. “Yeah, there’s something that keeps bothering me. But I’m not sure if it’s even right, let alone whether I should bring it up.”
Kyouka hums. “Is this about telling the others that you’re a woman?”
Atsushi’s face instantly heats up, and she frantically swivels her head. Thankfully, no one is close enough to overhear. “Kyouka-chan, please!” She puts down her chopsticks, hands shaking. “There’s just no way I can tell anyone that yet. I…I mean, who would even believe me?”
She thinks of the orphanage, how those like her were preached to be unnatural and wrong. How she knew who she was for so long but could never tell a single person. Not to mention that she hardly resembles a proper, feminine woman anyway, unlike the other pretty ladies of the Agency.
“I believed you.” Kyouka cuts through her rapidly spiraling thoughts, a beacon of sunlight punching through thick, grey storm clouds.
Atsushi smiles, recalling one of her best memories. One night she broke down and told Kyouka she's a woman, fully expecting to be met with disgust and rage. Instead, Kyouka gave her the brightest smile before calling her Ane-san. Kyouka opened up as well, revealing that she’s trans too. Atsushi cried hard that evening, finally finding someone like her after a lifetime of loneliness and fear.
“You did, and I’m so grateful for that. But I don’t...I’m not ready yet.” She shakes her head. “But that’s not what was bothering me. For some reason, I keep thinking about Kunikida-san’s Ideals.”
Kyouka takes a sip of her vending machine peach juice. “What part?”
Here, Atsushi can’t help the heat that rushes to her ears and cheeks. “Um…well, there was a part…about his ‘Ideal Woman.’ It’s pretty extensive. I was weirded out at first, but then a few days ago, I wondered about it again. Just by chance, of course!”
She raises an eyebrow at that, but the smile on her lips is playful, so Atsushi continues.
“I keep getting these thoughts like. What if…what if it doesn’t mean that? What if it’s not about Kunikida’s Ideal Woman? But I’m not sure what else it could be. Ah, it’s so silly when I say it out loud though…”
“No. If it’s bothering you that much, then it must have some meaning. Trust your instincts a little more. I’m sure the answer will come to you soon.”
Atsushi nods, feeling much better at the encouragement. “Thanks so much, Kyouka-chan.”
They soon return to the office, getting a head start on research into another case. Dazai slacks off as usual, pretending to nap while Kunikida yells at him. The rest of the detectives are busy with their own work, but Tanizaki and Naomi snicker at their antics anyway.
“Is your head still in the clouds, Atsushi-kun?” Dazai gives her his best impression of an “innocent” smile, which means she’s in danger.
“Oh, I’m fine now, I promise.”
“No way! You’re working far too hard,” and Dazai waves his arms, slowly spinning in his office chair. “Kunikida-kun is such a slave driver, I swear!”
“Listen here, you waste of bandages—”
“Soooo, why don’t you relax with some interesting literature?” Dazai exchanges a look with Ranpo, who’s finally returned from their own case.
Before Atsushi can respond, there’s a small green book in her hands, labeled with the kanji for Ideals. “Um…Dazai-san…”
Kunikida roars, ready to lunge for the book, but Dazai blocks his way. “Aww, don’t tell me my precious work-wife is leaving me already?”
Instead of the usual throttling, Kunikida freezes in place, eyes wide. There’s a long pause, and his face begins to heat up. “W-wife?”
“Of course! You’re my beautiful, lovely wife.”
“B-beautiful? Dazai—you…” Kunikida can’t seem to form words, hands clenching and unclenching. But there’s no trace of anger, or even annoyance. Even the struggle to get his Ideals back seems to have faded from his mind. Simply bewilderment, like he’s trying to wrap his mind around something.
“Kunikida-san? Are you okay?” Tanizaki is pensive, clearly thrown off by Kunikida’s unease.
Meanwhile, Atsushi's mind races at Dazai’s words. Something about them triggers a feeling, and she thumbs through the book’s pages until she reaches the Ideal Woman section.
Atsushi recalls when she first realized she was a girl. She had been reading in the orphanage library as usual when she came across magazines filled with images of models in expensive clothes.
Her first thought was how beautiful they looked, and her second was how badly she wanted to be as beautiful as they were.
From then on, she devoured any content like that, compiling a mental list of all the different clothes, makeup, nails, hair, what her voice should sound like, and even the perfect figure she wanted when she was older—nothing like its shapeless, starved look. (Though, once she was actually out of the Orphanage, she quickly found refuge in her work clothes and her out-of-work hoodie and jeans. They offer comfort and security, something that became a part of her as well, unlike the awful Orphanage uniform.)
Her wandering thoughts then screech to a halt.
Wait. A list?
Looking down the list before her, Atsushi notices a parallel. The points are quite precise, such as measurements, makeup, clothes, the perfect pitch and tone of voice, the perfect nail length and shape.
One line reads: “a dark-haired beauty.” It seemed like a dating preference before, but… That’s what Atsushi wished to have, desperately, instead of white hair that sticks out like a sore thumb.
And Kunkida has natural blonde hair which, thinking about it now, must have been terrible to deal with growing up.
Coupled with Kunikida’s reaction to Dazai’s comments…
Oh my god.
She could be wrong. She could be very wrong. But…what if…?
“Kunikida-san.”
Kunikida startles and looks at her. “Atsushi?”
She glances over to Dazai, then Ranpo. Ranpo opens a single eye and stares, then breaks out in a wide smile.
Atsushi takes a deep breath. “I think…I get what happened here. You wrote this Ideal Woman list, not for the sake of finding her. But for the sake of being her.”
You can hear a pin drop. Naomi is gripping Tanizaki’s arm, both of them wearing identical shocked faces. Kenji looks on curiously between them all. Dazai is wearing the widest grin she’s seen in ages. And Kunikida’s mouth is hanging open.
“I…I-I mean, if that’s the case, there’s nothing w-wrong with that! Because, because I’m…I’m a woman too!” Atsushi squeezes her eyes shut, heart hammering at the sudden admission.
When she opens them, Kyouka makes eye contact and gives her a thumbs-up.
She did it. She really did it. She finally told everyone. That way, in case this turns out badly, everyone will hopefully be focused on Atsushi and not bother Kunikida. But also, she wants to support Kunikida too. And wants Kunikida to know she’s not alone.
Kunikida moves first, plopping down heavily on his office chair. Head in his hands.
“Um…Kunikida-san. I apologize if I was too presumptuous…” Maybe…this wasn’t Atsushi’s best plan.
“There’s no way…”
“You have to speak louder, Kunikida-kun!” Dazai leans over to peek at Kunikida’s face.
“No way, that I…that this could be happening today…over stupid fucking work-wife jokes and my own subordinate outing herself…”
Ranpo stands up. “Finally! Kunikida’s damn egg finally cracked! Good job, kid.” And they throw Atsushi a lollipop that she barely catches.
“Oh! Thank you, Ranpo-san—” Ah, grape-flavored. Their least favorite.
“Atsushi. My Ideals, if you would.”
“Of course, please excuse me!” She offers the Ideals with a bow.
He takes it, then writes furiously on a new page. “I must be heading out then. I’ve made the necessary adjustments to my schedule…” He mumbles the rest, head buried in his book, as he leaves the office, and a group of bewildered and amused detectives is left behind.
Yosano pops in right after, crossing her arms. “Wait, you both are women?”
Atsushi’s heart races. Guess the commotion was loud enough to carry to the infirmary. “Um…well, I am. And Kunkida-san might be—”
“Thank god. Now this place can finally stop being such a sausage fest.”
Naomi sighs. “Seriously! No offense Nii-sama, but we need a more feminine presence around here.”
“Why would I be offended…”
“Agreed. We could always use more beautiful women in the office.” Dazai winks, and it sends Atsushi into a blushing mess.
“Guess that means Atsushi-kun and Kunikida are taken off my roster of shopping bag carriers. Dazai, Tanazaki-kun, and Kenji-kun will be working double time.”
Kenji salutes, while Dazai sighs and plops his head on his desk. “Suicide is much more appealing now…”
Tanazaki blanches. “Wait, what about Ranpo-san?”
“What about me? I’m not a guy.”
“Well, yeah but—”
“Anyway,” Ranpo waves their hand, clearly bored with the conversation. “I can’t believe neither of you came out when I did. That was the whole point of making it so public.” Ranpo rolls their eyes and munches on a bag of chips.
“Atsushi-san was worried about everyone’s reactions.” Kyouka gives her a soft look, so full of understanding it hurts.
“I mean…I’m not really feminine-looking or anything. I figured it would be fine…”
Yosano marches up and flicks her forehead. “Idiot. Your safety is one thing, but not fitting a single narrow, and honestly impossible, standard isn’t an excuse to do that to yourself.”
“Yeah! We’ve been calling you a boy this whole time, ya know. That’s not fair to you.” Naomi looks particularly upset, and guilt weighs in Atsushi’s gut.
“I’ll um…if it's only with all of you, then maybe I can be a bit more open.” The fact that everyone is so accepting of her secret loosens a knot in her chest she didn’t realize was there.
These people truly are special.
Hopefully, Kunikida will feel the same way someday.
The next morning, Atsushi arrives in the office early to find Kunikida there, organizing a stack of paperwork. “Morning Kunikida-san.”
“Early as always, Atsushi. Actually, I have a favor to ask of you.”
“Yes?”
“I’ve been compiling evidence and observations since yesterday’s…incident.”
Atsushi gulps at the implications of that word, but Kunikida continues.
“I’m not blaming you, as it was mostly that damn Dazai instigating as usual. In fact, I’ve slowly realized that there may have been some…truth in your words. So, for now at least, please feel free to refer to me in the feminine.” Kunikida adjusts her glasses, voice steady.
Kunikida is so calm and confident, even though she just found out about herself. She’s…already so wonderful as a woman. “Of course, I would be more than happy to,” Atsushi says with a smile.
Kunikida returns it, then glances away. “Also, if it wouldn’t be too much trouble. I would like your assistance in learning more about navigating as a…recent woman, I suppose.”
Atsushi pauses, her answer stuck in her throat for a moment. “I, well. I’ll do my best. But I’m not exactly an expert either…”
“I can help, if you’d like.” Kyouka walks in, holding cans of green tea and café au lait from the vending machine outside. “I’m the same as you and Ane-san.”
“Ane-san?” Atsushi’s only heard that term in private, and it still lifts her spirits.
Kyouka nods, then hands her the café au lait before taking her seat. “Since everyone here knows about you, I figured I could call you that, if it’s alright.”
“Oh…I…well.” She takes a moment to gather her thoughts, chasing that warm feeling in her chest. “That would be nice.”
“I appreciate your assistance as well, young Miss. I clearly have much to learn, along with the Lass here.”
The three soon start work, sharing a calm and quiet moment together.
***Bonus***
Atsushi’s tiger senses go haywire and she jumps back, avoiding several black tendrils that slice through the space she just occupied.
“Dammit, Akutagawa! You wanna go?” She doesn’t have time for a pointless fight! Even though her nerves are drumming with excitement in response to what should be a threat.
The man himself appears, the dark silhouette of his coat and hair even more pronounced against the bright summer sun and glittering water of the port. “Weretiger. Was it not enough to capture Dazai-san’s attention? It seems you continue to humiliate me.”
“What are you talking about?” In her confusion, the adrenaline rush fades, and she untenses her muscles.
“Playing the part of the fool, I see. I will not forgive this slight.”
Silence stretches on between them until Atsushi’s patience snaps, and she breaks it, fists clenched by her sides. “Can you possibly speak like a normal person for once? I have no idea what you’re going on about.”
Akutagawa glares, grey eyes piercing as always, before he clicks his tongue. “I have recently discovered your womanhood.”
Atsushi sucks in a breath, heart racing. How did he find out? Who told him? Now he’ll mock me, probably about how ugly or unrefined I am or—
“You would dare have me refer to you as a man this entire time? The absolute gall to deceive me, to have me commit such an atrocity as misgendering?”
“Huh?”
Akutagawa sighs, then extends a tendril of Rashomon to Atsushi. The end of it is holding an envelope, which Atsushi takes with shaking hands, mind blank.
“Inside is an address, date, and time. You will meet my sister and myself then and there, or I will come find you and drag you.”
“Meet…you? But why?”
“For garments shopping, of course,” and he scoffs. “It is unacceptable to be walking around with those ratty scraps you call outfits, according to Gin, and I certainly agree. Farewell, weretiger.”
His trenchcoat billows around him as he turns on his heel and leaves, leaving behind Atsushi, who still can’t wrap her head around what just happened.
Though one thing stood out to her at least. Even her former enemy, turned rival and partner, sees her as a girl. If he’s able to, maybe there’s more hope for her than she thought.