Chapter Text
"Have you asked me if I wanted to be your friend?"
"Why? Do you not want to be my friend anymore?"
2023
The first day of high school. For most people, this day was something special. The beginning of something new. Something serious. Life. It was the day your future quietly started to take shape. The teachers became stricter, and the workload doubled. And your free time seemed to disappear before you even noticed. The slow change from a kid to an adult. But this didn't only show in academics. Even more important is, what shaped around it. Emotionally. Your dreams, your passions, your reason to go. But also creating lifelong friendships, falling in love for the first time, and figuring out who they are and who they want to be.
The first day of high school was the start of an entirely new chapter.
Pik sighed silently as he took a seat in the middle of the room. The classroom buzzed with excitement even before the teacher arrived. Conversations overlapped from every corner as strangers introduced themselves, exchanging awkward smiles. Laughter erupted here and there, breaking the tension that naturally occured when being with people you have never met before. Pik didn't join in. Not seeking out new conversations, not exchanging wide smiles as a form of bonding. It wasn't because he was some kind of antisocial, or because he thought of himself as above all that. No, he was too shy to make the first step. He overthinks too much, scared to say the wrong words. So out of safety, he didn't say anything. At least not as long as no one approached him first.
Pik started putting some of his belongings on the table. He wasn't trying to be a good student here, he just wanted to busy himself. Trying to make the time go by faster so he wouldn't sit here all awkward and lost, his hands neatly folded in front of him, quietly watching the room as if he were just a bystander. He was usually content being by himself, but even then, the insecurity of being a teenager got to him. Being fifteen never was easy, especially if you're more of an introvert.
"Hey", a voice from behind approached, making Pik stop in his tracks. He wasn't expecting to be spoken to. Wasn't even sure if the voice really was directed to him until he looked up. Standing beside his desk was another boy with slightly messy hair and an easy smile that made him seem strangely approachable. "Can I sit with you?", he asked. Pik blinked once before giving a small shrug. "Mm, go ahead". The empty chair scraped softly across the floor as the boy sat down beside him, dropping his backpack with a relieved sigh.
"Thanks", he grinned, "I'm Jaijai. But you can call me Jai". Pik hesitated for a second before nodding in acknowledgment, giving out a small smile himself. Jai seemed to be the complete opposite of Pik. He was smiling, giving out the impression of being friendly and open. Someone who talked to everyone about everything. Always grinning as if he's the world's favorite person. Jai's eyes wandered across the desk until they landed on a blue folder with a name neatly written on it. "Sanit", he read aloud, still smiling. "That's a really cool name". Pik glanced at the folder as if trying to make sense out of it. But there wasn't anything to understand. Jai was just a friendly guy trying to make conversation. Pik shook his head slightly before looking back at him. "You can call me by my nickname. I'm Pik", he offered.
"….Pookpik". Jai smiled widely, his cheeks all puffed up. Pik let out the smallest sigh imaginable, already questioning every decision that had led to this moment. A slight annoyance washed over his face, not carrying real malice with it. "I've seen you on TV before. You’re a famous celebrity, huh?", Jai continued, his eyebrows giving him a knowing wiggle. Pik sighed for what felt like the hundredth time this morning alone. "Yeah, yeah, just call me Pik", the boy tried again. He wasn't keen on getting a nickname for his nickname. Especially not one like this from an absolute stranger. "Okay", Jai seemed to give in, putting a sweet smile on his face. It lasted not even a second. "Pookpik".
A deep frown formed on Pik's face. But he couldn't bring himself to actually be mad at Jai. Instead, he felt a warmth unfold in his chest. Because Jaijai wasn't just here to play a game, to annoy him. He was here to stay. And Pik, who loved the silence and calm, watched himself opening up to the storm called Jai.
Neither of them knew it back then. But somewhere between a stolen seat, a badly timed nickname, and an annoying grin, hearts started to beat a little faster.
2026
"Piiiik", Jai's voice echoed through the practice room, the single syllable dragged out. Pik didn't answer immediately. Sitting cross-legged against the mirrored wall, he absentmindedly scrolled through his phone, only lifting one eyebrow in acknowledgment. "It's too hot". A loud thud followed as Jai let himself fall onto the wooden floor. He laid flat on his back, one forearm covering his eyes while his chest rose and fell with exaggerated sighs. "You'll survive", Pik said quietly.
"Barely". A faint smile tugged at Pik's lips before disappearing just as quickly. The room had emptied almost fifteen minutes ago. The music had stopped, leaving only the soft hum of the air conditioner. The silence wasn't uncomfortable. It never was when they were together. Pik let his gaze drift from his phone. Jai hadn't moved a slight bit. His hoodie, soaked at the collar and sleeves, clung to him in the most uncomfortable way imaginable.
"You decided to wear a hoodie for dance practice in thirty-degree weather", Pik pointed out. Jai groaned dramatically. "I wanted to look cool", he tried to justify himself. "You look overheated", Pik retorted, a smile creeping up his lips. For a second, neither of them spoke again. Jai stayed where he was, staring at the ceiling now while Pik watched him from the corner of his eyes. There has always been something strangely peaceful about moments like these.
People often assumed spending time with Jaijai meant constant noise. Constant laughter. Constant movement. And they weren't entirely wrong. Jai had enough energy to jump around nonstop for three days. He talked to strangers without hesitation, made friends wherever he went, and somehow managed to turn even the most ordinary situations into something memorable. But with Pik, he didn't had to. Not all the time. There were moments like these, where they could simply exist beside each other. No expectations. No pressure to fill every silence. Just comfortable sharing the same space.
After a while, Jai sat up again, running a hand through his damp hair before walking over to their bags. Pik's eyes followed him instinctively. He did that more often than he'd like to admit. Without realizing it, his attention always seemed to settle on Jai. Watching him move around the room. Listening to him hum absentmindedly while looking for something, memorizing little habits that no one else probably noticed. Like the way he frowned slightly whenever he was trying to open a rather stubborn bottle cap, or how he smiled so softly to himself whenever he got a message from his mom. Little things that shouldn't matter. Things that shouldn't make the heartbeat of your best friend go faster. Yet, Pik's heart didn't seem to get the memo.
Jai pulled his hoodie over his head with obvious relief, revealing a black sleeveless shirt underneath. Pik gulped slightly before forcing his eyes back to his phone. It was not the first time he saw Jai like this. Being best friends for three years now, Pik has seen nearly everything there is to see. And still, there is no denying the fact that Jai was attractive. He sighed dramatically while throwing the hoodie in his bag. "I can feel the air again". Pik looked back up, his eyes tracing Jai's silhouette for a second before landing on the wall just behind him.
"You know", Jai said as he flopped down beside him this time, "You could've warned me about the heat stroke before practice started". His voice was serious, but his face, his smile, gave away that he wasn't. They always bantered like this. Jai was pretending to be sulky, and Pik was not taking the bait. "I did", he said flatly, his eyes back on his phone. The chat of their group was open, revealing incoming messages that held no importance at all. "You weren't convincing enough", Jai tried again. But Pik wasn't ready to take the blame. Especially not if it wasn't logical or serious at all. "I wasn't aware convincing you was part of my responsibilities". Jai laughed. This was the most Pik-like answer Pik could had given him. He let his head fall back slightly, looking at Pik. "It is. You're my best friend."
Best friend. The words settled heavily inside Pik's chest. They shouldn't have. After all these years, hearing Jai call him that should have felt ordinary. Instead, it always carried the same bittersweet weight. Because that was exactly what he was. His best friend. Nothing less but also nothing more. Sometimes Pik wondered whether secretly loving someone became easier after enough time. It didn't. Especially if you love someone like Jaijai. Someone who never commited. Someone who hugged you all the time, called you cute, and insisted on sleeping in the same bed at sleepovers to cuddle you the whole night. And still called you just a friend while changing his romantic partners as often as his underwear.
It does not get easier. Just less dramatic. Fewer racing heartbeats with every touch. Less sleepless nights, wondering whether they liked you back. Instead, it slipped into everyday life so naturally that it became impossible to separate from it. It was reaching for the drink Jai liked without thinking. Waiting outside classrooms because their schedules ended a few minutes apart. Saving him the seat by the window because he liked to look outside. And listening to him whining whenever another relationship inevitably fell apart.
Pik had long since learned that being someone's everything didn't necessarily meant being the person they loved.
A weight settled against his shoulder. Without asking. Always without asking. Jai had leaned over, resting comfortably against Pik, letting out another tired sigh. "So much better". Pik went completely still. It wasn't unusual. Jai had always been effortlessly affectionate. Arms thrown around shoulders. Casual hugs. Leaning against him whenever he was tired. None of it meant anything. At least not to Jai. Pik forced himself to relax, pretending the warmth against him didn't made his heart jump in his chest. "You make a decent pillow", Jai murmured, eyes already closed. Pik hummed, looking down at the phone now resting loosely in his hands. The screen had gone dark minutes ago. He hadn't noticed. Carefully, almost unconsciously, he tilted his head just enough so Jai would be more comfortable. It was such a small movement that he probably never even realized it had happened. Pik hoped he never would.
Some feelings were easier to carry when they stayed invisible.
Neither of them moved for a while. The practice room had grown even quieter and Pik could feel Jai's breathing evening out against his shoulder. Outside, the setting sun painted long streaks of orange across the floor, bathing the room in a warm glow that softened everything it touched. Pik closed his eyes just for a moment. If he could, he would stop time right now, right here. The warm air of the practice room mixed with the familiar weight resting against him brought a calmness he wanted to preserve forever.
A sharp vibration from a phone shattered the silence. Jai let out a sleepy groan before lazily fishing his phone out of his pocket, keeping his head on Pik's shoulder. His thumb hovered over the screen. Then, his entire expression changed. A smile spread across his face. Small at first, before it grew into one of those effortless grins. Pik noticed it immediately, like always. "Who is it?", he asked quietly though he probably already knew the answer. Jai chuckled under his breath. "It's nothing".
Pik hummed in acknowledgment, pretending to look back at his own phone. But out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Jai typing a reply. Smiling. Then another vibration, and his smile grew even wider. Jai laughed softly to himself. "Okay", he admitted, "Maybe not nothing". Pik swallowed, now looking at his friend.
"I've been talking to someone". There it was. Such a simple sentence. One he has heard more times than he cared to count. Still, it never got easier. Pik forced himself to keep his expression neutral. "Another someone", he whispered. More to himself, but Jai still caught it. He nudged his shoulder playfully. "Don't make it sound bad". Half a whine, half a laugh. As if all this was nothing more than a joke. "I'm not", Pik sighed, already tired of this conversation. "You totally are", the voice sulky.
Pik took a deep breath, which showed defeat. Even though Jai's changing partners made him look like a player, Pik did not want to make him look bad. Because he wasn't. He was a good person. Always kind and caring. Never did Jai treated a partner badly. He never forgot any important date. He was a good Boyfriend. Always. Just not one who stayed for long. And even then, even when breaking up, no one could be really angry at him because he was still kind.
Jai looked back at his phone, his smile refusing to disappear. "We've been texting for about a week", Jai continued, "She's cute".
Pik hated that word. Not because of the word itself but because of the way Jai said it. Softly. Hopefully. The same way he always did when there was someone he saw as more than just a fling. He heard that tone before. A lot. Different names. Different faces. Always the same smile. "So...", Jai kept on, locking his phone before finally looking back at Pik. "She asked if I want to grab dinner tomorrow". Pik's fingers tightened ever so slightly around his own phone. Tomorrow was Friday. Usually, they would go out. Meeting with friends, having some overpriced drinks in a bar near the campus. It was routine. Something that doesn't need to be questioned.
Pik tried his best not to grimace. "You should go", he heard himself say. The words came out so naturally that they almost sounded genuine. Jai studied him for a second. "You think so?" He wanted to say no. Actually, he wanted to scream at him, into his face. But he couldn't. He had no right to. Just because he felt an importance to these nights didn't mean Jai had to feel the same way about them. Pik always thought he did, since he had never before let another Person come between that. So maybe, this time, it's more serious. And in no way did Pik wanted to be in the way of Jais happiness.
"Why wouldn't I?", he retorted, trying his best to sound as nonchalant as possible. "I don't know". Jai scratched the back of his neck. "It's Friday. Usually we hang out". At that, Pik's heart skipped a beat. For one dangerous, stupid moment, hope bloomed. Maybe it's as important to Jai as it is to him. Maybe it's not as serious as he thought. "But we always hang out. Missing once won't be a problem, right?"
The hope disappeared just as quickly as it came. Pik nodded, not sure he could trust his voice right now. "I knew you'd understand", Jai smiled. Of course. Pik always understood. And that had always been the problem. Jai reached over without thinking, giving Pik's shoulder a light squeeze. The touch lasted barely a second. Still long enough for Pik to wish it hadn't. Short enough that Jai never noticed the way Pik's breathing hitched. Pik looked at him. Jai's smile was genuine. Warm. Completely unaware. There wasn't a trace of guilt in his eyes. And why would there be? He hadn't done anything wrong. He wasn't choosing someone over Pik. He simply didn't realize there had ever been a choice. And even if he did, for Jai, they were just friends.
A notification sounded again. Jai looked down immediately. His smile returned before he'd even finished reading the message. He stood up, stretching lazily before grabbing his bag. "Come on, let's head home". Pik nodded, slipping his phone into his pocket. He followed a step behind as they left together. Jai walked ahead, typing another reply with one hand while absentmindedly humming to himself. Pik watched his back in silence. It was almost funny. To everyone else, he was the person closest to Jai. The one who knew him best. The one Jai trusted with everything. Yet there was one thing Pik could never tell him. Because some confessions didn't change a friendship, they destroyed it.
And as the practice room door clicked shut, Pik quietly put the feeling where it had always belonged. Deep inside his chest, deep enough so that Jai would never find it.