Work Text:
"If the world was ending, where would you want to be?"
Everybody turns to look at Buck, his brows a little furrowed and curiosity bright on his face. The loft is quiet for a moment, not awkward but bemused, like laughter that hasn't quite reached your ears yet.
"Thinking of becoming a doomsday prepper, Buck?" Chimney asks, tilting backwards on his chair, legs propped criss-crossed on the loft table.
Bobby taps his knee pointedly as he walks past, and he lowers them with a sheepish smile. "What brought this on?" he asks, more indulgent than teasing.
Buck shrugs. "I'm bored," he says, and Hen snorts a little into her book. Eddie smacks his ankle lightly where it's sprawled over his lap, and Buck kicks him a little in response.
"Boys," Bobby says, without even looking at them. The spat settles immediately. Hen makes a face at them. Buck makes a face back.
"I'd want to be on the beach, probably," Ravi offers. "Get a nice view before it all ends -- wait, how is the world ending, in this scenario?"
A tilt of the head. "Asteroid storm?"
"So we're getting taken out by the same thing that ended the dinosaurs?" Chimney whistles. "Damn, that's kind of cool, actually."
Eddie rolls his eyes. "Getting killed by falling rocks is cool?" he mocks. "What are you, twelve?"
"Are you saying that twelve year olds aren't cool?" Chimney retorts. "Gonna say that to your kid's face?"
"Chris is turning thirteen this year," Buck intones, with the sing-song rhythm of someone who's imitating someone else's voice. "He's not a baby anymore."
Even though he's lying down in a position where he can't quite make out Eddie's expression, his knee nudges Eddie's stomach anyways, breaking Eddie out of his little pout of sad nostalgia.
"A beach is nice," Hen brings them back on track, looking at Ravi. "Very cinematic."
Buck makes a little face. "In LA, though? The crowds would be killer."
Ravi shrugs. "Doesn't have to be in LA, right? I could fly to, I dunno, Bali or something. Or an uninhabited island."
Chimney whistles. "Blowing all your savings on one last hurrah, huh? I respect it."
Buck pouts. "So you wouldn't stay in LA?"
"You would?"
"I mean, yeah, where else would I go?"
A judgmental stare. "You've literally traveled more than any of us."
"And I liked LA the best!" Buck protests. "It's why I stayed!"
"I'd stay in LA too," Hen hums. "My family's here, after all. Maybe we'd do a little picnic on our back porch, play one last game of charades." A pause. "But maybe I'd want to come to the station. Go through the day like everything's normal. There are probably people that need helping, even at the end of the world."
Chimney's eyes soften at that. "Yeah, I'd probably want to spend the day with Maddie and Jee, too. Buy Al tickets back from Korea, get the Lees over..."
Buck nudges Eddie. "What about you?"
Eddie dances his fingers over Buck's ankle idly, thinking. "Home sounds nice," he says, finally. "Abuela and Pepa can visit, maybe Soph and Adri can, too. But honestly, I'd probably want a normal day. Just hanging out on the couch with you and Chris, you know?"
Buck blinks. "You'd want me there?" he asks. Everybody politely pretends not to notice the little wobble to his voice, even though little smiles and knowing looks are passed around the room, over the heads of the two boys on the sofa.
Eddie pinches Buck slightly, and Buck kicks him again with his mismatched socks and stinky feet. "Obviously," Eddie says, like it's nothing. Everybody knows that it's not, but with Eddie, it is often kinder to pretend alongside him.
"Oh," Buck says. He swallows, blinks, turns to Bobby: "What about you, Bobby?"
Bobby hums from the kitchen, stirring something rich and savory. He sprinkles something into a pot. Only Buck would know, by instinctive memory, exactly what spices he's throwing in. He takes his time, everybody waits. It never feels like waiting, though, with Bobby. It always just feels like gravity.
"A family dinner," he says, finally. His voice is soft, wistful. Behind him, Buck and Hen exchange a knowing glance, remembering an empty table set for four. "I think it would be lovely to have everyone over for a meal."
"Does that include all of us, cap?" Chimney asks, grinning because he already knows the answer.
Bobby gives him an amused, placid smile. "Of course," he says to him, then the rest of them. "All of you are. There's nobody I'd be more honored to share my last moments with."
Soft glances, little smiles. A moment of contentment. Then, Eddie nudges Buck's foot.
"What about you?"
Buck startles slightly. "Huh?" he says. "Like I said, LA."
Eddie rolls his eyes. "We all said LA, Buck-- except for Ravi--"
Ravi splutters. "Hey, if cap's making a last meal, I'm showing up, alright? Fuck Bali, I'd rather have Bobby's chili." Bobby looks quietly pleased.
"-- but where exactly in LA?"
Buck tilts his head back, thoughtful. A moment passes, then another.
"I don't know."
Groans and protests. A paper wad thrown at Buck's face. Buck yelps and flings it back towards Chimney, getting him in the hair. "I didn't think that hard about it!"
"You brought it up!"
Buck flails his hands. "I wanted to know what you guys wanted to do!"
"And that didn't give you any ideas?" Eddie flicks his ankle. "I invited you over, asshole!"
"Yeah, yeah," Buck rolls his eyes. "I don't know, I guess I just--"
Alarms, a rush of activity, the click of a stove being turned off. Eddie shoves Buck's legs off the sofa. The topic is left behind.
The thought lingers.
"So."
"So."
Hen levels him with a look, and Buck winces slightly. "...I threw out the couch."
"You threw out the couch, and...?"
"...and I stopped following Kameron and Connor on Instagram."
A soft look. "Buck."
"I know, I know," Buck puts his chin in his crossed arms, feeling a wave of deja-vu. Him, Hen, and the bottle of vodka between them. "I just-- I couldn't keep looking, you know? It would drive me crazy."
Hen shakes her head. "No, I mean-- that's a healthy choice to make," she says. "I just-- I wish you didn't have to make it in the first place."
"You think I regret it?"
"Do you regret it?"
Buck thinks about it. "Yes? No? Maybe? I don't know, it's done."
A nod. "It is," she says. "And you did something amazing for them."
There's that, at least.
"They deserve to have a beautiful family," Buck says. He takes a shot, then points to Hen. "Like you!"
"I deserve to have a beautiful family?"
"You do have a beautiful family." Buck sighs, love and longing twisted into one. "I love your family, Hen."
"We love you, too," Hen says. "And you're part of my family, you dummy."
Buck knows, but it's nice to hear it anyways. "Can I come over for backyard picnics, then?"
Hen laughs. "You can."
They take another shot together, afternoon light stretching over them. After a moment, Hen speaks again.
"Have you thought about it, since then?" she watches him keenly. "Where you'd want to be, for the end of the world?"
Buck feels the alcohol in his veins, warm and slow. "I dunno," he says. "But at least if the end of the world comes now, I won't have to get a new couch."
Hen breaks into giggles, Buck follows, and Karen sends the ensuing picture of them falling out of their chairs to the entire group chat.
"Uncle Buck!"
"Miss Jee-yun," Buck cheeses, catching Jee by the armpits and tossing her into the air. She shrieks with laughter, and he catches her to press a kiss to her cheek that mostly catches hair. Chimney and Maddie walk up to him more slowly, amusement in their eyes.
"She's been talking up today for weeks," Maddie says, all fondness. "I hope you're ready to be run into the ground, uncle Buck."
"Please," Buck snorts. "I can keep up with my adorable niece to do whatever she wants."
"You say that like we haven't seen you literally passed out after chasing after her for a day," Chimney grins, even as Buck sticks his tongue out at him.
"That was a weaker Buck," Buck informs him. "This is the stronger, better uncle. Who can totally play racecar princesses for six hours straight."
"Yay!" Jee throws her hands up into the air, and Chimney snorts fondly, leans forward to press a kiss into Jee-yun's hair, a gentle pat to Buck's shoulder. Maddie gives them both hugs, before they head to the door.
"Don't forget that we're coming back for her later!" Chimney says, wiggling a finger at him as they leave. "I'm not letting you hoard her, she's already on my end of the world guest list."
Buck cackles, lets Jee-yun wave goodbye. "The end of the world?" he laughs, holding his niece in his arms. "How could the world ever end, with this little princess still here?"
It's quiet on South Bedford street, and Eddie's curtains are not pulled fully closed.
It bothers Buck, in the way that small things do when you're trying too hard not to be bothered by bigger things. He watches the sliver of moonlight, streetlight, car lights dance across the ceiling, over the exposed parts of his skin. It probably dances over Eddie, too, not that Buck is looking.
Their breaths are out of sync. It's another thing that bothers Buck, in a way that he doesn't know how to articulate without it sounding like he's accusing Eddie of something. You're not breathing right, maybe. Or, more accurately: why can't we breathe together?
Maybe Christopher is breathing right. Buck fights the urge to roll out of bed and check, the miracle of that being an option to him still buzzing through his fingertips. He could close the curtains when he gets back, too. Or maybe he won't come back into this room, maybe he'll sleep on the sofa, or drive to Maddie's house, or back into the lab, or into the ocean.
Eddie runs warm beside him. They aren't touching, but Buck can feel the echoes of him anyways. His atoms, remembering. Touching the version of Eddie that touches him back.
A shift in the mattress. Eyes on his face. Buck wants to look at Eddie, but he isn't sure that he can, just yet.
"Hey," Eddie's breath is warm on his face, alive. Buck is a thousand miles from LA. "If the world were ending right now, where would you want to be?"
In LA. In Minnesota. In El Paso. Nowhere.
With Bobby, Buck thinks. Then, out loud: "I don't know."
A sigh, another shift in the mattress, and Eddie's breath isn't touching him anymore. Buck can keep holding onto the memory.
Ravi sits across from the ouija board, face paint smeared onto the beer bottle in his hand.
"Did you really..." he trails off, seeming to regret whatever beer-soaked words slipped from him. "Nevermind."
"Did I really believe in the ouija board?" Buck says, smile like a challenge. It's a Buck 1.0 smile, which means that to Ravi, it probably looks like the smile of a stranger. Buck understands why he flinches back. He shrugs. "Maybe. I don't know. I guess...I hoped." A little laugh. "Stupid, right? If Bobby was a ghost, why would he be haunting me?"
Ravi watches him carefully. "Why does anybody haunt anyone?" he asks.
Buck startles a little. "Uh-- revenge, I guess? Regret? Love?"
"I'm pretty sure Bobby doesn't want revenge on you."
It surprises another laugh out of Buck, more genuine this time. "I don't know," he says. "I did steal one of his pans from the station that one time."
"What? Why?"
"I was twenty-five and didn't have a proper pan."
Ravi stares. "I'm pretty sure that the fact that he didn't fire you on the spot for that proves that he loves you, Buck."
There's nothing Buck can say to refute it, least of all because Bobby has confirmed it, hasn't he? Across polished glass and never to Buck's face, never unobstructed, never without dying.
"Why the beach?" he asks, suddenly.
Ravi blinks. "The beach?"
"For the end of the world. Why the beach? You're the only person who wouldn't stay in LA."
"Hey," Ravi protests. "I said I'd stay if--"
The words die. If Bobby were making dinner. But that wouldn't be happening anymore, would it? Buck pushes past the thought. He's used to it, now, the underwater-feeling, the tightening of his shoulders, the difficulty of pushing something like water out of the way. He gets his head up above the surface. Shallow breaths. Prepare. The next wave will come.
"Why the beach?" he asks again.
Ravi takes another sip of his beer, contemplates the question. "Because it's like nothing will change at all," he says. "It's like-- even if the world ends for us, it doesn't mean it ends, right? Somewhere, something is still happening. The universe is continuing. And I got to be a part of that." A shrug. "Maybe it's morbid, but I think it's kind of nice, to be a part of that. To see something that vast before you become part of it." A laugh. "And it'd be nice to take a dip, I guess."
The world did end, once, at a beach. Buck remembers the fear, mostly. But he supposes that he can see the beauty in it, this far out. There's a reason he got so obsessed with natural disasters afterwards, after all.
"Surprisingly deep," he says, just so Ravi can give him the stink-eye. "I would've thought that it's just an excuse not to come to work and deal with us on your last day on earth."
"That too," Ravi grins, unrepentant. Then: "What about you? You never mentioned where you'd want to be, last time."
Buck shrugs. "Haven't decided yet," he says.
Anywhere but here, he thinks.
The sun is bright in the sky, and Jee and Theo are wrestling over the good (red) water gun, Mara already shooting at them with her own.
"Should we...stop them?" Buck wonders, not making a move towards them at all.
Maddie laughs, taking a sip of her wine. "Do you want to go stop them?"
"Just let them fight it out," Eddie says, chair kicked leg against leg to Buck's, touching him all along his side. He leans into Buck. Buck leans into him. Nobody comments on it, but he can see the soft looks and knowing smiles being traded over the backyard benches.
"Likely thing for you to say, Mr. Fight Club," Buck retorts, even as he makes the executive decision to continue to sit. Chimney cackles as Eddie shoves Buck in the side, Buck windmilling slightly before leaning back against Eddie, more firmly than before.
"I can take 'em both," Christopher informs the table.
Eddie looks skyward. "Please don't use your crutches on the toddlers."
"I'm just saying," Chris says. "I can take 'em."
Denny nods solemnly. Harry does too, but stops when he looks around at all the adults at the table, hesitatingly halting his movements and attempting adorably to imitate their disapproval. Buck's pretty sure he sees Denny mouth suck-up to him, but elects to ignore it.
It's such a beautiful day, after all.
"Dinner was delicious," May says, Ravi nodding next to her, an arm around the back of her chair. "You got the recipe spot-on."
"I don't know how you decipher that man's notes," Athena shakes her head, a soft smile on her face. "Let me tell you, god gave that man cooking skills, but he didn't give him the ability to write any kind of coherent recipe."
Buck grins. "I've been his sous-chef for years," he points out. "I probably cook the exact same way."
"He does," Maddie informs everyone. "I asked him for his roast pork recipe once, and Buck gives me a recipe all out of order."
Buck shrugs. "You should know that the meat should already be seared before you start on the glaze!"
"But why would you put a numbered list if the list isn't in order?"
Everybody laughs. "Maybe you should give him a clipboard," Hen snickers. "Maybe that'll get you instructions in order."
"But at what cost," Chimney intones, Maddie giggling at his side.
"I think Buck's great at giving instructions," Eddie says loyally. Across the bench, Ravi coughs a quiet of course you would, and Buck hopes that his glare gets across the exact number of saws that Ravi's gonna be dismantling next shift.
"Mama!" Mara runs up to Karen, Jee and Theo a damp gaggle behind her, all of them beaming. "Can we have some snacks?"
Karen presses a kiss to her hair as Jee makes the same pleading face to Maddie and Chimney, as Theo crawls into Buck's lap, uncaring of the damp soil and little-kid stickiness he's tracking onto Buck's clothes. Buck holds him tight, smiles as he reaches over to Christopher's plate, Chris rolling his eyes and pretending not to notice as Theo grabs his last piece of watermelon.
"I won!" he announces to Buck. Jee makes a shrieking protest from Chim's lap, Mara's no, I won! echoing behind her. As the kids start bickering, Buck feels a warm hand on his back, warm eyes on his. He turns to meet Eddie's eyes, real and not a memory. Something Buck can exist in the same space with.
"Hey, Buck," Eddie says, a smile hidden in the corner of his lips, loudly enough for everyone to hear. "If the world were ending right now, where would you want to be?"
Buck laughs, startled. He can see everyone turn towards them, eyes shining, waiting to hear what he'll say next. He smiles at them, and they smile back, because he's pretty sure they all already know.
"Right here, I think," he replies. He smiles, the world vast around them and also right here in his backyard, beside him, in his arms. His atoms sing. Somewhere in the universe, Bobby's atoms sing back. He's sure of it. "Yeah, right here would be nice."