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“Prongs, you are such an idiot!”
“I am not! It’s your fault I’m here in the first place!”
“No, no, don’t go blaming me for your constant need for attention,”
“Oh, I’m the attention whore now? Who sent themselves a howler just so you could run screaming from the hall in our sixth year?”
“Look, that was three years ago, you said you’d drop it,”
“No, I said I’d never let you live it down,”
There was laughter and joy and Remus was sure he was still dreaming. There was no way that there were people laughing the morning after a full moon, especially not near him. The world was warm, as it usually was, and his brain was starting to come awake. He kept his eyes shut, however, it was always a struggle, facing what he had done the night before. Not that he was in danger of hurting others, anymore. St. Mungo’s had created a safe room where any werewolf could come to transform. The cost was cheaper than the Wolfsbane Potion, and you got hot chocolate the next morning and a bed. Vaguely, Remus wondered if he could convince the Medi-witch to put a candy cane in his hot chocolate today. It was Christmas after all.
“Evans just laughed at you, you know that right?”
“Padfoot, I do not need you telling me how I embarrassed myself in front of Evans, I am fully aware,”
The voices were back, and Remus realized that he couldn’t be dreaming. He could feel sunlight on his face, could hear the sounds of the rest of Hospital, could even smell the werewolf he had transformed with the previous night across the aisle from him. Slowly, he opened his eyes.
He had been given the bed nearest the window, which he was grateful for. The sun was streaming in and Remus guessed it was probably about 10 o'clock in the morning. Remus sat up, cracking his back and looking around. The werewolf, he couldn’t remember her name, was still asleep in the bed across from him. Curtains were drawn on his left shielding the rest of the ward from view. He looked down at himself. It wasn’t as bad as usual. This was often the case when he transformed with another, they would placate each other. There was a scratch on his forearm, running from his wrist to the inside of his elbow, but it was shallow, already dried and scabbing over. He felt his face, the familiar bruise on his right temple was back, tender to the touch, but nothing else seemed amiss. He felt relieved, some months were worse than others, he was thankful that this one hadn’t been too bad, even if it had to have fallen on Christmas.
Laughter erupted from the other side of the curtain, and Remus turned, interested. The werewolf across from him stirred slightly.
“You know you’re a complete fool, Potter,” came a woman’s voice.
“Evans,” said one of the men, “if all it takes is me landing myself in St. Mungos for you to come and visit me, then I will be a fool every day of the year,”
There was a laugh like a bark then the other man said, “Prongs, I think you’re laying it on a bit thick,”
The woman chuckled, “He’s always laid it on thick,” the teasing tone was gone from her voice now, and Remus was sure she was smiling, “Why else do you think I fell in love with him,”
There was the sound of people kissing, and the man they’d called Padfoot made a gagging noise. Remus smiled in spite of himself.
“Alright, Mr. Potter,” came the voice of Healer Smethwick from the other side of the curtain, “we were able to control the twitching,”
“Yes I see that,” said the man they’d called Prongs, “Thank you, Healer. Can you tell me when the color will go back to normal? Not that I have anything against violet, I just rather liked my hair the way it was before,”
Padfoot and the woman chuckled, there was a pause then the healer said, “I’m afraid the color was done using a muggle dye, we cannot reverse that here. I would suggest waiting for it to go back to normal, it will do that eventually, no muggle dye is permanent,”
“Unless you’ve put a permanent sticking charm on it,” said Padfoot, quietly, then a moment later, “OW! Oi! Prongs!”
Prongs had obviously just thrown a punch at him. The woman laughed.
“I would give it a few more hours or so for the twitching to stop completely then you’ll be able to go home,” said Healer Smethwick.
“Thank you,” said Prongs, though he didn’t sound happy. Remus heard him say “Pads, you didn’t put a permanent sticking charm on that dye, did you?” as Healer Smethwick pulled back the curtain separating the two beds.
“Hello, Remus,” he said, smiling. Remus blushed at the familiarity, glancing quickly at the bed newly revealed.
A dark skinned man with glasses and bright violet hair was lying in the bed, his feet twitching ever so slightly. A lovely young woman with long dark red hair stood next to the bed, one of her hands idly playing with a strand of the man’s - Prongs’s - hair. The second man, Padfoot, they’d called him, was sitting on the foot of the bed. He was of average height and build, and he had long dark hair that he’d pulled up into a knot on the top of his head, his wand stuck through it, holding his hair in place. He was wearing muggle clothes, which looked like they belonged at a rock concert. His fingernails were painted black, and he had a tattoo of a stag and a rat running on the inside of his left wrist. He was laughing at Prongs who was attempting to kick him through the sheets with his still twitching feet.
“Well, you did better than last month,” said Healer Smethwick, drawing Remus’s attention back and away from the strangers at the next bed. “The only thing is your leg,”
Remus frowned, “What about my leg?” he asked, moving them and looking down. They felt fine.
Healer Smethwick drew back the blankets and showed Remus his right leg. His calf was completely covered in bandages. Remus looked, horrified, he could see blood still seeping into the wrappings. “You and Mary got into quite a fight last night, and we haven’t been able to stop the bleeding yet,” said the Healer.
Remus looked at him, his heart sinking, then looked over at Mary still sleeping in the opposite bed. “What did I do to her?” he asked, very softly. If she had done this to him, then what had he done to her? How on earth had he been this stupid? Interaction with anyone during a full moon was stupid, even other werewolves. Come next morning they were all humans after all. What pain had he inflicted?
“Nothing,” said Healer Smethwick, gently. “She’s just fine, Remus, there’s nothing to worry about,”
Remus looked up into Healer Smethwick’s face. What he telling the truth? Or was he lying to make Remus feel better? Smethwick met his gaze steadily and unblinkingly. Remus relaxed a little.
“We’re going to need to keep you here until the bleeding stops,” said Smethwick. Remus just nodded, his heart sinking again at the thought of what this mishap was going to cost. “I don’t expect it to be long,” he continued, “Just another day or so. But, we do want to keep an eye on it, werewolf bites can be very dangerous, even to other werewolves,” Remus nodded again, not looking at the healer, his face growing hot as he realized the strangers in the next bed had fallen silent and were listening to what Healer Smethwick was telling him.
“Don’t put weight on it under any circumstance,” he finished, clapping Remus on the shoulder, “A medi-witch should be along shortly with hot chocolate, I’ll come and check up on you some time after lunch,”
“Thank you,” said Remus, looking up at the healer again and managing a smile.
Smethwick returned it then moved across the aisle to Mary’s bedside where she had woken up, the two began talking.
Remus looked down at his hands, his face still hot. He was very aware of how quiet the bed next to his was. It had been a relief at first, the safe room St. Mungo’s had provided, but now it made him feel like he was on display. He was not some wolf to be goggled at. He could feel unbidden anger boiling in his stomach as he felt the gazes of the three on him still. Making a decision, he moved to draw the curtains back, he did not want to be looked at. But before he had even grabbed hold of the curtains, the dark beautiful friend - Padfoot - had stood up, walked the two paces and sat down on the edge of Remus’s bed, looking at him brightly.
Remus just stared at him, his hand still on the curtains, his mind gone blank from surprised. Padfoot was looking at him with concern, not amusement or anger or jest. He looked genuine and earnest and even more beautiful than he’d been sitting on Prongs’s bed.
“No one is here visiting you,” he said. It was not a question. Remus looked around the ward, almost every bed had at least one person sitting around it. Many were exchanging Christmas greetings and a few were opening presents. The ward was filled with the friendly chatter of people who loved one another and the laughter of families. Remus looked back at Padfoot who was still fixing him with that concerned gaze.
“You’re not wrong,” said Remus finally, unsure what else to say. Did Padfoot want him to admit that he didn’t have anyone to visit him? His father hadn’t left the house since his mother had died, and he had no siblings, no cousins, no friends…
“Well, now I am,” said Padfoot, smiling slightly, “ I’m visiting you now,” He stuck out his hand, “Sirius Black, nice to meet you,”
Remus stared at Padfoot, his mind was not keeping up with what was happening. He could hear the woman chuckling at the next bed and resisted the urge to look at her. This had to be a joke. This had to be some big ruse. No one - no one - just randomly introduced themselves to him, especially , after just discovering he was a werewolf. Sirius raised his eyebrows, his hand still outstretched.
“What’re you playing at?” Remus asked, still not taking Sirius’s hand.
Sirius looked offended, letting his hand fall and looked over at the other two apparently for some sort of support. Remus looked at them too. What was going on?
The woman smiled at Padfoot, “I don’t think he trusts you, Pads,” she said, then she turned to Remus, “He’s not playing at anything, he’s just a surprisingly good person every now and then,”
“Except for when he permanently changes my hair violet! ” said Prongs angrily. The woman and Padfoot both grinning mischievously, Remus found himself grinning too.
“What color’s your real hair?” he asked Prongs, still ignoring Sirius still sitting on his bed. He didn’t know why but Sirius made him nervous in a way that neither the woman nor Prongs did.
“Black,” said Prongs promptly.
“I like it this color,” said the woman, her hand still playing with a strand of it.
Remus grinned at them, “It is quite a statement,” he said.
“You can thank him for that,” said Prongs, disgruntled, pointing at Padfoot. Remus looked back at Sirius who was blushing.
“Look, there’s not permanent sticking charm on it,” he said in a mock defeated sort of way, “It’s just muggle dye,”
Prongs sighed in relief, “How long does muggle dye last?” he asked.
“A few months,” said Remus, then grinned at Prongs’s horror-stricken face. “But you can dye it black again pretty easily, until it grows out,”
Sirius looked at him, “You’ve dyed your hair?”
Remus nodded, figuring this was a safe enough question to answer, “I started going grey when I was like 16 so I’ve been dying it brown for a while now,”
“How old are you?” asked Sirius.
“Nineteen,”
Sirius stared in amazement, “But we’re nineteen!” He said incredulously, “How come we don’t know you?! Did you not go to Hogwarts? Where did you go then? Did you go to Hogwarts and we’re just big old assholes? What house were you in? How have I never met you before?!”
He said all of this extremely quickly and Remus started laughing. The incredulity in his voice in conjunction with the earnest gaze he was fixing Remus with was almost too much.
Prongs and the woman were laughing too. “What?!” asked Sirius, staring around as if the three of them were ganging up on him.
“I was homeschooled,” said Remus, calmly, “My Dad taught me magic, he thought it was… safer,” he looked down at his hands at this, his face going hot again.
“That’s stupid,” said Sirius.
Remus looked up, surprised, “What?”
“That’s stupid,” said Sirius again, “The full moon is one night every month, why the hell couldn’t you have gone to Hogwarts?”
Remus was willing to bet his face was around the color of a freshly ripened tomato at this point, but Sirius wasn’t grinning, he wasn’t joking, he was be earnest. This was more surprising than he was willing to admit. No one - no one - had ever suggested that he be allowed to go to Hogwarts. It wasn’t done. Werewolves did not go to Hogwarts. Only a few of them even had wands.
“I still got six NEWTs,” said Remus after a moment.
Prongs whistled low, and Sirius smiled, “Get it, Moony!”
“Excuse me?”
“Moony!” Sirius was grinning mischievously at him now, “Your new nickname,”
“Pads, isn’t that a little cruel?” asked the woman, “I mean…” she glanced nervously at Remus, “He is a werewolf, I’m sure he’s not exactly fond of the moon,”
But Remus was grinning. He wasn’t even sure why. His mind was racing, he was getting a nickname? On what planet was that even possible? How was this happening? He was laughing and joking with people who he’d met not even five minutes before. He was feeling self-concious, sure but he was also feeling secure and confident. But not only that, this was a real interaction. They knew what he was and they weren’t running, they knew what he was and they weren’t ignoring him, they were including him in conversation inspite of it all. They were not frightened of him…
“I like it,” said Remus, before Sirius could respond. “I don’t hate all phases of the moon, just the full, and honestly, it fits,”
Sirius grinned at him. “I’m Padfoot,” he said, “That’s Prongs, or James Potter, and his fiance Lily,”
James and Lily nodded as Sirius introduced them. “What’s your nickname, Lily?” asked Remus.
Lily rolled her eyes, “They’ve been calling me by my last name for the last 8 years, so ‘Evans’ is the best nickname I’ve got,” she grinned.
Remus grinned back, “I’m Remus,” he said, “Remus Lupin,”
His hot chocolate was cold and he’s forgotten to ask for a peppermint stick, but he didn’t care. The four of them had pushed the two beds together and they were partaking in a rousing game of exploding snap. Mary had woken up and kept shooting the four of them angry glances, but Remus ignored her, he was still a little bitter about his leg.
James won the round and whooped like he was at a Quidditch match. “That’s four times in a row, that is!” he said cheerfully as Lily waved the fumes of the latest explosion away from her face.
“Must you be so competitive?” she asked, frowning.
“No,” said James grinning, “I just know how much you like it,”
They kissed again and Sirius groaned. They’d been kissing every time one of them won for the last hour. Remus found it kind of sweet, but Sirius seemed to be getting fed up with it.
“Look, I know you guys are shagging on the regular and everything,” said Sirius, “but must you really go parading around in public?”
Lily giggled, an uncharacteristic sound for a woman with such a sharp wit (Remus had quickly learned that Lily was not the one to make fun of, as she always had something to throw back that was twice as good as whatever you had said). Prongs glared at Sirius, “You’re just jealous,” he said, winking.
Remus looked at Sirius who was sitting next to him in time to see his ears turn slightly pink, “Jealous of what?” he said, picking up the cards and starting to shuffle them.
“I know that Fabian never called you back after that date last week,” said James, grinning mischievously at Sirius. Remus looked at Sirius, sharply. Fabian is a boys name. He looked at Sirius, seeing him differently. The man was attractive, sure, and over the past two hours had shown Remus just exactly the kind of humor that made Remus’s heart ache, but Remus had never considered Sirius attainable. That was, of course, unless he was…
“Shut it!” said Sirius, his ears still pink, “I didn’t really want to hear from Fabian anyway, his brother, Gideon, was the one I really wanted to hear from, but then of course he had to be going out with Emmeline Vance,”
Lily laughed, “Emmeline is only going out with him because he begged her to, I don’t think it’ll last long,”
Sirius grinned, and in the silence Remus decided to throw caution to the wind, “I never dated anyone because I wanted to be with their brother,” he said, pointedly not looking at them, but at the table, “But this one girl I used to date broke up with me because she said I was more suited for her cousin,” he took a sip of his cold hot chocolate, “Her male cousin,”
James started laughing, Sirius let out one loud bark like laugh, and Lily grinned appreciatively, “Did you ever go out with the cousin then?” she asked winking.
“No, no, I didn’t,” said Remus, “I never met him, never even knew his name, but apparently he’d just been disowned from his family and I didn’t really wanna deal with that drama. Tonks did offer to set us up though, many times,”
The laughter stopped suddenly, and Remus looked up. James and Lily were both looking at Sirius, Remus turned to look at him too. Sirius was staring at Remus, his eyes wide.
“What?”
“Did you say ‘Tonks’?” asked Sirius.
“Yeah,”
“Was that the girl you dated?”
“Yeah,”
“What was her full name?” Sirius was very serious and it was a little disconcerting, though neither James nor Lily were smiling and Remus felt his face getting hot again, what had he done?
“Nymphadora Tonks,” he said, and Sirius’s eyebrows raised, “Why?”
Sirius looked away from Remus to look at James across the table, James looked back at him, their faces splitting into identical grins. Remus looked at Lily, appealing for help, but she was smiling too and just shrugged at Remus.
“You said she wanted to set you up with her male cousin who just got disowned from his family?” asked James, still looking at Sirius.
“Yeah,” said Remus again, thoroughly perplexed. What was going on?!
“Well,” said James grinning, and looking at Remus, “You’ve just met that cousin,”
“Wha-”
“Blood traitor, and besmircher of the family name at your service,” said Sirius, grinning broadly and extending his hand to Remus, “Dora is my cousin,” he said, grinning, “And I do wish you’d accepted her offer to set us up, then we wouldn’t have had to wait until you were in the goddamn hospital to meet,”
Remus just stared as James and Lily started laughed. His face split into a grin and he laughed with them, his face very hot at Sirius’s advances, “Um,” he said after a minute, “small world I guess,”
Sirius shrugged and started dealing the cards, “Yeah, Moony, it’s a good small, though,”
James was being released. His feet has finally stopped twitching, though his hair was still violently violet. Remus did not want them to leave, though he felt stupid admitting it. He’d spent three hours with them, and he felt the closest he had ever felt to three people who had started off as strangers. It was so stupid. They were friends of convenience. He would never see them again. They had talked to him because he had been there and they were being nice. That was it. They were just nice. They weren’t real friends, just nice strangers.
Still, it had been pleasant, it had been fun to pretend to have friends for a few hours. He sat quietly as Healer Smethwick gave James the final run down, and the three collected their things.
“It was nice to meet you Moony!” said James waving, “See you around,”
Remus waved back, a hollow pit developing in his stomach, he wished they would just leave. Then he could pull the curtains around him and mourn their potential friendship in peace.
“I hope you get out soon,” said Lily, bending down and kissing Remus on his cheek. He swallowed hard, looking at her, unsure what to say, but he just smiled and offered a small “Thanks,”
“See you Moons,” said Sirius, and the three started to walk down towards the end of the ward. Remus didn’t watch them. He grabbed his curtain and pulled it around, blocking the ward from view, then turned over onto his side and looked out the window. It was a little past noon. He had a long time left to go. The distraction of James, Lily, and Sirius had been lovely, but now it was just making him sad.
He longed human interaction more than he cared to admit. It was something he did not get enough of, especially since his father was in constant mourning and the rest of the wizarding world considered him a monster and a freak. He looked down at his leg, his stomach sinking as he remembered the huge bill that it was likely to cost him. He closed his eyes trying to block out thought, willing himself to sleep…
“Really, sleeping all afternoon, what are you doing with your life, Moony,” said a voice. Remus’s eyes snapped open. Sirius was in front of him, his hands shoved deep in his pockets, leaning against the window as casually as ever.
Remus sat up, looking around from James and Lily but didn’t see them, “What are you-”
“Lily took Prongs home, and my family hates me so I thought I’d spend the rest of Christmas with you,” said Sirius, grinning at him, “I hope you don’t mind,”
“No, not at all,” said Remus, still staring at Sirius. He came back .
“Here,” Sirius held something out to Remus. It was a small package, that had obviously been hastily wrapped in Christmas paper with little Santa Clauses on it.
Remus blinked, taking the parcel, “Thanks,” he said slowly, looking up at Sirius. Sirius grinned at him then sat down on the edge of his bed. Remus noticed that Sirius’s cheeks were red and he was shifting nervously.
Remus slowly unwrapped the parcel. It was an ornate box with carvings all around it to form the picture of a wolf howling at a full moon. Remus looked up at Sirius, quizzically.
“Open it,” said Sirius who was definitely blushing now.
Remus ran his fingers along the edge of the box, found the groove of the lid and opened it . Inside the box were twelve bottles of muddy brown liquid. On the inside of the lid was a sheet of parchment that had been stuck there with Instructions on taking the Wolfsbane Potion written across the top. It was an entire year’s dose worth. He would wouldn’t need to transform again for an entire year.
His world was spinning. He let go of the box, letting the lid close shut again, his hands clamped over his mouth. He couldn’t breath. He couldn’t think. He couldn’t move. He stared at the box, the carved wolf seemed quiet and content, not riddled with pain and savage tendencies. He closed his eyes, bringing his head down, his hands burying in his hair, he could feel tears beginning to fall down his cheeks and lowered his head to hide them. He breathed, trying to stay calm, trying to control himself, trying to find some grounding in reality.
Sirius moved the box, putting it on the floor and scooched closer to Remus, taking his head in his hands, “Hey,” he said very softly, “Hey, it’s okay,”
Remus looked up at him, the tears were falling, and he found he didn’t care. Sirius’s brow was furrowed as they looked at each other. “What’s the matter?” he asked, his voice low.
Remus tried to smile, but he started crying harder. His heart felt the lightest it had felt in his entire life. He tried to speak, but Sirius just smiled at him, and pulled him into an embrace. Remus sobbed into his chest, knowing he looked ridiculous, and realizing that for the first time he didn’t care. He did not care what Sirius saw or didn’t see. He wanted Sirius to see it all. Sirius had opened his heart to him when no one else would. Sirius had seen him for who he truly was and had not abandoned him, but given him what he needed to feel whole again.
Remus extracted himself from Sirius’s embrace as his sobs trailed away. He was smiling fully now, his face still tear streaked, “Thank you,” he said, and leaned forward to place his lips on Sirius’s ever so lightly.
Remus pulled back quickly, but did not go far, their faces mere inches apart. “You’re welcome,” Sirius breathed, and he closed the distance, kissing Remus surely. Remus closed his eyes, reveling in the feel of Sirius’s mouth on his.
They broke apart, both a little breathless, their foreheads resting on the other’s.
“Happy Christmas, Padfoot,” said Remus, grinning.
Sirius grinned back, “Happy Christmas, Moony,”