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Emma wakes up knowing it's happening again. On top of the mounting anxiety she feels upon opening her eyes, she's also so fucking annoyed. It's been months since her last episode and she was feeling so good about it. She'd been doing so good with her anxiety. She felt like she was coping really well with her day to day worries.
However, she knows healing isn't linear. Anxiety isn't something she can just cure or run away from. So some days are better than others. Today is not her day, she can already tell. What's making it worse is she's thinking about their conversation the last time this happened. He was so confident about his plan for the next time this happened and she loved him for giving her a lifeline.
The problem was actually picking up the phone and calling him. He's literally working at his adult job and what? She, as another adult, is just going to call him, interrupt him while he's working, doing very important work, because she can't regulate her own emotions. It's one of the things she finds most annoying about herself. Why can't she just deal with her shit on her own?
She knows though, that anxiety doesn't always work like that, especially separation anxiety. Separation anxiety is extremely dependent on relationships. It's not like general anxiety, where your anxieties are based on day to day things. Separation anxiety is exactly what it sounds like, the anxiety that something will separate you from the ones you love, or them from you.
Most of the time the only thing that helps is reassurance. Physical and verbal reassurance that the person is still there and isn't going anywhere. So, she picks up the phone.
Brendon is stacked full with surgeries all day. He's in the groove though and it's a good day for him. He's got a long day of straightforward replantations and internal fixations. He's doing a fixation now, his second surgery of the day, and it's textbook perfection. He loves days like this. Days where he can just focus and flow and do what he loves.
He is a little worried about Emma though. His girl has been doing so good recently but he just has this feeling in his chest like something's wrong. He trusts her to call him if she needs him though. He knows she's embarrassed about having to do so, but he also knows that she'll keep her word about calling him. He doesn't think he's gotten any texts or calls but he'll ask his scrub nurse anyway.
"Jess!"
"Park."
Jess, his scrub nurse, is the only person other than Dana, Robby, and Jack who answer him so informally. She's allowed to though. She's been his scrub nurse for years and he'd trust her with his life, so she doesn't have to use his title. She's also basically like his grandmother so there's not much he can do.
"Do I have any calls or texts on my personal?"
She gets close so she can whisper to him. He made it very clear that discretion was very important with this specific personal information. "If you're wondering if Emma called, the answer is no. I would tell you if she did."
"I know, I know. I just have this feeling."
"Well, your feeling may be correct but we won't know unless she calls. Which she hasn't because, again, I would tell you. So stop worrying, do your job, and I will let you know if anything happens."
He's lucky they're whispering because if anyone else in the OR heard her speaking to him like this, he would probably lose all of his fear factor.
"Okay, yes, you're right, as per usual."
"Smart boy." She turns and walks back to her usual spot.
She was right, everything was fine. He had to trust that Emma would call if she needed him.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
About twenty minutes later Jess walks into his peripheral vision. It's how she gets his attention without alerting anyone else in the room. She leans in and whispers, "She's calling."
He can't really hold his phone right now, given the fact that his hands are currently inside of a patients leg, so he nods to her, indicating that she can answer and hold the phone to his ear. He made sure to go through many scenarios when he brought this up to her. He wanted to make sure he could navigate whatever he was doing while also reassuring his girl.
He realizes that this way, he has to speak aloud in a room full of people who have no business listening to his personal business, but he thinks he can be vague enough that no one will know who he is talking to. There was a bet in the ED a while back about him and Emma becoming a couple. Luckily, with some carefully planned out professional interactions and a little bit of acting, they managed to quietly convince everyone they weren't interested in each other.
Of course, it wouldn't be the end of the world if their colleagues knew they were together, but they wanted their relationship to be just for them. Their families know and they made sure to quietly disclose with HR. Gossip spreads like wildfire in the hospital and they prefer to keep that at a minimum in regards to themselves.
Jess answers the phone and holds it up to his ear.
"Park." He's going to try and keep it as professional as possible on his end.
"Bren?" Yeah, nope. He doesn't think he can keep it professional. She said it so meekly, like she does when she thinks she's taking up too much space. He's a goner.
"Hi baby, what's going on?" Yeah, he didn't even last a second.
"I-I'm sorry, I just- I'm not having a very good morning."
"It's okay baby. No need to apologize. Tell me how you're feeling."
"O-okay, yeah, um. I just woke up feeling like you were mad at me for something. It's stupid."
"Ah-ah-ah. What do we say?"
"It's not stupid, it's just how I feel." She says it with a bit of annoyance. Probably because he's been trying to drive it into her head for the past four months, and like nine months before that. He can practically hear the eye roll but it just makes him smile.
"That's right, it's just how you feel, not stupid at all baby."
"Right, yes, okay so anyway, I just feel like I did something wrong but I can't really think of anything and I'm spiraling."
"Okay baby. You didn't do anything wrong and I am not mad at you. If you can't think of anything you did wrong, then you probably didn't do anything, right? I'm not going to tell you there's nothing to worry about because I know how your brain works, but believe me when I say there is no doubt on my end that everything is okay."
"Okay, right yeah. I didn't do anything wrong, you're not mad at me." She's saying it like she's trying to convince herself.
"Here's what we're going to do. You're going to take a nice, hot shower, put on your show, and eat something. I know your stomach is probably in knots but you need to get some food in you. Have some of your tea, I know that helps. I'm going to finish this fixation and text you when I'm done. I have two more surgeries today and once I'm done, I'll come home and we can get takeout from the Italian place down the street. There's a chance I could be late. These are pretty standard cases but it's always a possibility. If I am going to be late, I will make sure you know. How does that sound baby?"
"That sounds good, I can do that. Thank you Bren. I don't think you'll ever understand how much I love and appreciate you. I'll see you when you get home." He can hear the smile, and the relief, in her voice and he swears his heart sings.
"Of course baby. You know whenever you need something, I'm here to help. I love you, I'll see you later."
"Okay, byeeee."
"Bye baby."
With that, he nods to Jess to end the call and carries on with his work. He's so happy that he could help her that he doesn't even think of the repercussions of sounding that soft in his workplace. It'll probably be fine.
Princess HAD to find Perlah. Sarah told Brittney, and Brittney told Keira, and Keira told Keith, who then told Princess, some super juicy gossip earlier and she finally has a break in her day to tell Perlah. She's going to keep the conversation to Tagalog. She feels like she'll summon the Shark's wrath if she speaks this aloud in English.
She spots Perlah across the ED floor, standing at the Hub, and practically runs to meet her.
"Girl. You have to hear this."
"What happened?"
"The Shark is in love, and apparently he's really sappy about it."
"Nuh uh, no way. That man couldn't be sappy if he tried."
"Girl, I'm telling you. Apparently he took a call from his girlfriend, in surgery! I heard he was calling her 'baby' and smiling. Smiling!"
"Where did you hear this though? You know people love to make shit up around here."
"It's not, 'making shit up.' It's embellishing, we do it too. But, I swear. This came from a reliable source. An OR nurse in Ortho."
"Oh shit."
"I know right!"
Trinity just heard probably the single most interesting thing she's ever heard and she runs to tell the first person she can think of. Her roommate. She finds Dennis looking as sick and Victorian as ever over by Central 7. He practically jumps a foot in the air when she claps him on the shoulder and starts leading him towards the break room.
"Trin, you scared me half to death! I was charting! What do you want?"
"Huckleberry, shut up and listen. I just heard some super juicy shit! I need to tell someone."
"But, Trin, Dr. Robby said-"
"Drop the act, you can just call him Robby. I've heard enough of your phone sex to know-"
"Trin, oh my god. What is wrong with you?"
"So many things but that's beside the point. The Shark is a total softy."
"I don't know if you remember what I told you about the first time I met him, but that man is anything but soft. It's actually unfair how hard he is."
"One, gross, and two, I swear. I heard Princess and Perlah say that he answered a call from his girlfriend and he was calling her 'baby' and smiling and shit."
"That can't be true he's been in surgery like all day."
"I'm not even going to ask why you know that but that's the thing. He answered the call mid surgery!"
"No, oh my god. Who's the girlfriend?"
"I have no clue. They didn't bring up a name, which means they didn't have one. Those girls can't keep names out of their gossip to save their lives."
"Hmm. I wonder if it's someone we work with? That would be hard to hide though."
"Eh, I kind of doubt that. Being soft with your girlfriend is one thing but I can't see the Shark dating a colleague."
"Yeah true. He seems like 'a personal life separate from work' type of person."
"Yeah totally."
Tonight is one of Dennis's favorite nights. Jack is off tonight which means he's going to Jack and Robby's and spending a whole, uninterrupted night with his guys. He's also happy because as much as he doesn't like to gossip, he tells his guys every juicy bit he hears. It works well because he can get whatever it is off of his chest, and it won't go anywhere because his guys only really talk to each other.
Dennis walks into the house and is hit with the most delicious smell. He loves when Jack can cook dinner because he's absolutely amazing at it. He calls out to Jack to let him know they're home.
"Hey! We're back!"
"Denny baby, get in here and give me a kiss. You too Mikey."
"Gee, thanks Yankl. I feel so loved." Dennis just smiles. They're like this all the time. I guess it makes sense. They're an old married couple, so they should bicker like one.
"I included you too Mikey. You come first in everything else but you know Denny kisses come first when we haven't had him here in a couple days."
"He was here yesterday."
"It felt like a lifetime."
"You're an idiot." Robby is shaking his head but Dennis can see his small smile. Dennis gives Jack his kisses and decides he can't hold it in any longer. He's been sitting on this information since this morning.
"Guys, I have to tell you something."
"What's wrong baby?"
"No, nothing. Nothing's wrong. It's just some gossip but I can't hold it in anymore."
"How long have you been holding it in?"
"Since this morning." He pouts slightly.
"Oh, wow, for so long."
"Shush, it felt like a lifetime."
"You guys are unbelievable."
"You love us. Come on, dinner is ready. You can tell us while we eat."
They get their food divvied up and sit down. Dennis is basically bursting at this point.
"Okay so Trinity told me today that she heard Princess and Perlah say that apparently the Shark is a big old softy and has a girlfriend and is totally in love. Which I told her that literally wasn't possible because he's totally not soft, pause, but she said that he totally is. We don't know who it is but we're pretty sure that it's not someone from the hospital because he seems like the kind of guy that wouldn't mix work and personal. I guess you never really know with that guy though." Dennis takes a deep breath because all of that literally burst out of him.
Robby and Jack look at him, then at each other, and then back at him again. Robby speaks first, ever the voice of reason.
"I don't think Park's personal life is any of our business baby."
"Whoa, Mikey, hold on a minute. How long have we known that guy? Like ten years? We've literally never heard him talk about a woman, or women in general. I totally thought he was gay for a couple years"
Robby rolls his eyes, "Yes, Yankl, that's true, but we don't need to know his personal business."
"Oh, come on Mikey. You're not even a little curious? It could be someone from work."
"It doesn't matter who it is. As his friend, I'm happy for him. As a person, I don't put a lot of thought into other people's lives unless it directly involves me."
"But Robby, he was smiling. Smiling! That's so weird."
"He smiles Den baby. Everybody smiles. Come on, you need to eat before your food gets cold."
That ended the conversation there. Which was fine because Dennis got it off his chest, ate amazing food, and got to hang out with his guys. He was still super curious about who made the Shark all soft, but he's sure he'll find out at some point with how word moves around the ED.
Dana knew who had Park all soft and smiley. She's known since the beginning because it's her job to know everything that goes on in her ED. Especially when it involves one of her nurses. It's not her job to tell anyone what she knows, unless the situation calls for it. However, it is her job to protect her nurses, so there is one person she has to talk to about this particular piece of information that she has.
"Park!"
"Dana." He says with a nod.
"Come here a sec."
He looks around but walks over to her. She can't think of a single person in this hospital that doesn't listen to her. As it should be.
"I just want you to know that if you hurt her, I will make your life a living hell."
He pulls his head back slightly, eyes a little wide. All he does is nod and continue on with his day. She's done her job and nobody else needs to know about his relationship with her nurse.
Today is a good day.