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Apple sat in the Castleteria, resting her cheeks in her hands. Her mother always told her not to do that because it was unflattering. She stared blankly at her full tray, all of her favourites going cold.
The talk and laughter were just blurs of noise from the corner of the Castleteria where she took to hiding, muffled words about classes and teachers and dances and someone having their first kiss. All things Apple really didn’t want to think about right now. The ache in her chest was too consuming, too much for her heart on a Thursday morning.
Apple even ignored the quiet thump of familiar shoes, the clicking of armoured toes against the marble flooring, the scent of food fresher than hers. She dug her fingers deep into her hair, wishing she could curl in on herself.
“Apple! There you are,” Darling’s sugar-sweet voice came, soft and excited, like every morning when they had breakfast together. She heard something about a change of scenery before Darling sat beside her at the small table, her tray being placed next to Apple’s.
“Apple? What’s wrong?”
A piece of her hair was tucked away from her face and behind her ear by delicate fingers. It didn’t feel how it usually did when Darling touched her; she was that numb.
Finally, Apple pushed away her tray of food, covering her eyes with her hands and pressing in as though she had a headache. She sniffled, the first stick in her dam breaking. Dams were so similar to nests. She hid deeper in her hands.
“Honey, tell me what’s up.” Another tray was pushed away, and Darling was now hip to hip with Apple, her voice so close to her ear.
Apple sniffed, wiping her nose. Another thing her mom told her not to do.
“Wanna go somewhere more private? We can pick up breakfast elsewhere.” Darling’s hand rubbed her back, rings gently catching on her dress. But the feeling was more than accepted. Apple nodded, wrapping her arms around herself.
“Okay, come with me.” Darling took Apple’s hand in hers, the other moving to her waist and guiding her through all the people, letting Apple keep her eyes lowered to her shoes. She watched the change in flooring as she was taken through the school.
She felt the temperature change just before she saw the sun’s rays. It was a warm spring day, the kind Apple would usually sing to and dance in, embracing the sun and breeze, with all the little creatures coming out to enjoy the weather. She squeezed her eyes shut.
She was guided down to a bench, shaded by trees, creating dappled light on the ground beneath her heels. Darling’s hand rested on her knee, thumb gently stroking her through her tights.
Apple tucked her arms in on herself again, in an attempt to hide their shakiness and comfort herself. She squeezed her own arms. “One of the doves passed away.”
Darling’s touch somehow got even softer, running over her shoulder and back. “I’m sorry, baby.” She could hear the genuine sorrow in Darling’s voice.
“Yesterday, when she came to my windowsill, she didn’t look well. She kept losing her balance, and she wouldn’t eat out of my hand. I tried singing to her, but she didn’t look any happier…When I got up today, it was only her. She barely came up to me, I put my palm on her, and she nuzzled into me. I started singing to her, and she closed her eyes…I-I thought she just fell asleep,” Apple covered her face again, hiding the tears. She didn’t know why when it was only Darling. Darling, who had seen her at her best and worst.
She was pulled in, a hand finding her hair while her cheek found a chest. “Shhh, shhhh. I’ve got you, Apple. I’ve got you.”
Apple burrowed herself in Darling, trying her best to ignore the singing of the birds around them. Some were doves, she wanted to ask them where they were when she passed, why was she all alone? What did she do to deserve that? Did she want to be alone?
What would Darling do if Apple were dying?
“Tell me about her?” Darling asked, pulling Apple away from that thought and all of its connotations.
“She was the first bird that came to my window when I first moved into the dorms.” Apple still remembered it. She’d never been incredibly attached to her home, she hadn’t been sad about moving in, but as she opened the curtains it set in that this would be her first night without her mom, out of the castle she’d spent her whole life in. The little dove came, nudging her finger and rubbing her chin against Apple’s hand, cooing softly until she smiled. She didn’t have it in her to smile as she recounted all the details to Darling.
“She brought her chicks to me a few years ago. Ashlynn told me it’s rare that doves let people see their babies…” Apple still remembered just what the babies looked like; they were so small, feathers ruffled and tilting their heads up at her curiously. They’ve visited her occasionally, but never as often as Mom.
Darling smiled down at her, the kind of smile that made Apple feel like a flower in the sun. “She loved you.”
“Do you love me?”
Darling retreated just a centimetre away from Apple, blinking before the smile returned to her face. ”Of course I do, honey.” Apple silently scolded herself, gathering the bottom of her dress in her fists as Darling leaned in to kiss her on the nose. “More than I’ve ever loved anyone. You are my true love, after all.”
Apple nodded. Reminded of their destiny. Their story, over and done with. What used to be her dream, completed with nothing more to be done. Not curling in on herself was a conscious decision.
The bell rang, and Apple jumped up from the bench, brushing the dust off her dress and fixing her curls back into place. “I need to get to Crownculus,” she said swiftly, dapping her eyes dry.
Darling tilted her head at her. Apple could see her almost reach out for her before deciding otherwise.
The breeze brought an air of chill across Apple’s bare arms, the sun slowly descending on Ever After High. She rested her elbows on the balcony rail.
It was too many wonders, too many thoughts, too many inevitables and too many improbables. How could the death of one dove bring this many feelings? Ones she couldn’t quiet. The kinds of thoughts she silenced when lying awake at night, staring at the ceiling.
She felt the brush of someone beside her, saw ring-covered hands grabbing the railing. Despite her desire to be alone, Darling’s presence somehow never felt intrusive.
“Do you want to go somewhere?” Darling asked, giving Apple the gift of looking away. Somewhere? Away from the school? From everyone?
“Please.”
Darling offered her hand, bowing ever so slightly as though Apple were her sworn. Apple took it gratefully, batting her eyes to control the teariness. She was led away from the balcony and into the school, Darling’s thumb massaging her skin as she was taken to the hallway. Apple noticed now that Darling had her sword on her hip, a few extra pieces of armour adorning her outfit. She must have just finished heroics; they ran late sometimes, Darling always volunteered for any work needed afterwards. The true knightly thing to do, she said. Apple remembered the time she hung around after the class, when she volunteered to be a damsel. Darling had been too protective to let anyone else handle her, though. They both spent ages at the top of the tower, talking, dancing, laughing, Darling once hoisted her up in her arms, declaring she’d saved the princess. That was the first time Apple had felt like she was actually living in a fairytale.
They turned a corner, and Darling paused, holding a finger up in a “One second” gesture before entering her dorm.
She came out with two of her jackets; she wrapped one around Apple-Apple recognised it as the one she got as a prize for winning a jousting tournament, then the other around herself. “It’ll be cold,” she said, taking Apple’s hand again. Apple melted into the jacket. It smelled like Darling.
Apple followed Darling to the front of the school, pulling the jacket tighter as she walked into the evening chill. They diverted to the path leading to the Enchanted Forest. The thought of entering the forest so late would have usually terrified Apple, but Darling made all the difference. Besides, she needed to get away. Somewhere none of this could reach her.
It was a long walk, at some point, Darling swapped their hand in hand to wrap her arm around Apple’s waist, who was trying her best to keep her mind in the present.
“Will you talk to me, Apple?” Darling asked. Apple lifted her head.
“What do you mean?”
“When we get there. This isn’t just about a dove, is it? I can tell, there’s something up.” Kind, beautiful, observant Darling. Apple diverted her gaze to the passing berry bush.
“You’re right…” she admitted, flinching at the crunch of a stick under her foot. Darling’s hold on her grew just a little tighter.
“You don’t need to tell me quite yet,” Darling assured, looking both ways before taking them down the left-hand path.
Finally, they reached the familiar clearing, full of purple flowers and glowing moonlight. The trees soon covered them again, the moonlight only just shining through. Darling placed both hands firmly on Apple’s waist as they walked over the long trunk bridge, past the rushing waterfall and up through the opened tree. A vine brushed Apple’s shoulder as she stared out at the dimly lit spot. She sighed in relief.
“There’s no one here, just you and me,” Darling spun once under the starlight, admiring the forest around them before sitting down on a log. Apple did the same shyly, realising she really did need to tell Darling what was wrong.
“No one here to judge you,” Darling reminded, gently nudging Apple with her shoulder. Apple had to smile just a little, staring down at her hands. She bit the inside of her cheek.
“I’m scared…” she murmured, despite knowing that wasn’t truly an answer to anything. Darling didn’t seem to mind.
“What of, honey?” Darling inched closer, tilting her head to look at Apple.
Apple squeezed her hands, tears brimming for what felt like the 100th time that day. “The future. Dying. What will we do now that our story is done?”
Her mother never put much focus on Apple’s life after her waking up from sleep. Apple’s life had always been about her fairytale, her destiny, but only as far as being crowned. After that, her life was done, her purpose was fulfilled. Get poisoned, be kissed awake by true love’s kiss, get married and become Queen, close the book. She didn’t even know what she wanted to do besides rule a kingdom. Was that all there would be to her life? Would she die a Queen with nothing more? What if she wasn’t even a good Queen?
“I don’t think our story is done. I think we’ll get married, I’ll become your knight, the only destiny I truly want, we’ll do things together, explore the different kingdoms we’ll visit, and spend time with our friends.”
“And when I die? What happens then?” Apple turned away from Darling.
She felt Darling’s hand on her shoulder, the brush of hair on her back. “Why are you so afraid of dying, Apple?”
“I’ve never seen death before…” Apple finally admitted.
“It was always avoidable…it wasn’t supposed to touch me. I would always be woken up. When the dove died, she didn’t wake up; there wasn’t anything. No magic, no cure, nothing, she was just gone. And she was alone, none of the other doves wanted to be with her…What if I die alone?”
Darling huffed, as though holding back a laugh. “You aren’t dying alone, Apple.”
“How do you know that?”
“Simple, I won’t let you,” Darling said it like it really was that simple. Apple often wished for Darling’s bravery, her confidence. How sure she could be of herself even when everyone else doubted her.
“I just…It’s our last year of school. I’ve completed my destiny. I feel like everything’s going too fast, like before I know it, everything will be over, even you…” Apple wanted to tuck her knees to her chest like a child. “There’s nothing I can do about it.”
“And you’re not used to being out of control?”
Apple’s cheek went red at Darling’s words. “That makes me sound horrible,” she murmured. She knew she hadn’t always been the best she could have been, though. She wanted to believe she’d become better.
“I didn’t mean it like that. It’s something I respect about you: you’re always on top of everything, you work to be there. You take being council president way more seriously than anyone else in this school would, you started and led the A Time Of Wonder, and you volunteer for anything that no one else will. You were made to rule, Apple, not just because of your bloodline.”
“You really believe that?”
Darling nodded, the kind of nod that from Darling meant complete certainty, the same kind of nod as when Sir Knight asked her if she would be capable of catching Apple from a fall from a tower. “I do. And we both know that I’ll do whatever you ask me to.”
For the first time that day, Apple had to laugh the tiniest bit.
“What? It’s the least of a knight’s duty to her princess.”
That’s when Apple realised Darling wasn’t trying to make her laugh.
“So if I ask you to never leave me? To always come back to me no matter what?” Apple knew it was too big of an ask. Knew that fate had the upper hand and there was nothing she or Darling could do about it. That a knight was never guaranteed to come home.
Again, Darling nodded, this time leaning in to kiss Apple on the ear. Her breath was warm on her skin, even through the hair curtaining her ear, so achingly familiar and comforting. Like it had been happening for thousands of years. “Consider it done.”
But, she could still choose to believe that Darling was stronger.
“Let’s slow down, Apple,” Darling said softly, after a short silence, her hand now on Apple’s back. “I know school is pulling us left and right, telling us to prepare. I know you’ve been taking on everything you can. We need to slow down for a while. There’s nothing else we can do for our future, let’s just let it be.”
“The day after tomorrow,” Darling started, like she was giving a decree, or giving orders to an army of soldiers, that was more fitting for her, “we won’t have breakfast in the castleteria, I’ll pack a picnic, and we’ll go sit in the gardens.”
Apple nodded; she loved that idea. The castleteria had been too busy lately; there was always talk in the air of future plans, exams, and fulfilling your destiny. A slow morning with Darling, having breakfast in the open air, sounded like a dream. Apple couldn’t remember the last time she and Darling went out for breakfast together, if they ever had. Now that she thought about it, they hadn’t really been doing anything outside of school. That was bad, wasn’t it? That their dates had just become sitting together for mealtimes, searching for library books and doing thronework until it was time for one of them to leave for their dorm. Apple would much rather do all of those things with Darling than without, but their relationship, one of genuine fairytale, deserved more than that. Some wonder, some magic.
The kind of dates that were like hiding away together in the enchanted forest and admitting all their deepest feelings.
“Do we start here?” Apple asked, finally leaning into Darling, she reached and clasped her hand in hers.
“We definitely can,” Darling squeezed her hand back. “And, speaking of breakfast, I don’t believe you’ve eaten today.”
Apple smiled sheepishly at her, shrugging a little. Too much anxiety was swirling in her stomach for her to have even thought of eating. Darling brought Apple’s hand to her lip and kissed it, like a silent it’s okay, before standing up.
“Stay there.”
Apple watched curiously from the log, placing her hands in her lap as Darling ventured to one of the trees. She reached up, capturing a fruit. Apple tilted her head as Darling reached into a piece of armour on her thigh, a hidden holster, and pulled out a dagger. She used the weapon to cut into the fruit, slicing it into bite-sized wedges. Holding the fruit in one hand, she shoved the dagger back with the other before sitting back with Apple.
Before she gave one to her, Darling took the smallest slice and brought it to her own mouth, biting into it and waiting a moment. Only then did she gesture for Apple to take a piece.
“What was that for?” Apple asked, taking a bite of the fruit she couldn’t recognise. Darling could just have been hungry, but one tiny slice wouldn’t do much, would it? And it seemed very purposeful.
“Making sure it’s safe,” Darling said simply, passing Apple another. Apple shook her head a little. She didn’t press because she knew just what the response would be. It’s a knightly duty. What did she ever do to deserve someone as protective and tender as Darling? She must have been an angel in a past life, or Eros gravely overestimated what she deserved. But, he wasn’t getting Darling back.
“I’d like to do something for her tomorrow, the dove,” Apple said, now staring up at the sky; it had long grown dark. Talking about the bird no longer felt like it was her own death sentencing.
“What do you have in mind?” Darling asked, brushing away Apple’s hair so it didn’t end up in her mouth.
“Ashlynne said that when they find a dead bird in the forest, she and Hunter engrave the nearest tree. There’s a tree right outside my dorm, where she had her chicks, next to where she passed…” Apple took another bite of fruit, grateful for the ability to do so.
“We can do that, in fact,” Darling reached to her thigh again, pulling out the dagger. “This has many uses.”
“How have I never seen that before?” Apple started to laugh; she’d never seen the dagger in her life, yet Darling seemed to be using it for everything. It didn’t look like a weapon in Darling’s hands, just a tool.
“A good magician never reveals her secrets, just as a good knight never reveals all her weapons,” Darling held it up for a moment before sliding it back into the holster. Apple wasn’t sure she wanted to know how much else that armour hid. Just another reason to feel safe in Darling’s presence. She rested her head on Darling’s shoulder as she swallowed the last slice of fruit. Her eyes fell closed for a moment. Grief and anxiety were tiring.
“Come on.”
Apple opened her eyes as Darling got up again. This time, she sat down on the ground, back pressing against the log. She patted the space between her legs. Apple stood up from the log, receiving help from Darling as she realised her leg had gone numb. She settled down, lying back against Darling’s chest, her head resting in the crook of her neck. She sighed.
“Comfortable?” Darling asked, wrapping her arms around Apple’s front. Apple nodded. Dare she say, it was even more comfortable than her bed at Ever After High. The scent and feel of Darling, the spring’s night air, the relief of the tension in her chest.
“You’re safe here, Apple,” Darling whispered. Apple could tell in her voice that tiredness was getting to her, too. She turned her head, face against Darling’s neck as her eyes closed.
For the long moment she remained awake, she was so happy that she didn’t even care if she didn’t wake up.