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You feel sick.
You haven’t eaten anything since you last showered.
You can feel your stomach burning.
Your back is aching from laying down for so long, you're not even sure how long you’ve been here for anymore.
You keep hearing knocks on your door, a soft, motherly concerned voice coming through.
It just makes you feel worse, your head is pounding. It’s been doing nothing but that since that day.
That day when— she looks at you, she looks terrified. Like she's prey staring down a predator trying to consume her whole. Backing away like a cornered animal. Babbling out excuses doing anything to—You squeeze your eyes shut and clamp your hands over your ears, digging your jagged, bitten nails into the flesh around it.
Yet you can still hear it.
Bells.
Wedding bells.
Today’s your special day.
Your mother calls from outside your door, your body starts moving on its own. You cling to the bed sheets like it's your lifeline, clutching it like it’ll be your last time ever seeing it. Like you don’t want it to be the last time.
But shouldn’t you want that?
You crash to the ground, your body attempts to right itself, you clutch at the carpet, fingers curling in the rough fibers, convulsing like a slug that got salt poured on it.
You look ridiculous.
You get up.
Your body feels heavy, your bones ache, your muscles are cramping and your eyes don’t want to open.
Your body shambles slowly, your legs feel like heavy lead weights you want nothing more than to sink back into bed.
You're not even sure where you're going until your foot bumps into your brother’s bedside table.
…
Your hand numbly reaches out to the handle, your fingers fumbling over the smooth knob until your hand finally rests there.
…
Your head hurts.
…
Your body starts to move again, your hand falling away from the knob like a dead weight.
You shuffle to your room door, just barely managing to muster the strength to open it.
You walk out into the hallway, going the wrong direction.
Before you know it, you are before a mirror.
Your own hazy eyes stare back at you.
Your body is slumped, like a puppet on very lax strings, your hair is messy and greasy even worse than usual. The maker you scribbled on your face as eye liner is in streaks down your pimply, textured face. You're wearing the same thing as yesterday and the day before that. It reeks of you.
Are you really going to go see her like this?
Your body moves again until you reach the top of the stairs.
You—Pull your feet from under yourself and fall down the stairs, breaking your neck as you hit the bottom—shuffle down the stairs.
You see your mother on your way to the door, she says something you can't discern.
Talking to her would be a waste, you wouldn't want to leave your bride waiting at the altar would you?
As the door opens, the air that hits your face makes you feel light headed, and slightly nauseous.
You keep walking, you didn't even notice she was there until she started talking to you.
She walks up to you, she looks jovial and she's being casual but there is a hint of concern behind those reptilian eyes.
She tells you that Noelle is waiting for you.
Aren’t you excited?
Don’t you feel so lucky?
She then asked you something, the word “Yes” leaves your mouth without you even thinking about it.
Of course you say yes, you could never say no to her.
She says nothing of your appearance, but her gaze lingers over you for longer than it should before she starts to follow you.
You bumble forward with all the grace of a toddling infant and with the speed of one as well. Susie doesn't say a word, she just matches your pace.
You can faintly hear her large feet thumping against the pavement behind you through the sound of the bells ringing in your ears.
Your head hurts.
You must have stopped moving at some point, as her hand comes to rest on your back, giving you a gentle nudge.
You continue shuffling down the road.
She's talking, telling you about what she did at the festival today. She sounds gleeful, but not her usual brash, giddy excitement. More subdued. In this careful, gentle manner completely unlike herself. Not too dissimilar to how you would imagine a nurse handling a patient so that they don’t become unstable.
You end up before the mallet hitting game….you think she explains how it works, but you can’t focus on her words through the haze of noise in your head.
Then suddenly, you feel something hit your head.
A rubber mallet.
Even the softest impact makes the pain in your head worsen.
She laughs, you try to at least crack a smile.
Next, you both end up at the ferris wheel ride.
The town feels unusually empty…but you heed it no mind as Susie gently leads you into the booth.
Her hands are so much bigger than your own, her claws are so sharp and she's strong enough to break every bone in your scrawny little hand yet she treats you with such gentleness, such reverence like you are something prized.
Maybe to her you are, as she is to you.
You sit across from each other, the ride starts to move.
Susie’s talking again, you strain to hear over the noise but you try. You have to try, you have to hear her voice one last time before you-
The cart suddenly starts shaking, you jolt clutching the seat next to you.
She laughs, she laughs a lot these days. But this time it sounds especially nice.
You manage a small grin.
Your mind clears for a moment, when you're with her everything feels okay again.
She asks you to sit on her side, and pulls you close to her, proclaiming it to be a head lock, goading about how she tricked you.
Being called an idiot has never felt so nice before.
She feels warm, she's holding you against her broad frame with her heavy arm. She feels study and solid. Like nothing could ever get through her, like when she's holding you like this you'll be safe from anything.
You lean your head against her shoulder, you think you recall her saying something about Noelle doing the same earlier. That it made her heart pound.
You hope that you make her heart pound like that too.
You're so tired…you practically go limp against her. Her shoulder supporting your entire meager weight.
Your eyes begin to drift closed. You don’t even think of the upcoming ceremony now. None of that matters right now when….
…
…
…
Susie bumps you awake, you hadn't even realised you even fell asleep.
She accuses you of fake snoring, you go along with it.
“What am I to you guys, a big pillow or something?”
It's the first clear words you’ve heard today, and possibly the last.
You nod, a real smile breaking across your face in what feels like forever.
“Hey, don’t nod!”
She laughs despite her mock frustration.
Shortly after you exit the ride.
You're walking again.
You walk past the voting booth, she says she voted for her and Noelle.
You continue walking, and walking.
Drifting aimlessly through town, your body failing more with each bumbling step.
Your head hurts.
You make it to Sans’ stall.
You hate him.
You want to ask him why, but you can't muster up the words.
Your body can barely even hold itself up, much less speak.
Susie talks to him for you, she seems remarkably calm.
It's almost like yesterday never happened.
Yesterday.
Yesterday.
Yesterday.
Yesterday.
The bells are back again, their blaring this time.
Yesterday.
Yesterday.
Yester-
Susie places a hand on your shoulder, a reassuring smile and says something to you, but the ringing in your ears is too loud. You strain to hear. You want to hear. You need to hear her voice for the very last time.
Please just let me hear her.
“I’ll walk you to the beach though, y’know…when you wanna go.”
The bells are even louder now it makes you want to throw up.
The ceremony is about to start.
You’ll finally be together, like you were meant to be.
Just like you wanted all the way back then.
Aren’t you excited?
Aren’t you happy?
You’ll get everything you’ve ever wanted.
Your legs move on their own again, Susie follows close behind. Keeping her word.
You feel like a death row inmate being led to your execution.
You can see Noelle in the distance.
The ringing gets louder.
You feel nauseous.
Susie leaves. You don't want her to, but she has to.
You move towards her.
The wind blows her hair beautifully, the warm amber of the setting sun reflecting off of the golden strands like fine silk.
This is it.
You step towards her. You're shaking, your palms are sweaty, your throat’s tight and you can't breathe.
Another step, then another.
Each step down the aisle is harder than the last. You want nothing more than to just collapse into the sand and let it bury you.
Another step.
But your body won't let you.
She knows you're here.
You can hear her voice reverberating in your mind.
It feels violating, like her voice went past your ears and straight into your brain.
The bells get louder, it's deafening now and yet her voice is clear.
It overlaps the bells, like it's dancing with them.
It makes your head ache more. It hurts so much. It might be a migraine.
She’s always so graceful, that's why you're marrying her, isn’t it?
She thinks about denial, it gets streamed into your head. Your knees buckle. You can’t keep yourself up straight anymore.
But I will.
She thinks of yesterday, you see your own terrifying face in her mind. She tells you you’ll drag her down with you.
She's right. You know she’s right. You want to vomit. You don’t even want to be here anymore.
“I think I want that.”
She faces you.
What feels like a lead weight drops into your aching stomach.
She keeps talking. Her actual voice is somehow more encompassing than her thoughts.
They feel like a physical weight pressing down on you.
She speaks about her life stagnating.
How she wants to break free.
You want to be free too.
That's why you came here today, isn’t it?
To free her, to free yourself…
You can help her, help each other.
She gets in front of your face now, her face filled with a manic glee, her voice pitched high with excitement.
You're just as excited as her, even as you fail to meet her eyes.
Aren’t you?
She speaks of you changing.
But that was never you, was it?
No one noticed, except for her.
Aren’t you so lucky to have someone so attentive by your side?
“They don’t want to see how interesting you are now!”
You feel tears sting your eyes.
It was never you.
She speaks about feeling strong. You helped her to be strong.
As she kneels before you like a god, you feel strong too.
She wants you to tell her what to do.
She wants you to help her do something crazy for once in her sad, still life.
And you want that too.
You want to fly out of this town with her.
You have nothing left for you here.
They didn’t even notice you’re not you.
Your brother is gone, your parents hate each other, your mother already has someone else, it's getting harder each day to act like everything's fine.
But you still resist as she takes your hands.
Her delicate hands gripping yours with a force unprecedented for their size.
You still try to fight your body and she starts walking you towards the lake.
You have always wanted to see the other side.
So why do you still try to resist?
Why even bother?
She tells you to say the word. The one that made her strong. The one that made you strong in turn.
You can’t resist it.
You can’t fight it.
You're so exhausted that you can't even bite your tongue to stop the word from escaping.
“Proceed.”
It rips itself from your throat, you didn’t have a chance.
Your mind's going numb from the constant ringing, you can barely even think anymore as she brings you into the lake.
Despite the evening sun shining down, the water’s freezing cold. It soaks through your pant legs and fills your shoes. It makes it even harder to move.
“Proceed.”
She leads you deeper into the water.
It's past your knees now, but barely touches hers.
Everyone in this town was always bigger than you.
“The water’s… nice, isn’t it Kris?”
You can’t even humour her with a response.
“Proceed.”
She leads you deeper into the water, your limbs start to go limp.
“Proceed.”
You can’t fight it.
“Proceed.”
Every time you say it, it feels like hot acid burning up your throat.
It hurts, everything hurts. Your head, your heart, even your bones ache.
She says something, but you can’t differentiate it from the noise.
“Proceed.”
It sounds like it's coming straight from her mouth now. Everytime she speaks the bells ring louder than you thought they could.
Your head feels like it's about to split open.
You wish it would.
“Proceed.”
The water’s almost past your shoulders now, hers are still visible.
“Proceed.”
You have to lift your head to keep breathing.
“Proceed.”
You already know it's futile.
“Proceed.”
Your head is underwater now, you try to hold your breath but-
“Proceed.”
The words keep coming out, the waters filling your throat.
You can feel your heart pounding in your chest.
“Proceed.”
She keeps going.
You struggle to breathe, water enters.
Your lungs burn.
It hurts. You want to stop. You want to go home. You want to at least say goodbye.
“Proceed.”
The word is little more than a blubber, it only makes the water enter your lungs faster.
You feel light headed.
“Proceed.”
You can’t fight it.
“Proceed.”
Maybe it's better this way.
“Proceed.”
You couldn’t live with yourself. You couldn't eat, you couldn't sleep, you couldn’t even shower.
“Proceed.”
She's saving you.
“Proceed.”
Now the bells are the only thing you can hear, you don’t even know if you're still talking anymore.
You don’t even know if she's still there.
It's so, so, cold and you’re so tired…
You can’t stop it.
So you just let yourself fall.
Down.
Down.
To the bottom of the lake.
Your eyes have long since glazed over.
It doesn't hurt anymore, nothing hurts anymore.
You can feel your sins being washed away with you.
You don’t have to be scared anymore, you're leaving with her, you're leaving this town and getting eloped somewhere far far away from here.
All your loneliness, your fear, your hate…
It’ll all be left at the bottom of this lake.
You won’t have to feel it anymore.
You’ll finally be free.
Just like you’ve wanted since the start of this horrible week.
The water fills your throat, your lungs, your eyes, your ears…
You never wanted a big wedding anyway.
You’re just so happy to be with her.