Work Text:
Ron Weasley passed away three days after his wife, Hermione. He had been expecting to join her in the afterlife. Instead, he woke up in the middle of a battle with a giant fox, in a baby’s body, apparently just born to new parents.
Neither of which survived the battle, after sealing the giant fox inside his stomach. Ron was no stranger to eating strange things, but a giant fox was something new. He was picked up by an older man. The stared at each other for a moment.
“Oh, Naruto, I’m so sorry,” the old man said.
Ron peed on him in response.
The old man that had picked him up had sent him to an orphanage. An orphanage staffed by incompetents, seeing as no one had fed him or changed his diaper. Ron didn’t like that. He decided to return to the only other person he knew, and apparated his baby body to the old man.
It probably wasn’t the best idea, considering how many times Ron had splinched himself over the years, and the fact that he hadn’t even known he had access to his magic before he had apparated, but he landed safely in the lap of the old man, who nearly choked on his pipe.
“Where did you come from, Naruto?” the old man asked.
If Ron had the ability to speak, he probably would have replied with something along the lines of, “My mother’s vagina. How ‘bout you?” Unfortunately, he couldn’t speak, so he couldn’t share his sense of humor with the world yet.
The old man put the mystery out of his mind, and sent him right back to the orphanage. The orphanage, as it turned out, was not staffed by incompetents, but rather by idiots who thought he was the fox that his new parents had sealed in his stomach. He continuously apparated back to the old man’s office, appearing in stranger and stranger places until the old man had enough and had the orphanage investigated.
The staff was replaced with smarter, more competent staff, and the amount of times Ron apparated to the old man’s office dropped significantly. Not completely, of course, as the look on the old man’s face when the man found him was always funny.
One day, while out with a walk with the old man, he saw the patronuses of his sister, wife, and best friend gliding through the air. He smiled widely, and added his own to the group, before drawing the old man’s attention to them.
“See that otter, Old Man?” he said. “I’m gonna marry the girl that made that.”
“Are you now?” the old man said, chuckling. “How do you know it’s a girl and not a boy?”
The question made Ron pause for a moment, but then he shrugged, deciding Hermione was Hermione regardless of her parts, “I don’t, but I’m gonna marry her anyway.”