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Sae wonders why he is even doing this at all. He could be training or just being productive in general. But no, he’s defying the expectations, even though they are his own.
The room is dead silent. The tension is definitely present but not thick enough to cut right through. But this matter is probably one-sided, Sae doesn’t seem to care. He has more important matters to attend to and the demon certainly isn’t top priority. His entire focus is set on his phone, blurring out his surroundings. Even though distracting himself clearly isn’t helping.
Sae’s legs and torso have numbed, as a result of sitting down for too long. The hotel bed underneath him has started feeling like a hard rock instead of a cushy mattress. He’s unsure how actually long ago it was before he checked-in at the front desk earlier that day. 2 hours? 4 hours? Possibly 6 hours..? Sae doesn’t know, all he knows is that he’s dazed and suffocating in his mind. But he doesn’t show it on his face, he never does.
At least the view from the balcony is somewhat appealing, it doesn’t really interest him though as he has seen better views. The late afternoon sun’s rays have cast streaks of light through the large open window, creating long shadows stretching across surfaces. Wind softly makes the curtains billow, however the breeze is cool enough to make Sae shiver a little. The only sounds being the waves overlapping and crashing into each other outside, the hum of the small refrigerator, and Sae’s fingers tapping away at his keyboard as he rushes through each tab.
“Sae you text like an old man, you know that?” Shidou perks up, taking his chance to be bothersome. Unfortunately for Sae, it worked.
The other huffed, turning off his phone. “What do you want.” Sae half-asks, turning off his phone and slipping it onto the bedside table. He turns to face Shidou who is currently laying face-down on the bedroom floor. It feels as though the demon was watching him the entire time.
Shidou groaned as he rolled over onto his back, “I’m bored… ugh.” he huffed. “You’re being boring, Sae-chan.”
“Can’t you entertain yourself?” the other sighed loudly, walking over to look down at Shidou. “You’ve been staring at me, haven’t you?” Shidou only gazed back up in response, his eyes sleepily half-lidded.
“Yeah it’s because I can’t take my eyes off you, Sae-chan! You’re so hot.”
Sae didn’t answer to that.
The past two weeks have felt like two months, which might be an exaggeration. Dragging on as he has to overwhelmingly chase the other around endlessly. Only another two more weeks are left until Sae has to catch his flight back to Spain and so Shidou can return to Blue Lock. Sae’s going to be grateful when he falls back into that routine he is so used to. But that has been lost recently, as the events of each day have sprawled all over the place.
Sae won’t admit to anything out loud, but things haven’t been completely horrible… he knows better than to complain. Some things have been… fun. Or at least intriguing. The way Shidou does things was quite a shock to Sae, pulling him along for the ride. Not by force, Sae fully agreed to this even though right now he regrets some things. Maybe it’s because he’s frustrated and tired from the chaotic unfolding of today.
Two weeks of riding on the back of Shidou’s motorbike, cruising through the city to go to different restaurants, shops, landmarks… anything really. With each late night ending with Sae crashing on Shidou’s couch in his apartment. Shidou had bought small gifts for Sae, including a pair of small plush keychains of them at a JFU merchandise store. They were on sale too, since the hype of the Blue Lock vs U-20 Japan match had started to die down. Sae is yet to return the favour, well Shidou is hoping he is.
Everyday had been something new. Things Sae hasn’t had the time or luxury to experience in a long time. This wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t given the demon his prized phone number in the locker room after their last match. Which the prodigy almost didn’t hand out, it makes him wonder where he’d be right now if he refrained. Probably doing nothing, thinking nothing, feeling nothing. This is much better, although Sae refuses to confess that out loud or even to himself.
Today was different however. Train, after train, after bus, after taxi, after train… now they’re here. In a shitty hotel room the size of a shoebox. They were supposed to go… somewhere… Sae can’t even remember now. But who knew letting the demon organise transportation was a good idea in the first place. As he recalls, Shidou had to drop his motorbike off to get fixed today after he badly scratched the paintjob on it last week when scraping against someone’s car on the road, which caused a verbal fight in the middle of traffic.
Left without a ride, Shidou only glanced over the public transport schedules and pulled Sae with him. Only leading them here, gaining nothing but time wasted. Delightful.
Without warning, the other sprung up from his lounging position to snatch the tv remote from the bedside table drawers, startling Sae slightly. Shidou then dramatically fell forwards onto the bed before making himself comfortable, sitting up against the headboard and Sae’s pillows. It feels like an invasion of personal space, but the midfielder doesn’t seem to pay much notice as he’s distracted with his phone again.
Shidou flicked through the channels mindlessly, his eyes drifting between the tv and his phone in his other hand. His disinterest is increasing by the second, he wants nothing more but for something exciting to happen. It could be anything, but today has only felt like a filler episode to him. It was irrational but new to chase after each route, but so dull nonetheless.
A thought slipped through his mind, he raised his eyebrows and looked up at the other to offer his proposal- Sae’s pacing. It’s all hard to notice but he’s biting his nails on his fingers and walking back and forth from one wall to another. Eyes darting from left to right across his phone screen, he hasn’t stopped staring at it in ages. It’s subtle and slight, there is still that array of coldness in Sae’s expression nonetheless. Shidou decides maybe this isn’t the right time to make his flirty joke.
It took a while for Sae to actually agree to Shidou’s persuading request to spend the last month together before they had to part ways. “If I don’t satisfy your boredom, I’ll leave you alone for good!” was what Shidou had originally said, but after several stages of denial, Sae shockingly gave in quite quickly.
It makes Shidou wonder if Sae fancies him, even though that feels like a stretch.
He doesn’t want to scare Sae away, as stupid as that sounds. Playing the long game like this meant Shidou couldn’t take any risks if he truly wants to be with Sae. The prodigy excites him, makes him explode on the field and he enjoys every second of it. He has experienced a new way of soccer, receiving the midfielder’s crazy passes as they work together.
Having those thoughts again makes Shidou daydream, fantasizing about all the dirty things he wants to do to Sae once he can get close enough. Even thinking about it is making him aroused.
Shidou’s train of thought halts to a stop, not sure what to think next after getting distracted by a notification from his phone. The endless scroll through the tv channels also came to a cease, now staying idle on a random station playing a random re-run of an old series.
The air has shifted in emotion and now feels still, Sae has abruptly stopped pacing, although it’s struck as odd and sudden. Without a word, he takes a seat at the edge of the bed, his expression shifted to his usual stone-cold glare. Sae is still glaring at his phone, instead now his tapping and scrolling is far more relaxed and… controlled in some form.
Witnessing everything, Shidou immediately could tell something was up. It would most certainly be obvious to anyone really. Shidou fumbled with the remote to turn off the tv, neither of them shared a word in the newfound silence.
“I’m going out.” Sae stated huffly before rising up from his sitting position and shifting away over to the door. He was out in less than 2 seconds, before Shidou could even react. Shidou hadn’t ever seen the prodigy act in this way, and based on assumption, Shidou thought Sae hadn’t acted like this around anyone in years. The general public knew Itoshi Sae as a cold but well skilled soccer prodigy, going along a line of success based off his remarkable talent as a midfielder. He was often quite careless of what the press or anyone thought, some even calling him rude.
Sae’s lack of emotional expression would certainly put several people off along with his lack of care for those who do not satisfy his high expectations, mainly in the world of soccer though. He never looked happy about anything in the slightest, let alone upset. That factor especially applies when presenting to the media and the general public. He doesn’t show anything, only making people like Shidou find him even more mysterious and intriguing.
Without hesitation, Shidou quickly followed after Sae.
Shidou knew there was more to Sae than the heartless dickhead that the media made him out to be. That he was someone too who was struggling but only never showing it. Sae picked up his pace as he speed walked over to the elevators, punching in the ground floor button as the doors slid shut before descending. Shidou saw this and ran, body slamming into the fire exit door as he sprinted down the stairs since he wouldn’t have enough time to catch another elevator. The tight space of the small concrete stairwell was incredibly overwhelming, its cold walls battling against Shidou’s hot rush of adrenaline. One wrong step and he would go tumbling down, good thing he practises his footwork.
He could already hear Sae’s voice arguing with him in future, telling him to fuck off for chasing after him. It made Shidou even question why he was doing all of this in the first place. Why is he even showing an ounce of care to someone who probably doesn’t care for him back? Is it wrong to do that though?
When he eventually reached the streets outside, they were dimly lit by the buzzing lights ahead. Darkness was setting in as nighttime approached, a chill running down the demon’s spine. Shidou huffed as his eyes scanned the area around him, no sign of Sae. This whole thing had happened so quickly, making him feel dizzy.
The sidewalks were quiet and only littered with a few people. Cars gone and went along the road but were scattered. The pavement was cracked with weeds sprouting out, giving a weird shabby exterior compared to the luxurious hotels and other assorted buildings that took up the city blocks. Shidou squinted, he needed to get his eyes checked, even though he failed to wear his prescription glasses and broke them in the process ages ago.
But he had spoken too soon, Sae was literally a few meters in front of him. Walking slower than before he left while pulling the hood of his jumper over his head. Even being… sulkier. Shidou immediately stopped fretting as soon as he laid eyes on the other, knowing he wouldn’t have gone too far too quickly. Approaching silently, but without the intent to scare, Shidou attempted to place a hand comfortingly on Sae’s shoulder.
“What the fuck are you doing?!” Sae pivoted around instantly, his face scrunching up and shooting Shidou an aggressive look. Shidou only raised his hands in defense, his precautions to not startle Sae clearly not working. “And I don’t need any help, you weren’t supposed to see that.” Sae spat before the other could even get a chance to answer.
“Hey lashes… woah. Calm down.” Shidou’s attempt to sooth passively was clearly not enough for the other to stop even though he was not out-right yelling, probably making Sae even angrier. His blood was getting close to boiling.
“I am calm, now fuck off.” Sae scoffed, “I don’t need you around right now, devil boy.” His tone shifted slightly, turning malicious. Sae went to turn around to storm off but felt a hand grab onto his wrist gently. His skin was cold, most likely from the chill of the night air. Shidou’s large hands however were comfortingly warm, bringing peace to the touch.
Shidou’s voice was soft and considerate, laced with genuine care. Sae swerved back around quicker than before, his face signifying his increase in frustration and fury. “Look… I couldn’t help but notice how you were acting… I-...” Shidou said tenderly, lifting up Sae’s slender hand and rubbing his thumb in a circle in a relaxing manner.
There was a glimpse of Sae’s facial features softening for only half a second before he quickly pulled his hand back harshly. “You didn’t see anything, everything is fine.” He only continued to gaslight, his face morphing back into his usual stone expression.
It looked trained, forced, even a command made by Sae internally to not show his true feelings. To shove down and bottle up everything that isn’t “proper.” Including when he feels something positive.
“I only wanna help you, lashes.” Only half the care from before was left in Shidou’s tone, growing slightly annoyed. He took a step back from the other, giving the space that was initially requested, more like demanded.
“You don’t know when to stop pushing, do you?”
That question, more like a statement, was enough to make Shidou’s blood run cold. It stung at his heart in a way he hadn’t felt before. His emotions usually sky-rocketed like this, his careful tone replaced with something irritated. If only Sae could realise how much his choice of words hurt other people, especially those who had become closer to him. If only he could notice how much Shidou made an effort, instead his compassion would only be shot down.
Shidou wondered at that moment why he was even doing this in the first place. His thoughts drifted over his reasoning before, but that simple sentence was enough to make him reconsider his feelings. All the time and energy spent on Sae felt like a waste.
It made him want to kick and scream, to punch Sae in the face and make sure he felt all of it. But Shidou stopped himself, for whatever reason. If this was anyone else (maybe Rin) it would be a completely different story. Throwing hands and kicking teeth in always felt like the only solution to the demon’s wrath. He lacked the self-control, but now he couldn’t use his strength against the other. He just… couldn’t.
Maybe he was overexaggerating it, but Shidou is the type of person to feel and experience things deeply, including those heavy words. He could only return the favour.
“You must be really lonely.”
Although the fighting was short-lived, it still stung like he had been bitten by a thousand insects.
Shidou carelessly kicked dislodged rocks lightly along the road, gritting his teeth as he walked aimlessly while not really thinking anything. His frustration and anger had died down, but he felt more annoyed at himself rather than the other. A good choice of wording was definitely a department where Shidou lacked quite a lot, no matter the situation.
Sae had ran off, not literally. He kind of just… strolled in the other direction without looking back without a care in the world. Like nothing could ever make a dent in his shield protecting and excluding the emotional baggage. Even though it was about 60% transparent to Shidou at this point, making him wonder if anyone’s ever gotten that far with Sae before. Even if someone had, the prodigy probably built back up stronger each time.
However this was just a mess of speculation circling in Shidou’s head in cases of jumbled words and phrases he only understood a bit. Making him even consider if he was delusional.
Well, he knows he already is, he just hasn’t admitted it. And probably never will. Ever.
That’s something embarrassing though, Shidou thought. Which circuited into a lightbulb going off in Shidou’s mind. It’s probably why Sae won’t tell him what's going on! Because he’s embarrassed! Shidou’s brain carelessly wandered to that conclusion and stuck with it, once again not doubting any delusion.
When the rock Shidou was pushing around with his foot tumbled into a drain, it only reminded him of the “conversation” he had only a short-while earlier, making him scowl. He wants to talk with Sae. He wants to comfort him and to hold him tenderly. He wants to-
Better stop there, no time for that now.
He could go look for him, search through every street, building or alleyway if he has to. But Sae has probably already headed straight to the airport to get the quickest flight back to Spain, leaving Shidou and Blue Lock behind for good with no regret. Even just the idea felt sour and numbed Shidou’s brain from the strong sense. How he wished that wasn’t the case…
It didn’t have to be though? Maybe that was just a thought but not the truth? Sae could still be here? Shidou stopped his staggered stepping and stared for a second, deep in his mind. Yes even though it was a slight chance, he could take it anyway. But where would he even look?
In an instant, filled with a boost of energy, Shidou took off. Sprinting down the road in the opposite direction he was heading before, the way Sae went. The walls of the buildings hugging the streets blurred at the corners of his vision, the quiet night providing close to zero risk of being hit by a passing car. Although Shidou could go back and grab his motorbike to make traveling quicker, he was far too desperate at this point. No time needed to be wasted on heading in the wrong direction to the prodigy.
Speaking too soon, a car was headed in Shidou’s direction, the horn beeping and the headlights blinding him. Shidou was then forced to ditch the road and stick to the side-walk. There wasn’t much of a difference, although he almost bumped into a few pedestrians.
The shortness of breath for running for so long was catching up to him, his exhaling became fleeting as his chest heaved. He wasn’t even sure of how long he had been running for, chasing even. Shidou knew he had to be getting close, he could practically feel it through his whole body.
Until he came to dead-end. Shidou slowed to a stop before planting his hands on his knees, leaning forward and puffing. The sweat was dripping down his face, his feet also hurting because of the uncomfortable not running-fit shoes he was wearing.
He had found himself at the beach. Small, quiet and peaceful. The tide was half-out as the waves crashed into the shore, being highlighted in the half-moon’s light that shone brightly due to the lack of street-lights in this area. No other people were present due to it being late, making Shidou take out his phone to check the current time, 9:27pm.
Well, except for one person. Before pivoting on his foot to leave, his pink eyes caught a flicker of soft maroon coloured hair. The someone that this hair belonged to was sitting with their knees up on the sand while being hunched forward. They were at the edge of the water, waves becoming smaller as they rolled onto his feet. The environment seemed desolate as Shidou hesitated to approach.
After double checking to make sure it was truly who he thought it was, Shidou kicked his shoes off and stepped off the pavement and onto the sand which felt coarse and grainy. His steps were slow and calculated, making his way gradually over to the other who was probably still upset with him. The risk was fairly great because doing this was obviously stupid but it might also escalate even further. But Shidou’s taking his chances again.
His breath hitched, he felt uneasy. At this rate he was probably going to mess things up even further, like adding salt to the wound that was already cut deep. Teal eyes suddenly met him when the other turned around swiftly. Shidou was only a meter away at this point, halting immediately and raising his hands in an act of defusion and impulse like he had earlier.
No one said anything, just exchanging eye-contact. Shidou came to notice a glint of wetness in the corners of Sae’s eyes. It was incredibly hard to pick up, but it made Shidou’s eyes widen in slight shock. Sae then immediately brushed a hand across his face before turning back around to face the water’s edge. “Why are you here, demon?” Sae’s tone was cool and calculated, without a care in the world.
“I can’t have my pretty lashes running away from me. I came looking for you because I thought you were gonna go back to Spain!” Shidou explained with a semi-playful tone in an attempt to lift the mood. Only getting a mostly silent huff from the other that Shidou didn’t quite pick up on.
“If this is about earlier, nothing happened that you should be concerned with.”
Hearing this only made Shidou chuckle obnoxiously before dropping down and lounging on the sand to the left beside Sae, who only looked more annoyed when the demon decided to flick sea water at him with his feet. “Don’t try to keep fucking gaslighting me, Sae-chan.” Shidou’s response was not harsh, but instead in a comical or impish tone.
The pair sat side-by-side in silence for several instances, refusing to turn their heads to even look at each other, staring off into the horizon. It was hard for both of them to tell what the other could possibly be thinking with ranging outcomes. The air was not awkward however, but quite tense.
“Look…” Shidou started, “I’m really… sorry. But that’s me apologising for both things… for what I said and for pushing where I shouldn’t be… you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.” His tone was utterly sincere, truly meaning every word. “You don’t have to, but I hope you can forgive me?” His head then turned to face Sae, his eyes gleaming with hope.
Sae shifted slightly, but to Shidou’s surprise he half-nodded, signifying a yes. He was then startled when Shidou’s arm reached out and pulled Sae closer by his right shoulder. “I knew you would, lashes.” Shidou laughed, trying to be more quiet. And to his surprise again, Sae didn’t struggle or try to shift away. He just… stayed there this time. Leaned up against the other. Huh.
A sniffle came from Sae before he leaned forward again, covering and smothering his face in his hands. His attempts to muffle whatever he was hiding were failing, it was obvious that they were… tears? The other was slightly taken aback but didn’t hesitate to rub circles on Sae’s back in a comforting manner, whispering the phrase “I’m here for you.” over and over.
The prodigy was crumbling. Not once had anyone seen him like this, in a very long time at least. His eyes stung as they blurred, the water escaping his eyes felt hot as it leaked out onto his fingers. He only wished for the world to swallow him whole so Shidou, or anyone else, wouldn’t have to see him ever again. Especially because of his current raw and emotional state.
The urge to get up and run away fuelled him, to turn and flee without looking back seemed desirable. But Sae failed to follow through as he collapsed in his own heart helplessly. His surroundings blurred together, his senses only showing the darkness behind his closed eyes and the sound of his cries accompanied by his piercing thoughts. Sae certainly hadn’t gone through these motions in quite a long time.
During this, Sae shifted around with his head still down and wrapped his arms around Shidou’s torso, who was shocked by the sudden movement. Instead of resisting Sae’s clutch, Shidou only hugged him in return as Sae continued to bury his face into the other’s chest, Shidou holding him close where nobody could possibly hurt him. Between gasping breaths and coughs, Sae eventually slowed down to a calmer state than before. He had soaked the demon’s shirt in the process as it felt wet against the smooth skin on his face.
Sae slowly re-gathered himself and got his bearings before he carefully pulled back from Shidou. He was so incredibly grateful there was no one else around, he would be killed internally if anyone else saw him like that. But he would be actually killed if someone had recorded him… Sae couldn’t help but worry about that, even though his public image should not be his main concern for now.
However, a hand from the other lifted, Sae could feel it brush and caress the side of his face. Not in any way harsh, but it felt soft… and loving? Sae’s gaze lifted as his eyes met the owner of that hand, Shidou…
“Hey… lashes…” He started speaking quietly at first. His voice was careful as he chose his words with consideration. “I… really… like you. Like… I love you even. I don’t just feel sexually attracted to you, but I love you romantically.”
Sae didn’t react for several seconds, but his eyes widened as the other continued. “I’ve gotten so much closer with you since we started hanging out… and I really wanna take care of you.” Shidou was beaming while grinning at Sae, filled with utmost happiness. Once again, the prodigy’s response was delayed. However when he did react… it wasn’t negative. He could feel his lips tug on the corners as a small smile formed.
It wasn’t long before he felt smooth lips press against his, gently moving closer as the kiss deepened. They pulled away every few seconds, but their lips re-locked very shortly after every time. Eventually both of Shidou’s hands were on Sae’s face, holding him steady as he clearly wasn’t as experienced as him. But to Shidou’s surprise, Sae never resisted, not for a single second. It made his heart fuel with compassion, feeling so incredibly special.
His lips were moist and gentle, making Sae shudder. Not once had he ever been this close with… anyone. He never thought he would end up like this with Shidou, the Sae from the U-20 match would have never let this happen. But for now, Sae let the caressing of their lips in, the warm passion flooding his core.
Once they pulled apart, Sae’s smile from before only grew. In that moment, he felt so genuinely loved. Although he couldn’t directly name that feeling, due to rarely ever experiencing it in his life, he still cherished it deeply.
"I love you too, Ryusei."