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It was six in the morning, and Husk already knew this day was going to be shit.
One could argue that any possible day in Hell, and additionally, on Alastor's leash, didn't sound very pleasant, but waking up in your own blood certainly didn't make it any better.
Everything fucking hurt.
Everything felt wrong.
Husk groaned and laid in bed for a few minutes more, listening to the furious beeping of his alarm clock, before he decided that staying in bed might for once turn out to be worse than leaving it. He let out a heavy sigh, before pushing himself up and dragging himself into the bathroom.
Periods were already bad when Husk was alive, but for some fucking reason, they became worse when he ended up in Hell. Even though Husk couldn't get pregnant anymore (and thank fuck for that), his periods became heavier and longer, with irregular cycles, more blood, pain and suffering, and generally making his already shitty afterlife ten times worse.
His pajama pants were red now, great. The white sheets of his bed were probably bloody as well, but he decided to ignore that for now. Thank fuck it was Niffty who cleaned up the hotel rooms every day, and she already knew what he was. Husk stood in the shower, trying to get rid of the filth on his thighs, but sat down after a few minutes and watched the blood getting out of his fur with a frown.
He's always hated his body, alive and dead, but the cat thing should at least cancel the fucking period, right?
No, apparently fucking not. It only made keeping hygiene more difficult and weird, and Husk's never been good at it in the first place.
At least when he was an Overlord, he's managed to find some more-or-less trustworthy doctor who could get rid of his tits, and a few drugs that prevented his period from happening. But since Husk was assigned to sit at this stupid fucking hotel now, he didn't have time nor energy to buy any of them. He had pads only because sometimes he dropped Niffty some money to buy for him while she was buying for herself, and she usually got it and gave it to him without making anyone suspicious towards Husk's real nature. Unless, of course, she got distracted by an interesting bug on the way, like last time. Thanks to which, right now, Husk was in deep shit, as fucking always.
After Husk cursed at least a hundred times, discovered that he was running out of pads (because of course he fucking was) and laid for a few minutes on the bloody bed, feeling the pain flowing through him and reconsidering all his life choices, he managed to get dressed in his usual pants and a bow tie and get out of the room.
Instead of going to the bar though, he turned in the direction of Alastor's room. He knocked three times and entered it without waiting for Alastor's voice. It's not like this fucker ever slept, anyway.
The first thing he saw was Alastor staring right at him with that smile of his from the middle of his room. Fucking freak.
"I'm not working today," he hissed, arms crossed on his chest.
Alastor hummed, looking Husk up and down.
"And why is that, my friend?"
"You know why." Husk send him a hateful look. Because unfortunately, Alastor really did. After all, they were friends, once. They used to drink together a lot (though now Husk was starting to realize that he was the only one drinking, while Alastor was just listening). One time, Husk drunkenly mentioned having to hide his whole life, and Alastor hadn't let it go until he learned the whole truth. Husk guessed he didn't even have to explain anything to Alastor back then, and neither he did now. After all, deer, just like cats, have a sensitive sense of smell.
"Even if I do, I am afraid we've never discussed the amount of sick days you get per year! Now, isn't that a pity? That number might suddenly turn out to be zero!" Alastor was clearly enjoying himself. Husk gritted his teeth.
It was always a gamble with Alastor. Sometimes, he gave him a day off when he was on his period without so much as a look, but last time it happened, it was months ago. Since then, Alastor found it more entertaining to just let Husk go on a shift and see what happens.
Usually what happened was just Husk drinking.
"Just give me one day off, is it that much of a fucking problem?," he hissed. He saw a glimpse of something dangerous in Alastor's eyes, but thankfully, it disappeared soon enough.
"Very well, then! I will see you tomorrow." Alastor surprised Husk enough that he stood in place for a few seconds longer. He hadn't expected this to be that easy. "My dear, when I say we will see again tomorrow, I imply you should go," Alastor added, and only then Husk remembered himself and rushed out of his room before the other could change his mind.
He closed the door behind himself with relief. Thank fuck. The pain was already embracing his body, a day spent working would be one of his worst.
He tossed the bloody sheets in the vague direction of the door, thanked universe for the general existence of Niffty, took out some fresh ones he somehow had (probably thanks to Niff, too), changed them, cursing every five seconds, and laid down on the bed, trying to ignore the whole world and go back to sleep.
Husk's never used any painkillers during period, even when he was alive. Why would he? It's not like he couldn't handle a little bit of pain. He was a man, after all. And since half of his life the people close to him didn't fucking believe it, he was determined to never give any of them the slightest chance that could prove them right. Birth control in Hell was one thing – he didn't get rid of the pain, he was getting rid of it's source, and one of his most female traits. But if the pain (and blood, and the whole deal in general) were already here, Husk was supposed to deal with it.
Which fucking sucked, to say the least.
Husk sighed, switched sides and tried to get some sleep.
***
Someone was knocking on his door. Husk glanced at the clock and groaned. Someone fucking woke him up fifteen minutes after he fell asleep despite all the pain.
It couldn't be Niffty nor Alastor, because neither of them ever knocked, and that, Husk's learned the hard way. If Niff wanted something, she just got into the room, took it, and was gone as fast as she appeared. And besides, she's already taken care of the bloody sheets. If Alastor wanted something from Husk, he didn't bother moving, and just summoned Husk into his place instead.
"I ain't working today, Charlie," Husk groaned, not bothering to push himself up. "Find someone else for the bar, I feel like shit!" Charlie could be a little... too insistent, sometimes, but Husk knew she cared about his well-being. Saying that he feels bad should make her go pretty easily.
"Wrong person, Whiskers, try again!" The voice Husk loved made him sit up immediately.
Shit.
The thing between Angel and Husk was still very fragile and fresh. Their love – because they decided about a week ago that it deserved to be called that - was bittersweet, full of unspoken words and sharp edges, and Husk cherished it more than anything in the world.
Speaking about unspoken words, Angel still didn't know what Husk was. They haven't had sex yet, but knowing Angel, it was bound to happen sooner or later. Husk probably should talk to him about what he has – or rather, doesn't have – in his pants, but every time he tried to do it, he chickened out. Angel had better than Husk every day, and somehow, he still wanted Husk, but if he came to terms with how weird, broken, disgusting Husk really is-
Well, let's just say he didn't want Angel to know any time soon. At least, until he managed to convince himself Angel wouldn't leave the moment he knew the truth.
"Angel, I'm tired, go away!," he groaned through the door, and hoped it would be enough for the other to leave him alone.
To be fair, he should know Angel better than that.
"If you're tired enough for Al to give you a day off, you might as well be dying, baby." There was tease and worry in Angel's voice, one Husk couldn't unpack right now. The handle moved, and thank fuck Husk had closed the door so the only person who could enter was Niff. "...Husk, come on."
"I'm not dying. You can go now." Husk flopped back down on the bed with a heavy sigh.
"According to Alastor, you're very close to, asshole. Not going anywhere."
Husk silently promised himself he'll strangle Alastor one day. "It's nothing."
"Husk, please." Worry bled through Angel's words again, shit. "Please, it's your beloved boyfriend, let me in?" Husk knew Angel too well to ignore the anxiety hidden behind the humor.
"Angel-"
"He said you're fucking bleeding! And I thought it was just a stupid joke, but you didn't show up at the bar, and now, you're not letting me in! The fuck, Husk? I don't care what's happening to you, but I wanna fucking help, is it that difficult to understand?"
Oh, Husk was going to fucking kill Alastor one day, wait for him to regenerate, and kill him again.
"I'm not- well, technically...," he stuttered over his own words, and he could almost see Angel frown.
"I don't know why you don't wanna let me in, but whatever it is, you keeping me out of it makes it way fucking worse." This time, Angel's words were harsh. They stung Husk's ears.
Husk had to make a quick decision. Finally, he pushed himself up, dragged himself to the door and unlocked it. Not even a second later, he saw Angel standing in the door frame. He was wearing a loose t-shirt revealing one of his freckled shoulders, a short, a bit frilly skirt, one of his favorite fuzzy socks and some light makeup. Husk scolded himself for looking like shit in front of someone like Angel, before hissing,
"There. See me? I'm fine. Now leave. Me. Alone." He tried to close the door, but half of Angel's body was already in the room.
"Hmm, nope. Now, you're gonna tell me what this all is about." Angel wore one of his more dangerous smiles, but there was still worry shining in his eyes.
Husk was about to curse at Angel, but the sudden wave of pain made him curse at his awful fucking body. His hand involuntarily wandered to his belly, the other one gripped the door tightly enough for his claws to leave scratches on the dark wood.
"Alright, let's get you to bed," Angel said, way softer than Husk deserved, and picked Husk up bridal style. Husk let out a soft huff and ignored the blush growing on his face and the pain in his abdomen as Angel carried him to the bed. "Now, what the fuck is going on?," he asked, when Husk was laying in his bed, toying with the sheets, avoiding looking at Angel.
"It's..." His breath was shaky, shit. "It's nothing. Leave it."
"Not 'nothing' if you're hurting." Angel started petting Husk's ears and fuck, didn't that feel nice. Before he knew it, he leaned into Angel's hand, and at that, another hand came to pet behind his ear. Husk should probably try to be at least a bit less pathetic with all of this, but between the pain and the emotional rollercoaster he was on right now, he discovered he couldn't care less.
"It's not that bad. It's... All my pieces are in the right place," Husk tried to reason with eyes half-lidded, relaxed thanks to the petting. And he did mean it; the pieces were in the right place, just the pieces themselves were wrong.
"That's a shit bar to have." At Angel's words, Husk snorted despite himself. "Come on, work with me here!"
Husk fully closed his eyes and leaned even closer to Angel's body, sitting next to where Husk was lying. His head might have ended up on Angel's lap. He didn't care. It was easier when he didn't have to look at Angel.
"...you won't like it," he murmured after a while.
"I mean, sure, I don't like that you're in pain-"
"No, you... I'm- Fuck, my body's just fucking weird, okay?"
Angel raised an eyebrow.
"Alright, Whiskers, you need to be honest with me here." Angel's hand stopped for split second on Husk's head, and fuck, Husk could hear the smirk in his voice.
"No promises."
"Are you in heat?"
Husk's eyes flew open immediately to see Angel grinning down at him. "In fucking what."
"Listen, I work in porn, in Hell. I've seen – and felt – it all. Heat, knotting, barbed cocks-"
Husk's paws flew to cover his own blushing face. "No. Stop that."
"Am I right?" How did Angel manage to put smirks and suggestive looks into his fucking voice?
"Fuck, no."
"Eh." Angel scratched Husk behind his ear. "Worth a shot."
"You're a degenerate." Husk slid his paws off of his face to glance up at Angel's smiling face.
"Yup. And you love it." Angel sent him another grin.
Husk chuckled, wanting to reply that of course he did, but a frown crossed his face with another painful twitch in his abdomen. Fucking hell. He really couldn't have nice things in this shithole, now, could he?
Angel planted a kiss on his forehead.
"You know you can tell me anything, baby, right?"
All the joy Husk had held just a moment ago disappeared, replaced by anxiety coiling in his gut along with molasses of pain. He nuzzled into Angel's thighs, into the soft fabric and even softer fur.
"You won't like it. Or me, anymore," he mumbled into Angel's fur.
"My ears ain't as good as yours, you know I didn't hear any of that?" Angel's fingers were tracing path down Husk's head, petting him with more gentleness than you'd think a murderer could posses. Husk never wanted to give it up, not for anything in the world.
Sure, Angel would know sooner or later, and then, he will probably leave. The amount of disgust Husk held for himself was so big he couldn't imagine how huge it would grow in someone like Angel, always surrounded by sexy and pretty. But did Husk have to reveal everything now, when he already felt like someone pulled him through a wringer, physically and emotionally?
"You'll be disappointed." Husk turned his head so Angel could hear him better.
Angel scoffed. "As if that was possible with you, you idiot." He leaned down, and Husk watched him kiss his face, felt the kisses making his face and heart warm, smiling just a bit more. Felt tears pricking at the corners of his eyes.
If he lost this kind of love because he couldn't be what Angel needed, wanted, deserved-
But then, someone like Angel really deserved better than a washed up drunk, ugly and mismatched.
Angel's fingers came to his face to brush away the tear pouring down his cheek. Fuck, fuck, fuck, this shit always was making him emotional and dumb, so fucking stupid-
"Just trust me, Whiskers?"
Stupid enough to-
"Alright." Husk took a shaky breath. "I'm on my period."
Angel looked at him for a second, dumbfounded. "...huh. Is this, like... a sinner biology? ...or were you once a wo-"
"No?! What the fuck?!" Husk shot up from Angel's lap, angrily wiping away the last of his tears to shoot Angel a furious glare.
Stupid, Husk was so goddamn stupid. Of course Angel wouldn't understand, Husk was so dumb. Now, Angel won't even see him as a man, and shit, if that didn't remind him of some faces back from when he was alive. Now, Husk won't have this fleeting feeling that Angel sees him for who he is. Who was Husk kidding, Angel and him probably won't be seeing each other at all, fuck, he was so dumb-
"Fuck, I'm sorry, baby," Angel said softly, looking away. "Didn't mean it like that."
"I'm not a woman. Never was," Husk hissed, his voice still a tad bit louder, his ears pinned to his head. Only now, he realized he'd clenched his fists.
"Fair enough."
There was an awkward silence for a second or two, before Husk let out a heavy sigh and looked away from Angel.
"So, I'm a man. And I've got a vagina. Always had. Now, is that enough for you to leave?" His voice was shaking, but he knew what was coming. After all, he's been through this with a couple of people before. "Break up, maybe?"
Angel fidgeted with his hands, looking at his lap. He didn't respond for a moment, and when he finally did, Husk heard the uncertainty lacing his trembling voice.
"I know it was very, very stupid of me to call you someone you're not. And I'm really sorry. And, if you still want me to leave, or break up, that's... fair, I guess. Just, could you please give me one chance more? I was surprised, and shitty, I know, but I won't fuck this up next time, Husky, I promise..." Angel cut himself off, looking at Husk with an expression he couldn't read.
Husk tilted his head.
"Don't you want to leave?" That was, well... confusing, to say the least.
Angel's smile was pale. "I know I screwed up, but I really, really don't."
"...oh." It was Husk's turn to be dumbfounded. "Why?"
"I mean, why would I?" Angel furrowed.
"Because I'm not a real man?" Husk smiled bitterly, harshly. "Because I lied to you? Because I don't even have a fucking dick? Because, maybe, I'm really just a crazy woman-"
"Whoa, there," Angel interrupted him. "That's bullshit, baby, and you know it."
"That's the bullshit you said," Husk couldn't help but grumble.
"It's not. 'Cause I'm really dumb sometimes, and I can't express my thoughts for shit. But what you said isn't true."
Husk raised his eyebrows. This was new, that's for sure. Everyone whom Husk had loved had left after discovering the truth. Or at the very least, had never looked at him the same way as before. The only people who didn't really care were Alastor and Niffty, and that wasn't exactly comforting, considering that one of them just wanted to own his soul, and the other was basically crazy.
Why would Angel even consider staying with him after something like this?
"How could you know that?," Husk asked in a small voice.
"Well." Angel grinned. "For starters, I'm gay as fuck. I wouldn't find you so hot and sexy if you weren't a man."
"I don't even have a dick," Husk spat out. If they had the serious talk about it, he might as well put Angel's attention to that.
"So?" His boyfriend only scoffed. "I'm a porn star, if you don't remember. I've tried everything. I fucked guys with cock, vagina, or both. And different variations of those. And I had lots of fun, believe me."
Husk felt himself tearing up again. This damn fucking period.
"You don't care," he whispered, looking Angel up and down, trying to find some loopholes in his words, because how could they be true?
"Of course I don't, you idiot." Angel smiled a bit wider.
Husk didn't even wait for Angel's encouraging words before falling into his arms, his face resting on Angel's shoulder.
"I thought you're gonna think it's weird," he said, nuzzling in Angel's body. Angel's lips turned into an amused smile.
"I'm a drag queen. Who do you think half of my friends are?"
"...right." Husk suddenly felt a tiny, teensy bit stupid, but for an entirely different reason than before.
"Exactly." Angel's hand started petting Husk's head. Husk's ear twitched under it, his wing came to rest behind Angel's back, pulling him just a tad bit closer.
Angel was quiet for a moment, before asking with tangible hesitation in his voice, "You said something about period?"
Husk frowned.
"Yeah. Nothing for you to worry about." Even if his abdomen was still acting like Husk had personally wronged it (and maybe he did, considering the amount of liquor he filled it with), he'd be damned before he made it Angel's problem.
"You're not gonna make me ignore your pain, idiot," Angel said, his hand stilling on Husk's head. "Give me a few minutes, and I'm gonna get you some pain meds, a hot water bottle, some chocolate-"
Husk raised his head from Angel's shoulder..
"You don't have to do that," he said softly, looking away from his boyfriend. It was embarrassing, he shouldn't let some pain prevent him from doing anything, he shouldn't make it Angel's problem, he should be able to handle this, he wasn't some poor fucking damsel in distress that couldn't handle a little bit of pain, he was a tough man, and besides, it was nothing compared to-
"Shush!" Angel seemed to shush not only Husk's protest, but also his thoughts. He gently put a hand to Husk's cheek and turned it so Husk faced him again. "I've never had period, but what I know is that it's awful. You ever seen Cherri on one? Because I've seen her taking some explosions better than what this shit does to her. Even with all the painkillers I could find. And it's not only Cherri, either. I once saw Vaggi sobbing her eyes out with her skirt covered in all this golden blood, and I had to escort her to Charlie's room. Apparently they didn't menstruate in Heaven, which, you know, makes sense. Even Niffty-"
"Alright!," Husk interrupted him. "Menstruation sucks. Got it."
Angel smiled a little, fondness and worry mixed in his eyes. "What I'm saying is, you're allowed to be hurt."
Husk didn't know what to do with that. His ear twitched.
From the response rescued him yet another painful cramp.
"Shit," he muttered under his breath and frowned upon realizing that his curse was loud enough for Angel to hear.
"That's it!" Angel stood up from the bed. "I'm going to get you stuff, and you stay here. I don't wanna hear a word of protest, yeah?" His soft hands gently pushed Husk to lay down, and Husk discovered that there was nothing he could do but oblige.
Husk's eyes followed Angel as he was about to exit Husk's room. He fought with himself for half a second, before letting out a quiet, "Angel?"
"Yeah?" Angel turned around, already at the door.
"I'm... out of pads," Husk said, only as loud as it took for Angel to hear.
Angel's wide smile brightened the room.
"Right away, baby!"
Husk found it easy to respond with a smile.
A while after the door closed behind Angel, the smile somehow slipped off Husk's lips. He heard Angel heading down the corridor. Probably to his room, and then to Niffty's, so he could take everything he'd told Husk he would.
Probably. Husk hoped so.
Now, when there was nobody to distract him from the pain in his belly, minutes passed lazily, they felt like hours. He spent them, looking carefully at the crack in his wall next to the doorframe, and slowly starting to wonder if Angel will come back at all. Husk knew it had been a lot for the poor spider. He was a lot. And if Angel just wanted a moment of peace and quiet without some whining street cat, he had every right to do that, and Husk shouldn't complain.
Husk curled up into a tight ball. It was surprisingly easy for his old spine, probably one of the little perks of being a cat. It helped, just a little, like he could hide from the pain if he was just small enough. Another wave of pain crashed in his abdomen, sending drops of it to his back, and Husk groaned.
Maybe Angel just wasn't going to come back. Husk wouldn't blame him, of course. He knew this part of him was weird, and the fact that he was acting like a little kid about some pain probably didn't look so great, either. Now that the Angel was out of the room, he probably regained some common sense. A common sense saying that Husk was just a pathetic ball of fur, worth less than one of Angel's winks, certainly not deserving such a pretty, funny, perfect person that was Angel. Deserving to wallow in his own misery, more like.
Great, now he was going to fucking cry again-
There was a knock on the door.
"Coming in! You better be decent in there!" Said door slammed open, and Husk saw Angel with all of his arms out, carrying various supplies. Angel closed the door with as much gentleness as he opened it with (so, none), and approached the bed. "Missed me much?"
"You wish," Husk said, but his voice was a little hoarse, his eyes a bit wet.
That fucking period, Husk was going kill the guy who invented this, even if it turned out to be God himself.
"Whatever." Angel rolled his eyes affectionately, and knelt down next to the bed. "I got you a hot water bottle, usually Cherri uses it if she's over," Angel placed said item, wrapped in a cloth, to Husk's abdomen, "a few bottles of water... you need to drink something other than alcohol... and a glass. There are also pads and tampons, and you know, I had none and wanted to run to the shop, but when I was at the door, Niffty just approached me and shoved them into my hands, which, weird, but I'll take it! Some of my painkillers, and I promise you, they're one of the best, and a few bars of chocolate... Oooh, and I had some cookies, I hope you'll like them... Now, that I think about it, you probably should eat something healthier, so I can make you lunch if you're up for it..."
Angel's wave of words was cut short by Husk's lips pressing to his, and then leaving little, sweet kisses all over his face. He smiled under Husk's touches, and fuck, if Angel's eyes didn't shine so pretty and his smile wasn't crooked just right, if he wasn't the most perfect person in the world.
"Love you," Husk whispered, trying to keep himself half-up with one hand, and keeping the hot water bottle in place with the other.
"Love you, too." Angel kissed Husk's forehead, and Husk could melt right then and there.
After Husk changed his pad for some more comfortable tampon, took the painkiller and positioned himself in a half-sitting position with a hot water bottle on his belly, Angel slipped into the remaining space on Husk's bed, handed Husk a sandwich and put the laptop on their laps.
"What are you doing?" Husk crooked his head. Angel smiled and put a hand on Husk's forehead to guide Husk's head to rest on his chest fluff.
"Figured we might watch something together." His smile became unusually shy for Angel Dust. "Unless you don't wanna?..."
"I'd love that." Husk's hand came to catch Angel's and bring it to his lips. With a soft sigh, Angel kissed the shell of Husk's ear in return, and put on one of the movies he insisted Husk had to watch. This time, it turned out to be something called "Legally blonde".
After quite some time, when Elle Woods, unsurprisingly similar to Husk's smart, witty, blonde and beautiful boyfriend, finished the movie with a big speech, when Husk's belly started hurting a little bit less, when they ate Angel's cookies and Angel's hand came to thread through Husk's fur, Husk decided that despite the pain, it was one of the most warm and sweet days he's ever had.
"Thanks," he started, one of his claws following the pretty patterns on Angel's fur. "For putting up with me."
"Putting up?" Angel rolled his eyes and playfully smacked the heart on the tip of Husk's ear. "Nah. Thank you for letting me be here. Trusting me."
Husk would deny Angel's words, say, that he was the lucky one, not Angel (because that was the obvious truth), but the clear joy in Angel's voice made the words die in his throat. So instead, he decided to lean into Angel's hand with a purr.