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Richie Tozier didn’t expect guests often. Despite the freshly rekindled bond between the losers, strengthened even further by Eddie’s survival, Richie still had the childish inclination to pull away from those who cared for him. And so, he did. He’d ignore their group chat to the point where he’d turned his notifications off, he’d let phone calls from the losers go straight to voicemail, but the one loser he ignored the most was Eddie.
Richie felt an odd sort of embarrassment surrounding letting himself find happiness in his life, and a heap of shame surrounding the feelings he’d forgotten he’d even had for 27 years. It didn’t help that Eddie was now happily divorced and coming out of his shell the same way he had when he was away from his mother all those years ago. Richie felt filthy to even be happy for Eddie… because being happy about Eddie's divorce meant that Richie was preying on him in a way. Like some sort of monster, he’d influenced Eddie to leave his steady, stable life with the promise of the freedom they’d felt when they were kids. And now Eddie would die alone just like him. At least that’s what Richie’s mind had told him he’d done. He really just told Eddie to leave the ol’ ball and chain and proceeded to pull away the second Eddie was free… Now, Richie sat in silence and complete lonesomeness, isolating himself from the world.
He had no idea how much worse he’d feel after today.
Richie Tozier didn’t expect guests often. That’s why he was still asleep when all 5 losers began knocking at his apartment door around 9:35 am on June 1st. There was loud chatter and laughter outside his apartment that morning, and at first Richie thought the sound was coming from his dreams. He flipped over and groaned, smacking his drool-glossed lips together. In one slow, groggy move, Richie pulled himself out of bed. He was wearing orange and yellow striped boxers that his hairy tummy hung over, and in his sleepy daze, he didn’t bother to put anything else on before dragging himself over to the door. He typically answered the door to delivery drivers and take-out orders, where the only exchange was a “Hey, thanks,” and a ”Did they remember the straw?”
Richie opened the door, scratching his chest with squinted eyes. It seemed he’d also managed to forget his glasses when getting up to soothe the racket.
”Richie! Morning, sunshine!”
Bill slapped Richie’s bare back as he stepped past him and right inside. Mike followed after him, giving Richie’s shoulder a much gentler pat compared to Bill’s.
“What the fuck?”
Richie blinked, then rubbed his eyes in an attempt to comprehend what was happening. He could make out Bev’s fiery hair, even without his specs.
“Did I miss someone’s birthday or something? Why are you guys here?”
Beverly let a short airy laugh escape her lips as she stepped in and tried to flatten Richie’s hair. It had gone wild, sticking up in all directions from rubbing against his pillow in his sleep.
“No, didn’t you see the plans in the group text?”
She gave up and ruffled his hair between her fingers instead.
She wandered over to join Bill and Mike where they’d made themselves comfortable on Richie’s sofa.
Richie was a little embarrassed as he watched Bev sit down next to his other friends… His popcorn bowl from the previous night was still on the coffee table, surrounded by empties. All fruity drinks that a teenage girl might order as her first experience with alcohol. He was grateful his friends seemed to have decided against having this meeting out on the balcony, where his Garfield ashtray sat full of butts.
”No? I don’t check that shit, man, I’m a busy guy!”
He scoffed, though he knew his friends knew about his lack of gigs lately. It seems having a panic attack on stage and blanking on all your jokes isn’t a great look for a comedian.
Eddie pushed past Ben before he could even step inside, knocking him into the doorframe.
“Wow, yeah, well, if you would have checked it you would have known that we were coming. So maybe next time be more prepared? And try to clean up, Rich, this place is a mess.”
It was clear Eddie was bitter. He couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that Richie was just… ignoring him, now. He figured they’d be as close as they were 27 years ago, maybe even closer considering that they’d defeated It once and for all. But for some reason, Richie was pulling away. Not just from Eddie, but noticeably the most from him.
“Hey, man, great to see you too! How’s the old ball and chain?”
Richie rolled his eyes, but his chest tugged hard watching Eddie enter his space like that. Ben trailed in after Eddie nervously, quickly clinging to Bev’s side and sitting on the arm of Richie’s sofa.
Eddie’s cheeks turned red with anger immediately and he spun around fast to glare up at Richie and point a finger hard into his soft chest.
“Shut up man, I’m glad I’m divorced. You can’t joke about that stuff anymore.”
His eyes slowly scattered down from Richie’s face to his bare torso, and lingered a little too long there before he pulled them away.
Richie’s mouth split into a big toothed smile. Of course, another reason that he'd been avoiding him was because he knew this feeling was too good. Riling Eddie up was something he knew he'd not be able to resist if he was in his presence at all whatsoever. Of course, Richie, ever insecure and disgusted by himself, noticed Eddie staring and wrapped his arms around himself as if to try and hide what was virtually unhideable.
“Aren’t you a jolly little spinster! Hey, whatever floats your boat.”
Bill frowned at the saying from across the room.
“Spinster?! What does that even mean?! Like, a spider? That’s disgusting, Richie, seriously, truly disgusting!”
Eddie turned back around in a flash and stomped over to Richie’s window by his sofa. He drew the curtains open aggressively and a stream of bright morning light filled the room.
Richie squinted. His friends were all blurry, even in the light of day.
“Okay, well, if this is an intervention, I’d better get on something a little more appropriate. Why sir, I’m indecent!”
Richie did a short snippet of his classic southern belle voice, fanning at his face with a flat hand.
Eddie rolled his eyes hard and crossed his arms so tightly over his chest.
“Newsflash, Rich, not everything’s about you! I planned this for me, not anyone else.”
He spat, tilting his chin up slightly towards Richie’s ceiling.
”Yeah, genius? Well why’d you fuckin’ plan it at my house?”
Richie was quick to bite back defensively.
”Because it's the only way you’d show up! You’ve been avoiding me like crazy, asshole!! That’s why!!”
Eddie’s voice wavered. It was clear he was upset, and his cheeks glowed red once more.
Richie swallowed hard. His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down quickly.
“Whatever.”
He looked away, choosing to focus on his blank wall instead of the fuzzy faces of his disappointed friends. He just knew he couldn’t close his mouth, however…
“I’ll be back in a sec, don’t wet yourself. I’m not avoiding you by going to get changed, am I? ‘Cause if I am, I’m sooo sorry. Why don’t you come with me? Would it make you feel better to be attached to my hip like some kind of parasite?”
Richie’s tone was sarcastic and cruel. He got a sharply shaming look from Beverly, but his lack of glasses saved him from getting a good glimpse of it. He disappeared into his room with a heavy sigh.
Eddie was no parasite. Richie’s love for him was the real leech after all. That love sucked Richie dry of any sweetness he had left.
Eddie rubbed his face vigorously with his hands the very second that Richie left the room.
”Eddie, I’m sorry… I’m sure he's just going through another—“
“Doesn’t he get that this is important?! I didn’t just invite everyone over for nothing! God, he’s so stupid! He doesn’t think of anyone but himself!”
Eddie interrupted Ben’s sympathy loudly and rudely.
”He couldn’t even dress himself before answering the door! He couldn't even clean off the coffee table! Smirnoff ice? What, is he fourteen?!”
Eddie picked up an empty can, and in his frustration he threw it across the room.
“Eddie, c’mon… Why did you invite us all over?”
Mike asked, trying to approach him gently with a warm look. He had a feeling he knew, however.
Eddie took a breath that filled his lungs all the way up. He furrowed his brow and shook his head fast.
“Nope. Nuh uh. I can’t say till Richie’s back.”
His nostrils flared as he let out the air he’d been holding in.
“Everyone needs to hear it.”
Richie returned shortly. He had dressed himself in some sweatpants and a big t-shirt with The Trash Heap from Fraggle Rock printed on the front. Part of him knew the lack of effort in his outfit choice would piss Eddie off. He found satisfaction in that… Any reaction from Eddie was a good reaction. Then again, he did contemplate escaping this situation via jumping out of his bedroom window. It felt like a confrontation to be approached in his own home, and confrontation was a thing Richie was thoroughly against… Richie ultimately decided against the whole window plan and tried to think of what his friends were really here for. He figured that everyone would chat, reminisce, maybe watch some tv, then leave. Richie felt completely safe with that thought, the plan he’d panickedly strewn together in his head.
“What did I miss?”
He sauntered into the living room, clearly putting some kind of mask up to protect himself. To protect himself from the people who loved him the most in the world…
“Sit down, Richie.”
Beverly ordered with a brief eyeroll… She’d have to talk to him about this later.
She couldn’t stand when he got that way; bratty and rude for supposedly no reason at all. Though Beverly knew why he was upset to see Eddie again… She also thought that he should be grateful to have everyone show up to visit him. She knew more than she'd let on about Richie, the losers, and their futures.
Richie did as he was told, dragging his lazy boy over to the other side of the coffee table so that he could face his friends.
“So, this still kinda feels like an intervention. What did I do this time?”
Richie flopped down into his chair and put his hands out towards the others with his wrists together as if he were expecting an arrest.
“Just cuff me already, won’t ‘cha? I ain’t even done nuttin’! Nuttin’ at all!”
He pulled another impression out of his ass, this time it was Bugs Bunny.
“Stop being Bugs Bunny! I already told you, this isn’t about you at all! It’s not about what you’ve done, asshole, it’s about what I am!”
Eddie barked, stomping over to loom over Richie. He looked down at him with lowered brows and grabbed both his wrists in one hand, squeezing them tight before violently shoving them away as he let go.
“So listen up.”
He hissed.
Richie’s face reddened. He gulped and nodded, unable to find the words for once in his life. He thought he’d be whipped forever, with the way his stomach swirled with tightness at that small act of Eddie aggression. There were plenty of times he'd felt that way about Eddie, just one more reason to avoid being near him altogether.
Eddie took a deep breath, then wandered back to his place by the brightness of the window. Framed by the light of the morning, Richie thought he looked like an angel, cheesily enough. He punished himself mentally for having that thought at all.
”Okay.”
Eddie cleared his throat.
“What day is it?”
He asked the group like a professor starting a debate, pressing his fingertips together as he paced back and forth.
“Uh, Tuesday?”
Bill chirped, checking his digital watch to be sure.
“No!”
Eddie huffed angrily, halting his movement,
”Like, what’s the date?!”
”The first.”
Mike raised his eyebrows as he answered, curious as to why the date was so important…
”The first date? Eds, I’m flattered, really, but you know I don't kiss on the first date!”
Richie teased, feeling comfortable enough to joke now that Eddie’s strong presence had moved across the room.
Eddie gave Richie a sharp, angry look.
“June first!! It’s June first! And what is June?!”
He slapped his palm with the side of his hand, and a small slapping noise echoed through the apartment.
“Eddie, hon, we love guessing games, really, but why don’t you just tell—“
Beverly was interrupted by Mike.
“It’s pride month.”
Richie felt his blood turn cold. This was Eddie’s big plan. To out Richie in front of everyone, to ruin his career even further, to ruin his friendships, and finally to laugh at his pain as if it were a punchline. The redness from his cheeks was quick to drain into a cold pale white.
”Pride month? Mikey, my man, why’d you know that? You gay or something?”
His voice cracked slightly, and despite it being 2019 and not 1989 anymore, he felt like that scared little boy again.
Mike only replied with a sigh, drawing his attention back to Eddie. He had secrets of his own. Everybody did.
“No!! Mike’s not gay!”
Eddie nearly shouted.
“I’m gay!”
He’d reached his boiling point, and his whole face was sweaty and dark with his blush.
Richie swore his stomach dropped down to his feet. He held back an anxious gag and blinked up at Eddie. His eyebrows furrowed upwards.
“Is… Is this some kind of prank, man? ‘Cause it’s not fucking funny…”
The words just seemed to slip out. It really did feel like Eddie was pulling a prank on him. That perhaps Eddie didn't just figure out that Richie was gay, but that he had known about Richie’s crush all along and he was playing this nasty joke on him to shame him for ever feeling that way.
“Okay, asshole, first of all, why would I joke about something like that? That’s so fuckin’ wrong. Secondly, why do you look sick? Are you homophobic or something? Do you hate me now just because I like men? ‘Cause that's also so wrong. You’re disgusting!”
Eddie rambled, mostly because of the shockwave of anxiety that had rippled through his entire body. His mind was positively buzzing with nervousness. This was a huge deal to him…
“Dude! I’m not— C’mon, do I look homophobic? For real?”
Richie tried to defend himself.
”No, you look like you have influenza.”
Eddie snapped back.
”Eddie, we’re so proud of you.”
Ben was the first to try and break up their little spat…
“You were really brave to tell us… and… and I hope you find someone who can love you like you deserve.”
”Yeah, yeah, whatever.”
Eddie waved a flippant hand at Ben.
“What I really want is for us to all go to pride together. I’m gonna find a guy to kiss.”
The room went silent, and Richie had to take a deep breath to stop himself from getting sick. Fuck, he thought, he was closer than ever to having his childhood crush and here he was talking about kissing some stranger at pride. Eddie K, that same Eddie that used to avoid touching the poles on the bus because his mother told him that they’d give him AIDs.
“What, like just a random guy? Aren’t you scared of herpes or something? What happened to the Eddie we know and love? Why aren’t you spraying disinfectant everywhere?!”
Richie’s mouth opened and the words seemed to just tumble out.
“I’m not like that anymore. If you actually spent time with me at all you’d know I’ve been going to therapy about that stuff. To dismantle whatever my mom set up in my brain when I was a kid.”
Eddie’s lips tightened into a short angry line.
“But you don’t even like knowing me anymore so I guess I’ll go to pride alone and get roofied at a bar and die or something.”
As a risk analyst, Eddie knew the possibility of that happening was extremely unlikely for him.
Richie groaned, sliding his big hands over his face frustratedly.
“No! I’ll go, okay? I’ll go and we can find you your dream guy, huh? Your frog prince.”
His stomach clenched, and in a swift move he was booking it towards the bathroom and vomiting. The sound rang through the apartment and Eddie winced hard.
Beverly stood up slowly and took a deep breath.
”I’ll go chat with him. Sorry, Eddie. We love you. We’re proud of you.”
She made it a point to walk past Eddie and ruffle his hair affectionately. She popped a small kiss to his hairline and went off to check on Richie. Eddie just stood there and grumbled in his anger.
Richie was hanging over the toilet like a ragdoll. He couldn't tell if the tears in his eyes were from the force of which he was throwing up or if they were from how terribly horrifically awful he felt.
Beverly knocked on the door gently, then promptly invited herself in.
“Richie?”
Her voice was soft.
“Guurgghh?”
Richie responded in a gargle, shifting his head to look up at her.
“You okay?”
She asked, crouching down beside him.
Richie knew that he couldn’t avoid her. She’d known about his crush on Eddie since they were kids. She had a way of knowing things without being told them. Some kind of mind power, Richie always thought. Like a superhero.
“He’s gay. He’s gay and he wants to kiss another guy.”
Richie sounded selfish and just as miserable as he felt. He didn’t think it fair, though he knew he was the one who’d avoided his crush for decades…
”I know, babe. Maybe it’s time you… you know, like, tell him…? How you feel?”
Beverly approached the idea like a wilderness explorer handling a deadly snake.
One bite and it was all over.
“No way! No way. That would completely mess everything up. Our whole friendship…”
Richie shook his head, the room a dizzy blur.
”Mess up your whole friendship?”
Beverly almost laughed, but she held it in.
”Richie, don’t you think avoiding and ignoring him since his divorce has done enough messing up?”
“I had to! When he was married at least I was safe to hang out with him! Now whenever I see him I feel like it’s all my fault!!”
Richie whined, running a hand through his silvering black hair.
”I ruined his life!”
“Maybe it is all your fault! Maybe he got divorced because he saw how much you loved him when you carried him out of that cave! Maybe he felt it too! Richie, you're holding yourself back from something that could change your life.”
Beverly knew the end. She always had…
”Shut up with your witchy woo-woo stuff… There’s no way he left Myra for me. Unless he’s after my cold hard cash…”
Richie rolled his eyes.
“Which I really doubt considering I haven’t done a show in like, six months.”
Beverly gave the back of Richie’s head a gentle slap.
“Come on. Have a little faith in him! It’ll be fun to go to pride. I’ve never been!”
”Yeah, no duh you’ve never been! You’re like the poster child of happy straight marriage! When you stand next to Ben you look like two Precious Moments figurines.”
Richie teased, standing himself up with a grunt. His knees cracked. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and the hairs along it stuck up as if a cat had licked it.
Bev rolled her eyes again.
“Let’s get back out there. Brush your teeth first, will you?”
She raised her eyebrows and opened up the bathroom door, slipping through it and disappearing into Richie’s apartment.
Back in the living room, Eddie had calmed down. He was sitting on Richie’s lazy boy, showing Mike, Bill, and Ben his plans to attend the multiple events throughout the month. He was mostly excited for the parade. He heard that people threw candies down from the floats to the people watching.
“… I heard the library has a float.”
He spoke to Mike.
”Yeah, I’m actually the one who made it happen… I talked to the city and figured something out with a company vehicle…”
Mike replied proudly, smiling softly.
“I normally wouldn’t be so outward about this stuff, but… It’s important to be represented.”
”Represented? Mike, I hate to tell you, but the L doesn’t stand for Librarian…”
Bill interrupted in his confusion.
“Bill…”
Mike huffed out an airy laugh and shook his head.
“Oh.”
Bill realized . Mike was a gay librarian. A lot of things made sense, now…
”Hey guys, how's it going?”
Beverly sat back down next to Ben and wrapped an arm around his waist.
”Fine. How’s Richie?”
Eddie asked shortly, crossing his arms.
“He’s fine. Smirnoff ice and popcorn didn’t sit well, I guess.”
Bev joked, trying to make light of the situation.
”Poor guy.”
Ben shook his head.
“He’ll be alright. He said he’d come to pride with you, Eddie. We’re both really excited.”
Beverly offered Eddie a smile. Her small fib would be fine… She knew Richie couldn't say no to Eddie even if he wanted to.
“He could be lying to you. You never know. He’ll probably fake getting sick again and cancel last minute… or say he’s busy writing new routines… or say he didn’t get a good enough sleep.”
Those were all excuses he’d given Eddie in the past.
“He always says that stuff to me when I ask him to hang out.”
Eddie grumbled, looking down to his hands in his lap. The empty space where his wedding band used to sit was permanently indented. He rubbed at the divot in his flesh with his thumb.
“Eddie…”
Beverly leaned over the coffee table to put a hand on his shoulder, and Richie wandered back into the room.
“What's with the pity party? Did someone die or something?”
Richie threw his hands up into a shrug, leaning back where he stood.
“Shut up. Just shut up, Richie, I don’t wanna hear it! Today was supposed to be my day!”
Eddie sat up stiff as a board and barked at Richie.
“You’re supposed to think I’m brave!”
“God forbid I don’t think it’s an extreme act of bravery to tell your buddies you like cock!”
Richie snapped back, wrinkling his nose angrily.
“Wow! Wow, you’re reducing me to just… just sexual perversions! You think I’m a pervert!”
Eddie pointed a harsh finger at him from his chair.
“A pervert?! Did I say it made you a pervert?! No! But I don’t think it makes you brave!”
Richie’s cheeks turned red.
“You told me I was brave before!”
“For fighting a killer clown, not for being gay!”
“You should be proud of me!!”
Their back and forth was making the rest of the group wildly uncomfortable. Their eyes shifted around the room, then between the two men anxiously.
“For what?! Wanting to kiss some random guy in front of me?! Oh, yeah, I’m thriiiiillled, Eds! I’m so excited!”
Richie flared out his hands and shook them in a cruel act of sarcasm. Jazz hands used for evil, really.
”Why does it matter if I do it in front of you? Would you rather me take him home?!”
Eddie was flustered and red in the face by his own insinuation, and he shook his head to get the idea out of it. He sunk down into the chair and found himself blushing a little more at the fact that it smelled so much like Richie…
Richie’s mouth dropped open in something that looked like disgust but was really the feeling of betrayal. He scoffed loudly, palmed his forehead, and took a breath.
“Okay… Y’know what? It doesn’t matter.”
He blinked for a little longer than a second.
”What day is it? I’ll be there.”
Richies intentions had shifted. He was no longer going to go just to support Eddie in his journey and his… bravery, whatever that meant… He was going to steer Eddie clear of experiencing his first kiss with a guy.
“Saturday. You’re not lying to me, right?
Eddie prodded, looking up at Richie with sharp eyes.
”You’re not gonna be sick, or tired, or busy, or double booked, right?”
Eddie hissed out his words angrily. He was tired of Richie’s excuses.
”Boy Scouts honor, Eds.”
Richie put a hand over his heart and the other by his head as if swearing an oath.
”I’ll be there.”
The rest of the visit went surprisingly well, aside from Richie deciding to linger in the kitchen for long periods of time to avoid sitting in the living room near Eddie. It was unfortunate, however, that it seemed their assigned seating was always together. Beverly sat with Ben, they were married after all, and Mike always sat with Bill. The librarian and the author. It just made sense… But what did that make Eddie and Richie? The loud and annoying ones, Richie thought. He finally wandered out from his kitchen safe-haven and sat down on the arm of the lazy boy. At first, Eddie shoved at his back.
”You’re in my space, doofus!!”
He grumbled, pushing harder. He didn't even move Richie an inch, and to bug Eddie extra, Richie flopped down over Eddie’s lap and smiled that stupid big-toothed grin up at him.
”Your what? Your face? I’m not in your face! But it looks like the boogeyman is!!”
Richie was quick to stick his pinky up Eddie's nose, receiving a sharp slap to the chest in return.
“My space! My space, my space, my space!! Get your finger out of my nose!”
Eddie shrieked, and Richie couldn’t wipe the smirk off his face. He was quick to get slapped another time.
”Ow! Little asshole!”
Richie overreacted and drew his hands to his chest where he'd been slapped. It stung, but knowing that it was from Eddie brought him some kind of sick satisfaction.
”You’re so gross!”
Eddie growled at him, but when Richie looked up to read his face, Eddie was smiling. Smiling like he’d gotten some kind of sick satisfaction from it too. Richie was relieved to be on the same page as Eddie once more.
Ben watched the altercation and smiled at Beverly.
“See, Beverly? They’ll be just fine…”
”Mhmm…”
She sighed in return. She had a creeping feeling that Richie would never confess. That this stalemate would ultimately last forever and he’d die alone and miserable. She shook the thought from her head.
“They’ll be fine…”
The day of the pride parade came much faster than Richie would have liked. Before he knew it, Eddie was in his apartment slathering sunscreen all over himself while looking into his bathroom mirror.
”Are you gonna come put some sunscreen on? It’s June, Richie, the sun’s like, deadly right now. Also, what are you gonna wear? You can’t wear anything boring. I read that dressing up is part of it.”
Eddie rambled, leaning close to the mirror's glassy surface and rubbing his suncream under his eyes and over the bridge of his nose.
He was dressed up, that was for sure. He wore a white ball cap, accented by rainbow stripes down the sides and under the brim. A plain white polo shirt, and some red shorts accented with those same rainbow stripes that appeared on his hat.
He looked like somebody’s gay uncle, really, and Richie felt an odd discomfort seeing Eddie this way.
He watched him from the doorframe, leaning against it casually, though inside he was panicked.
“Is that what you’re wearing?”
Richie asked, raising an eyebrow.
”Yeah. Why?”
Eddie turned his head to give Richie a confused look, lowering his thick brow.
“Nothing! Just… Nothing, it looks fine.”
Richie waved a flippant hand, looking away. If he looked too long, he'd get flustered. It wasn't even that Eddie was dressed sexily at all… It was the fact that it felt almost domestic to watch Eddie get himself ready in Richie’s space.
“Okay, well, that didn’t sound very convincing… Is that what you’re wearing?”
Eddie raised an eyebrow at Richie.
Richie was still in his pyjamas. A big t-shirt and boxers. If Eddie hadn’t surprised him and shown up early again, he’d probably have gotten himself dressed properly.
“Yep. Going in full pyjamas. Think I’ll pick up a lotta guys that way?”
Richie fluttered his eyelashes and puckered his lips, bending down and resting his hands on his knees.
Eddie became serious.
“Are you… Trying to pick up a lotta guys?”
He asked slowly, throwing his sunscreen bottle to Richie, who promptly threw it back.
“You forgot your ears.”
Richie reminded Eddie, giving his reason for returning the bottle. His stomach felt sick with the question. No, he wasn’t trying to pick up a lot of guys. He was trying to stop Eddie from picking up any guys at all. It was selfish. He was a monster, truly.
And still, with Eddie asking something like that, it made Richie feel like he was closer than ever to sniffing out Richie’s homosexuality.
“You didn’t answer my question.”
Eddie huffed, cracking it back open to rub his ears with the cream.
“What question?”
Richie furrowed his brow, though he knew full well what question Eddie meant.
He put on his classic grandpa act and cupped his ear with his hand, shivering as if he were rattled with tremors.
”Huh? What was that, sorry? You asked if I'm… trying to lick up a lotta fries? Why yes!!”
Eddie rolled his eyes hard, slamming the sunscreen down onto the bathroom countertop.
“Whatever. Go get dressed asshole, I don't wanna miss the train station’s float.”
He shoved past Richie as he left the bathroom, heading to the kitchen to fill up his giant water bottle.
Richie sighed in relief at Eddie’s departure from the room.
He looked in the mirror and leaned over the sink.
“Keep it together, Richie…”
He muttered to himself. He felt the sweat prickling against the back of his neck. He took a deep breath, covered up his sweat smell with a couple spritzes of cologne, and wandered to his bedroom to get dressed. He wore one of his more colourful patterned button ups, one with toucans and monstera leaves printed on it. Some grey cargo shorts and some muppet-themed socks.
He figured that’d be dress-uppy enough for Eddie’s standards… He gave his hair a quick comb, which didn't really help his situation much. It still stuck up and frizzed. Just one more thing for him to feel insecure about today.
Eddie wore his running belt proudly, shoving his giant water bottle into the slot on the side.
“Richie!! Are you ready yet? I bet Bev and Ben are already there…”
Eddie shouted from the kitchen, leaning back slightly to see if Richie was still in the bathroom.
“Yeah! Those punctual bastards…”
Richie let out a short laugh. He swiped his big sweaty hands down the front of his shirt as he stepped out from his bedroom, and Eddie gave him a genuine smile.
“You look good.”
Eddie said to Richie in marriage with his charmed smile.
Richie felt his throat squeeze tight, and he wiped his hands off once more. Eddie thought that he looked good. Thought it was just a friendly compliment, Richie could have melted into a puddle of mush, leaving nothing but his glasses behind.
“Thanks.”
He managed, looking away.
“Let’s get going, huh? Don’t wanna miss that train station float, do we?”
Eddie furrowed his brow low and his smile dropped into a frown.
“Don’t rush me!”
He grumbled, though he’d been rushing Richie all morning.
“I just have to check my hair again.”
“But you’re wearing a hat…”
Richie scoffed, raising an eyebrow.
“Yeah, but what if the guy I kiss wants to take it off? Then what? He’ll see my hair’s a mess and he’s not gonna wanna kiss me, Richie, he really won’t.”
Eddie rambled, removing his hat.
Richie couldn’t let that happen… And if Eddie’s hair was the dealbreaker for this random stranger, he knew he had to act fast.
“Hey, let me help…”
Richie wandered over with the facade of generosity over his being. The second he reached Eddie, he rooted his fingers into his hair and ruffled it like crazy.
“Hey!! What the hell! Stop!!”
Eddie slapped Richie's hands and wrists, trying to pull his head away from him.
Richie smiled proudly and kept up his good work, really fluffing it up. Unfortunately for him, he’d made Eddie look even hotter than before, bringing out some of the natural waves in his shiny brown hair.
“Hey, now you look like a chia pet! I'm sure there’s a guy out there who's into that!”
Richie teased, covering up the overwhelming feeling of swooning with humour. Before he could let out a laugh at his own joke, Eddie’s hands had found their way into his mop of greying hair and were messing it up twice as bad.
“Hey! Hey, woah!”
Richie giggled.
“It’s my revenge!”
Eddie laughed, almost evilly, as he scrubbed his fingertips through Richie’s thick hair.
All of a sudden, Eddie yanked a handful of Richie’s hair. Hard.
Richie’s lips dropped open and he let out a whimper of a gasp. His cheeks turned bright pink. There was no covering that up. And god, did that make him want to run away.
“Okay, okay, Eds, y-you got your revenge… Let’s just go…”
Richie swallowed hard, but he couldn’t ignore the insane butterflies swarming his stomach.
Eddie paused for a moment, still holding Richie’s hair, then he squinted up at him and let out a curious sound. Something was odd about that reaction…
“Okay…”
He looked him up and down.
“Let’s go.”
He let Richie’s hair go and walked past him.
And once again, Richie felt like a perverted monster.
The parade had barely started when Richie and Eddie arrived downtown.
There was a large sea of people flooding the area and the smell of fried food wafted through the air. Normally, Richie would get a whiff of that smell and feel hungry, but as Eddie dragged him through the crowd by the wrist, he just felt sick.
“Hey, slow down, we’re bumping into people…”
He muttered to Eddie, his eyes nervously darting around.
“Whatever. I want to get a good view of the parade.”
Eddie shoved past some more people, unafraid to use his elbows.
”Eds, if you want a good view you’ll have to sit on my shoulders or something. You’re like three feet tall.”
”5’9. I’m 5’9, Richie.”
Eddie growled, yanking his wrist a little rougher as he pushed all the way to the front.
“There. Now we can see.”
”Dude,”
Richie looked behind him at the frustrated people,
“I’m like an 8 foot tall monster. These people are pissed.”
He swallowed hard.
“Sit, then.”
Eddie furrowed his brow up at Richie and crossed his arms.
Richie sat immediately on the curb with a thump.
“So… Where do you think Bev and Ben are?”
Internally Richie was panicking a little. He still wasn’t out, after all… if he was seen walking around at pride with a man who wasn't afraid to grab and drag him around like his own personal plaything people would definitely talk. Besides, new outlets always reported on pride celebrations…He’d be spotted and questioned for sure. He was growing increasingly sweaty.
”I dunno. You’re really wet. Your shirt has sweat stains.”
Eddie pointed out, poking Richie’s soft bicep with his index finger.
“Gee, thanks for noticing.”
Richie grumbled, getting into one of his moods.
“Just watch the parade. That’s what you dragged me out here for anyways, right? Or are you still set on having your first gay kiss with some stranger?”
Eddie frowned down at Richie, his eyebrows low and shadowing his eyes.
“Shut up. You know I wanted you here for more than that. But whatever, I’ll just watch the parade and never look at you again.”
He turned his gaze back to the street, yet his expression stayed the same. Burning with anger.
More than that? Richie couldn’t understand. He was sure Eddie just brought him out here to torture him. Richie pulled his eyes off of Eddie and sighed as he watched the floats begin to roll out.
It was all too… Outward for Richie. Loud music blaring, men in short shorts, proud people kissing and hugging and smiling. Richie felt so far from it all. He would never do all that. He could never let himself be that… Happy. He rested his elbow on his knee and let his chin drop into his palm.
“You don’t look like you’re enjoying it.”
Eddie commented, and Richie realized that Eddie was sitting beside him, and that his focus was on him and not the parade.
“Huh?”
Richie furrowed his brow a little.
“No, I like it. It’s cool. It’s just different.”
“Different from what?”
Eddie asked.
“Different… From, like, what I’m used to.”
Richie shrugged, leaning back and propping himself up with his hands against the roughness of the sidewalk.
“Bad different?”
Eddie’s eyes were wide and impossible for Richie to not look into. Deep and brown like the earth, but somehow still dancing with the light of the sun.
“No…”
Richie smiled slightly, though he felt a pain in his chest. He could never let himself have it.
”Good different. I’m happy for you, Eds.”
Eddie’s face melted into the prettiest smile Richie had ever seen, and his throat got tight again immediately.
“Thanks, Rich.”
Eddie’s hand crept over to Richie’s and slowly slid overtop of it.
The warmth was like fire to Richie, and all he could feel was sparks. Eddie’s fingertips were soft, gently rubbing lines down the back of Richie’s hand. This had to mean something… That didn’t seem like a simple friendly gesture, not with the way Eddie was stroking him with all the gentleness in the world. Eddie being gentle was unheard of.
He sputtered for a moment, then let out an embarrassed mumble of a
”…’S no big thing…”
Their moment was interrupted when someone in the parade approached them curiously.
“Richie? Richie Tozier?”
”Oh, fuck…”
Richie recognized this guy immediately and covered his reddening face.
”Hey! It is you! You’re out now? Geez, last time we hooked up I thought you were still on the down low!“
This was one of Richie’s past lovers, so to speak… Greg Rundegar. They’d found each other via Grindr, where Richie seeked asylum when Eddie’s divorce was still fresh…
”Hooked up? Richie, who is this guy?”
Eddie pulled his hand away from its place close to Richie and gave him a sharp, expectant look. The sort of look one would receive from an angry teacher for being too loud.
“You got yourself a boyfriend now, huh? Me too! He’s driving the float.”
Greg pointed his thumb back to the vehicle that was holding up the entire parade… The driver honked his horn and waved.
Richie wished a wild boar would somehow find its way through the crowd and kill only him. It was odd, though, how Eddie didn’t really react to the accusation that they were together.
“He’s not my boyfriend and I’m not gay, man, so please…”
Richie pleaded with Greg.
”Last time I saw you, you were pretty gay…”
Greg bit back grumpily… It seemed Richie had a type… Short angry men.
“Yeah? Well that was last time! So!”
Richie threw his hands up, frustrated. He couldn't believe this was happening to him… This day could not get any worse.
“What happened last time?”
Eddie growled, his jaw tightened with such ferocity that it’s clench was visible.
“Yeah, what happened last time, Richie? Why don’t you tell him?”
Greg crossed his arms and if one was far enough away, they’d easily mistake him for Eddie. Richie was terribly lucky that Eddie hadn’t noticed the resemblance.
He let out an embarrassed groan and pulled at his own hair in distress.
”We fucked, okay? I’m gay, Eds, I’m a big gay asshole who… hooks up with guys in secret because I can’t admit it to myself!! And now you know it, and everyone knows it, so that’s just fucking great!! Whoop-Dee-doo!!”
Richie practically yelled. The crowd’s attention had turned to Richie as he shouted.
Eddie blinked at him.
“Oh.”
He swallowed, and his Adam’s apple bobbed slowly.
“Happy?”
Richie spat, standing himself up embarrassedly. Eddie only shook his head in response.
”Thought so.”
Richie shoved his hands into his pockets and started barrelling himself through the crowd. His size made it easy, and he got out of Eddie’s sight relatively fast.
“Richie!! Richie, stop!”
Eddie called after him, scrambling up from the curb.
He turned to Greg and gave him an evil scowl. He shook his head disapprovingly, then began pushing through the crowd.
“Rich, I’m serious!”
Richie could hear Eddie calling his name. It still hurt to hear his name spoken with desperation, especially in Eddie’s voice. It all felt too soon. Too fast… but it had been years. Eddie was healed and divorced and gay and living his life to the fullest… Yet Richie was still the same old schmuck he’d been at age 13. Hiding, pushing people away, and covering up his feelings with his stupid loud mouth. But there was not much to cover up. Not anymore.
He broke away from the crowd and found himself in a quiet alleyway. He leaned his back against the red brick wall and gasped for air. He could hear his heart beating in his ears.
“Fuck. Shit…”
He panted. His vision was blurry, and only then he realized he was crying. It made him feel even more stupid. He palmed at his face, dragging his tears away with his big hands. He wished he had a cigarette on him, or a drink or anything to soothe the pain. He had nothing. He was alone, and he felt as if he’d stay that way forever.
It took Eddie a long time to fight through the crowd. Without Richie beside him, he was lost in the ocean of people. When he finally pushed out, he bumped into a couple.
“Hey!! Watch where you’re going, will you? It’s not a fuckin’ free for all out he—“
He looked up at the pair.
It was Beverly and Ben. They each had their own corn dog and their own big smile on their face.
“Eddie! Hey, hon! Where’s Richie? Did you see Mike’s float go by? Bill was riding on it!”
Bev grinned, then took a big bite of her corn dog.
Ben was holding her hand tightly, smiling shyly as she spoke.
“Ugh! No! I missed it! Richie fucked some guy and ran away!”
Eddie wasn’t the best at communicating his recap of the situation.
Ben’s eyes went wide and he gave Beverly a panicked look. Though, she seemed to understand exactly what Eddie had meant.
She spoke fluent Eddie.
”Did you see what direction he went?”
”No, duh!! If I saw which direction he went I’d be finding him by now!”
Eddie barked, spinning around to look.
”Do you think he… Wants to be found?”
Ben asked cautiously.
”No! But I need to find him! It’s important!”
Eddie didn’t even say goodbye. Instead, he turned around and began shoving his way through the people again, looking for Richie.
“He’ll be okay…”
Beverly reassured Ben before he could even ask for reassurance.
Eddie looked down every side street, and it was almost as if he could feel Richie’s presence. He felt like a dog sniffing out evidence at a crime scene.
He was close, and he could feel it.
He turned into the alleyway and saw him.
”Richie!”
He was flooded with relief, and in turn his voice came out surprisingly soft.
Richie turned his head to look at Eddie and sunk into himself with embarrassment.
“If you’re here to make a deprecating joke about my sexuality, trust me, Eds, I’ve thought of them all.”
”Fuck you.”
Eddie stomped up to Richie and pointed his finger at him firmly, prodding it into his chest.
”What? What the fuck did I do?”
Richie stumbled against the brick wall, his back pressing against it hard as Eddie closed in.
”Why would you keep that from me? Do you know how much easier it would have been for me to come to terms with my own homosexuality if I’d known you were gay this whole time? Like, so much easier!”
Eddie hissed, stepping even closer.
He poked his finger into Richie’s chest a few times for emphasis.
“Well, sorry I’m not… Loud and proud about it, okay?”
Richie growled back, scrunching his nose.
”Maybe I don’t want people to look at me differently because I’m gay!”
”I’ve always looked at you differently, asshole!”
Eddie slammed his palm against the concrete wall beside Richie’s head.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
Richie scoffed. His eyes nervously darted to where Eddie had him pinned.
“I just do!! I always have, you big jerk!”
Eddie planted his other hand against the wall at Richie’s side, and Richie realized he wasn't only stuck physically, but mentally too.
There was no more running. Not from his feelings, not from Eddie, not from anything.
”Well I look at you differently, too!”
Richie closed his eyes hard as he confessed it.
“Like, ever since we were kids, so don’t be mad at me for being scared that you’d find out and hate me or whatever.”
”Find out what?”
Eddie pried, so close now that his chest was nearly pressed against Richie’s diaphragm.
“Why would I hate you?”
”Because I wanted you!”
Richie choked out, almost in a sob.
”I always wanted y—“
But before Richie could finish, Eddie had yanked him down by the collar and smashed their lips together passionately.
It was warm and sweet and slightly sweaty, yet still so much more than Richie ever could have imagined it to be. He kept his hands at his sides, almost afraid to let himself touch Eddie.
Eddie gently bit at Richie’s bottom lip, then pulled away. He was breathing like an angry bull.
Richie was shaking and his palms had never been so sweaty. His lower lip quivered and his cheeks were tinted pink.
In a million years, he never would have expected that.
“What?”
Eddie’s brow bowed down in confusion.
“Did I do something wrong?”
“N-no, nothing wrong…”
Richie shook his head fast and blinked down at Eddie. His heart was racing in his chest.
”Do it again.”
He couldn’t even think before the request escaped his mouth, though Eddie was quick to comply and connect their lips once more.
He rooted a hand into the hair on the side of Richie’s head, and his scalp was warm against Eddie’s fingertips. His thumb gently caressed Richie’s cheekbone.
Richie had never been kissed like this before. Never with so much love and understanding. Richie bravely let his hands rest on Eddie’s waist. He was gentle as if Eddie would break at any second like a porcelain dinner plate.
He received a sigh and a pleased hum in response from Eddie, and he felt a little better. He squeezed gently.
Eddie pushed himself closer and wrapped his arm around Richie’s side and behind him, running his fingers down the divot of his lower back. His knee had found its way between Richie’s legs. Richie shivered at the touch on his spine and let out a shaky sigh.
Eddie nearly deepened the kiss before they were interrupted by Ben.
“I… Found them…”
Ben pointed to the pair and Bev poked her head out from behind the wall.
“Oh.”
Beverly’s lips split into a smile.
“Great! I told you they’d be fine.”
She rubbed Ben’s bicep sweetly.
Eddie and Richie stared at the pair wide-eyed, but they didn’t move from their positions.
“We were thinking of grabbing a few beers from the pub down the street… You guys wanna come? We’re reserving a table over the phone.”
Beverly explained, completely and utterly unphased by Richie and Eddie’s compromising stance.
It was Mike’s turn to peek around the corner, his phone pressed to his ear. He waved at the pair and grinned, mumbling something like, “Yep. We’re asking them right now. Sorry," into his phone.
Bill stood beside him and mimed opening up a beer and chugging it down, flashing a smile to the rest of the group.
”Well, Eds… What do you think? Beers?”
Richie asked him, turning to face him again, still just as breathless and pink as he was moments before.
Their faces were so close, and Eddie began to smile slowly.
“Are you asking me out or something? ‘Cuz you want me so bad?”
He teased a little bit, and Richie pressed his palm against Eddie's face and shoved it gently.
“Wow! I tell you I’ve loved you for years and you’re already making fun of me! Really, funny, Eds, listen to how many chucks you're getting!”
Richie put his hand to his ear and made a surprisingly impressive cricket sound by pushing air through his big teeth. Of course, the word love had slipped out but Richie hadn’t noticed in his rush of emotions.
Eddie slapped Richie’s chest and let out an airy laugh.
“Jerk!”
He covered Richie’s mouth with his other hand, and Richie was quick to dart his tongue out and lick it.
Eddie squealed, then wiped his drooly hand down Richie’s chest.
There was a beat of silence where Eddie kept his hand placed warmly on the softness of Richie’s chest. He let his thumb idly pet it as he thought about Richie’s words.
“I love you too. I think I have for a long time.”
He leaned up to mumble quietly, close to Richie’s ear so that only he could hear it.
Richie felt his chest tense up with the heat of a thousand suns. He pulled back and searched Eddie's eyes desperately, darting his vision back and forth, scanning for any ounce of falsehood in Eddie’s words… But he was only met with Eddie’s deep brown irises and blown out pupils that proved his words to be true.
He cracked a big toothed smile that shone down at Eddie, who smiled back softly. Richie no longer felt afraid to touch Eddie. He scooped him into his arms for a crushing hug; a hug that spoke every word Richie had ever been too scared to speak aloud. And Eddie could hear them all in just the feeling of Richie’s embrace.
Richie used to feel an odd kind of embarrassment around letting himself find happiness in his life. But as he stood in a quiet alleyway, surrounded by his best friends and the man he’d loved all his life, he knew that he had found it.
And it was right there all along.