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Brilliant flashes of multicolored lights blinded her. Several eyes locked onto her, the black entity’s shape violently warping into sharp edges and angry points as it ran towards her. The jester couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t tear her eyes away from the creature racing in her direction. Pain like she’d never felt stabbed through her chest, the venom-coated knife of despair twisting as it pulled out just to plunge back in, repeatedly penetrating her heart.
How could she have failed Ragatha like this? How could she have been so selfishly blind she didn’t see her suffering until it was too late?
As her back slammed against the wall, Pomni felt no physical pain. She hardly even registered she had been lifted from the floor. Everything became a blur as she drowned in her anguish. Her body continued to collide with their surroundings, but she felt nothing. She could only stare into those flashing eyes, swearing she could hear Ragatha screaming. Whether it was a hallucination or not, the cries of the doll pleading her to help pierced her hearing. Wails demanding to know why she wasn’t there when she needed her, why Pomni didn’t love her enough to care.
Even if she survived the brutal thrashing, there was no way Pomni would survive a single night. Ragatha was gone and it was all because of her own negligence. She let her suffer. Already, she could feel her arm beginning to burn, spasming as the same jagged edges replaced the limb. With what little bit of strength she had, she threw herself at Ragatha’s corrupted form, crying out an apology -
The jester sat up abruptly with heavy pants. Sweat streaked down her face, and her hand clutched at the fabric covering her heart, her chest pulsing with pain. It was all a dream. A horrible vision her brain had conjured up to torment her. Ever since the incident with Jax, abstraction-centered nightmares plagued her. Fear she would lose another person she cared about weighed heavily on her mind, no matter how much she tried to fight it. She would forever carry suffocating guilt she hadn’t seen her pain in time to help, and she would do everything she could to prevent it from happening again. She couldn’t bear the thought of failing anyone else, especially…
She needed to sleep. It was a dream. Nothing more. She couldn’t change the past; she could only try to do better. Laying back down, she rolled onto her side, staring at the wall. Even after closing her eyes, Ragatha’s pained screeching rang in her ears. Even if it wasn’t real, Pomni couldn’t recover from the sound. Her heart ached, her chest twisted, her stomach churned. If the ragdoll ever suffered like that…
No. Sleep. It wasn’t real. Pomni needed to push it out of her mind.
But she couldn’t.
For what felt like hours, she tried and tried to sleep to no avail. Fear it was more than a dream wouldn’t leave her alone. Her brain taunted her that it was a vision of the future, or perhaps the present. Was Ragatha okay? Was she truly asleep at this very moment?
She’s fine. She’s worrying over nothing.
But what if she wasn’t? What if Pomni was sensing something? Shouldn’t she at least check?
Her nonexistent heart hammered in her chest. No. She had to check. She couldn’t take that chance.
Kicking her blankets off and throwing her legs over the side of her bed, Pomni nearly ran out of her room and across the hall. With her hand mere centimeters from the door, she froze. She didn’t want to disturb Ragatha’s sleep over a silly nightmare. That’s so unbelievably selfish.
But what if it wasn’t just a nightmare?
Screw it. She would apologize if the doll had been sleeping. Ragatha being upset with her or even hating her was far better than the alternative.
After a quick knock, Pomni stood there with anxiety festering in her stomach. Please answer, please answer, please -
The doorknob clicked, and the door opened. The jester released the breath she hadn't realized she was holding.
“Pomni? Are you okay?”
Her voice was so drowsy yet so kind. Pomni couldn’t answer. She could only stare as Ragatha rubbed at her eye tiredly. She was safe. Thank God. She was safe.
“Pomni?”
A gentle hand cupped her cheek, pulling her out of her daze. “Huh? Oh, I -…” Tears burned in their ducts, but she blinked them back. “I’m sorry for waking you up. I’ll just be-“
Before she could turn to leave, Ragatha’s thumb swiped under her eye, clearing away a tear. When had that fallen? “Pomni, talk to me. What’s wrong?”
There was no stopping the tears now. “I…” with a halfhearted laugh, she turned away, brushing the base of her palm against her eye. “It’s stupid, really.”
“Don’t say that. Your feelings are never stupid.” The ragdoll stepped to the side, tilting her head in a clear invitation for Pomni to step inside. With a sigh, she did. It only then registered this was the first time she’d actually stepped inside Ragatha’s room, and she froze up, suddenly feeling very self-conscious and out of place. This was the doll’s private space; it felt… strange being here.
Once the door clicked shut, Ragatha turned toward her, taking her arm to guide her to the bed. Pomni allowed herself to be pulled. The doll sat atop the fluffy white comforter, urging Pomni to do the same with a gentle tug.
“No one can hear us in here. If you need to talk, I’m here for you.”
Multicolored eyes remained locked on the floor. With her hands in her lap, she nervously twiddled her thumbs.
“I… I had a nightmare.” She internally scoffed at herself. What was she, five? Shame sank into her stomach like a brick; was she really disturbing Ragatha’s peace over a bad dream?
A gentle hand pressed to her back in soothing circles. “I’m listening.”
Curse the doll’s warm and benevolent voice. Tears blurred her vision, though Pomni wasn’t sure if they were tears of embarrassment or pain. “You… abstracted.” She roughly swiped the moisture away before Ragatha could. “I found you as it was happening, and I just stood and watched. You were hurting so much and I didn’t do anything to help you.” The echoes of her screams haunted her memory, and more tears raced to replace what she had cleared. “You were suffering and I failed you and-“
“Pomni.” Plush hands grabbed her cheeks, stopping her spiral just as it started, and coaxed her to turn her head and look at the doll. Concern glistened in her eye, her brows furrowed. “I’m okay. You’re okay. We’re both okay.” Tender caresses smoothed over her skin, and the jester leaned into the touch. Her dislike of physical contact didn’t apply to Ragatha. It hadn’t for a long time, and right now… nothing could be more comforting. “I’m here.”
A meek noise escaped her, and she found herself unable to speak, even after multiple attempts to swallow the frog that had spawned in her throat.
“Would a hug be alright?”
She frantically nodded. As arms wrapped around her, the jester eagerly did the same, pressing into the doll as much as she physically could. Ragatha was so soft and warm. Being held in her arms calmed the storm of emotions that had been brewing inside of Pomni. Feeling her, hearing her, touching her… the pain from the nightmare began to fade away.
A light touch pet the back of her head through her hat. “I’m still listening.” Ragatha’s voice was as comforting and sweet as warm honey. “Whatever’s on your mind, let it out.”
Pomni shook her head as much as their position allowed, nuzzling further into Ragatha’s chest. She didn’t want to talk about her dream anymore. She just needed her presence and the physical reassurance Ragatha was safe. The ragdoll caught the unspoken message and squeezed her tighter, resting her cheek atop Pomni’s head.
The jester wasn’t sure how long they’d stayed like that. She didn’t want to know and was content to stay there forever. She’d never felt so at peace. It wasn’t until Ragatha shifted that it dawned on her a substantial amount of time had passed, but the doll didn’t make a move to withdraw. Instead, the slight pressure of a kiss formed on Pomni’s forehead, causing her to tense up slightly. It wasn’t at all that she didn’t like it. It was the surprise of the sudden affection, and the way it only amplified the comfort she felt in Ragatha’s arms.
Before the doll could misinterpret her reaction, Pomni huddled impossibly closer. Hushed words fell from her lips before she felt them on her tongue. “Please don’t go.”
Plush arms squeezed her. “I’m not going anywhere. Ever.”
Minutes passed. Possibly hours. She couldn’t be sure. Eventually, self-awareness she was keeping Ragatha from sleep crept in, and Pomni loosened her arms to pull away. Separating from her, she immediately felt cold, and not just from lack of physical warmth. Her skin tingled with the want to return to the doll’s arms, but she couldn’t be selfish.
“Are you feeling better?”
“Yeah. Thank you. I’m sorry.”
“Never apologize, Pomni.” A plush hand covered her cheek in a delicate caress. “I’m happy you came to me. My door is always open for you any time you need.”
The low softness of her voice… a different kind of emotion erupted within the jester, something new and unexplainable but not unpleasant. Words wouldn’t come. As she stared into Ragatha’s eye, she drowned in the tender affection flickering within her pupil. Her cheeks warmed as she melted under that half-lidded gaze. She swallowed as nervousness buzzed inside her. Polychromatic eyes drifted down to the doll’s stopmotion mouth before quickly darting back up when she felt a strange yearning in her chest. “Thank you, again, for… being here.” Her gaze once again dipped, but this time, it lingered for more than a few seconds. When she looked up, the ragdoll’s eye had taken on a new warmth.
“I’m always here for you, Pomni. For anything” God, her voice truly was Pomni’s greatest weakness…
The jester tentatively moved a hand up to cup the doll’s face, leaning forward just a smidge. She couldn’t suppress her feelings anymore, no matter how hard she tried. The doll matched her movement, a soft pink spreading over her plush skin. Ragatha’s hands moved to Pomni’s sides, gentle as ever.
When a demure gasp of her name was released, something clicked within Pomni, and she finally closed the gap. Their mouths brushed, and the tiniest noise in the doll’s throat gave the jester enough confidence to press more in a proper kiss. Ragatha’s mouth was softer than expected, and everything about the contact just felt undeniably right. Pomni’s chest filled with warmth, and she quickly stole a second kiss as soon as the first ended. The hands on her waist became tighter as Ragatha pushed back against her mouth with equal enthusiasm. The kiss remained gentle and slow, but it was clear they both had longed for this, both had needed this.
When the kiss broke with a pop, Pomni locked eyes with the doll, stroking her skin with her thumb. This close, the true color of her iris was clear, and she lost herself in the beautiful deep violet that glittered in the low light. Adoration warmed the doll’s gaze. All memory of what had led Pomni here was lost, and her eyes dropped back to the slightly parted mouth of the ragdoll. How quickly she had become addicted to her taste.
She needed to leave for her own sanity. She’d spend the entire night kissing and hugging the poor girl if she didn’t force herself away now, and she couldn’t deprive Ragatha of any more rest.
Wait… they had actually…
With anxiety building in her chest, the weight of what they’d just done starting to land, she began to pull away. “I should go. You need to sleep. Thank you for-“
Plush hands squeezed her. “You know, you… could stay. My bed’s big enough - i-IF you, um, want to sleep in here, of course.”
Her cheeks burned. Sleeping in Ragatha’s bed? It felt scandalous for some reason, regardless of the fact she was invited, and yet, she couldn’t deny that the idea was enticing.
“Okay.” The darkening of the doll’s cheeks as a smile curved her mouth had Pomni’s stomach doing flips. “But if you decide you want me to leave, don’t hesitate to kick me out.” She kept a lighthearted tone as she moved into a proper position, but she was being genuine. She would leave without question if Ragatha wanted her to.
“That won’t happen, Pomni.”
It took some getting used to and some awkward adjusting, but eventually, the two were settled laying facing each other, and it didn’t take long for them to move into one another’s arms, cuddled comfortably as they drifted into sleep. It was the best sleep Pomni had ever gotten.