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A clean cut was never a clean cut.
Not for Xie Lian, at least.
Blades were sharp, and therefore were supposed to slice seamlessly. For skin, this decree worked. But other flesh was not so forgiving. There were tendons, viscera, muscles, and worst of all;
Bones.
Bones were like the knot in the tree. You chop and chop with your best axe, yet no matter how bad your hands hurt you know the tree will not fall until the knot is cut through. Tough and unforgiving. If there was anything worse than trying to cut through bones, it was that they didn’t cut at all - they broke.
Into several pieces, in fact.
Several very painful pieces.
The stab always hurt worse once the sword was pulled out. (Similarly, it always hurts worse when you do it yourself. But nevermind that.)
Approximately three minutes ago, Xie Lian was impaled twice within half a second.
The dual punctures were delivered at the exact same time, with one entering his lower stomach, and the other running through his mid-back. Now, Xie Lian did not enjoy being stabbed. In fact, it was one of his least favourite ways to die. But he enjoyed being stabbed a lot more when it wasn’t in his ribs. Ribs were the worst place to be stabbed (besides the neck) because not only do you have your ribs shattered - which are so hard to heal, mind you - but you destroy everything they’re protecting!
The heart was hard to deal with when punctured. Lungs were worse.
Shocking, right? For Xie Lian, at least he’d pass out when his heart stopped. His lungs were an entirely different story.
He coughed once, then swallowed. A familiar feeling of slick, smarmy blood trailed down his throat. He raised his head to the ashen sky, his lip quivering at the nausea. He was not lucky enough to have either sword hit his heart.
Xie Lian took a breath as deep as he physically could with a lame lung. The air was cool and it had a very crisp smell to it, if you disregarded the stench of blood. A small stream rippled with ambience in the background, and a corpse lay nearby.
Xie Lian looked down. The ground looked awfully comfortable right now. Rocks and all.
He almost laid down. Hypothetically, he would have curled into the littlest ball he could and hugged himself securely. He would have quietly sung himself a lullaby and tried to ignore the whistle his exhalations made while he fought to ignore the blood filling his windpipe. And maybe, he would have even stopped resisting the urge to cry. Hypothetically.
It didn’t hurt all that much.
Xie Lian precariously raised two fingers to his temple. Then he hesitated.
It didn’t hurt all that much.
Why not just stand here?
Why not just stand here and wait.
Wait it out!
His organs stitched around his broken ribs.
He will worry, you know.
He will worry.
He felt a bit faint, how much blood did he swallow?
How much blood will San Lang think he swallowed?
Right– San Lang!
He pressed the two fingers to his temple. Dry blood flaked off of them.
It’s just the blood loss, Xie Lian, don’t let it get to you.
He will worry.
I know.
Surely.
Broken ribs, broken lungs, broken heart, broken you.
Call for him, please.
Xie Lian did not want to see the look on San Lang’s face.
The broken look. At broken him.
Call for him.
He will worry.
He told him not to.
I’m not worried.
You’re not him.
San Lang?
Now you’ve done it.
Yes, Gege?
...
Gege?
Could you come get me?
Has something happened?
(He wanted to say something along the lines of; ‘yes! Please come get me, it hurts a lot and I feel sick and all I’ve eaten today was rice and blood and-’)
I suppose so... Is that alright?
Xie Lian rubbed his arm timidly.
You–... You don’t have to ask permission for that.
No?
No? Of course not, Gege– I’ll be right there...
Alright. The answer is still yes.
Yes, Gege. Don’t move.
I love you.
I love you too.
There was something strange about those words. He meant them, with every ounce of his being he meant them.
But...
He never said them right.
Lovers, they...
They said ‘I love you’ during times of love. But Xie Lian didn’t. Nothing was holding him back, yet he seldom said it first. Xie Lian was erroneous, as a whole, he was just wrong.
“You’re just you, dear,” was how his mother had said it. “You’re not like everyone else, and that’s okay.”
That’s okay.
Was it?
Was it okay that he only expressed his love during times like this?
The stream continued to hum. Xie Lian strolled over to it with his hands in his sleeves.
It hurt a lot.
But it didn’t hurt all that much.
He gazed into the water, bravely - under the circumstances. He saw his face, but he did not recognize himself.
That’s me?
That doesn’t look like me.
A piece of dark brown hair slipped in front of his face.
Those eyes...
They are mine?
They belong to me?
I’ve never realized how...
“Gege?”
Xie Lian straightened as a gentle hand lay itself on his shoulder.
“Hello, San Lang,” he smiled. He failed in trying to appear unstrained.
“Gods, Your Highness, what has happened to you?” San Lang wore the exact expression Xie Lian feared he would. They were both so pathetic, weren’t they.
Words quiet, he responded, “I’m afraid I’ve been...wounded.” Xie Lian was immensely reluctant to use the term ‘stabbed’ in front of San Lang.
San Lang didn’t respond. Xie Lian felt a hand press against his back just below the bloody opening. A unique, tingling pain rattled through his spine and unsettled his stomach.
He swallowed several more times.
San Lang exhaled anxiously and slowly coaxed Xie Lian to turn around. The pair took two steps away from the little stream before swallowing stopped working.
Xie Lian coughed once, then threw up.
He grappled San Lang’s robes of red as he keeled over. San Lang held his shoulders with a much gentler approach.
“Sit down, Gege...”
He threw up three more times.
After a copious amount of blood from Xie Lian and a profuse cold sweat from San Lang, the beloveds stood up again.
“Let’s go home. We fix your ribs as soon as we get there, then we can heal you up. Yes?”
“Yes.”
Xie Lian couldn’t help but shake. He staggered sadly tucked into his husband's side. It didn’t hurt all that much.
And yet, it hurt a lot.
Two swords was a lot less than he’d been run through with before. Why did it hurt so bad? Why were his nerves on fire? He was calm. He was too calm and something was wrong. He was wrong, he always had been. The pain was wrong and it hurt in all the wrong places.
San Lang was speaking. He was saying something but everything sounded so quiet. What was he saying?
And all too suddenly, something was happening that Xie Lian couldn’t control. Something unexpected, something weird. The pain that had always been so disconnected, so familiar, it flowed through him instead of around him. He bit his lip. He breathed a little deeper. But he could not stop his vision from blurring. He could not stop the tight pain in his throat. It overflowed too easily. Who was he? What was this? Xie Lian was practically raised in agony, so why now...?
He choked.
He cried.
When was the last time pain made him cry?
Xie Lian was lowered. He was hugged, he was kissed, he was soothed.
“Why am I crying?” he groaned.
“I don’t know.” San Lang ran his fingers through dark brown strands.
“I really have gotten weak.”
Xie Lian wanted to apologize.
“You called for me today, because you were hurt.” San Lang paused. “I’m very proud of you.”
“For calling you?”
“It scares Gege, doesn’t it?”
“...”
“You were strong today. I’m very proud of you.”
The rocks felt nice.
Xie Lian got what he wished for. He claimed his hypothetical.
“San Lang?”
“Mh?”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“...Is it okay to say that right now?”
“Perfectly okay.”
That’s okay.
You’re just you.
“I saw something new today.”
San Lang pulled out his dice. “Oh really, what was it?”
“My eyes.” Xie Lian swallowed. “They are so pretty.”
San Lang smiled.
“The prettiest.”