Work Text:
Eleven hours after his fall on the bridge, Spock finally woke up.
Jim was sat on a chair beside him, attempting to distract himself from his friend’s worrying state with reports on his PADD, but failing miserably, constantly peering up and triple checking his vitals with held breaths. When he noticed Spock tense and begin to open his eyes, the PADD was instantly discarded on a nearby surface, and he kneeled down at his eye-level.
“It’s okay, Spock. You’re alright.” Jim tried to reassure him. He reached for his hand, then hesitated, and dropped both hands to his sides. Spock probably didn’t want him touching him right now, especially after the way Jim had treated him. “You’re in medbay.”
Spock squinted at him. “Medbay?” He echoed back, dazed and hoarse. “I… I do not remember…”
“You passed out on the bridge.” Jim revealed, softly. “Your copper, sodium, magnesium, and potassium levels were dangerously low, for a Vulcan or a Human, and Bones said you haven’t been drinking or sleeping enough, either. He’s going to need to monitor you for a week, before you can be cleared for duty.”
Spock gulped. “That is… unfortunate. I apologise for the inconvenience, Captain.”
“Inconvenience?” Jim couldn’t hold himself back from scowling at the use of such a word. “Your health is not an inconvenience, Spock! We were all so worried about you! You need to take care of yourself, alright? That’s an order. Leave the Enterprise to me. The only thing you should be worried about is feeling better.”
Spock looked back at him with dull eyes and a tightened jaw. “Captain, may I remind you that Vulcans do not ‘worry’, however if my ‘feeling better’ is important to you, then I shall prioritise my recovery over my duties as your First Officer.”
“Good.” Jim nodded, standing up. “But you shouldn’t do it for me. You’ve worked so hard. You deserve to rest.”
“Still, I apologise for the inconvenience.” Spock repeated. A broken machine. (’Look what you’ve done. This is your fault. You did this to him. He’s broken because of you.’) “Now you must find someone else to cover my positions in both the alpha and beta shifts.”
“Eh, don’t worry about it.” Jim brushed it off. “You had too many shifts, anyway.”
Spock paused for a moment. Then argued, “It was logical for me to cover both shifts, instead of a Human. Due to my Vulcan biology, I am fully capable of multiple shifts per rotation, and can endure weeks without adequate sleep. A Human, however, would—“
“But you’re not Vulcan.” Jim cut him off, ignoring how cruel the words sounded when they formed in his mouth. “Not fully. You’re a hybrid. A half breed. You probably need more sleep than a typical Vulcan would. That’s why you passed out on the bridge. You haven’t been sleeping enough, Spock. You’re exhausted.”
Spock fell silent.
Jim continued. “You should have told me I was overworking you. I could have moved around shifts. I would have made it work. Do you not trust me? I’d never hurt you on purpose. If I’d known you were struggling, I would have given you a break. I would have helped you. You don’t have to be so Vulcan all the time. You can ask for a break. You can admit that you’re struggling sometimes. No one’s going to judge you. I’d never judge you. We all need a break. I’m sorry I forgot that.”
Spock pursed his lips. “Unfortunately, Captain, I cannot change how ‘Vulcan’ I am.”
“That’s not what I—“
“I understood what you meant, Captain.” Spock tensed further. “However, I am aware that my biology… displeases you.”
Jim frowned. “What?”
“You would prefer it if your first officer was purely human.” Spock refused to look at him. “Do not lie. I know it to be true.”
“But it’s not!” Jim broke. “Why do you— What did I do to make you believe that crap?”
Spock was hurt. Spock was hurt and Jim hadn’t noticed. Jim hadn’t noticed and now it was too late. Spock thought Jim didn’t care about him. Spock didn’t think they were friends. Spock thought Jim wanted better but Spock was the best. What had he done?
“You…” Spock gulped; still unable to look at him. “You told Doctor McCoy that I… that I do not ‘feel’. I assumed you would prefer a first officer that could. Furthermore, after Omicron III, you—“
“Fuck Spock.” Jim croaked. “I’m so sorry. Of course, you feel, and I— I didn’t mean anything I said when you were under the effects of the spores, you’re the most loyal person I know, and being a half breed isn’t something bad, it’s an advantage, it’s what makes you you, and I should have never said your heritage was—“
“Captain.” Spock cut him off, sharply. “You need not explain your actions nor your words.”
“But Spock, I—“
“I require rest.” Spock stopped him, again. “May I request to recover alone?”
Jim gulped. He really didn’t want to leave him, especially knowing what Spock thought he felt about him, but he knew pushing further would only make it worse. “I… I understand.” Jim sighed. “Your request is granted. I will… I will notify Bones that you are okay.”
“Thank you, Captain.”
Jim sighed. He didn’t deserve to be thanked by Spock.
Fuck. He had a lot of work to do if he wanted to fix this.