Chapter Text
The first one who acknowledged it—truly acknowledged it—was the strange man with red hair and a suit that would not pass any dress code.
I know him.
Right, the Turks. Reno of the Turks.
“SOLDIER? Did we have chicks in SOLDIER?”
I’m not a—
No, that’s right. Cloud was the only woman in SOLDIER—or, she had been. Even more miraculously, she was First Class.
Though, it did clear some things up now that Cloud was thinking about it. Why Tifa had been so shocked and Barret remained suspicious. They probably thought it was unbelievable, a woman in SOLDIER. Other Firsts got to be paraded around by the media, but Cloud joined after the war, and her gender made the company quiet on her presence. That’s why nobody recognized her despite Firsts making headlines daily.
Did Aerith know Cloud was a girl? It was confusing at first, with how she flirted and asked Cloud to be her bodyguard. “Take me home,” and “How about one date?” Cloud was bound to get the wrong idea.
No matter Aerith’s misconceptions, the matter was plainly addressed with Reno’s comment, and Cloud was still on bodyguard duty.
When Aerith took Cloud to her home, her mother seemed apprehensive of the SOLDIER uniform, but seemed to relax when she realized Cloud wasn’t a man.
So Aerith did know, because she said, “This is Cloud. She’s my bodyguard.” Though that didn’t clear up any of Cloud’s confusion. Were they going on a date? Was this the date? It seemed a little early to meet the family.
Cloud tried to think of the last date she had been on. What was it like? What had she done? With muffled alarm she realized she could not remember her last date, or any date for that matter. Cloud couldn’t even remember if she had ever been on a date before in her whole life. The inside of her skull was particularly fuzzy these days.
I’ve been on loads of dates.
Cloud had been on loads of dates. Shinra may have kept her away from the public, but lower rank SOLDIER boys were always falling all over themselves to go out with her.
Later, in Wall Market, Cloud thought this was more like those loads of dates she had been on. Dressing up nice, food and drink from a bar, staying the night in a hotel. It was all out of order though, and the purchased room was left unused.
Pulling her ponytail into two measly braids in the dressing room, Cloud tried to conjure up any specific memories. All she got was her mother braiding her hair for service on the weekends.
The dress chosen for Cloud had to be custom made. Her muscles were suspiciously large and had to be hidden by loose-fitting sleeves. In contrast, the cut was low with a push-up bra to show off her breasts. In the mirror, she looked like a child overcompensating for lacking proportions. This was entirely fine, intentional even, because Don Corneo was probably a pedophile.
When Cloud stepped out Aerith oohed and aahed. “It suits you,” she complimented, and Cloud received it with mixed feelings.
On the way to the Don's, Aerith couldn’t stop giggling at Cloud. It wasn’t the first and it wouldn’t be the last of the many times Aerith became a woman of contradictions. Did the dress suit Cloud or did it look ridiculous? Maybe she meant it suited Cloud to look like a joke.
Seeing Tifa’s shocked face in the basement of Corneo’s mansion solidified the notion. Cloud looked ridiculous in this dress. She looked like a joke in women’s clothing. This was why Cloud wore the male SOLDIER uniform unaltered. She was offered alternatives, but it would be laughable to show up to training in anything advertising her opposing sex. Within SOLDIER, Cloud felt herself to be a sore thumb. Now amongst other women, the swelling hadn’t gone down at all.
***
Avalanche had spent a week journeying outside Midgar. When they stopped to buy supplies in lower Junon, Tifa stopped Cloud and pulled her aside.
“Here,” Tifa gave her a few thin plastic-wrapped packets. “Just in case. Let me know if you need more.”
“Wha…” Cloud trailed off. The packets looked vaguely familiar, but she had forgotten what they were.
“Do you normally use pads? These are tampons,” Tifa explained. “If you want pads you’re gonna have to wait until we get more money, sorry.”
Cloud’s face heated with embarrassment. How could she forget what a tampon was?
Cloud shoved them back into Tifa’s glove. “I don’t need them,” she said sternly. “I don’t…do that.” She didn’t know why she was angry. Come to think of it, she didn’t know why she didn’t do that either.
“Oh, okay,” Tifa’s eyes got big as she closed a fist around the packets. “But uh…just…let me know if you need anything.”
“I won’t,” Cloud crossed her arms stubbornly.
Tifa held up a placating hand. “I meant anything. Like potions and ethers. I’ve been carrying the supplies bag lately.”
“Okay,” Cloud conceded. Tifa nodded at that and walked away like she had Haste. No doubt she was going to gossip to Aerith about how weird Cloud was.
***
Yuffie appeared as a troublemaking kid around the jungles of Gongaga. Avalanche ran into her a few times and lost a good chunk of change before Cloud gave up on entertaining her. Now the terrorist group was letting young teens join its ranks.
Cloud thought she would dislike Yuffie, but she didn’t. An eternal chatterbox, Yuffie did the talking so Cloud didn’t have to. Though if you run through all topics of conversation it’ll eventually land on the unpleasant.
It was only the first night with Yuffie present. They had set up two tents, one for the girls and one for the boys. The girls’ tent would be getting more crowded, but the boys didn’t fare much better with a large machine made of metal and faux-fur and Barret. Barret was very tall and big.
They were sitting on the ground, unpacking the cooking gear. Well, the humans were. Cait Sith stood idle on his Moogle and Red XIII took a nap.
Yuffie pointed at Cloud, “Which are you anyway? Girl or boy? I can’t figure it out.”
Cloud suddenly felt uncomfortable. She shouldn’t, she knew the answer to the question well enough. “I’m a girl.”
“Really?” Yuffie asked incredulously. “Weren’t you in SOLDIER? Girls can’t be SOLDIERS.”
“I was the only one,” Cloud said.
“Now that confuses me too,” Barret joined in. He was holding their one large-sized pot. “How could the first woman SOLDIER make it all the way to First Class without anything on the news?”
“First class?!” Yuffie exclaimed. “There’s no way!”
Cait Sith chimed in as well. “I did a quick search and there’s no record of it from any news network, Shinra or otherwise.” Being a robot of some kind, Cait probably had access to a few databases of information.
Everyone in the group was now clued into their exchange. Tifa had stopped showing Aerith how to light a fire and was looking at Cloud with a worried expression. Aerith was looking around with amused interest. Even Red XIII lifted his head and angled his ears forward.
The words Cloud spoke came from deep in the pit of her stomach. “There wouldn’t be any news.” It was suddenly very cold in this tropical region. “Shinra thought a woman SOLDIER was ridiculous too. They made me a First, but they hid me from the media.” Now that she thought about it, she remembered her frustration. Years of trying to rise up the ranks, and what did she have to show for it? She shed blood, sweat, and tears, but Shinra had not even properly acknowledged her. They gave her the hollow title with none of the substance. Cloud had come so far and proved everyone wrong, but she had always been a joke. Ridiculous both in a dress and in the SOLDIER uniform.
“That doesn’t sound like the Shinra I know,” Barret pressed. “They’re all about that song and dance. ‘Look, we let women join the military,’ and ‘look at our woman director on the board.’ Distracting people by flaunting supposed progressiveness and then turning around and stealing from them.”
“That’s not true at all!” Cloud argued. Was she getting louder? Was her voice getting higher? It was hard to tell, because it was walking away. “When I was in the military it… They didn’t like women there. At all. It was the same at SOLDIER.” Her voice was leaving, leaving only a few things behind. Words, phrases, scattered on the ground.
“Reading up right now,” Cait Sith said. He had his large cartoon gloves crossed over his small body. “Director Lazarus said women in SOLDIER were highly unlikely due to effects of Mako enhancements on the female body. That was seven years ago. Did something change since then? Was the Mako treatment you received any different?”
Cloud grasped for the words in the grass. There had to be one that applied here. Reaching out, she grabbed a line. “I don’t know.”
“Was Lazarus the director when you were in SOLDIER?”
“I don’t know.” I know Lazarus. Another word. “Yes.”
Cait dropped an ear like he was cocking an eyebrow. “Director Lazarus was replaced five years ago. Were you in SOLDIER then? At sixteen?”
“Yes.”
“That’s crazy!” Yuffie jumped back in. “The first female SOLDIER and she’s First Class at sixteen? And nobody has ever heard of her?”
Cloud didn’t say anything. She couldn’t say anything.
“Cloud’s just that cool,” Aerith threw her two cents into the ring. Cloud was grateful that Yuffie, Cait, and Barret had turned away from her for the moment. “Cuz what’s the alternative? She’s got the uniform, she’s got the eyes, she’s got a big sword. I don’t even know if Barret can lift that sword.”
“Can too,” Barret argued.
“I’d like to see you try,” Aerith smiled.
“Maybe another time,” Barret looked at the pot in his hands like he was invested in it. “I’ve had a long day. I’m a little tired right now.”
Aerith laughed at him, a bright and cheery sound. Yuffie joined her with a mean-spirited point. Tifa still looked at Cloud with tight eyebrows. Cloud didn’t say anything.
***
Nibelheim was an eternal pit dropping in Cloud’s gut and a cold sweat at her neck. She had been on edge since that evening near Gongaga, and the appearance of her childhood hometown made it even worse. Avalache already doubted her, but seeing the place that she claimed had burned down in perfect condition cemented it. Cloud was untrustworthy. Was she untrustworthy? No. Nibelheim did burn. Cloud was in SOLDIER. Cloud is a girl. Somehow the world itself was intent on trying to trip her up.
That unfamiliar room with the dripping ceiling and scattered coffins appeared to Cloud like a breath of fresh air. The woman inside appeared to her like a surreal dream.
Tall, long hair, long-limbed and graceful, pale features, piercing eyes. She looked like she ought to be there, flinging off the lid and rising out of a satin-lined tomb. Clad in black leather and a flowing bright red cape, she matched the box. Her presence reminded Cloud of a book she had read long ago. Ca…Carmi…she could not remember the name.
“…to wake me from a nightmare,” she said in a deep voice like silk and wine, and Cloud fantasized that maybe they were having the same dream.
“No, it’s not a dream, it’s for real.” Cloud clenched her hand into a fist. She couldn’t lose it now, not with everything just outside the door to this room, and not with everyone standing inside it. Cloud told the woman about Sephiroth. Somehow, she was familiar with him as well. Cloud told her about Nibelheim burning to the ground five years ago and how it was mysteriously back. She told her about Sephiroth appearing and killing President Shinra, and about Rufus Shinra taking over the company. She told her about encountering Sephiroth on the cargo ship, and about Professor Hojo telling them to head west in Costa del Sol. When the Professor was brought up, the woman stiffened. When she was done, Cloud asked, “Who are you? At least tell us your name.”
“I was with…Shinra Manufacturing in Administrative Research. Also known as the Turks.”
“The Turks?” Cloud reached up for her sword.
“Formerly of the Turks. I have no affiliation with Shinra now,” she clarified, and Cloud dropped her hand in relief. “My name is Vincent Valentine.”
Yuffie actually groaned out loud. “Another one? Are you a boy or a girl? Be honest.”
Vincent blinked, taken aback. A moment passed before she answered, “My father had wanted a son. He settled on the name long before I was born.”
Cloud found that answer easy enough to understand, but Yuffie continued to complain. “That doesn’t answer my question.”
“Ex-Shinra and their gender fuckery,” Barret muttered under his breath so as to be inaudible. Cloud’s Mako-enhanced ears heard it anyway, and so did Vincent’s, with the way she glanced over at him.
Vincent turned her red gaze onto Cloud for explanation. Maybe Cloud should have been more insecure at being so identifiable in that sense, but the thought that the recognition may have come from similarity made her strangely excited.
“I’m Cloud Strife, formerly of SOLDIER. No affiliation with Shinra now.” If she copied the line, would Vincent like that?
“You were also with Shinra? Then did you know Lucrecia?” Vincent asked, stepping right over Cloud’s callback.
“Who?” Cloud asked.
“Dr. Lucrecia Crescent.”
“No,” Cloud shook her head. “I’ve never heard of her.”
Vincent looked at Cloud and Cloud looked back.
“Hm,” Vincent decided, grabbing the lid and dragging it back over her coffin. “Let me sleep.”
The disappointment was crushing. Cloud didn’t know what she expected, but she certainly wanted to have the room to convince Vincent to go with them. The abrupt end left the growing excitement tight in Cloud’s chest unresolved. She knocked quietly on the coffin lid and received no response.
This was stupid. Cloud was being stupid. What did she expect? The hauntingly beautiful woman to drop her vampire shtick and join her on a dangerous journey with her strange group of friends just because they had some semblance of gender non-conformity in common? It was barely in common, with Cloud being confusingly androgynous and Vincent being feminine with a boy’s name.
“Aw, that’s too bad,” Aerith said. Cloud was inclined to agree. Aerith was being particularly sensitive today, and it was one of those days where Cloud liked her more than others.
“One weirdo is more than enough,” Barret disagreed. It probably was meant in jest, but it didn’t cheer Cloud up to be insulted.
“She didn’t look well,” Red XIII said as he wrapped his flaming tail around his front paws. “To go back to sleep even with such a nightmare…”
“I wonder how bad the dream was,” Tifa placed a hand on Cloud’s shoulder. “It can’t be much worse than what we’re going through right now.”
It helped to hear those words and feel the weight of Tifa’s glove on her shoulder. Tifa was there when Nibelheim burned down, Cloud had been with her five years ago. If there was only one member of Avalanche who didn’t doubt her—who believed her—it was Tifa.
Down the hallway, Cloud read the scratches in the test tubes and met Sephiroth in the bookstacks. He was waiting here for her the whole time they had been there. Cloud was sure of it.
Sephiroth was a large man with a larger presence. Broad shoulders built out of superiority and clothed in black leather. Sephiroth could always do the things Cloud couldn’t, like wearing his hair long and altering his uniform. Certain special treatment didn’t apply to all Firsts.
“Being here brings back memories,” Sephiroth said to a bookcase. Cloud couldn’t agree more. He slowly turned, his features rotating to show a wide-eyed, empty stare. “Are you going to participate in the Reunion? Jenova will be there.”
“Jenova…” Cloud remembered her from the reactor five years ago. She remembered her headless body in the Shinra building. She remembered her arm in the cargo ship. Cloud remembered Jenova well enough that her blue skin and snaking tubes had been appearing in Cloud’s dreams since Midgar.
Sephiroth threw something, and Cloud didn’t move. It hit her in the chest. This was real, it wasn’t a dream. An impossible breeze passed over her when she bent to pick up the object. An orb of green materia.
“North past Mount Nibel. If you wish to know…follow me there…” It was Sephiroth’s flat cadence, right by her ear. Cloud stiffened ramrod straight, but he wasn’t there, just the rest of Avalache looking back and watching silently.
Cloud looked to Tifa in the small crowd. “We saw him too,” she assured.
“Whatcha got there?” Yuffie asked, obviously only interested in the materia.
Cloud looked at the orb in her hands, feeling for the power inside. “It’s a Destruct materia.”
Yuffie got excited. “Does it have Death?”
“No, only the De-Barrier spell.”
“Come on!” Yuffie whined. “A materia from the mighty Sephiroth, and it’s a support spell?”
Cloud hummed and pocketed the item, she didn’t have any more space in her bangle or sword. She would have to see who would best use it later. “Come on, guys,” Cloud tried to put on her best leader affect. “Let’s search the room a bit.”
The only new information they found was for a couple of escapees a year ago. They were probably the same that left the test tube scratches. Nothing useful, it was a dead end. Though, Sephiroth did give them a direction to head in. They would just have to keep blindly chasing him.
Back up the hallway, Vincent was waiting for them by the basement stairs. The soft light filtering down from above cast her in a diffused ring of backlight.
“If I go with you, will I meet Hojo?” Vincent got straight to the point. Outside of the side room, Cloud noticed the gold. A pair of sabatons and a gauntlet of claws on her left hand. The light reflected off the intricate metal pieces.
“I don’t know,” Cloud answered honestly. “But we’re after him too. With Sephiroth. So, I guess sooner or later…”
Vincent lifted her arm and ducked her face into the cape, like a bird preening its feathers. At a different angle, it would be like a vampire hiding its face. “Lucrecia…” she muttered to the red fabric. Only Cloud could hear it.
Vincent straightened up, her cloak flourishing where it was released. “All right. I’ve decided to go with you,” she announced.
“What? You’re coming with us?” Tifa asked.
“Oh great, just what I need,” Yuffie hissed under her breath. Cloud was hearing a lot of private thoughts today.
“Would that be inconvenient?” asked Vincent. Her toes were pointed to Tifa but she was looking at Cloud. “I’ll do as you see fit.”
“You’re coming with us,” Cloud affirmed. She stepped forward and dropped Destruct into the palm of Vincent’s right hand. Vincent’s fingers closed around the material, and she wordlessly produced a gun from a holster on her hip to equip it. The power that would evolve into the Death spell seemed becoming of such a woman.
***
That night, Avalanche stayed in the only inn Nibelheim had to offer; a single room smelling strongly of floral perfume and filled with awful memories. It was impossible for Cloud to sleep in such a place, but everyone else dropped off with no difficulty.
Cloud slipped out from under the covers of one of three beds. Tifa didn’t stir. She was always a heavy sleeper. Cloud had to be more careful when she snuck past Aerith, who had woken up when Cloud tried to sneak out all the way back in Midgar.
Outside of the room, Cloud flinched. Vincent stood silently at the hallway window. Cloud couldn’t even hear her breathing. She pointed down the stairs, motioning for them to both go outside. Cloud nodded and followed behind her silent footfalls. It made Cloud jealous, the ability to move so quietly while wearing chunks of metal on her boots.
“Can’t sleep?” Cloud asked when they got outside, looking for some solidarity.
“I was asleep for thirty years,” Vincent spoke low and soft, at the volume of a whisper. She trusted Cloud’s ears to hear her perfectly well. Cloud liked that. “I have no need to rest.”
“Thirty years?” Cloud whispered back.
“Over thirty years,” Vincent nodded, like it was a mundane fact of her life. Cloud almost thought to disbelieve her, but then remembered how she was in no place to discredit the validity of someone else’s story, given her current reputation.
The night was warm and overcast. No stars were visible beyond the illuminating layer of gray. Despite the darkness, Cloud could still discern the details of Vincent’s deep-set eyes and severe brow bone. Her tall, thin nose pointed downwards across her face to a mouth entirely obscured by the collar of her cloak.
“Is Sephiroth truly beyond saving?” Vincent asked.
“What do you mean?” Cloud asked back.
“I knew his mother.”
“Jenova?” Cloud thought about it, and she wasn’t sure how one could know Jenova. Not like how a person knows another person.
“The human woman who gave birth to Sephiroth,” Vincent explained. “Lucrecia Crescent.”
Cloud looked at Vincent. She had the sudden impression that she didn’t know much of anything at all. She couldn’t imagine that Sephiroth was born of a human, because she couldn’t imagine Sephiroth being human.
“There’s no saving him,” Cloud said. “I think he’s already dead, anyway.”
Vincent nodded. “Jenova’s cells are like a cancer to the Lifestream. The planet wouldn’t absorb him like it should.”
“How do you know about Jenova?”
“When I was a Turk, I was security on the Jenova Project. I spent time with its scientists for many years.” Vincent turned her head towards the water tower. As she shifted, Cloud got a glimpse of her hidden face. Her lips were cool toned, with an almost-blue tint to the skin.
“Is that how you knew Hojo? …And uh…Lucrecia?” When Cloud asked Vincent the question, she tried to remember how it was that she knew Hojo.
“Yes,” Vincent answered simply, spinning on her heel and moving a step closer to Cloud. “Awful man.”
“Yeah…” Cloud agreed. Hojo did my Mako injections. “Hojo did my Mako injections…when I was in SOLDIER.” I never liked him. “I never liked him.”
“Hm,” Vincent hummed. The two of them stood in the dark outside of the worst inn in the world just looking at each other. It should have been more awkward. It should have been less exciting.
“That man—Barret,” Vincent began again, but somehow she became even more quiet. Cloud wasn’t even sure she could speak that quietly. “About what he said…”
“Don’t worry about it,” Cloud interrupted. If it was discussed, she wouldn’t know what to say. She might stop saying. “If he gives you a hard time I’ll…” She didn’t know what she’d do. Cloud was barely listened to as is. “…tell him to stop.”
“That’s not necessary,” Vincent said, but her shoulders lowered like she was relieved. “Nothing like that could give me a hard time. It’s more of the same.”
With that small admission, Vincent managed to unearth the heart of it without many words at all. Even thirty years removed in time, she had experienced much of the same ridicule. They were the same.