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Since the accident, and even before, at any moment of happiness that he experienced, Bruce kept reminding himself - it's just momentary, it won't last.
And now, these moments of friendship, of safety, of happiness… he would just have to enjoy them while they lasted.
Working in his lab.
His lab. Just a week after he agreed to stay at Stark Tower, and was enjoying himself immensely in Tony's candyland - enjoying being able to use his brain again - and working on the most advanced equipment he'd ever seen.
don't get too excited. It won't last.
But even in that week, he felt reborn. And to top it off, he had Tony around to bounce ideas off of, when Tony wasn't busy organizing the rebuilding of the city and aid to injured civilians. Bruce had somebody that was interested in his ideas, not just how much the Other Guy could smash.
But there was always that voice in his head.
enjoy it while you can.
He was enjoying it, when Tony burst into the lab where he was working and grabbed his hand - touched him! Nobody touched him! - and pulled him excitedly to the elevator.
Bruce was trying to get over the sensation of Tony's warm, calloused hand holding his and focus on what his new friend was saying.
"…it's only two floors for now. I hope that's enough. I called in some favors. Wait until you see the electron spectrometer…"
The elevator doors were opening and Tony was showing Bruce his lab. And then Tony was smiling at him, full of childlike glee, the glee that Bruce felt reflected in his own eyes.
Tony, his first real friend, after so long.
"Is it ok?" Tony asked.
"Is it ok? Tony, it's incredible." Bruce looked around at everything that Tony was giving him. Giving him! He couldn't help smiling back. It was an unusual feeling.
And somehow, the weeks working in his lab, or in Tony's lab, working together, turned into months.
Having a friend.
More than someone to work with, but someone to talk to, make stupid science jokes with, eat with, watch movies with… it seemed that Tony did his best to never leave Bruce alone. Tony was brilliant, exasperating, arrogant, unbelievably kind and fun.
And Bruce found himself with Tony in the communal kitchen at 3 in the morning, laughing until they cried, about what he couldn't even remember.
They were sitting on the floor, their backs propped against the kitchen island, Tony's shoulder resting against Bruce's. Touching him - never afraid of the monster like everyone else was.
It's just momentary, enjoy it for now…
Tony reached up to wipe his eyes, then turned to look at Bruce, his face getting a bit more serious.
"I'm glad you stuck around. Nice to have somebody that understands when I talk. Or, uh, even listens."
"I'm glad I stayed too." Bruce felt a warmth flow through him. Could it mean that Tony needed him too?
Sleeping in the same place.
Sleeping in a warm bed, or the soft sofa in his lab. Places that seemed too soft, too luxurious after so long. But places that slowly came to feel safe. Like home.
And waking up in the same place. Not having to run every few weeks. Waking up in his own suite of the tower, his own floor. A floor that Tony had designed just for him.
And when nightmares interrupted his sleep, having JARVIS' talk him down, calm him down, or, even, once or twice, waking to Tony's voice. Tony risking getting near him again, climbing in beside him in bed, telling him that he was safe. That no one was going to take him away.
Once, on a really bad night, Tony wrapping his arms around Bruce while Bruce cried.
don't get to used to it, it'll just be worse when you have to go back to waking up alone
And Tony letting Bruce return the favor. Seeking Bruce out when he couldn't sleep, which was a lot. JARVIS informing Bruce that he was one of the few people given open access to Tony's penthouse. JARVIS calling Bruce when Tony had nightmares, and Bruce daring, finally daring, to touch Tony back. To put his arms around Tony when Tony woke up unable to breathe, thinking he was still in the wormhole.
Tony's whispered thanks and Tony's boundless trust filling the holes inside him.
Working on a team.
Missions were confusing, exhausting, frustrating, frightening, exhilarating….
Not really knowing what the Other Guy was gonna do, but hearing good reports of his conduct, seeing the others starting to trust him, following Tony's lead, of course, Tony's fearless lead when it came to Bruce.
Tony always there - or as much as he could be - when Bruce came back to himself. Bringing Bruce blankets, clothes, telling him how helpful the Other Guy had been.
And when Tony was busy, Clint, Thor and Steve helping him out after battles. Taking him back to the Quinjet, making sure he was safe and warm. And finally there came a point where he woke to find Natasha handing him clothes and helping him up, no longer afraid to touch him.
don't cry you idiot, you don't deserve it anyway.
But they didn't stop. Especially Tony. Even when he was streaked with grime and blood and limping, he made sure Bruce was safely on the Quinjet with the others before flying off to avoid the SHIELD doctors.
And Bruce forcing his way into Tony's lab to check him over anyway.
And Tony letting him.
Sharing his fears.
After a bad nightmare, finally finding the courage to tell Tony about his father. His fears about the Other Guy - the things he had done. The fear of what he could still do. All the swarming, churning fears that followed him through his days.
Tony listening. Or talking, filling the air with his words to help Bruce drown out his own dark thoughts, Tony's arm around his shoulders, calming him.
Listening to Tony talk about the cave. About the wormhole. Bruce's shoulder becoming a place for Tony to rest his head and cry. Let out the things the engineer couldn't show the rest of the world.
Feeling Tony's warmth leaning into him, the shivers running through the man as Bruce ran his hand up and down Tony's back to calm him. Knowing that he was the only one Tony trusted enough to talk about these things with.
don't take it for granted, it's too precious.
Opening his eyes to Tony's face after a hard battle, Tony wrapping a blanket around him, forcing him to drink, soothing his fears about the Other Guys' actions.
Tony was the Other Guy's number one fan. But also Bruce's.
it won't last, it can't.
But it was so wonderful while it was happening.
Falling in love.
Feeling the warmth flow through him every time Tony touched him. His heart jumping every time Tony came into the room.
Thinking that it was only because he'd been alone so long and finally found such a great friend. And the friendship with Tony, and the others, was already much more than he ever hoped he would have again.
just enjoy it while it lasts….
But it didn't end. It just grew stronger. Feeling something other than anger, other than fear, and having that feeling grow, every time he saw that gorgeous smile, every time he made Tony laugh with a stupid science pun, every time he came back to himself from battle and saw Tony there ready to help him, every time he wrapped his arms around Tony and held on tight.
please don't let it end…
Recognizing the feeling, even after so long without it. Never imagining it could happen again, but being impossibly in love before he even understood it.
Thinking he could never, would never, tell Tony, but the other man was way ahead of him. A Christmas party, mistletoe strategically placed in a quiet corner where Tony knew Bruce would hide from the noise and the people, and Tony, moving close…too close…
Kissing Tony….
Feeling his heart speed up, so fast - so fast! - but there was no fear behind it. No fear at all. Just warmth and desire and heat… and love.
"I waited so long to do that," Tony smiled at him.
Bruce smiled back. "Why don't you…do it again?"
And one day Bruce realized, waking up next to Tony, that they had been together for a whole year.
Maybe it wouldn't last forever - nothing did - but maybe it would last a while. He closed his eyes and snuggled closer to the other man.
However, long it lasted, he would cherish every moment of it.