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“Okay, everyone look happy!”
“Shove it, Jake.”
“Brendon, you still look slightly displeased.”
“Man, I wonder why-”
“Brendon!”
“Just take the damn picture!”
Jake was trying to figure out the best angle to capture the band’s excitement for their Las Vegas tour stop; the beginning of the end for their first leg of tour. Brendon was exited, truly he was, but his excitement was more about being able to talk to the man waiting behind Jake, having just arrived from the airport to see their show. He was standing beside Zack, arms crossed and lips pressed together in a suppressed smile, finding the slight chaos hilarious.
“Don’t look so fucking smug over there, Ross.” Brendon said through his forced smiled. “It’s not cute.”
“Neither is that smile.” Ryan countered, earning an encouraging chuckle from Dallon. Brendon’s elbow just happened to jerk and hit his side. Accidentally.
“Okay! We got the shot!” Jake called, looking at his camera’s screen. “Thanks guys! Carry on.” He waved them away as he walked off, sure to get the picture off his memory card and uploaded within the half hour.
The band scattered slowly, going back to their pre-show rituals and duties. As the other members stepped away, Brendon was left to continue his playful glare at Ryan, showing his lack of appreciation for the call-out. Ryan stepped towards him slowly, looking around at the various tents and vendors beyond the dividers- like Brendon was the least interesting thing in front of him.
“Glad you could make it.” Brendon said, knowing the ridiculous hoops Ryan jumped through to get everyone on board with him coming to a show and not even taking the tiniest precaution to not be seen. He was so glad Ryan was there. But his ability to express it openly was compromised at the moment.
“Me too. The flight wasn’t all that bad. And this venue is really nice too.” Ryan nodded, keeping his arms crossed; a barrier between them. He looked around, seeing no one around them except crew members passing by with equipment cases.
“Yeah. It is.” Brendon replied awkwardly, shuffling his feet and not-so-accidentally bumping Ryan’s foot.
Ryan sighed and dropped his arms as a final tech member passed through, waving at them kindly. “Is that the end of them?” He looked around again before sighing, but only from relief. He turned back to Brendon and wrapped his arms around him, leaning into him and nearly knocking them both over. Brendon splayed his hands over Ryan’s back and tried to steady himself, stumbling back and almost dropping Ryan. They broke apart to stand on their own two feet, unable to stop smiling and laughing at their reunion.
“I am so happy to see you.” Brendon grinned, cupping the sides of Ryan’s face and leaning in for a quick kiss. The nature of the kiss was fleeting; their second returning kiss lasted a bit longer than a blink of an eye. They heard someone clear their throat as conspicuously as possible.
“Come on, boys. Behave yourselves.” Dallon was walking through the area set aside for the band, jacket and show shoes in hand, half-way changed for the show. “Thought we decided we were keeping the rumor mill quiet.”
“You saw your wife last week, you don’t get to complain.” Brendon rebutted, resting his hands on Ryan’s shoulders after a third, short peck on the lips. “Or argue. Or say anything, really.”
“Alright alright, but, just remember what I said.” Dallon muttered, looking at them with a smirk as he sat down on one of the couches set up for them to begin lacing up his shoes. “Don’t screw up years of delicate lies.” Now he was being an asshole, but Brendon still appreciated the sentiment. They let go of each other and stood shoulder to shoulder, hands hanging by their sides so they could bump together.
“It’s so good to see you.” Brendon said again, knowing he was repeating himself. “I really missed you.”
“I missed you too.” Ryan said, smiling at him and wrapping his fingers around Brendon’s hand slowly. “I’m so glad I was able to come. Get to see you finally.”
“So much fucking bullshit, huh?” Brendon asked, bumping his shoulder into Ryan’s as he leaned closer to him.
“It was ridiculous.” Ryan rolled his eyes and scoffed. “But it’s all worth it.”
“Why? Because of me?” Brendon was digging around for the flattery, pulling on Ryan’s hand so he came closer to him.
“Who else?” Ryan responded quietly, closing the gap between them and kissing him again. Brendon reached up to hold the side of his face again but was promptly pushed away as they heard approaching footsteps.
“Bren, we got an interviewer that wants to chat a little with you.” Zack said, walking into the area, disturbing the quiet moment the three were having- well, two of them; Dallon was just there to make everything less suspicious. Apparently, they hadn’t filled their quota for ridiculous bullshit yet. “Send him in? It will be maybe five minutes. Festival filler.”
“Uh, sure. Dallon, you in for this? Act as my second?” Brendon pointed at Dallon and he nodded, standing and brushing his shirt, making sure it was creased perfectly. Brendon shifted over to Dallon’s side of the room and Ryan immediately got the idea, stepping back and trying to busy himself elsewhere; there weren’t many places he could go without being seen.
“I’ll just be over-”
“Hey everyone! What’s up!” Ryan was cut off by a young man, barely in his twenties, storming into the room, microphone and camera crew in hand. Zack was at the other entrance to the space, watching the room’s traffic; Dallon and Brendon were standing, unprepared, in the middle of the room; and Ryan was frozen, mouth still open from speaking, hands out trying to wave goodbye to Brendon.
It didn’t go unnoticed. No one had had any evidence of Ryan being in contact with the band directly in years. There was a general awareness that Brendon and Ryan were still in-contact; they spoke and hung out in public places occasionally- with other people- but never with the band in a professional setting, like a stadium or festival. If he was with the band, at a tour stop that wasn’t even where he lived, there would have to be an explanation. And that explanation couldn’t be that he was visiting Brendon since being in their Los Angeles home alone was starting to bring him down. No, that couldn’t be it. No fucking way. Not today, not now.
“Whoa, clash of eras here, gentlemen.” The guy laughed, motioning between the three of them. Dallon laughed first, trying to break the impending silence from the shock growing on both Brendon and Ryan’s faces. They were caught; Dallon didn’t know Ryan that well. It would all trace back to Brendon. “Are we seeing a reunion of sorts tonight?” The man with the camera was stepping closer to Ryan and trying to catch the tiniest smile or smirk that would prove him right and give him the credit for being in the know first. It wasn’t a bragging right- it was their lives.
“No. Not a new lineup. Still just us.” Dallon corrected, his disposition growing more frantic. “Ryan is just visiting.”
“Dallon.” Brendon gritted, hitting his side again. “Don’t let them ask more questions.”
“Sorry- I was just trying to help.” Dallon muttered back, trying to still smile as the interviewer seemed overwhelmingly enthused about having Ryan in for their interview. This was going to take more than five minutes. It was going to take all of Brendon’s patience too.
“Visiting your good old hometown and your good old band?” He asked, pointing a microphone at Ryan, who stared down at it with distain. “Going down memory lane?”
“Uh, not really.” Ryan scratched the back of his head and looked around, giving Brendon a momentary worried look. “I, uh, mostly just came here to see Brendon.”
Or, well. He could just explain everything truthfully. He could do that too.
Brendon had no room to get angry since Ryan had every right to discuss his own life as he wanted to the public, but nothing stopped Brendon from using Dallon’s arm as stress ball, digging his nails into his skin as he grabbed it nervously. “Dallon. What the fuck is he doing?”
“Answering the question- he’ll get his stupid rumor fodder and then leave us alone.” Dallon explained, placing a hand on Brendon’s shoulder. “Ryan knows the game.”
“Uh-oh, checking up on his work, making sure he’s keeping the namesake up to par?” The interviewer seemed to think that Ryan was only there for criticism or for PR. Two things Ryan was definitely not about. “Have to protect your hard work from him, I see.”
“Uh, no? I’m just here to see him; I haven’t seen him since the tour started.” Ryan replied, shaking his head slowly. “I missed him?” Ryan gave the young man a look like maybe the concept was foreign to him and he was missing the entire point. Which he was. Ryan was suggesting something that the interviewer apparently hadn’t considered. But that was kind of the point; they didn’t want people thinking of it.
“We missed you too, Ryan.” Brendon replied, putting an arm around Dallon to try and diffuse the affectionate sentence to someone other than him. “Always nice to have you around.”
“Yeah! Great to see you!” Dallon grinned, following Brendon’s lead and gesturing a hand out to Ryan.
“Who would have thought after all these years you guys really were all on good terms.” The interviewer noted. “I always thought that was just some PR stunt. I mean, come on. A band splits in half and only one half keeps the name? Seems a little bitter to me.”
Brendon read the mood of the room and laughed along with everyone at the comment, but it bothered him, thinking that there were people that thought they genuinely didn’t get along. That it was all an act to try and look good- to make sales. Neither of them were that petty or manipulating. Sure, what they showed to the public wasn’t the full story, but none of it was lies. It was all true. Nothing was a stunt. It was real. Brendon and Ryan would go out together, but they just always happened to bring friends along with them, for cushion and support. They just made sure to hold hands under the table and only kiss if there were no other eyes around. Selective truths, not blatant lies.
“Nope, no animosity.” Ryan said plainly, still looking at the interviewer without amusement on his face. “We are still friends. I mean, I see Brendon every day. Well, except for tour obviously.”
“Dallon.” Brendon hissed, nearly breaking his arm. “Dallon, stop him.”
“You want to interrupt him and look obvious?” Dallon countered. “Better to just keep your mouth shut.”
Brendon knew what Ryan was doing; being truthful without admitting to anything. Ryan wasn’t going to skirt around any answers, but the answers were so simple that they could be twisted to fit any idea- even one that said they didn’t get along. Dallon was right, he did know the game. But that was just it- it was a game. They were always dancing around things and making sure each step was far enough away from the other to seem inconspicuous. Even as Brendon was slowly growing nervous by the interviewer’s questions, so was everyone else. Dallon and Zack were trying not to seem stiff and hanging on every word Ryan chose; the guy didn’t look that stupid. He could take one word and run a mile with it.
“Wow. Definitely not the split we all had in mind.” He laughed, looking around the room. “And still no chance at a reunion? Come on. What kind of lie is that, boys?”
“I have no interest in rejoining the band.” Ryan said slowly. “I left for a reason.”
“Ouch.” The man joked, playfully wincing and giving an apologetic look to Brendon. Brendon laughed awkwardly and looked at Ryan with worried eyes, unsure of the next move. They never spoke about why Ryan left.
“And it was so people like you would leave me alone.” Ryan continued, his eyes evenly kept on the interviewer’s face. “Because there are some things that I don’t want asked about in interviews that are not actually about me.” Ryan’s lips lifted into a venomous smile and Brendon nearly didn’t believed what Ryan had said.
“Told you.” Dallon said under his breath, trying not to laugh.
The interviewer was stunned momentarily, slowly turning away from Ryan to face Dallon and Brendon. Behind him, Ryan fixed his shirt and folded his arms across his chest again, showing discomfort from the interaction. Both of them didn’t want certain truths to be broadcast or advertised or mocked by people outside of their friend group. It was a delicate balance, letting Ryan and Brendon leave each other’s professional lives while becoming more intertwined personally. It was a struggle to keep people out and let only the other in. Ryan wasn’t looking to hide anything- as evident by his answers- but he wasn’t eager to have every media hungry twenty-year old intern looking for their big internet story to pry into their lives. The history was so deep and long that there were bound to be some mistakes and misunderstandings; it was the biggest headache they were both trying to avoid. But along the way, it wasn’t painless.
The interviewer tried to collect his pride and continued asking about tour, trying to get a crazy story out of them. Dallon explained with his typical tone of monotony that they were all grown men- most of them married- they didn’t live irresponsibly anymore. The interviewer laughed like Dallon was telling a joke rather than mocking his question. Maybe this guy was a little more clueless than they all thought. Brendon let the interview continue, a smile on his face. Before long, the interviewer was thanking them for their time, wishing them a good show, and plugging the radio station he represented. He motioned for the cameras to be turned off and the crew to back out of the room and Brendon immediately strode over to Ryan, careful to stand a distance away.
“Well, that went well.” Brendon muttered, rolling his eyes.
“Didn’t expect that. At all.” Ryan laughed, placing an arm around Brendon. “I mean, the guy was just searching for answers.”
“I’m just glad you were less blunt than you typically are.” Brendon admitted, wrapping an arm around Ryan’s waist. “You were right on the line today…”
“He was completely clueless.” Ryan scoffed. “If he didn’t notice my pass, he isn’t going to notice anything.” Ryan looked down at the pass clipped to his pocket that allowed him to be backstage with them; it had Brendon’s last name tacked onto the end of his own.
“You really shouldn’t walk around like that.” Brendon laughed, trying to tuck it away.
“That is my name.” Ryan objected, batting his hand away. “Don’t see what the problem is.”
“Should I point it out or should I let you?” Dallon said quietly, standing to put on his jacket. He swung his arms around so the jacket lifted onto his shoulders. “I mean, I know you’ll mention the whole ‘people will notice’ thing,” Dallon motioned to Brendon calmly. “but have you considered it not being your call but some loud mouth intern’s instead?” Dallon held his hands up. “Just a thought.”
“We’ve been doing this for over six years, Dallon.” Brendon argued, holding his hand up to him. “We know what we are doing?”
“Okay. Fine.” Dallon shrugged and left them in the dressing area alone. “Just remember what I said.”
Ryan watched him leave, eyebrows raised. “Is he always that tense?”
“He’s like that because he’s always right.” Brendon muttered, resting both hands on Ryan’s lower back as they closed in around each other. “He has a point, Ry. That was kind of close.”
“We do this every time I visit.” Ryan sighed, leaning his head back. “And every time it doesn’t feel right. It feels gimmicky.” Ryan let his head lift back so he could look at Brendon. “I don’t want it to come across fake.”
“It won’t.” Brendon promised, his lips barely touching Ryan’s as he leaned in for a kiss. “It’ll be fine. And it’ll be from us.”
“I don’t know…”
“Come on, Ryan. Think about it.” Brendon begged. It was something they thought about but always assumed it was a bad idea- but now they had an outcome that sounded far worse.
“What do you want to do?” Ryan asked hesitantly, placing his hands on Brendon’s chest to look at him with worried eyes.
“We can have Jake take another band picture- and you can be in it too. It’ll be fine, Ryan. It’ll be great. And then you can be backstage with me all day and be with me on the bus and-”
“Brendon.” Ryan said, tapping a thumb against his chest. “You have only a few hours until you have thousands of people staring at you. Do you really want to do this?”
“Come on. It’s Vegas. It’s about time we did something crazy here.” Brendon teased, pressing on Ryan’s back and pressing their bodies closer together.
“Starting a band wasn’t enough for you?” Ryan laughed, holding the sides of his face to kiss him. “You’ve gotta just keep outdoing yourself, huh?”
“I owe it to my hometown, I think.” Brendon said, smiling at Ryan. “Don’t you?” Ryan nodded and kissed Brendon again, Brendon’s hands splaying over his back again, holding as much as Ryan as he could.
“I was just about to ask where you were.” Kenny laughed, walking in with the rest of the band following behind. “Found you. Both of you.”
“Haven’t moved.” Brendon replied, motioning to the same three feet of space Brendon walked between to give interviews or hug Ryan. They always tended to circle the same space; the same safe space. Brendon couldn’t help but imagine all the places they could go, no restraints. They could go out anywhere together. Alone. “Hey, uh, is Jake out there?”
“Should be. Need him?” Dallon asked, turning to grab the divider.
“Yeah.” Brendon nodded, his eyes still not having left Ryan’s.
“Jake!” Dallon whistled and flagged down the photographer. He had his laptop in his hands, camera hanging around his neck. He waved at Ryan, not having actually greeted him yet. Jake had learned earlier that day. He reacted well, thankfully. A lot of blinking and requested silence to process, but overall accepting.
“What’s up?” He asked, looking at Dallon. He pointed Jake in Brendon’s direction immediately. Jake allowed his eyes focused on the both of them rather than just Brendon.
“Can we, uh, can we take another full group picture?”
“Yeah! I mean, I just uploaded the other one, but I can do a double post, sure!” Jake handed off his laptop to Zack and lifted the camera off his neck. “What do you want?”
“Ryan in it.” Brendon said slowly, watching the reaction of the rest of the band. “If that’s okay…”
“Don’t see why not.” Kenny shrugged, walking right over to Brendon and Ryan, getting ready for the picture. Already no questions.
“Sounds good to me.” Dallon waved Dan into the picture and took Kenny’s other side.
They all got into a line, Brendon’s one arm going around Kenny’s shoulders and the other going around Ryan’s waist. Ryan rested his hand on top of Brendon’s, laughing at the way Jake’s face broke into a smile.
“So now you’ll smile, Brendon?” Jake said, feigning offense. “Great.”
“Sorry.” Ryan apologized, leaning his head onto Brendon’s shoulder. “I’ll take responsibility for that.”
“Everyone ready?” Jake asked, raising the camera to his face and adjusting the angles again. “One… Two…”
“Three!” Brendon encouraged, his mouth stilling just as the camera clicked. “Got it?”
“Looks good.” Jake said, looking at the screen. “You all finally look excited to be here.”
“Gonna take responsibility for that again.” Ryan joked, his hand still on Brendon’s and arm still around his waist. “Terms and conditions. Comes with the ring.”
“Speaking of which.” Brendon muttered, reaching into his pocket and fishing out the gold band he removed upon arriving at the venue. Ryan always had his on, knowing there would be far less people looking at him to notice.
“Didn’t know you carried that around.” Ryan noted, taking his hand to twist the ring. “Thought you left it at home.”
“No. I like to wear it when I can.” Brendon replied, flexing his fingers. “Not that that is very often…”
“Well, now you have no excuse.” Ryan joked, bumping his fist into Brendon’s chest. “You have to wear it. Can’t pretend you’re single anymore.”
“When have I ever done that?” Brendon asked, placing his hand over Ryan’s hand. “I never pretended to be single. Just secretive.”
“Not anymore.” Ryan said quietly, his voice dropping as he looked over at Jake, who was feeding his memory card into his laptop. “Not another secret.”
“Well, I mean, we still have a few.” He whispered, squeezing his hand. “Last tour? In New York? Not even Zack knows that we disappeared. Or what we were up to.”
“Okay.” Ryan nodded, covering his smile with his hand. “So we have a few. But this isn’t one of them.” He said, hooking their ring fingers. “I mean, not for long.”
“Anything you want to say before I do the honors?” Jake interrupted.
“Any last words?” Dallon added.
“No.” Ryan said, refusing to laugh at the added melodrama.
“Okay, then it’s just the gang plus and ‘old friend’.” Jake said, typing the comment out quickly.
“Come on, Jake.” Brendon sighed. “He’s only thirty.”
Ryan hit Brendon’s chest again, resting his head on his shoulder as they both laughed. Their arms wrapped around each other’s waists, leaning into the other. They could practically feel the buzz spreading in the world around them, but they continued to hold each other. Not stepping apart when a venue worked walked through the area, looking for Zack. The worker looked at them twice, not sure what she was seeing, but leaving them be and facing Zack. Their first encounter and it seemed to pass by smoothly. Next, Brendon just had to do it a thousand more times all at once when he stepped on stage. At least he’d have someone in the wings cheering him on, no matter how honest he was.